Wi ɔl kin gɛt tɛm dɛn na layf usay wi rili nid fɔ tɛl ɔda pipul dɛn klia wan wetin wi de tink, wetin wi nid, ɛn aw wi de fil. Bɔt pan ɔl dat, sɔntɛnde, dis kin mek wi fred—i kin mek wi wɔri ɔ nɔ kin fred. Dis na di say we di impɔtant skil fɔ asɛf de kam in. Fɔ tɔk am simpul wan, fɔ tɔk wetin yu nid wit kɔnfidɛns pan yusɛf, pan ɔl we yu de sho rɛspɛkt ɔltɛm fɔ di we aw ɔda pipul dɛn de si tin.
Wetin rili min fɔ bi Assertive?
Tink bɔt fɔ tɔk wetin pɔsin de tɔk as sɔntin we gɛt wɛlbɔdi ɛn we balans fɔ tɔk to pipul dɛn. I min se yu gɛt di pawa fɔ tɛl ɔda pipul dɛn wetin yu de tink, aw yu de fil, ɛn wetin yu nid ɔnɛs ɛn rɛspɛkt . Wi de naviget bɔku bɔku sityueshɔn dɛn ɛvride usay fɔ bi pɔsin we de tɔk tranga wan kin pruv se i rili impɔtant. Fɔ ɛgzampul:
- Fɔ invayt pɔsin we yu lɛk fɔ go de wit yu.
- Aks kwɛstyɔn to yu ticha ɔ lɛkchɔra.
- Fɔ prez yusɛf fayn we yu de intavyu yu fɔ wok.
- Ɛksplen klia wan wetin yu nid we yu de go bay ɔ we yu de luk fɔ savis.
Fɔ tɔk tru nɔto abit we dɛn bɔn wi wit. Sɔm pipul dɛn kin rili kwayɛt ɛn nɔ kin fred fɔ tɛl ɔda pipul dɛn wetin dɛn tink, bɔku tɛm dɛn kin gri fɔ du ɔltin jɔs fɔ mek dɛn nɔ gɛt cham-mɔt; wi kin kɔl dis wan pasiv stayl. Ɔda pipul dɛn kin kam fɔ no se dɛn de tɔk bad ɔ dɛn nɔ de tek ɔda pipul dɛn filin; dis na wan agresiv stayl. Fɔ tɔk tru na di pafɛkt midul bitwin dɛn tu tin ya—i tan lɛk gold rod fɔ balans.
So, wetin i min fɔ biev di we aw pɔsin de tɔk to am?
- Yu kin tɔk klia wan bɔt wetin yu tink ɛn aw yu de fil.
- Yu kin tɔk wetin yu nid ɛn aks fɔ wetin yu nid.
- Yu kin nɔ gri wit rɛspɛkt ivin we pɔsin gɛt difrɛn we fɔ tink.
- Yu ebul fɔ gi yu aydia ɛn advays dɛn wit kɔnfidɛns.
- Yu kin se "A nɔ ebul fɔ du dis" ɔ "A nɔ kɔmfyut wit dis" we yu nɔ fil gilti.
- Yu gɛt di trɛnk fɔ tinap fɔ di rayt dɛn we ɔda pipul dɛn gɛt bak.
Wetin mek fɔ de tɔk tru impɔtant?
Yu go de wɔnda if dis rili impɔtant. Di tru tin na dat, fɔ tɔk wetin yu de tɔk, nɔ jɔs de ɛp yu fɔ du tin; i de sho se yu valyu yusɛf, ɛn yu valyu ɔda pipul dɛn .
We yu tɔk tranga wan, yu kin sɛn klia mɛsej to di wɔl se yu gɛt kɔnfidɛns. Yu nɔto pɔsin we de fred ɛn yu nɔto pɔsin we de tray fɔ buldoz oba ɔda pipul dɛn. Yu no se di we aw yu de fil ɛn di tin dɛn we yu de tink bɔt gɛt valyu . Dis kin mek pɔsin gɛt kɔnfidɛns pan insɛf fayn fayn wan.
