Ngaba wakha wazibuza ukuba kutheni kulula kangaka kwabanye abantu ukuthemba abanye nokwakha ubudlelwane, ngelixa kwabanye kunzima kangaka? Abanye abantu bahlala bebuza abahlobo babo kunye namaqabane abo, "Ngaba uza kundikhumbula?" "Ngaba uza kundishiya?" ngendlela yoloyiko. Kukho abanye, abamphephayo umntu ukuba uzama ukusondela ngakumbi, befihla iimvakalelo zabo. Isizathu sale ndlela yokuziphatha isenokuba lulwalamano owawunalo nabazali bakho xa wawusengumntwana, oko kukuthi, xa wawusengumntwana. Yiloo nto siyibiza ngokuba "ziindlela zokunamathelana" kwisayikholoji. Makhe sithethe ngale nto namhlanje.
Ngamafutshane, zeziphi ezi ndlela zokuncamathisela?
Kulula kakhulu. Iindlela zokunamathelana yindlela umnakekeli wethu oyintloko (ngokuqhelekileyo umama okanye utata wethu) awayesebenzisana ngayo nathi siseziintsana, indlela abahlangabezana ngayo neemfuno zethu, kunye nendlela ezichaphazela ngayo ubudlelwane bethu njengabantu abadala.
Cinga ngale ndlela. Wasabela njani xa umama wakho wakushiya okwethutyana usengumntwana? Ngaba wawukhala kakhulu? Ngaba wawusoyika? Okanye wahlala uzolile kuba ubusazi ukuba "umama uza kubuya kungekudala"? Kwakhona, wenza ntoni xa umama ebuya? Ngaba wawukhululekile? Ngaba wawunomsindo? Okanye wamhoya nje?
Iimpendulo zakho kule mibuzo zingakuxelela okuninzi malunga nendlela iimfuno zakho ezahlangatyezwa ngayo usengumntwana. Zingakunika nombono omkhulu malunga nendlela oza kujongana ngayo nobuhlobo bakho kunye nobudlelwane bothando xa sele umdala.
Ziziphi iintlobo eziphambili zesitayile setayi?
Iingcali zengqondo zichonge iintlobo ezine eziphambili zeendlela zokuncamathisela.
1. Isitayile sokunamathela esikhuselekileyo: Le yeyona ndlela isempilweni neyona ilungileyo.
2. Isitayile sokuncamathisela esixhalabisayo: Esi sisitayile esingakhuselekanga.
3. Indlela Yokuncamathela Engaphephekiyo: Le yindlela engakhuselekanga.
4. Isitayile sokuncamathelisa esingacwangciswanga: Esi sisitayile esingakhuselekanga.
Injongo yethu mayibe kukuyeka indlela yokuncamathisela engakhuselekanga size siye kwindlela yokuncamathisela ekhuselekileyo.
Ngoko ke ezi ndlela zokuncamathisela zichaphazela njani ubudlelwane bethu?
Uphando oluthathe iminyaka engaphezu kwama-50 luye lwabonisa ukuba ulwalamano lweemvakalelo owawunalo nomntu okugcina umntwana luchaphazela ngokuthe ngqo ubudlelwane bakho bothando kwixesha elizayo.
Khawuthelekelele ukuba ubunomama okanye utata othembekileyo onyamekela yonke into oyifunayo. Ukuba kunjalo, unamathuba amaninzi okwakha ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo nobukhuselekileyo xa umdala. Kwelinye icala, ukuba umnakekeli wakho ebengasoloko enyamekela iimfuno zakho, kwaye ukunyanyekelwa kwakhe bekungahambi rhoqo, unokuba neengxaki ezahlukeneyo zokugcina ubudlelwane xa umdala.
Into ebalulekileyo kukuba olu hlobo lokunamathela lwenziwe kwiinyanga ezili-18 zokuqala zobomi bakho. Ngenxa yokuba ingqondo ikhula ngokukhawuleza ngelo xesha, loo mava ayasichaphazela ubomi bethu bonke.
1. Isitayile sokuncamathisela esikhuselekileyo
Ngamafutshane, oku kubhekisela kubuchule bokwakha ubudlelwane obusempilweni, obanelisayo, nobuhlala ixesha elide.
