Lɔlɔ̃ nye nu dzeani aɖe, alo? Gake le ame aɖewo gome la, lɔlɔ̃ alo ƒomedodo gɔmedzedze ƒe susu ate ŋu ado vɔvɔ̃ na ame eye wòate ɖeɖi ame ŋu ale gbegbe. Ðe nèse le ɖokuiwò me nenema kpɔa? Ne nenemae la, ke esia ate ŋu anye wò. Míeyɔa nɔnɔme sia be xexemenunya.
Nukae nye Philophobia?
Kpuie ko la, Philophobia nye vɔvɔ̃ si gbɔ eme, si mesɔ o na lɔlɔ̃. Menye nya bɔbɔe aɖe koe wònye be, ‘Oo, lɔlɔ̃ medzɔa dzi nam o.’ Enye vɔvɔ̃ si de to wu sã, si nu sẽ wu. Vɔvɔ̃ sia nana wòsesẽna ŋutɔ, eye ɣeaɖewoɣi la, manya wɔ na ame aɖewo be woaɖo ƒomedodo si me lɔlɔ̃ le ahalé wo me ɖe asi o. "Philos" nye Helagbe me nya si wozãna na lɔlɔ̃tɔ. "Phobos" gɔmee nye vɔvɔ̃. Eyata ne ame eve siawo va kpe ta la, gɔmesese si le ‘vɔvɔ̃ na lɔlɔ̃’ ŋu va dona.
Bu eŋu kpɔ, England Fianyɔnu gbãtɔ le ŋutinya me, Elizabeth, meɖe srɔ̃ kpɔ o, eye woyɔe be ‘Ðetugbui leaƒe Fianyɔnu.’ Ame aɖewo xɔe se be xexemenunya ƒe nɔnɔme sia hã nɔ eŋu.
Eyata nukae nye vɔvɔ̃?
Fifia ɖewohĩ ànɔ ɖokuiwò biam be, ‘Nukae nye vɔvɔ̃ sia?’ Vɔvɔ̃ nye vɔvɔ̃ si gbɔ eme si mesɔ o na nusiwo anɔ eme be magblẽ nu ŋutɔŋutɔ aɖeke na mí o. Le nyateƒe me la, esiawo nye dzimaɖitsitsidɔ . Philophobia nye vɔvɔ̃ ƒe dɔléle aɖe koŋ . Eyae nye be èle vɔvɔ̃m na nu aɖe koŋ, lɔlɔ̃ ƒe susu le ɣeyiɣi sia me, alo nɔnɔme ma tɔgbe.
Aleke gbegbee xexemenunya ƒe vɔvɔ̃ bɔe?
Esesẽ be míagblɔ ame agbɔsɔsɔme si tututu xexemenunya vɔ̃ le. Ame geɖe ɣlaa woƒe vɔvɔ̃a ɖe wo ɖokui si alo womekpɔnɛ gɔ̃ hã be ele yewo ŋu o. Gake míenya be ame tsitsi siwo ade 1 le 10 ɖesiaɖe me kple sɔhɛ 1 le 5 ɖesiaɖe me le United States akpɔ vɔvɔ̃ aɖe koŋ gbɔ le woƒe agbemeɣeyiɣi aɖe me. Eyata xexemenunya ate ŋu anye wo dometɔ ɖeka.
Amekae le afɔku me wu be wòaxɔ xexemenunya?
Wogblɔna zi geɖe be nyɔnuwo te ŋu xɔa vɔvɔ̃ siawo ƒomevi. Afɔku bubu geɖewo hã li:
- Ƒome ŋutinya: Ne èkpɔe be vɔvɔ̃ alo dzimaɖitsitsidɔ aɖe le fu ɖem na dziwòlawo alo ame aɖe si te ɖe ŋuwò la, anɔ eme be vɔvɔ̃ ma tɔgbe adze dziwò. Abe ale si ko vidada vɔ̃na na akpɔkplɔwo ene la, anɔ eme be via hã vɔ̃na na akpɔkplɔwo.
- Domenyiŋusẽfianu ƒe ŋusẽkpɔɖeamedzi: Numekuku aɖewo ɖee fia be domenyiŋusẽfianu ƒe tɔtrɔ le ame aɖewo si si wɔnɛ be dzimaɖitsitsidɔ kple vɔvɔ̃ te ŋu dzea wo dzi bɔbɔe.