Jɛnɛral wan, i kin izi fɔ mek pipul dɛn we de tɔk to dɛnsɛf kin mek padi biznɛs bikɔs dɛn kin tɔk to dɛnsɛf di we we go rɛspɛkt dɛn yon nid nia ɔda pipul dɛn. Bɔku tɛm, dɛn sabi fɔ sɔlv prɔblɛm dɛn fayn fayn wan. Mɛmba se we wi sho rɛspɛkt to ɔda pipul dɛn, wi kin gɛt rɛspɛkt fɔ wi bak . Dat na wan impɔtant trut.
Usay yu tinap? Yu tu kwayɛt, yu tu harsh, ɔ yu jɔs rayt?
Lɛ wi luk usay yu fɔdɔm pan di asɛftivnɛs spɛktrum yuz sɔm ɛgzampul dɛn:
Pawani in Stori: A bit tu kwait? (Tu Pasiv)
If yu aks Pawani, "Us fim wi fɔ wach?" i kin ansa se, "O, a nɔ no, yu pik ɛnitin we yu lɛk." Bɔku tɛm, i kin mek ɔda pipul dɛn disayd fɔ du di tin dɛn ɛn leta i nɔ kin gladi, ɛn i kin wish se i bin dɔn tɔk. I kin rili at fɔ tɔk we in padi dɛn de tɔk, ɛn ivin we i de tray fɔ kɔntribyut, i kin tɔk saful saful dat ɔda pipul dɛn nɔ kin no se i de tɔk bɔt am.
Janani in Stori: A bit tu intens? (Tu Agresiv)
Janani nɔ gɛt prɔblɛm fɔ tɔk wetin de na in maynd. Bɔt i kin tɔk lawd wan, ɛn i kin tɔk lɛk se na in nɔmɔ impɔtant. Insay ɛni tɔk, bɔku tɛm i kin tek di wok, i kin ambɔg ɔda pipul dɛn bɔku tɛm, ɛn i nɔ kin lisin to wetin dɛn gɛt fɔ tɔk. If yu nɔ gri wit am, i go provok yu ɔ nɔ tek di we aw yu de si tin. Bɔku pipul dɛn kin si se Janani rili gɛt bɔs ɛn dɛn kin fil se i nɔ de tink bɔt aw ɔda pipul dɛn de fil.
Benura in Stori: Di ideal we! (Jɔs Rayt – Assertiv)
If yu aks Benura fɔ in opinion, i de tɔk am ɔnɛs wan. If i nɔ gri wit yu, i de du dat ɛn i nɔ go put yu dɔŋ ɔ mek yu fil lɛk se yu nɔ du di rayt tin. Benura rili intres pan di we aw yu de si tin ɛn i de tek tɛm lisin. Ivin we Benura nɔ gri wit yu, yu kin fil se i rɛspɛkt yu opinion.
Di prɔblɛm dɛn we pɔsin kin gɛt we i de du tin tumɔs
Lɛ wi tink bɔt di wan dɛn we, lɛk Pawani, de kɔntinyu fɔ du sɔntin. Bɔku tɛm, dɛn kin fil se ɔda pipul dɛn de tek advantej pan dɛn ɔ yuz dɛn fɔ bɛnifit dɛnsɛf. Dis kin mek yu fil bad, vɛks, ɛn vɛks dip .
We yu kip yu tink ɛn filin bɔtul, ɔda pipul dɛn nɔ kin gɛt di chans fɔ rili no ɔ ɔndastand yu. Yu valyu aydia dɛn kin lɔs to yu famili, yu wokples, ɔ yu grup.
If yu bigin tink se, "Mi aidia nɔ impɔtant, nɔbɔdi nɔ bisin bɔt aw a de fil," yu kɔnfidɛns pan yusɛf kin stɔp smɔl smɔl. Yu go mis di rɛkɔgnishɔn ɛn ɛnkɔrejmɛnt we yu rili fit fɔ gɛt. If dis kayn tin nɔr de apin, sɔmtɛm kin ivin mek pɔrsin gɛt maynd wɛl bɔdi lɛk pwɛl hat .