Ebuntwaneni: Aba bantwana baziva bekhuselekile, bexatyiswa, beqondwa, kwaye bekhululekile xa benomntu obanyamekelayo. Bayakhala xa umntu obanyamekelayo ehamba okwethutyana, kodwa bayathuthuzeleka xa bebuya. Xa besoyika, babalekela kumntu obanyamekelayo.
Ukuba ngumntu omdala: Ukuba unale ndlela, uzive ukhuselekile kwaye uzithembile kubudlelwane bakho nabantu abadala. Wabelana ngokukhululekileyo ngeemvakalelo zakho neqabane lakho kunye nabahlobo abasondeleyo. Ucela uncedo kwabanye xa lufuneka. Ukwanokuzithemba okuhle.
| Iimpawu zeSiqhoboshelo esiKhuselekileyo | |
|---|---|
| Ukuthemba abanye lula | Akukho loyiko okanye amathandabuzo angeyomfuneko kubudlelwane. |
| Ukunxibelelana ngempumelelo | Bazichaza ngokucacileyo iimfuno zabo neemvakalelo zabo. |
| Lawula iimvakalelo | Xa kuvela iimvakalelo ezifana nosizi nomsindo, zinokulawulwa ngendlela ephilileyo . |
| Akukho bunzima bokuchitha ixesha wedwa | Akusoloko udinga umntu okufutshane ukuze wonwabe. |
| Ukusombulula iingxabano | Xa kuvela ingxaki, bazama ukuyisombulula ngengxoxo endaweni yokuyithethisa. |
2. Isitayile sokuncamathisela okuxhalabileyo
Le yindlela yokunamathela engaqinisekanga. Abantu abanale ndlela badla ngokukoyika ukwaliwa nokushiywa . Ngenxa yoko, bahlala bejonga kwabanye ukuze baqinisekiswe.
Ebuntwaneni: Aba bantwana bayakhathazeka kakhulu xa behlukene nabazali babo. Nangona kunjalo, abathuthuzelwa xa abazali babo bebuya. Basenokuba nomsindo. Aba bantwana abathembi abantu abangabaziyo kunabanye abantwana.
Ubudala: Njengabantu abadala, aba bantu basenokuziva ngathi amaqabane abo okanye abahlobo babo ababathandi ngokwenene. Ngenxa yesi sizathu, banoloyiko olukhulu lokungamkeleki okanye ukushiywa. Banokuzithemba okuphantsi. Bahlala befuna imvume yabanye ukuze bazive bamkelekile. Bayaphuka kakhulu xa ubudlelwane buphela.
| Iimpawu ze-Anxious Attachment | |
|---|---|
| Ukuziva ungento yanto | Iingcinga ezinje ngokuthi "Andilunganga ngokwaneleyo" zisoloko ziphakama. |
| Uvelwano olugqithisileyo xa ugxekwa | Nokuba uthetha into encinci, ithetha lukhulu. |
| Ubunzima bokuba wedwa | Ndisoloko ndiziva ndifuna ukuba nomntu. |
| Ubunzima bokuthemba abanye | Ndisoloko ndimjonga ndimkrokrela, ndizibuza, "Ingaba lo mntu uyandithanda ngenene?" |
| Umona | Usenokuvakalelwa kukuba nomona xa iqabane lakho lithetha nabanye abantu. |
3. Indlela Yokuncamathisela Engaphephekiyo
Le yindlela yokuzibophelela engazinzanga. Abantu abanale ndlela yokuzibophelela banobunzima bokwakha ubudlelwane obunentsingiselo ngenxa yokoyika ukusondelelana . Abathandi ukusondela ngokweemvakalelo.
Ebuntwaneni: Aba bantwana abafuni nduduzo kubanakekeli babo. Abayi kwala ukuba bayayinikwa, kodwa badla ngokuphepha ukusebenzisana. Aba bantwana ababoni mahluko mkhulu phakathi kwabanakekeli babo nabantu abangabaziyo.
