Kodi njira zanu zolumikizirana ndi ziti? Tiyeni tikambirane za izi!

Ubale umene tonse tili nawo ndi anthu, kaya ndi ubwenzi kapena ubale wachikondi, ndi wofunika kwambiri, sichoncho? Nthawi zina timaganiza kuti, "O, n’chifukwa chiyani ndinayamba kukondana kwambiri ndi munthu uyu?" Kapena "O, sindikufuna kulankhula ndi munthu ameneyo!" Mukudziwa, zifukwa za zinthuzi mwina ndi zakuya kuposa momwe timaganizira, ndipo zingayambe kuyambira ali aang'ono kwambiri. Ndicho chimene timachitcha `(Attachment Styles)` kapena njira zokondana.

Kotero, kodi mitundu iyi yolumikizira ndi iti?

Mwachidule, izi zikutanthauza momwe osamalira athu oyamba (nthawi zambiri makolo athu, agogo athu, kapena agogo athu) ankatichitira zinthu tili ana , kutanthauza kuti, tili ana aang'ono kwambiri, komanso momwe zokumana nazo zimenezo zimakhudzira ubale wathu tikakula.

Taganizirani izi motere. Muli mwana, munatani munthu amene ankakusamalirani anakusiyani kwakanthawi, mwina "wosamalira ana", ndipo inu munachoka? Munali ndi mantha? Munali wachisoni? Kapena munangochita zinthu mwachibadwa, mukumaganiza kuti, "Aa, adzabweranso posachedwa." Munamva bwanji atabweranso? ​​Munali omasuka? Munakwiya? Kapena simunasamale konse?

Mayankho anu ku mafunso awa amanena zambiri zokhudza zomwe mumayembekezera, zosowa zanu, komanso zomwe mwakumana nazo muli mwana. Amathandizanso kudziwa momwe mudzachitire zinthu ndi anthu ena mukadzakula.

Kodi mitundu iyi ya ma attachment ndi iti?

Akatswiri a zamaganizo apeza njira zinayi zazikulu zolumikizirana:

• Kalembedwe kotetezeka kolumikizira
• Kalembedwe kolumikizana ndi nkhawa
• Kalembedwe kopewera kulumikiza
• Kalembedwe kophatikiza kosakonzedwa bwino

Mwa izi, njira zolumikizirana zodetsa nkhawa, zopewera, komanso zosakonzedwa bwino ndi zomwe timatcha njira zolumikizirana zosatetezeka . Cholinga cha tonsefe chiyenera kukhala kusiya zolumikizirana zosatetezekazi ndikupanga zolumikizirana zotetezeka.

Kodi njira zimenezi zolumikizirana zimakhudza bwanji ubale?

Kutengera kafukufuku wa zaka zoposa 50 (mfundo yokhudzana ndi chikondi), akatswiri a zamaganizo amavomereza kuti maubwenzi oyamba omwe mudapanga ndi wosamalira wanu wamkulu ali mwana angakhudze mwachindunji ubale wanu wachikondi wamtsogolo.

Taganizirani izi, ngati munthu amene ankakusamalirani nthawi zonse ankakusamalirani, kukuthandizani pamene mukufunikira thandizo, komanso kukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu otetezeka , mudzakhala ndi ubale wolimba komanso wotetezeka pamene mukukula. Kumbali ina, ngati munthu amene ankakusamalirani sanali wosamala nthawi zonse, ngati sanakuchitireni mwanjira inayake, mungakhale ndi mavuto ena muubwenzi wanu mukakula.

Kodi izi zimangokhudza ubale wanu ndi munthu amene ankakusamalirani muli mwana?

