When a new guest is about to arrive in your life, it is now common for friends to get together and organize a small party, aka a 'Baby Shower', to celebrate the joy. But sometimes, there can be small conflicts between the ideas of those organizing such parties and your own ideas about having a baby . Maybe you want a small, simple party. But your friends are planning a big party. If you have to play games that you don't like, you may feel uncomfortable. So, at a time like this, how can you celebrate this happy day in the way you want, without hurting anyone's feelings? Let's talk about it.
Is it wrong to express your wishes about the baby shower?
This is a really sensitive topic. Some people think that a baby shower is a gift that you receive, so you should let the person organizing it do it the way they want. They say, "It's like a gift, so you should think about the happiness of the person giving it." In their view, the real purpose of a baby shower is not to collect gifts, but to express the love and support of friends for you and the baby you are expecting.
But, others say, "No, this is your day. It's a celebration to welcome the baby into your life. So it should be something you're happy about." In fact, most mothers only have one baby shower. So, they believe that there's nothing wrong with gently expressing your wishes rather than letting the day go by in a way that you don't want to.
Actually, both are correct. The important thing is to be honest but kind about your feelings while respecting the hard work of the person organizing this.
What are some things you can relate to as a mother?
It's common practice to ask for your opinion on a few things when planning a baby shower. You're completely free to express your opinions on these things.
| Planning department | Your contribution |
|---|---|
| Deciding the day | The organizers will definitely ask you about the date of the event. Choose a day 5-8 weeks before the baby is due. That way, you can enjoy this day without any fatigue and when your belly is still visible. |
| Guest list | Here's what usually happens: You can say who you want to come . But the person organizing the event decides how many people to invite. It depends on things like their budget and the venue they choose. If you only want a small, close group, say that up front. |
| Gift Registry | Although this is not yet very popular in Sri Lanka, it is a very useful thing. You can make a list of what you and the baby really need and give it to the organizers. That will make it a lot easier for those who bring gifts. It will also reduce the number of unnecessary things. This is very valuable for a mother who is expecting her first baby. |
How do you express your wishes without getting hurt?
Most of the time, your baby shower is being organized by someone very close to you, like your best friend, sister, or brother. It's easy to talk directly to someone like that. But, imagine if your mother-in-law or some friends from the office are organizing it. Then you have to be a little more careful. Here are some strategies you can use in such a situation.
- Speak up early: It's best to let the organizers know your thoughts before they've made plans and spent money. If you say, "I don't like pink," after they've ordered all the decorations and cake, it could be a problem.
- Be tactful: Instead of saying "I don't want that," try saying something like: "Wouldn't it be nicer if we did this?", "I really want a small gathering...", "Oh, that game we played at my sister's baby shower felt really awkward..."
- Tell someone else: Sometimes, if you feel uncomfortable telling someone directly, you can talk to the organizers through your husband, mother, or best friend. That can make things a lot less awkward.
- Give them an indirect idea: Show them the colors you've chosen for the nursery, show them pictures of the decorations you like. Saying, "I'm thinking of a theme like this for the nursery," will give them a hint of your preferences .
Do you want to add men too? Games?
This is also something that is discussed by many people. In the past, Baby Shower was something reserved for women only. But now times are different. A baby is the responsibility of both the mother and the father. So, it has become very popular to bring fathers and other male friends to celebrate this happy day (coed shower).
If you're interested in a coed party, but the adult organizing it doesn't want to, explain the situation to them in a loving way. You can ask, "This is for both of us, so wouldn't it be nice if our friends could come along?"
The other issue is games . Some people love baby shower games. Others find them too difficult. But it's nice to have something to do to bring people together and get them talking to each other when they're at a party. If you don't like games, there are other things you can do instead.
- Crafting Session: Those who come can come together and make something small for the baby. For example, a small decoration to hang in the baby's room, or something like a book with everyone's best wishes written on it.
- Advice Book: Ask each guest to write down their best piece of advice. You can put them all together and make a beautiful book.
- Pho TOS hoot: Set up a little photo booth so you can take some nice pictures with everyone who comes. It will be a great memory for everyone.
"No gifts" - can you even say that?
Yes, why not? Maybe this is your second baby, and you already have a lot of stuff. Or maybe you don't want to be a burden on your loved ones during a difficult economic time. Or maybe their presence is more important to you than gifts. Try one of these ideas at a time like this.
- "Baby's First Library" theme: Tell them to bring only books as gifts. Books are inexpensive and always valuable.
- "IOU" (I Owe You) Theme: There's no gift more precious than time for a new mom. Instead of gifts, you can ask guests to promise to help you with something, such as "I'll babysit for a day," "I'll bring you dinner one day," or "I'll clean the house."
- "Best Advice" theme: As we said before, the idea is to collect everyone's advice and create a book.
Take-Home Message
- Your baby shower is a day to celebrate the love you have for yourself and your baby, so it should be a joyful experience for you.
- Speak honestly and kindly with the organizers from the beginning and express your ideas. This can avoid a lot of inconvenience later.
- Don't worry about every little thing. Think about what's really important to you, and focus only on those things. Let go of the rest.
- In the end, even if the ceremony doesn't go as you planned, accept it with joy . Appreciate the love of those who worked hard for you. Remember, the first lesson of parenthood can be that you can't control everything!
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