Does your daughter come home from school very sad? Doesn't she smile and talk like she used to? Does she stay in her room alone? Or does she cry because she can't go to school? When you see these things, you might think, "Maybe she's just in a bad mood these days." However, this could be the beginning of a deeper story. That is bullying from friends, or as we all know it, ' bullying '.
What we think of when we say 'bullying' and what really happens
When we think of bullying, we often think of the big, mischievous boy at school who steals the food and money of a weaker child. That is, physical bullying. But today, especially among girls, the nature of this bullying has changed a lot.
Doctors and psychologists call this bullying through relationships or (Relational Aggression) . Simply put, this is when, instead of directly attacking, you use friendships, rumors, gossip, and exclusion as weapons to hurt another person. Imagine, your daughter's best friends get together and give her a letter saying, "We will never talk to you again," "Don't look at us," and "Don't come near us." Even though you don't feel this physically, how much pain do you feel?
Sometimes, the wounds caused by words can last longer than those caused by physical violence. That pain can even last a lifetime.
Research shows that 76% of school-aged children are subjected to this type of bullying. In some extreme cases, a child who cannot bear this mental stress can even attempt suicide. Now you can understand how serious this situation is.
Why do children do things like this?
We usually think that children who have low self-confidence, are weak in academics, and are not accepted by society are the ones who bully others. But the truth is quite different.
Most of the time, these things are done by girls who are popular at school, who get everyone's attention, who are beautiful, and who have high self-confidence . They do it because they 'can' do it. They do these things to control others and to maintain their place within their clique.
Maybe the child being bullied is 'different' in some way. Maybe because he or she is the class president, or because he or she won a game, or because he or she is better at studying than the others. Or maybe because he or she doesn't have a popular brand of clothing or shoes that the other kids are wearing. Even small reasons like these can be used to marginalize and hurt someone.
Is your child being bullied? Look out for these signs
Often, children don't tell their parents about these things that are happening to them, so it's important for you to be aware of these warning signs.
| Warning feature | Description |
|---|---|
| Behavioral changes | Suddenly becoming quiet, sad, easily angered, or staying alone in your room. |
| Reluctance to go to school | Frequently saying "I can't go to school," and not wanting to get up in the morning. |
| Frequent illness | Frequent complaints about stomach aches and headaches for no reason. |
| Changes in sleep and eating patterns | Trouble sleeping, nightmares, loss of appetite or overeating. |
| Not talking about friends | Not saying anything about friends you used to talk to often or avoiding them when asked about them. |
Things you can do as a parent
1. Listen to your child: If your child tells you about this, don't dismiss it. Instead of saying, "That's just the way it is," listen carefully to your child and reassure them, "It's not your fault. You're not alone, I'm with you."
2. Find the best place to talk: If you don't feel like talking at home, talk in a more relaxed place, like in the car or when you're out. Instead of asking directly, "Who's bothering you?", try asking about your friends in general, like, "How's Sarah? Are you not talking to her right now?"
3. Inform the school: This is very important. Go to the school immediately and talk to the class teacher and school counselor about this. Informing the teachers about this can ensure the child's safety in the classroom.
4. Talk to other parents: Talk to the parents of your child's friends about this. Maybe other children are going through similar things too.
5. Seek medical advice: If your child is experiencing increased stress, anxiety, or depressive symptoms, be sure to consult your family doctor for advice. You can also refer them to a child psychiatrist if necessary.
What if your child is being bullied?
Although it may be difficult to accept, sometimes the bully can be your own child. It's important to be aware of this as well.
- Does your child throw a party and intentionally marginalize some kids?
- Do you often say bad things about other children, such as "He's really boring" or "His clothes are ugly"?
- Are you gossiping about a friend who isn't there?
- Someone who used to be a good friend now comes home and doesn't talk to you anymore?
If you see something like this, there are a few things you can do.
If another parent comes and says, "Your child is bullying my child," don't get angry right away. Instead of panicking, first go to the school and find out if the story is true.
Then talk to your child alone, calmly. "I heard at school that you're fighting with other kids. What's that all about?" Ask. Help your child understand that what he's doing is wrong and how much it hurts the other person. This is a great opportunity to teach your child about right and wrong and compassion. Sometimes children with this type of behavior may need counseling . Talk to your doctor about that too.
Take-Home Message
- Bullying is not just about physical abuse. Hurting the mind with words and exclusion is just as bad.
- Talk to your child often. Create an environment at home where you can talk openly about his friends and school.
- If you notice a change in your child's behavior, don't ignore it. Try to find the reason behind it.
- If you become aware of bullying, inform the school immediately. Seek medical advice if necessary.
- The most important thing is to raise your child to be compassionate and kind.
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