- Vɔvɔ̃ bubuwo ƒe amesinɔnɔ: Ebɔ be vɔvɔ̃ si wu ɖeka nanɔ ame ŋu. Ame aɖe si vɔ̃na na lɔlɔ̃ hã ate ŋu anɔ vɔvɔ̃m na ɖokuitsɔtsɔna (woyɔa esia be gamophobia) , vɔvɔ̃ be woagbe ye, alo vɔvɔ̃ be yeagblẽ ye ɖi.
Nukatae mevɔ̃na na lɔlɔ̃ alea gbegbe ɖo?
Bu eŋu kpɔ, nukatae ame aɖe avɔ̃ nane si nya kpɔ abe lɔlɔ̃ ene alea gbegbe ɖo? Zi geɖe la, ne èlé ŋku ɖe vɔvɔ̃ sia ƒe ke ŋu la, woate ŋu akpɔe tso nuteƒekpɔkpɔ dziŋɔ aɖe si dzɔ le ɖevime gbɔ . Xexemenunya ƒe vɔvɔ̃ le abe ametakpɔkpɔ ƒe ŋuɖoɖo ene . Ne mèɖe mɔ na ɖokuiwò be yealɔ̃ ame aɖe o la, wò susu te ate ŋu asusu be èle ye ɖokui ɖem tso vevesese kple vevesese me.
Nusiwo ate ŋu ahe xexemenunya ƒe vɔvɔ̃ vɛ dometɔ aɖewoe nye esi:
- Ƒomedodo gbegblẽ siwo nɔ wo dome va yi: Kpɔe ɖa le susu me be ɖevi aɖe nɔ wo dzilawo kpɔm wonɔ avu wɔm alo wogbe wo nɔewo le eƒe ɖevime. Alo dzila si ku, gblẽe ɖi, alo wowɔ ŋlɔmi le eŋu le eƒe ɖevime... Ate ŋu asesẽ ŋutɔ na ɖevi si to nusiawo me kpɔ be wòalɔ̃ ame bubuwo. Nenema kee wòle le ame tsitsiwo hã gome. Ne ƒomedodo aɖe si nɔ wo dome va yie nye nuteƒemawɔmawɔ, srɔ̃gbegbe, ŋlɔmiwɔwɔ, alo gbegblẽ la, mewɔ nuku o be wovɔ̃na be yewoagalɔ̃ ake. Bu eŋu kpɔ, eƒe ahiãvi gbãtɔ te ɖe Nimali dzi vevie. Le ema megbe la, etsia dzimaɖi hevɔ̃na ne ebu eŋu be yeagadze ƒomedodo aɖe gɔme ake.
- Vɔvɔ̃ be woagbe ye alo agblẽ wò ɖi: Ne dziwòlawo dometɔ ɖeka gblẽ wò ɖi esime nènye ɖevi la, ema hã ate ŋu anye susu si ta nèvɔ̃na na lɔlɔ̃ ɖo. Ne xɔlɔ̃wo kple zɔhɛwo gbe wò ɣesiaɣi esime nètsi la, àte ŋu ava nɔ vɔvɔ̃m na lɔlɔ̃. Ðewohĩ àse le ɖokuiwò me be ‘ame aɖe adzo le gbɔnye to mɔ sia mɔ nu.’
- Dekɔnuwo alo mawusubɔsubɔ ƒe nyaƒoɖeamenuwo: Dekɔnu aɖewo mebua lɔlɔ̃ ŋu boo o, eye wowɔa ɖoɖo ɖe srɔ̃ɖeɖe ŋu. Ðewohĩ ànɔ vɔvɔ̃m be yeadze lɔlɔ̃ me le esi nèse le ɖokuiwò me be gome aɖeke mele ye si be yeatia yeƒe zɔhɛ o ta. Azɔ hã, ne ènye LGBTQ+ la, àte ŋu avɔ̃ be yeadze lɔlɔ̃ me ne wò subɔsubɔha alo dekɔnu tsi tre ɖe ƒomedodoa ŋu. Le vɔvɔ̃ be hadomegbenɔnɔ aɖe ye ɖa eye yeƒe ƒomea agbe ye ta.
- Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder (DSED): Ðevi si dzilawo alo ame tsitsi bubu siwo dzi woka ɖo le eƒe ɖevime la metsɔa ɖeke le eme, lɔlɔ̃, kple ŋudzedzekpɔkpɔ si wòhiã o la ate ŋu ava nɔ vɔvɔ̃m na lɔlɔ̃ ne ele tsitsim. Ðevi mawo ate ŋu anɔ kadodo me kple amedzrowo nyuie wu amesiwo wolɔ̃. DSED nye Reactive Attachment Disorder ƒomevi aɖe .
Nukawoe nye xexemenunya ƒe dzesiwo?
Esia ate ŋu akpɔ ŋusẽ ɖe ame siwo vɔ̃na na lɔlɔ̃ dzi le mɔ vovovowo nu. Àte ŋu ato nu siwo gbɔna la me:
- Ƒomedodo kplikplikpli kple kplikplikpli va zua nusi mate ŋu adzɔ o.
- Ne èle ƒomedodo me , ètsia dzimaɖi geɖe , eye nètsia dzi ɣesiaɣi be ƒomedodoa nu ava yi.
- Èle vɔvɔ̃m na wò zɔhɛ alo woƒe seselelãmewo .
- Wotutua amewo ɖa alo wodzudzɔa ƒomedodowo zi ɖeka .
Ne lɔlɔ̃ ƒe seselelãmewo le mewò la, àte ŋu akpɔ ŋutilã me dzesiwo hã abe:
- Taɖuame
- Nu ƒuƒu
- Vɔvɔ̃ alo vɔvɔ̃ sesẽ aɖe ƒe seselelãme
- Aɖuɖɔtoe, ʋuʋudedi, alo aɖuɖɔtoe
- Fifia si gbɔ eme
- Gbɔgbɔ kabakaba kple dzi ƒe tsotso
- Ʋuʋu alo ʋuʋu
- Yagbɔgbɔ kpuie
Aleke woawɔ ade dzesi xexemenunya?
Eyata aleke ɖɔktawo wɔa dea dzesi xexemenunya? Mɔfiame aɖe le Amerika Tagbɔdɔlélawo ƒe Habɔbɔ si si woyɔna be Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Susuŋutinunyalawo abe susuŋutinunyalawo ene zãnɛ tsɔ dia vɔvɔ̃ le dzesiwo kple alesi wòkpɔa ŋusẽ ɖe wò agbenɔnɔ dzii.
Ðɔktawo zãa dzidzenu siawo tsɔ dea dzesi vɔvɔ̃ aɖe koŋ abe xexemenunya ene:
- Lɔlɔ̃ ƒe vɔvɔ̃ ɣesiaɣi si nɔa anyi ɣleti ade ya teti .
- Vɔvɔ̃ alo dzimaɖitsitsi sesẽ aɖe si doa mo ɖa ne èse lɔlɔ̃.
- Vɔvɔ̃ ƒe dzesiwo dzena ne èdze ŋgɔ wò lɔlɔ̃tɔ aɖe.
- Ƒo asa na lɔlɔ̃ nana alo xɔxɔ elabena dzimaɖitsitsi alo vɔvɔ̃ ʋãa wò.
- Dzesi sesẽ siwo doa kplamatse ŋutete si le ame si be wòaɖo ƒomedodo kplikplikpli siwo ŋu gɔmesese le.
Aleke wowɔa nu ɖe xexemenunya ƒe vɔvɔ̃ ŋui?
Eyata ɖe atike aɖeke meli na esia oa? Ele eme godoo. Atikewɔwɔ aɖe si woyɔna be Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) ate ŋu akpe ɖe ŋuwò nàɖu xexemenunya dzi. Esia nye susumedɔdada ƒomevi aɖe. Kpuie ko la, enye nuƒoƒo ƒe atikewɔwɔ. Ekpena ɖe ŋuwò nèdea dzesi tamesusu kple nuwɔna siwo nana nèvɔ̃na na lɔlɔ̃.
Àte ŋu aɖe vi na wò hã tso atike si wozãna tsɔ kpɔa dɔlélea gbɔ si woyɔna be Systemic Desensitization Therapy . Wogblɔ be atikewɔwɔ si me woɖea nu le ame ŋu kpena ɖe ame siwo wu 90% siwo ŋu vɔvɔ̃ tɔxɛ aɖewo le ŋu.