Ngakhale kafukufuku wambiri akusonyeza kuti njira yanu yolumikizirana imakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi ubale womwe mudakhala nawo ndi osamalira anu muli aang'ono, makamaka m'miyezi 18 yoyambirira ya moyo , anthu ena amathanso kukhudza izi. Ngakhale anzanu akale ndi maubwenzi anu apamtima akale amatha kusintha momwe mumayankhira ku zizindikiro zamaganizo. Mwina munali ndi ubale wolimba muli mwana, koma njira yanu yolumikizirana ikhoza kukhala yosatetezeka chifukwa cha kusweka kwa chidaliro kapena zovuta zina zomwe mudakumana nazo mtsogolo.

Komanso, mungakhale ndi njira zosiyanasiyana zolumikizirana ndi anthu osiyanasiyana . Chifukwa cha zomwe mudakumana nazo kale, mungamve kuti ndinu otetezeka kwambiri ndi anthu ena.

Kodi ndingasinthe kalembedwe kanga kolumikizirana?

Ndizothekadi! Kusintha n'kotheka kwathunthu. Kumayamba ndi kudzidziwa bwino . Mukazindikira zomwe mumakonda - zomwe mumawonetsa muubwenzi wa akuluakulu - mutha kuyamba kusintha zina mwa njira zakale zoganizira. Zili ngati kulemba script yatsopano. Kusintha malingaliro akale kungakuthandizeni kusintha kuchoka pa kalembedwe kodzidalira kupita ku kalembedwe kotetezeka. Ngakhale mutha kuchita izi nokha, nthawi zonse ndi bwino kulankhula ndi mlangizi kapena katswiri wa zamaganizo yemwe angakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa ndikukuthandizani panjira.

Kodi Kalembedwe Kotetezeka Kogwirizana Ndi Chiyani?

Kugwirizana kolimba ndi kuthekera kopanga ubale wabwino, wokhutiritsa, komanso wokhalitsa.

Makhalidwe okhazikika ogwirizana mwa ana aang'ono

Ana aang'ono omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kodzisunga amamva kuti ndi otetezeka, ofunika, omveka bwino, komanso otonthozedwa ndi wowasamalira wawo wamkulu. Ali makanda, amalira wowasamalira wawo akachoka kwakanthawi, koma amatonthozedwa munthuyo akabwerera. Akachita mantha, amathamangira kwa wowasamalira wawo kuti akapeze chitonthozo.

Kachitidwe kogwirizana kotetezeka mwa akuluakulu

Kukhala ndi kalembedwe kotetezeka kogwirizana kumatanthauza kuti mumadzimva kuti ndinu otetezeka komanso odzidalira muubwenzi wanu wachikulire. Mumauzana momasuka zakukhosi kwanu ndi mnzanu wanu komanso anzanu apamtima, kupempha thandizo kwa anthu ena mukafuna thandizo, ndipo mumadzidalira .

Makhalidwe a chomangira chotetezeka

Ngati muli ndi kalembedwe kotetezeka kolumikizira, nthawi zambiri mutha kuchita izi:

• Kudalira ena mosavuta.
• Kulankhulana bwino.
• Lamulirani malingaliro anu.
• Sindikumva bwino kukhala ndekha.
• Amalumikizana mosavuta ndi ena.
• Mkangano ukabuka, umathetsedwa bwino.
• Mukhoza kukhala pafupi ndi anthu omwe ali m'moyo wanu.

Kodi Kalembedwe ka Anxious Attachment ndi Chiyani?

Uwu ndi mtundu wa kalembedwe kodzidalira kodzidalira. Anthu omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kamtunduwu nthawi zambiri amaopa kukanidwa ndi kusiyidwa . Angayang'ane kwa munthu wina amene si iwo okha kuti awatsimikizire.

Dzina lina la izi ndi:

• `(Kalembedwe kokhala ndi zomangira zambiri)`
• `(Kalembedwe kokhudzana ndi nkhawa)`
• `(Kalembedwe kolumikizana ndi nkhawa-kosagwirizana)`

Makhalidwe ogwirizana ndi nkhawa mwa ana aang'ono

Ana omwe ali ndi mtundu uwu wa chikondi amakhumudwa kwambiri akalekana ndi makolo awo. Komabe, samakhala omasuka kwambiri makolo awo akabwerera. Ana awa angakhale osakhulupirira alendo kuposa ana omwe ali ndi chikondi china.

