Are you battling advanced breast cancer? (Advanced Breast Cancer) - Here's how to tell your family about it

When your doctor tells you that you have breast cancer, and it's a bit more advanced, Stage III or IV, it must have felt like a punch in the head. It's normal to feel like your whole world is falling apart at that moment. But the hardest, most overwhelming thing is probably thinking about how to tell your family, the people closest to you - your husband, children, mother, father. This is more than just giving information. You have to deal with your own feelings of fear, sadness, and anger, as well as the feelings of your family. But you are not alone. How many women in the world have gone through a similar experience? Let's talk about how to make this difficult conversation empowering for everyone in your family.

How do you break this news home?

Usually, most people first tell their partner, that is, their husband or wife, about this kind of news. The best thing is that they are with you when the doctor gives you this diagnosis. But that doesn't always happen. Sometimes you may hear the news when you are alone.

Imagine your husband's mother has died of cancer. How many times would you think twice about telling someone like that? But the best thing to do at a time like this is to tell the truth honestly and as quickly as possible .

"It's normal for them to feel sad. You need to let them get it out," doctors and counselors say. It may be hard for you to bear seeing them cry and be upset. But it's better than bottling up those feelings.

You can tell your parents or siblings directly. Or, if that's too difficult for you, you can ask your partner or a trusted friend to tell you the news. Don't be afraid to tell distant relatives or other friends. Tell them little by little when you have the courage. Telling the same thing to everyone over and over again can be emotionally draining.

How do you tell children about this?

This is probably the hardest part. If your children are still young, how do you make them understand this? How do you tell them the truth without scaring them?

Imagine your children are 3 and 6 years old. Even at such a young age, it's best to tell them the truth. But it's understandable for their age.

Tell them directly, "Mom has cancer." Don't be afraid of the word ' cancer .' If you hide that word, when they hear it from someone else, they might have a big question in their mind, "Mom, why didn't you tell me the truth?" That will only make them even more afraid.

You can explain it simply like this: "Mom has a bad stone inside her body. That's why she's feeling a little sick. The doctor is giving her medicine to dissolve the stone and remove it. That medicine can make her hair fall out, and she feels tired sometimes. If you see the adults crying, don't be afraid of that, it's normal."

The way you talk to children should vary depending on their age.

How do you make them understand your true situation?

Cancer is not the same for everyone. It is your responsibility to explain this to your family. Not everyone with breast cancer will undergo surgery or chemotherapy.

It can be especially difficult to explain to loved ones about Stage IV. They may find it difficult to accept the reality that "it can't be completely cured, but it can be controlled, and you will have to continue to be on some form of treatment."

Some family members may be afraid that you will die soon. They will be relieved to know that there are women who live for ten years or more with stage IV cancer. In stage III, that time can be even longer.

The best thing to do is to be honest with your doctor about what he or she said. If a young child asks something like, "Is Mommy going to die?" you can say, "We're not thinking about that right now, son. The doctors are taking good care of Mommy. If it looks like that's going to happen, we'll talk about it again."

How to ask for help from family?

Cancer will definitely change your family's life, so it's important to be clear about what you want and need with those closest to you.

Your needs will change over time. If you are in stage three, you may have a harder time with treatment , and then be able to get back to your normal life in a few months. In stage four, you may need more help. There will be times when you feel great, and other times when you feel difficult. It is important to talk about all of this with your family and decide what is best for everyone.

You also need to learn to accept help. If you've always worked independently, it may be difficult to suddenly ask for help from others and accept the help they give you. But at this point, it's not a shame, it's a necessity.

Don't be afraid to speak up about your wishes.

Breast cancer treatments are now very advanced. However, some women find it very comforting to talk about a topic that many people are afraid to talk about. That is, "What if my treatment doesn't work?" or "What if I think I have a cure now?"

Maybe your doctor says your stage 3 cancer is curable. But it might be comforting to have talked to your family about what will happen if it isn't. Or maybe you've been in stage 4 for years, tried every treatment possible, and are now considering hospice care to help you live your last days in comfort.

There's a hidden benefit to having these difficult conversations. When you talk about it, your fears fade. When you tell your family what you want and have it written down, you'll think, "Okay, now I have a plan. Now I can put it aside and just think about living."

Breast cancer, cancer stages, cancer and family, telling children about cancer, cancer care, mental health, cancer counseling