Di trɔbul dɛn we pɔsin kin gɛt we i de fɛt tumɔs
Naw, lɛ wi luk wetin kin apin to di wan dɛn we, lɛk Janani, de biev bad bad wan. Bɔku tɛm, i nɔ kin izi fɔ dɛn fɔ kɔntinyu fɔ bi padi ɔ fɔ gɛt gud padi biznɛs. We dɛn de tray ɔltɛm fɔ kɔntrol di tɔk ɛn fos dɛn fɔ tink, dɛn nɔ go lɛk dɛn, ɛn dat go mek ɔda pipul dɛn fil se dɛn nɔ valyu dɛn ɔ dɛn nɔ rɛspɛkt dɛn.
Pan ɔl we wan agresiv stayl kin mek yu gɛt wetin yu want fɔ shɔt tɛm, di kɔmɔn tin we kin apin na dat ɔda pipul dɛn kin bigin fɔ rijek ɔ nɔ lɛk yu. As tɛm de go, di wan dɛn we de arawnd yu nɔ de rɛspɛkt yu igen.
Wetin mek wi ɔl nɔ de praktis fɔ bi pɔsin we de tɔk tranga wan?
Wetin mek sɔm pipul dɛn kin ledɔm fɔ bi pɔsin we de tɔk tranga wan lɛk Bɛnura, ɛn ɔda wan dɛn kin fɔdɔm insay di trap dɛn we nɔ de du natin ɔ we de fɛt? Wan tin we kin mek wi biev na di we aw wi kin bi. Dɔn bak, di abit dɛn we wi dɔn bil as tɛm de go ɛn di tin dɛn we wi dɔn ɛkspiriɛns na wi layf kin rili ɛp. Apat frɔm dat, bɔku tɛm wi kin lan di we aw wi kin tɔk to pipul dɛn bay we wi de wach ɔda pipul dɛn, mɔ di big pipul dɛn we mɛn wi—mama ɛn papa ɔ di wan dɛn we de kia fɔ wi—we bin de falamakata di we aw pipul dɛn de biev we dɛn de tɔk to dɛnsɛf, we nɔ de du natin, ɔ we de mek wi vɛks.
Rizin dɛn we mek yu nɔ de du natin tumɔs:
- We pɔsin nɔ gɛt kɔnfidɛns pan insɛf ɛn di valyu we in yon ayd dɛn gɛt.
- Fɔ want pasmak fɔ mek ɔda pipul dɛn gladi ɔ fɔ mek dɛn gladi fɔ am.
- Fɔ fred bad bad wan fɔ lɛ dɛn nɔ gri wit ɔda pipul dɛn ɔ fɔ lɛ dɛn nɔ gri wit dɛn .
- High sensitivity to criticism, or past experiences wae pɔrsin nɔr de tek in aydyɔ ɔr dismis, wae kin mek pɔrsin fil bad.
- Di divɛlɔpmɛnt we nɔ de pan di kɔmyunikeshɔn skil dɛn we pɔsin nid fɔ bi asɛftiv.
Rizin dɛn fɔ mek wi de fɛt tumɔs:
- Ɔva kɔnfidɛns , we pɔsin kin biliv se i rayt ɔltɛm.
- Fɔ put yu yon nid ɛn wetin yu tink fɔs ɛn nɔ pe atɛnshɔn to wetin ɔda pipul dɛn want.
- Nɔr lan aw fɔ rɛspɛkt ɔ tink bɔt aw ɔda pipul dɛn de fil ɛn nid.
- Di we aw i nɔ sabi fɔ lisin ɛn we i nɔ de lan aw fɔ invayt ɔda pipul dɛn fɔ tɔk bɔt am.
Aw fɔ fos asɛftiv bihayvya:
- Fɔ gɛt strɔng kɔnfidɛns pan yusɛf .
