Life can be challenging at times. How many things can happen that we can't control? Dealing with the many emotions that come to mind during these difficult times is not easy. But there is good news. When we feel out of control, overwhelmed, and frustrated, there are some things we can do to help ourselves be kinder. When we start to forgive ourselves and treat ourselves with kindness, these difficult emotions are less likely to have a significant impact on our mental well-being.
What does it really mean to be kind to yourself?
"Be kind to yourself" may sound a little strange. But it's a very simple, powerful thing. Simply put, it's treating yourself the same way you would treat your best friend. Do you scold your friend when they're having a problem? No, you don't. You speak to them kindly and make them feel better. That's what we call self-kindness, when you do the same to yourself.
If you have a habit of constantly finding fault with yourself and seeing everything negatively, it can be hard to even think about being kind to yourself. It can feel awkward and like you're doing something wrong when you try to make a habit of it. But when you remember how it feels to be kind to others, it becomes easier to be kind to yourself.
It has four main characteristics. Let's see what they are.
| The characteristic of being kind | Simply put... |
|---|---|
| Speaking kindly to yourself | Instead of blaming yourself or criticizing yourself, speak with love and understanding. Instead of saying, "I don't care," think, "It's okay, this is hard, I'm trying." |
| Understanding that pain is common to all | Understanding that sadness, pain, and mistakes are not just something that happens to you, but something that everyone experiences as a human being. Instead of wondering, "Why is this happening to me?", accept that "this is a part of life." |
| Seeing emotions clearly | It's about seeing the feelings that come to you, like sadness or anger, as they are, without suppressing them or making them feel bigger than they should be. It's about seeing them as they are, saying, "Okay, I'm sad/angry right now." |
| Keeping realistic expectations | Without trying to be 100% perfect all the time, be realistic about what can be expected of you at any given time. |
Some simple ways to practice being kind to yourself
Okay, so let's see how we can incorporate this into our daily lives. These are simple things you can start doing today.
1. Face your difficult feelings.
It's hard to be alone with your feelings, and it can sometimes feel unnatural. We often use social media , TV, or other activities to escape from them when we're feeling sad or angry. But stop trying to avoid your difficult feelings and try to face them. Those feelings actually have a lot to teach us. When you stop labeling them as "a bad feeling," you'll understand.
2. Do things you love.
No matter how much you blame yourself, there are activities you can do to be kind to yourself. Think about the little things you already do to take care of yourself. Maybe it's listening to a good song, reading a book, dancing, calling a close friend, playing carom with your family, or making a nice cup of ginger tea. It doesn't have to be something big like meditating. Find something that brings you joy and try to do it often.
3. Prioritize the things you value.
Our lives have changed a lot with the COVID-19 pandemic. Some have lost their jobs, some have lost loved ones. After challenges and tragedies like these, the way we view life's values can change. For example, it may be important for you to support your family financially, but you can't do that when you lose your job. But you can be strong mentally, be loving, and support them. That's also a great kindness and self-care to do for yourself.
4. Stay in the present moment (Ground Yourself)
When you feel scared, anxious, or out of place, look at your feet. Feel how they are planted firmly on the ground, and feel the support you receive from the ground. Bring your attention to the present moment. Then you will be free from unnecessary thoughts running through your mind, and your mind will feel clear and calm.
Instead of fighting your thoughts, focusing on where your body is can bring great relief to your mind.
5. Indulge your five senses
Our modern lives are mostly focused on things like reading, thinking, and working. But happiness is hidden in the smallest of places. Take a moment to enjoy the smell of your favorite perfume, the taste of a delicious meal, or the sight of a beautiful sunset. No matter what other problems you have in life, don't forget to give yourself the gift of enjoying these little things. This can change the way you look at yourself and the world.
6. Hug yourself.
Physical touch and affection are great comforting and energizing. Even if you're alone, you can still get that feeling. Give yourself a hug, or run your hand over yours. Research has even shown that physical activity like this reduces the level of cortisol, a stress hormone in our bodies.
7. Be happy with what you have (Practice Gratitude)
Taking a few moments each day to be grateful for what you have and to be happy about it can add a lot of joy to your life. It can also help you distract yourself from negative thoughts. It can be something as simple as a hot cup of coffee in the morning, a beautiful sunrise, or the thought, "I have one more day to live. "
Take-Home Message
- Blaming yourself and criticizing yourself is only going to damage your mental health. So learn to be your own best friend.
- Pain , sadness, and mistakes are all part of life. You are not the only one who faces them.
- You don't have to do big things to start being kind to yourself. Start by doing something small that you enjoy, and by being happy with what you have.
- When difficult emotions arise, instead of running away from them, spend a moment with them and try to understand them.
- If you're still struggling to deal with these feelings on your own, don't be afraid to ask for help. Talk to your doctor about your feelings in confidence.
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