Engvangin nge mi thenkhat tan midang rin a, inlaichinna siam a awlsam em em a, thenkhat tan chuan a harsa em em tih i ngaihtuah ngai em? Mi thenkhat chuan an thiante leh kawppui te hnenah, "Min ngai dawn em?" "Min kalsan dawn em ni?" hlauhawm takin. Mi dang pawh an awm a, mi pakhat chu tlem tal pawh hnaih an tum chuan an pumpelh a, an rilru put hmang thup. Hetiang thil tih chhan hi i naupan lai, chu chu nausen laia i nu leh pate nena in inzawmna kha a ni thei. Chu chu psychology-ah chuan "attachment styles" kan tih chu a ni. Vawiin hian he thu hi han sawi mai ila.
A awlsam zawngin, heng attachment style te hi engte nge ni?
A awlsam khawp mai. Attachment styles chu kan enkawltu ber (a tlangpuiin kan nu emaw kan pa emaw) hian nausen laia min biak dan te, kan mamawh a phuhruk dan te, puitling kan nih laia kan inlaichinna a nghawng dan te a ni.
Hetiang hian han ngaihtuah teh. I naupan laia i nuin hun engemaw chen a kalsan che khan engtin nge i chhân lêt? I tap nasa em? I hlau em ni? A nih loh leh "Mom a lo kir leh thuai dawn" tih i hriat avangin i rilru a hahdam em? Tin, Mom a lo haw khan eng nge i tih? I thlamuang em? I thinrim em? A nih loh leh i ngaihsak lo mai mai em ni?
Heng zawhnate i chhanna hian naute i nih laia i mamawh phuhruk dan tur tam tak a hrilh thei che a ni. Puitling i nih hunah i ṭhian nihna leh inngaizawngte i enkawl dan tur chungchangah pawh clue lian tak an pe thei bawk.
Tie style chi hrang hrang lian ber berte chu engte nge ni?
Psychologist-te chuan attachment style chi li lian tak tak an hmuchhuak a.
1. Secure Attachment Style: Hei hi style hrisel ber leh tha ber a ni.
2. Anxious Attachment Style: Hei hi insecure lo style a ni.
3. Avoidant Attachment Style: Hei pawh hi insecure style a ni.
4. Disorganized Attachment Style: Hei pawh hi insecure style a ni bawk.
Kan tum ber chu insecure attachment style atanga secure attachment style lam pan hi a ni tur a ni.
Chuti a nih chuan heng attachment style te hian engtin nge kan inlaichinna a nghawng?
Kum 50 chuang zet zirchianna i neih tawhnaah chuan i naupan laia i enkawltu nena in inzawmna chuan nakin lawka in inngaizawngte chu direct-in a nghawng tih a finfiah a ni.
I mamawh zawng zawng enkawltu nu emaw, pa emaw rintlak tak i nei niin han mitthla teh. Chutiang a nih chuan, puitling i nih chuan inlaichînna nghet leh him tak i neih a rinawm hle. Kawng lehlamah chuan, i enkawltuin i mamawh a enkawl reng loh a, an enkawl dan pawh a inmil lo a nih chuan, puitling i nih hunah inlaichinna vawn nun kawngah harsatna hrang hrang i nei thei a ni.
A pawimawh ber chu he attachment style hi i dam chhung thla 18 chhungin a lo piang chhuak thin a ni. Chutih lai chuan thluak chu a lo thang chak hle a, chu thil tawnte chuan kan dam chhung zawngin min nghawng a ni.
1. Attachment Style him tak siam tur a ni
A awlsam zawngin, hei hian inlaichînna hrisel, lungawithlâk, leh rei tak daih thei siam theihna a kâwk a ni.
Naupan lai: Hêng naupangte hian an enkawltu bulah him, hlut, hriatthiamna leh hlim taka awmin an inhria a. An enkawltu chu rei vak lo a kal bo chuan an tap a, an lo haw chuan an thlamuan thung. An hlauh chuan an enkawltu hnenah an tlan phei thin.
Puitling: Hetiang style hi i neih chuan puitling inlaichinnaah hian himna leh inrintawkna i nei tih i hria. I kawppui leh i ṭhian hnai tak takte hnenah i rilru put hmang chu tlang takin i sawi chhuak ṭhin. A tul hunah midangte hnenah tanpuina i dil thin. Mahni inngaihhlutna tha tak i nei bawk.
| Secure Attachment awm dan tur | |
|---|---|
| Midangte awlsam taka rinna | Inzawmnaah hian a tul lova hlauhna leh rinhlelhna a awm lo. |
| Inbiakpawhna tha tak neih | An mamawh leh rilru put hmang chiang takin an sawi chhuak thin. |
| Emotion te chu regulate rawh | Lungngaihna leh thinrimna ang chi rilru natna a lo chhuah chuan hrisel takin a enkawl thei a ni. |
| Mahni chauha hun hman harsat loh | Hlim tur chuan i chhehvela mi i mamawh ngai lo. |
| Buaina chinfel dan | Buaina a lo chhuah chuan hausak ai chuan sawihona hmanga chinfel an tum zawk thin. |
2. Lungkham taka Attachment Style
Hei hi insecure attachment style a ni. Hetiang style neitute hian hnawl leh kalsan an hlau fo thin . Chuvangin, midangte chu validation atan an en reng thin.