Matenda a mtima mwa akuluakulu

Akuluakulu omwe ali ndi chikondi choterechi angadandaule kuti okondedwa awo kapena anzawo sakuwakonda. Zotsatira zake, akhoza kukhala ndi mantha aakulu oti angakanidwe kapena kusiyidwa. Angakhale ndi kudziona ngati wosafunika kwenikweni ndipo amafunika kuvomerezedwa ndi ena kuti atsimikizire kuti ndi otani. Angakhale ndi zizolowezi zodalirana , ndipo angakhale achisoni kwambiri pamene ubale wawo utha.

Zizindikiro za ubale wovuta

Ngati muli ndi ubale wotere, mungakumane ndi zotsatirazi:

• Kudziona ngati wopanda pake.
• Kusamva bwino kwambiri podzudzulidwa.
• N'zovuta kukhala nokha nthawi zonse.
• Kudziyang'anira pansi.
• N'zovuta kukhulupirira ena.
• Kumva ngati nsanje .
• Kuopa kukanidwa kapena kusiyidwa.

Kodi Kalembedwe ka Avoidant Attachment ndi Chiyani?

Iyi ndi mtundu wa kalembedwe kodziteteza ka chikondi. Anthu omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kodziletsa ka chikondi angavutike kupanga maubwenzi abwino chifukwa choopa chikondi .

Mayina ena a izi:

• `(Kalembedwe kophatikiza kosasamala)`
• `(Kalembedwe kogwirizana kopewera nkhawa)`

Njira zopewera kukhudzana ndi ana aang'ono

Makanda ndi ana aang'ono omwe ali ndi chikondi choterechi safuna chitonthozo kuchokera kwa wowasamalira. Sangakane chitonthozo ngati atapatsidwa, koma nthawi zambiri amayesetsa kupewa kuyanjana. Ana awa nthawi zambiri sasonyeza kusiyana kulikonse pakati pa wowasamalira wawo wamkulu ndi munthu wosamudziwa.

Kalembedwe kopewera kukondana kwa akuluakulu

Mukakula, mungakhale ndi kalembedwe kopewa kukondana, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti mumapewa maubwenzi apamtima, ndipo simumaika malingaliro ambiri muubwenzi wanu ndi mnzanu ndi anzanu.Zingatheke. Anthu omwe ali ndi mtundu uwu wa kudzidalira amatha kukhala ndi ufulu wodziyimira pawokha ndipo angamve ngati akuopsezedwa ngati wina ayesa kuyandikirana nawo. Izi zingapangitse kuti zikhale zovuta kugawana zakukhosi kwanu ndi anthu omwe ali m'moyo wanu.

Zizindikiro za kukana kukakamizidwa

Ngati muli ndi njira yopewera kukhudzana, mungakhale ndi:

• Kudzidalira kwambiri.
• Sanyalanyaza ena mosavuta.
• N'zovuta kukhulupirira ena.
• Zimamveka zovuta munthu akamayesa kuyandikira.
• Amapewa kukhudzana kwambiri (mwamaganizo kapena mwakuthupi).
• Pali kusafuna kudzipereka ku maubwenzi.

Kodi Kalembedwe ka Kugwirizana Kosakonzedwa ndi Chiyani?

Iyi ndi mtundu wachitatu wa kalembedwe kodzidalira. Anthu omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kamtunduwu amatha kusonyeza khalidwe losagwirizana kapena kukhala ndi vuto lokhulupirira ena.