Njengomntu omdala: Njengomntu omdala, ukuba unale ndlela, ungakuphepha ulwalamano olusondeleyo. Awunamdla ngokweemvakalelo kubahlobo bakho kunye namaqabane akho. Aba bantu banomoya wokuzimela onamandla kakhulu. Baziva besongelwa xa umntu ezama ukusondela kubo. Oku kwenza kube nzima kakhulu kubo ukwabelana ngeemvakalelo zabo ezinzulu nabanye.
| Iimpawu zokuncamathisela okungaphephekiyo | |
|---|---|
| Ukuzimela okuqinileyo | Isimo sengqondo esithi "Andidingi ncedo lomntu, ndingenza yonke into ndedwa." |
| Ukugxotha abanye ngokulula | Ukuba nabani na uzama ukusondela kuye, uyamtyeshela okanye uyamphepha. |
| Ubunzima bokuthemba abanye | Bacinga ukuba ukuba bavakalisa iimvakalelo zabo, baza kuzisebenzisa ngokuchasene nabo. |
| Uloyiko lokusondelelana | Ukungakhululeki xa usondela kumntu ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasemzimbeni. |
| Imiba yokuzibophelela | Abafuni kungena kubudlelwane obuqinileyo okanye ukutshata. |
4. Isitayile sokuncamathisela esingacwangciswanga kakuhle
Olu luhlobo lwesithathu lwesitayile sokunamathela esingakhuselekanga. Abantu abanale ndlela yokuziphatha abaguquguquki kwaye banengxaki yokuthemba abanye.
Ngexesha lobuntwana: Abantwana abanale ndlela badla ngokubonisa ukudideka. Banokoyika ukuba kuza kwenzeka into embi. Oku kudla ngokubangelwa kukungabikho kokuziphatha okuzinzileyo komntu obanyamekelayo. Umzekelo, loo mntu ngamanye amaxesha uyamthuthuzela umntwana, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha uyamoyikisa umntwana. Ngoko ke umntwana akanakukwazi ukumthemba ngokupheleleyo umntu omnyamekelayo. Kuba loo mntu umlimazayo ngamanye amaxesha naye uzisa intuthuzelo. Le ndlela idla ngokubonakala kubantwana abaye baxhatshazwa, baxhatshazwa, okanye batyeshelwa .
Ubudala: Njengabantu abadala, indlela abaziphatha ngayo aba bantu inokuba yinto edidayo nengaqikelekanga. Bafuna uthando nonxibelelwano, kodwa bayaloyika. Ngenxa yoko, banokuhlakulela umkhwa wokufuna uthando baze balulahle ngokuphindaphindiweyo xa belufumana. Basenokuba basondelelene kakhulu namaqabane abo ngenye imini, baze bangabi nabudlelwane kwaphela nolulandelayo.
| Iimpawu ze-Attachment engalungelelaniswanga | |
|---|---|
| Ubunzima bokuthemba abanye | Yoyika ukuba abo babathandayo baza kubenzakalisa. |
| Ubunzima bokulawula iimvakalelo | Iimvakalelo ziyaphakama zize ziwe ngequbuliso. |
| Ukubonisa zombini iimpawu zokuxhalaba kunye nokuphepha | Ngamanye amaxesha bazama ukusondela, ngamanye amaxesha bayahamba. |
| Uloyiko lokwaliwa | Olu loyiko lubangela ukuba abantu bazikhwebule kubudlelwane ngaphambi kokuba buqale. |
| Ukuziphatha okuchaseneyo | Iimvakalelo ezingqubanayo ezifana nokuthi "Ndikufuna, kodwa hlala kude nam." |
Ngaba le ndlela yokubopha ingatshintshwa?
Ewe, unako! Ezo ziindaba ezilungileyo. Ukutshintsha oku kuqala ngokuzazi . Wakuba uqonda ukuba zeziphi iindlela zakho zeemvakalelo, zeziphi iindlela onazo kubudlelwane bakho nabantu abadala, ungaqala ukutshintsha ezo ndlela zakudala zokucinga.
Nangona unokukwenza oku ngokwakho ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba elithile, kufanelekile ukuthetha nomcebisi okanye ingcali yezonyango enokukunceda kolu hambo. Banokukunceda uqonde ezi zinto, uphilise amanxeba amadala, kwaye wakhe ubudlelwane obusempilweni. Ungathetha nogqirha wakho wosapho ngale nto.
