Voices from parents of ADHD children: What society needs to understand (ADHD)

Does your child never stay in one place? Do you often feel like they don't pay attention to anything or listen to you? Or do they suddenly get angry over the smallest things? Because of this behavior, you may have been accused by relatives, friends, or even the school, saying, "Your child is not well-behaved." If you have also faced such experiences, this story will be very close to you. Because today we are going to talk about some of the things that parents of children living with ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, have in their minds, but they have not been able to tell society.

My child is not a "bad child"!

Some children with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) have difficulty staying in one place, which means they are very hyperactive . Others think they are doing things without paying attention, which means they are very impulsive . These children may have difficulty following instructions and controlling their emotions. Now, when a child with these characteristics misbehaves, we think that he is deliberately trying to make us angry or not listen to us. But that is not the truth.

One mother says, “It really hurts me when other parents look at our children and label them ‘bad kids.’” Both of her children have ADHD. She says that when a child like this suddenly gets upset, angry, and yells (a meltdown), they are really trying to tell us how they feel. But they don’t know how to do it. Once they learn that method, those children change in ways they can’t imagine.

ADHD does not develop due to "parental mistakes"!

This is one of the biggest misconceptions in society. When seeing a child's misbehavior, many people point the finger at the mother and father. You may have heard stories like "the child was not raised properly," "too much pampered," and "no discipline."

But experts say that the main cause of ADHD is genetics . That is, it is inherited. It is now firmly established that this condition is not caused by any fault on the part of the mother or father.

The story of a mother of an eleven-year-old son struggling with ADHD, autism, and anxiety is very important.

Another mother says, "There's a lot of parent-shaming to this. People think, 'You must have done something wrong.' Another mother once said to me, 'You must have let him watch too much TV when he was little.' I thought, 'That doesn't make any sense.'"

ADHD is a real condition.

This is not a joke or a made-up thing. Doctors and health institutions around the world have accepted this as a real medical condition. But some people are still skeptical about it.

A mother sent her son with ADHD to a camp. Although she had given the organizers advice on how to manage her son's condition, no one at the camp believed in ADHD. As a result, her son had to face a lot of difficulties at the camp.

So if people who don't understand this situation learn about it, they will be able to look at those children with compassion. Then, the children will feel, "The adults understand me, they are on my side." That trust is very valuable to them.

This situation cannot be fixed by punishment.

Suspension from school for a child's behavior problem is not uncommon in our country. One mother says that her son was suspended for 10 days in a three-month period when he was in third grade. She had explained to the school that her son's hyperactivity and impulsivity were part of his ADHD condition, but they didn't understand.

"I wish schools would focus more on finding the cause of the behavior and finding solutions to it rather than punishing it. Those kids don't learn anything by being suspended," she says. Some teachers think that "slapping them hard" will eliminate these misbehaviors. But that only makes the child more depressed.

Parenting advice that works for everyone doesn't work for ADHD children

Even though our parents raised us in the old "do what I say" way, those methods don't work when raising an ADHD child. We need to be very patient and flexible when teaching the child. We need to get down to where the child is and talk to them in a way they understand.

Similarly, advice that works for a child without ADHD may not work for these children. You may have heard advice like, "My child won't grow up like that," or "Try a sticker chart." While this advice may be well-intentioned, it doesn't fit the needs of a child with ADHD.

Raising an ADHD child is really hard.

Some parents spend a lot of time and energy trying to create a regular routine for their child, researching it, seeing doctors, and searching for information on the internet.

"It's really exhausting," says one mother. "Sometimes it all feels overwhelming. I feel like I'm not doing my best for my son, that I'm a failure. It's so hard to bear that feeling."

"Every day is a new adventure. This journey is not easy - but we can overcome this," says another mother.

The best thing is that talk therapy and, if necessary, medication prescribed by a doctor can help your child manage their ADHD. You can also ask your child's school about an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), which is a special education plan tailored to your child's learning needs. It's important to talk to your family doctor or pediatrician about all of this.

There's a silver lining in every dark cloud.

Amidst all these challenges, it can be tempting to think that ADHD isn't just a bad thing. Some parents say that their children have special abilities because of ADHD.

• Thinking outside the box
• Looking at things in a new way
• Hyperfocusing on a subject of interest

"No one talks about the good things about ADHD," says one mother. "That's because our education system and the world are not designed to accommodate those who are outside the norm."

Therefore, while understanding your child's challenges, don't forget to appreciate his or her unique abilities.

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