- Fɔ biliv tranga wan se wetin yu de tink gɛt valyu, di we aw yu de fil impɔtant, ɛn yu gɛt di men rayt fɔ tɔk bɔt am.
- Fɔ bil pɔsin we go ebul fɔ bia wit di prɔblɛm—di maynd trɛnk fɔ nevigayt kɔrɛkt, rijek, ɛn setbacks fayn fayn wan.
- Fɔ rɛspɛkt wetin ɔda pipul dɛn want ɛn wetin dɛn nid.
- Yuz rol model dɛm wae de sho wɛl bɔdi, asɛftiv bihayvya as yu inspɛkshɔn.
- Fɔ tink bɔt fayn fayn ɛkspiriɛns dɛn we yu bin dɔn gɛt trade usay pipul dɛn bin gladi fɔ yu opinion ɔ we yu asɛf bin mek yu gɛt fayn fayn tin dɛn.
Aw yu go bi pɔsin we de tɔk tranga wan? Praktikal step dɛn fɔ bigin
Di bɛst nyus na dat, fɔ asɛf na skil we yu kin gɛt bay we yu de praktis. I jɔs nid fɔ lan sɔm we dɛn fɔ tɔk to pipul dɛn ɛn gɛt di rayt we aw pɔsin de tink insay pɔsin in at.
Pan ɔl we sɔm pipul dɛn kin si se dis kin izi pas ɔda pipul dɛn, ɔlman kin ebul fɔ tɔk mɔ bɔt wetin dɛn de tɔk .
Na sɔm tin dɛn we yu go ebul fɔ du:
1. Fɔs, no di we aw yu de tɔk to pipul dɛn naw.
Bi ɔnɛs wit yusɛf: Yu kin lɛk fɔ bi pɔsin we de tɔk tranga wan, we nɔ de du natin (saylent/withdrawn), ɔ agresiv? We yu dɔn no yu stayl, disayd if yu nid fɔ wok fɔ ridyus di we aw yu nɔ de du natin, fɔ mek yu nɔ de du bad, ɔ jɔs fɔ mek di abit dɛn we yu gɛt fɔ tɔk se yu nɔ de du tin, bɛtɛ.
2. If yu kin lɛk fɔ bi pɔsin we nɔ de du natin, tray dɛn step ya fɔ bi mɔ asɛftiv:
- Pe atɛnshɔn to wetin yu de tink, aw yu de fil, wetin yu nid, ɛn wetin yu lɛk. Bifo yu tɛl ɔda pipul dɛn bɔt dɛn, yu fɔ no klia wan bɔt dɛn fɔs.
- Notis if yu kin ansa kwɛstyɔn dɛn bɔku tɛm wit wɔd dɛn lɛk “A nɔ no,” “A nɔ min,” ɔ “I nɔto prɔblɛm” jɔs fɔ mek yu nɔ gɛt cham-mɔt. Brek da abit de. Start fɔ tɔk wetin yu lɛk pan smɔl smɔl tin dɛn. Fɔ ɛgzampul, if pɔsin aks am se, “Yu go lɛk di grɔn wan ɔ di wan we rɛd?” yu kin se, “A lɛk di grɔn wan, tɛnki.”
- Praktis fɔ aks fɔ sɔntin. Ɛgzampul dɛn: “Yu kin duya pas mi da spun de?” “A nid pen—ɛnibɔdi gɛt spay?” ɔ “Duya yu kin kip da sidɔm ples de fɔ mi?” We yu praktis dɛn smɔl smɔl tin ya we yu aks fɔ, dat de mek yu gɛt kɔnfidɛns ɛn skil we yu nid fɔ mek yu gɛt mɔ impɔtant intarakshɔn.
- Sheb yu opinion. Tɔk bɔt if yu lɛk fim we yu si ɛn ɛksplen wetin yu tink.
- Yuz “Mi” stetmɛnt dɛn , lɛk “A go lɛk...”, “A lɛk...”, ɔ “A fil...”. Dis kin mek shɔ se dɛn de tɔk bɔt aw yu de fil ɛn aw yu de tink lɛk yu yon.