Naupan laiah: Heng naupangte hi an nu leh pate nena an inthen hian an lungawi lo hle. Mahse, an nu leh pate an lo haw chuan an thlamuan lo. An thinrim pawh a ni thei. Heng naupangte hian naupang dang aiin mikhual an ring lo zawk a ni.
Puitling: Puitling an nih chuan heng mite hian an kawppui emaw, an thiante emaw chuan an hmangaih tak tak lo niin an ngai fo mai thei. Chumi avang chuan hnawl emaw, kalsan emaw hlauhna nasa tak an nei a ni. Mahni inngaihhlutna an nei tlem hle. An pawm nia inhriat nân mi dangte remtihna an mamawh reng a ni. Inlaichinna a tawp chuan an chhe nasa hle.
| Anxious Attachment nihna (anxious Attachment) mizia | |
|---|---|
| Hlutna nei lo anga inhriatna | "Ka tha tawk lo" tih ang ngaihtuahna a lo chhuak fo thin. |
| Sawiselna lakah hian hypersensitivity a awm | Thil tenawm tak i sawi pawhin awmzia a nei hle. |
| Mahni chauha awm harsat | Mi pakhat bula awm a ngai tih ka hre fo thin. |
| Midang rin harsat | Ringhlel takin ka en reng a, "He mi hian min hmangaih tak tak em?" |
| Thikna a ni | I kawppuiin mi dangte a biak hian i thikna pawh i nei thei. |
3. Attachment Style tih loh tur
Hei pawh hi insecure attachment style a ni bawk. Hetiang style hmangtute hian inpawhna awmze nei tak siam an harsat thin a , chu chu inngaihzawnna an hlauh vang a ni . Emotional taka inhnaih hi an duh lo.
Naupan laiah: Heng naute leh naupangte hian an enkawltute hnen atangin thlamuanna an zawng lo. An hlan chuan an hnawl lo vang, mahse inpawhna erawh an pumpelh fo thin. Heng naupangte hian an enkawltu leh mi hriat lohte inkarah hian danglamna lian tham an hmu lo.
Puitling angin: Puitling angin he style hi i neih chuan inlaichinna hnai tak i pumpelh mai thei. I ṭhiante leh i kawppuite nen hian emotional takin i inzawm lo. Heng mite hian zalenna an nei nasa hle a ni . Miin an hnaih tum chuan hlauhawmah an inhria. Hei hian an rilru thuk ber chu midangte hnena sawi chhuah a harsat phah hle a ni.
| Avoidant Attachment nihphung hrang hrangte | |
|---|---|
| Independence chak tak a ni | "Tumah tanpuina ka mamawh lo, keimah chauhin engkim ka ti thei" tih rilru put hmang. |
| Midangte awlsam taka hnawhchhuah | Tu pawhin hnaih an tum chuan an ngaihsak lo emaw, an pumpelh emaw a ni. |
| Midang rin harsat | An rilru put hmang an sawi chhuah chuan an chungah an hmang ang tih an ngaihtuah a. |
| Intimacy hlauhna | Mi pakhat rilru lam emaw, taksa lama emaw inhnaih hunah rilru hahdam lo taka inhriatna. |
| Inpekna chungchang | Inzawmna pawi tak nei emaw, innei emaw chu an hreh hle. |
4. Attachment Style inrual lo
Hei hi insecure attachment style chi thumna a ni. Hetiang style nei mite hi an nungchang a inmil lo va , midang rin harsa an ti hle.
Naupan lai: Hetiang style nei naupangte hian rilru buai tak an lantir fo thin. Thil tha lo a thleng ang tih an hlau mai thei. Hei hi anmahni enkawltu nungchang a inmil loh vang a ni fo thin. Entîr nân, chu mi chuan a châng chuan naupang chu a thlamuan a, a châng chuan naupang chu a tithinur ṭhîn. Chuvangin naupang chuan anmahni enkawltu chu a ring kim thei lo. A chhan chu anmahni tichhe tu ngei hian a chang chuan thlamuanna a thlen bawk. Hetiang style hi naupang tihduhdah, lungngaihna, emaw ngaihsak lohte zingah hmuh tur a awm fo thin .
