The pain and loneliness we feel when we lose someone close to us and love them is hard to put into words, isn't it? It's the same when we experience a major loss in our lives due to an accident or a natural disaster. This deep sadness and pain is what we call "grief." This is normal, but sometimes this sadness becomes too much to bear. So today, let's talk about what grief is and how we can get help to cope with it.
What is Grief Counseling?
Simply put, grief counseling is a professional treatment that helps you deal with and manage the deep sadness and pain you are feeling. It helps you understand your feelings, not fight them, and live with your new reality.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five main stages of grief in 1969. While not everyone goes through all of these stages in order, it is important to be aware of them.
- Denial: Thinking, "No, this can't be happening."
- Anger : Feeling angry at yourself, others, and even God, asking, "Why did this happen to me?"
- Bargaining: Trying to change the situation by thinking things like, "If I had done this, he would still be here."
- Depression: Feelings of deep sadness, loneliness, and loss of interest in anything.
- Acceptance: Acknowledging that the loss has occurred and making up your mind to move forward with that reality.
Remember, everyone grieves differently. There is no set time or order to this. Some people experience two or three of these stages, while others may experience this grief in a completely different way.
During this time, you may also experience symptoms such as:
- Feeling a strong shock
- Incredulity
- Anxiety and restlessness
- Severe mental stress
- Insomnia
- Appetite
If these feelings are making it difficult for you to function in your daily life, it's a sign that you need help. Some people recover within 6 months, but others may take a year or longer.
Are there different types of grief?
Yes, the nature of grief can vary depending on the nature of the loss we experience and the relationship we had with that person or thing. Let's look at some of the main types.
Complicated Grief
Most people learn to manage their grief over time. But for some people (about 15%) this grief can last for a year or more, and can be very severe. This is called complicated grief . It can make it difficult to function in daily life.
| Characteristics of Complicated Grief | |
|---|---|
| Feeling intense and persistent sadness and mental anguish. | Always wishing you could meet the lost person again. |
| Feeling empty and hopeless about life. | Constantly thinking about the missing person or how he/she died. |
| It is difficult to recall even the good memories of the lost person with joy. | Avoiding anything (places, belongings) that reminds you of the missing person. |
| A loss of sense of self, a feeling of having lost one's identity. | Trying to stay alone, away from friends and family. |
Traumatic Grief
Imagine how you would feel if you lost a loved one unexpectedly, such as in an accident, or if you witnessed the event with your own eyes. The grief that occurs in such a situation can be called traumatic grief . These feelings can sometimes emerge hours, days, or even weeks after the event. This can be a very difficult and frightening experience to cope with. If you are experiencing this, see your doctor immediately and seek help.
Broken Heart Syndrome
Although grief is less likely to kill someone, the stress of a sudden shock can affect the heart. When you feel overwhelming sadness, your body releases a lot of stress hormones. This can cause part of your heart to swell and your blood to pump irregularly. You may also experience chest pain, similar to a heart attack. This is called broken heart syndrome . But don't worry, most people recover within a few weeks.
The relationship between grief and depression
The symptoms of grief, such as sadness, anxiety, and hopelessness, are very similar to those of depression. However, these conditions are different. However, grief can also lead to depression, which can make the grief worse. Therefore, if you have these symptoms, it is very important to talk to a doctor, psychiatrist, or counselor.
What methods are used in grief counseling?
There are four main goals of grief counseling:
- Helping to accept that the loss is a reality.
- Guidance for dealing with the pain of grief.
- Helping to adjust to life without the lost person.
- Finding ways to move forward in life, while keeping the bond with the lost person in your heart.
For this, psychologists or counselors use methods such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Psychotherapy .
| Counseling methodology | Description |
|---|---|
| Referring to the conversation | I encourage you to talk about the loss, the person you lost, and the circumstances that led to the death. |
| Emotion recognition | You are asked to describe the emotions you are feeling (sadness, anger, guilt). |
| Prevention strategies | Coping strategies are developed to deal with special days like birthdays and anniversaries. |
| Identifying harmful behaviors | Identifying and helping to overcome harmful behaviors that are detrimental to daily life. |
| Building a new identity | It helps you build new relationships and create a new identity in life. |
How to help children cope with grief?
Children experience grief differently than adults. They don't initially understand the loss and its impact on their lives. They learn to grieve by watching adults. Therefore, it's important to be honest and direct when talking to a child about this.
If you lose a loved one, it's important to seek the help of a child counselor to help you learn how to cope with grief in a healthy way. You can also participate in family therapy as a family. You can also help your child understand this loss through activities such as storytelling and playing.
How do I get counseling?
If your grief is overwhelming you and making it difficult for you to function, it's best to seek professional help. It's never too early or too late to seek help. But the sooner you seek help, the sooner you can build the strength you need to cope.
You can talk to your family doctor and get a referral to a qualified psychologist or counselor. You can also get help from mental health units in government hospitals. The most important thing is to ask for help and not suffer alone.
Take-Home Message
- It is very normal to grieve the loss of a loved one. It is not a weakness.
- Everyone grieves differently and the time it takes is different. Don't compare yourself to others.
- If your pain is so severe that it's preventing you from performing your daily activities, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Talk to your doctor.
- Take care of your physical and mental health during this time. Eat well, exercise as much as possible, and get enough sleep.
- Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to heal.


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