Aleae wòwɔa dɔe nye esi:
- Woafia wò be nàzã ɖiɖiɖememɔnu abe gbɔgbɔ deto ƒe kamedede kple ŋugbledede ene atsɔ akpɔ wò dzesiwo gbɔ.
- Vivivi la, lɔlɔ̃ ƒe susua va nɔa ŋuwò . Gbã la, èbua eŋu, emegbe nèƒoa nu tso eŋu, eye emegbe wonana nèdzea ŋgɔ nɔnɔme suesuesuewo.
- Enaa dɔ siwo ŋu viɖe le siwo akpe ɖe ŋuwò nàna lɔlɔ̃ nana ahaxɔe wòazu numame na wò.
Nukawoe nye kuxi siwo ate ŋu ado tso xexemenunya me?
Nukae adzɔ ne míeɖe asi le lɔlɔ̃ ƒe vɔvɔ̃ sia ŋu? Agbenɔnɔ si me lɔlɔ̃ mele o ate ŋu akpɔ ŋusẽ ɖe wò ŋutilã kple susu ƒe lãmesẽ dzi. Esia awɔe be àte ŋu ado go nɔnɔme siawo tɔgbe:
- Dzimaɖitsitsi, Blanuiléle, alo Vɔvɔ̃ ƒe Dɔléle.
- Le ŋutsuwo gome la, enye tsitretsitsi ƒe dɔmawɔmawɔ nyuie.
- Nuteɖeamedzi le Nuveviwɔame megbe (PTSD).
- Atike Vɔ̃ɖiwo Zazã ƒe Dɔléle.
Ɣekaɣie wòle be nàkpɔ ɖɔkta?
Ele be nàkpɔ ɖɔkta godoo ne nusiwo gbɔna dometɔ aɖe le ŋuwò:
- Vɔvɔ̃ ƒe amedzidzedzewo le vava ge.
- Ne dzimaɖitsitsi atraɖii si doa kplamatse gbesiagbegbenɔnɔ alo alɔ̃dɔdɔ le ŋuwò.
- Ne blanuiléle alo atike muamewo zazã ƒe kuxiwo ƒe dzesiwo le ŋuwò .
Nukae wòle be mabia nye ɖɔkta?
Ne èyi ɖɔkta gbɔ la, àte ŋu abia nya siawo abe esiawo ene:
- Nukatae vɔvɔ̃ sia le ŋunye?
- Nukae nye atikewɔwɔ nyuitɔ kekeake nam?
- Ðe wòle be mate susumedɔdada kpɔa?
- Ɣeyiɣi didi kae mahiã atikewɔwɔ?
- Ðe atikewo ate ŋu akpe ɖe ame ŋua?
Mlɔeba la, ɖo ŋku edzi be...
Enye dzɔdzɔme nu be mí katã míadze agbagba akpɔ mía ɖokui ta tso vevesese kple vevesese me. Gake ne wò vɔvɔ̃ na lɔlɔ̃ le fu ɖem na wò le ŋutilã alo susu me, alo le ŋusẽ kpɔm ɖe wò ŋutete be nàwɔ ƒomedodowo dzi la, afimae kuxia dzea egɔme tsoe.
Ele be lɔlɔ̃ nana kple exɔxɔ nanye nusi ahe dzidzɔ vɛ.
Ne èle vɔvɔ̃m na lɔlɔ̃ le xexemenunya ta la, wò xexeame ate ŋu ase le eɖokui me be yetsi akogo. Gake ɖo ŋku edzi be àte ŋu asrɔ̃ alesi nàwɔ akpɔ vɔvɔ̃ sia gbɔ to nuwo abe CBT kple dɔdamɔnu si nana ame ƒe seselelãmewo meɖea fu na ame o dzi . Le ɣeyiɣi aɖe megbe la, àte ŋu atu ƒomedodo kplikplikpli si me lɔlɔ̃ le ɖo kple wò zɔhɛ, ƒometɔwo, kple xɔlɔ̃wo. Mègakpe fu wò ɖeka o, bia kpekpeɖeŋu. Menye wò ɖeka koe o.
` Philophobia, vɔvɔ̃ na lɔlɔ̃, vɔvɔ̃, dzimaɖitsitsi, susu ƒe lãmesẽ, atikewɔwɔ, ƒomedodowo











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