Puitling: Puitling an nih chuan heng mite nungchang hi a buaithlak thei a, sawi lawk theih loh a ni thei bawk. Hmangaihna leh inzawmna an duh a, mahse an hlau hle. Chuvângin, hmangaihna zawngin, a hmuh hunah hnâwl nawn leh tûr dân an nei thei a ni. Ni khat chu an kawppui nen an inhnaih hle mai thei a, a tuk ah chuan an inhlat hle mai thei bawk.
| Disorganized Attachment mizia | |
|---|---|
| Midang rin harsat | An hmangaihte chuan an ti na ang tih hlau rawh. |
| Emotion control harsat | Emotions chu a lo sang a, a tla nghal bawk. |
| Lungkhamna leh pumpelh theihna symptom pahnih lantir | A châng chuan hnaih an tum a, a châng chuan an insawn chhuak leh ṭhin. |
| Hnawl hlauhna | He hlauhna hian mite chu inzawmna an intan hmain an inhlat tir thin. |
| Thiltih inthlau tak tak | "Ka duh che, mahse ka lakah hlat rawh" tih ang chi rilru inhnialna. |
He tie style hi tihdanglam theih a ni em?
Ni e, i ti thei! Chu chu chanchin tha ber a ni. Hei hi thlak danglam hi mahni inhriatthiamna atanga tan a ni . I rilru put hmang chu eng nge a nih, puitling inlaichinnaah eng pattern nge i neih tih i hriat chian hnu chuan, chu ngaihtuahna hlui chu i thlak tan thei tawh ang.
Hei hi eng emaw chen chu nangmah chauhin i ti thei a, mahse he zinkawng zawh tura pui thei tur counselor emaw therapist emaw nena inbiakna neih a phu hle. Chûng thilte chu hrethiam tûrin, hliam hlui tidam theiin, inlaichînna hrisel siam tûrin an ṭanpui thei che a ni. Hemi chungchang hi i chhungkaw doctor nen pawh i sawipui thei bawk.
Engtin nge ka fa nen hian inzawmna ‘Secure’ ka siam ang?
Nu leh pa i nih angin i fate nena in inzawmna (emotional bond) i siam hi a pawimawh hle. I fate nun kawng zawh hmaa map leh compass pek ang mai a ni.
Cement ang maiin han ngaihtuah teh. Cement thar i neih chuan i duh angin i mold thei bawk. Mahse vawikhat a vawt tawh chuan a thlak danglam theih nan theihtawp chhuah a ngai hle. Chuvangin, i fate hmasawnna hun chhunga an rilru hriselna kaihhruai chu a awlsam zawk hle.
Chuti a nih chuan engtin nge i fate nen hian he inzawmna him tak hi i siam theih ang? A hmasa berin thawk la la. He thuziak i chhiar hian i fate damna tur i ngaihven tihna a ni. I fate mamawh chu instinctive takin i pe tawh mai thei. Hengte hi a \angkai thei tur thil engemaw zat chu:
- Naupang leh a mamawh te tan inpekna siam rawh:I fate chu 100% attention pek reng hi a practical lo. Mahse i fate beisei loh lai pawhin hun hmang rawh. Chutiang chuan i fa chuan anmahni avanga an bula awm i duh tih a hrethiam ang.
- Hriatthiamna dik tak (validate feelings): I fate rilru put hmang chu ngaihven la, chu rilru put hmang chu label turin pui rawh. "Thinrim leh lungngaihna hi thil pangngai a ni a, hriatna tinrengah hian chhan a awm" tih hriattir rawh. Thinrim ang chi rilru natna harsa tak takte enkawl dan tur hrisel tak zawng tura tanpui chuan in inzawmna a tichak ang.
- I fate ngaihven leh hobby-ah inhmang rawh: I fate ngaihven zawngte zir rawh. An duhzawng sawi la, anmahni nena inzawmna siam dan tur zawng rawh.
- Chhan awm lovin hun hman dun nuam ti rawh: Nu leh pa i nih angin i hna lian ber chu i fa kaihhruai hi a ni. Chu chu a pawimawh hle. Mahse chhan bik nei lovin anmahni bula hun hman a pawimawh bawk. Chutiang chuan i fa chuan i hmangaih êm êm tih leh an awm dân ang chiaha i pawm tih a hria ang.
I naute dam chhung thla 18 chhunga a inzawmna i siam hian a dam chhung zawnga i nena an inpawh dan a nghawng thei a ni. Chuvângin, i naute i biak hunah inmil tak leh hriatthiamna nei takin awm rawh. Hemi chungchangah hian i naute naupang enkawltu doctor nen pawh inbiain thurawn tam zawk i dawng thei bawk.
Take-Home Thuchah a ni
- I naupan laia, a bik takin thla 18 hmasa lama enkawltu che te nena in inzawmna chuan i puitlin huna i inzawmna tur lungphum a phum a ni.
- Attachment style lian pali a awm a, chung zinga hrisel ber leh tum ber chu secure attachment a ni tur a ni.
- I attachment style hriatchhuah hi hrisel taka inthlak danglamna kawng zawh hmasak ber a ni.
- Insecure attachment style nei mah la, chu chu thlak danglam a, inzawmna hrisel tak siam theih a ni ngei ang .
- Nu leh pa i nih angin i fate nêna inzawmna nghet tak siam tûrin nasa takin i thawhhlawk thei a ni.
- I inlaichinna kalphung emaw, i fate rilru lama hmasawnna emaw chungchangah ngaihtuahna i neih chuan i doctor emaw, counselor thiam tak emaw biak hreh suh.
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