- Fɛn pɔsin we yu go falamakata ɛn we balans—nɔto we nɔ de du natin ɔ we nɔ de fɛt. Wach aw dɛn de tɔk to dɛnsɛf ɛn tray fɔ falamakata dɛn fayn kwaliti dɛn.
- Mɛmba yusɛf ɔltɛm se di tin dɛn we yu de tink ɛn tink bɔt na tin we rayt lɛk aw ɔlman gɛt . We yu no dis na impɔtant tin fɔ mek yu nɔ tɔk natin. Tru tru asɛftiv kin bigin wit rɛspɛkt fɔ yusɛf ɛn valyu yusɛf lɛk aw yu valyu ɔda pipul dɛn.
3. If yu kin lɛk fɔ fɛt, tray dɛn advays ya fɔ mek yu gɛt mɔ asɛf:
- Alaw ɔda pipul dɛn fɔ tɔk fɔs.
- Yu fɔ tink bɔt aw yu de ambɔg ɔda pipul dɛn. If yu kech yusɛf de du am, stɔp wantɛm wantɛm, aks fɔ padi, ɛn se, “A sɔri, duya dɔn wetin yu bin de tɔk,” ɛn gi di ɔda pɔsin ples fɔ tɔk ɔl wetin i tink.
- Aks ɔda pipul dɛn opinion ɛn lisin gud gud wan.
- We yu nɔ gri wit pɔsin, tɔk bɔt wetin yu tink wit rɛspɛkt ɛn nɔ put in yon valyu dɔŋ. Fɔ ɛgzampul, bifo yu se, “Dat na fulish aidia,” tray fɔ se, “A nɔ rili gri wit da we de.” Bifo yu tɔk bad bɔt pɔsin, tray fɔ tɔk se: “A fil lɛk se sɔntɛm dɛn nɔ de tink bɔt aw di ɔda pɔsin de fil.”
- As wi bin dɔn tɔk, fɛn pɔsin we balans fɔ falamakata ɛn we yu go falamakata in bihayvya.
4. Ivin pipul dɛn we natin nɔ de du natin fɔ kɔntinyu fɔ rifin dɛn skil dɛn:
- Kɔntinyu fɔ fɛn pipul dɛn fɔ falamakata ɛn wach di tin dɛn we dɛn ebul fɔ du. Wi ɔl na pipul dɛn we de lan fɔ ɔl wi layf!
- Analyse in wich situeshɔn yu de mɔs asɛf. Bɔku pipul dɛn kin si am se i izi fɔ tɔk tranga wan wit dɛn padi dɛn bɔt dɛn kin tray tranga wan wit ticha dɛn ɔ pipul dɛn we dɛn jɔs sabi. Insay dɛn tranga tɛm dɛn de, aks yusɛf se, “Aw a go du dis if a de tɔk to mi bɛst padi?” Dat shift in perspektiv kin mek am izi pasmak.
Di tin we impɔtant pas ɔl fɔ tek
Dɔn, fɔ tɔk klia wan—fɔ tɛl ɔda pipul dɛn wetin yu de tink ɔnɛs ɛn klia wan ɛn kɔntinyu fɔ rɛspɛkt ɔda pipul dɛn—de sho aw yu valyu yusɛf.
Yu gɛt rayt fɔ tɔk wetin yu de tink ɛn fil, ɛn yu gɛt di wok fɔ rɛspɛkt ɔda pipul dɛn we de tink. Fɔ tɔk tru na di pafɛkt balans fɔ ɔl tu.
Fɔ divɛlɔp dis skil na impɔtant tin fɔ bi yu bɛst sɛf . Start fɔ praktis smɔl smɔl—yu kin du am!
Asɛf, kɔmyunikeshɔn, kɔnfidɛns pan yusɛf, fɔ sho yusɛf, rilayshɔnship, mental wɛlbɔdi, bihayvya