Ndingalwakha njani ulwalamano 'olukhuselekileyo' nomntwana wam?
Njengomzali, ulwalamano olusondeleyo nomntwana wakho lubaluleke kakhulu. Kufana nokunika umntwana wakho imaphu kunye nekhampasi ngaphambi kokuba aqale uhambo lwakhe ebomini.
Cinga ngayo njengesamente. Xa unesamente entsha, ungayibumba ibe yiyo nayiphi na imo oyifunayo. Kodwa xa yomile, kufuneka umgudu omkhulu ukuyitshintsha. Ngoko ke, kulula kakhulu ukukhokela impilo yeemvakalelo yomntwana wakho ngexesha lokukhula kwakhe.
Ngoko ke ungalwakha njani olu lwalamano lukhuselekileyo nomntwana wakho? Okokuqala, phefumla nzulu. Inyaniso yokuba ufunda eli nqaku ithetha ukuba unomdla kwimpilo-ntle yomntwana wakho. Mhlawumbi sele unika umntwana wakho ngokwemvelo oko akudingayo. Nazi ezinye izinto ezinokunceda:
- Zenze ufumaneke kumntwana nakwiimfuno zakhe:Akunakwenzeka ukunika umntwana wakho ingqalelo eyi-100% ngalo lonke ixesha. Kodwa chitha ixesha nomntwana wakho nokuba akalindelanga. Ngaleyo ndlela, umntwana wakho uya kuqonda ukuba ufuna ukuba naye ngenxa yakhe.
- Qinisekisa iimvakalelo: Nika ingqalelo kwinto umntwana wakho ayivayo kwaye umncede abhale ezo mvakalelo. Mkhumbuze ukuba "ukuziva unomsindo nokuba lusizi kuyinto eqhelekileyo, kwaye kukho isizathu sazo zonke iimvakalelo." Ukubanceda bafumane iindlela eziphilileyo zokulawula iimvakalelo ezinzima ezifana nomsindo kuya kuqinisa ubudlelwane benu.
- Zibandakanye kwizinto umntwana wakho azithandayo nezinto azithandayo: Funda ngezinto azithandayo umntwana wakho. Thetha ngezinto azithandayo kwaye ufumane iindlela zokunxibelelana naye.
- Yonwabelani ukuchitha ixesha kunye ngaphandle kwesizathu: Njengomzali, inxalenye enkulu yomsebenzi wenu kukukhokela umntwana wenu. Oko kubalulekile. Kodwa kubalulekile nokuchitha ixesha naye ngaphandle kwesizathu esithile. Ngaleyo ndlela, umntwana wenu uya kwazi ukuba nimthanda kangakanani kwaye nimamkela ngendlela abayiyo.
Ulwalamano owakhayo nomntwana wakho kwiinyanga ezili-18 zokuqala zobomi bakhe lunokuchaphazela indlela asebenzisana ngayo nawe ubomi bakhe bonke. Ngoko ke yiba nokuqonda xa usebenza nomntwana wakho. Ungathetha nogqirha wezingane womntwana wakho ngale nto uze ufumane iingcebiso ezingakumbi.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Ubudlelwane obunabo nabo babekukhathalele ngexesha lobuntwana bakho, ingakumbi kwiinyanga ezili-18 zokuqala, bubeka isiseko sobudlelwane oza kuba nabo xa sele umdala.
- Kukho iindlela ezine eziphambili zokuncamathisela, eyona isempilweni kuzo kwaye injongo ifanele ibe kukunamathela okukhuselekileyo.
- Ukuchonga indlela yakho yokuncamathisela linyathelo lokuqala kuhambo oluya kutshintsho olusempilweni.
- Nokuba unesitayile sokunamathelana esingaqinisekanga, ngokuqinisekileyo kunokwenzeka ukusitshintsha nokwakha ubudlelwane obuphilileyo.
- Njengomzali, unokuba negalelo ekwakheni ulwalamano oluqinileyo nomntwana wakho.
- Ukuba unenkxalabo malunga neendlela zakho zobudlelwane okanye ukukhula kweemvakalelo zomntwana wakho, ungathandabuzi ukuthetha nogqirha wakho okanye nomcebisi ofanelekileyo.
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