Dzina lina la izi ndi:

• `(Kalembedwe kodziphatika koopsa)`

Makhalidwe osakhazikika a kuyanjana kwa ana aang'ono

Ana omwe ali ndi chikondi chotere nthawi zambiri amaoneka osokonezeka . Angamve mantha kuti chinachake choipa chingawachitikire. Izi nthawi zambiri zimachitika chifukwa cha kusamvana kwa maganizo kwa wosamalira wawo wamkulu. Mwachitsanzo, wosamalira nthawi zina angatonthoze mwanayo, koma nthawi zina amayambitsa mantha. Mwanayo sangakhulupirire wosamalira wake mokwanira, chifukwa munthu yemweyo amene amamuvulaza nthawi zina amamutonthozanso . Ana omwe ali ndi chikondi choterechi mwina adazunzidwa, kuvulala, kapena kunyalanyazidwa.

Makhalidwe osakhazikika a kulumikizana mwa akuluakulu

Akuluakulu omwe ali muubwenzi wotere nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi khalidwe losokoneza kapena losayembekezereka . Amayembekezera chikondi ndi kukhala m'gulu la anthu omwe akufuna kukhala nawo - koma amaopanso zinthu zomwezo. Zotsatira zake, amatha kukhala ndi chizolowezi chofuna chikondi kenako n'kuchikana mobwerezabwereza. Angamamatire kwa mnzawo kenako n'kumukankhira kutali. Mwachitsanzo, akhoza kukhala ndi nkhawa kwambiri tsiku lina ndipo tsiku lotsatira angakhale osaganizira kwenikweni.

Zizindikiro za chomangira chosakonzedwa bwino

Ngati muli ndi ubale wosakhazikika, mungakhale ndi:

• N'zovuta kukhulupirira ena.
• N'zovuta kulamulira malingaliro anu.
• Mitundu yonse yokhudzana ndi nkhawa komanso kupewa imawonetsedwa.
• Kuopa kukanidwa.
• Khalidwe losokonezeka kapena lotsutsana.

Kodi mwana wanga adzakumana ndi chiyani pa zonsezi?

Ubwenzi wamaganizo umene mumamanga ndi mwana wanu ndi wofunika kwambiri.Ngakhale kuti njira zolumikizirana zimatha kusintha pa moyo wa munthu, ubale woyamba womwe mumapanga ndi mwana wanu umamuyika panjira. Monga kupatsa mwana mapu ndi kampasi asanayambe ulendo, kukhazikitsa ubale wabwino ndikofunikira.

N'zosavuta kutsogolera thanzi la maganizo la mwana panthawi yomwe akukula. Taganizirani ngati simenti. Titha kupanga ndi kuumba simenti yatsopanoyo kukhala mawonekedwe aliwonse omwe tikufuna. Koma simentiyo ikauma, pamafunika ntchito yambiri kuti isinthe. Kupanga ubale wolimba ndi mwana wanu tsopano kumatsegula njira yoti apambane mtsogolo.

Kodi ndingamange bwanji ubale wolimba ndi mwana wanga?

Poganizira zonsezi, mwina mukudabwa ngati mungathe kupanga chikondi cholimba kuti mwana wanu apite patsogolo m'moyo. Choyamba, pumirani mpweya wozama . Kuzindikira ndikofunikira kwambiri pankhani yomanga chikondi chathanzi komanso cholimba. Ndipotu, mwina mwachibadwa mukupatsa mwana wanu zomwe akufunikira kuti akule bwino m'maganizo. Kupatula apo, ngati simunaganizire za ubwino wa mwana wanu, simukanawerenga nkhaniyi, eti?

Nazi zinthu zina zomwe mungachite kuti mupange ubale wabwino ndi mwana wanu:

• Muwadziwitse kuti mulipo kuti muwathandize komanso kuti muwathandize. Sikothandiza kupatsa mwana wanu chidwi chanu chonse maola 24 patsiku, masiku 7 pa sabata. Komabe, yesetsani kuchita zimenezi nthawi zambiri momwe mungathere, makamaka pamene mwanayo sakuyembekezera. Izi zimamuwonetsa mwanayo kuti mukufuna kukhala naye nthawi, osati chifukwa choti anachita zinazake, koma chifukwa chakuti ndi iyeyo amene ali.
• Tsimikizirani momwe mwana wanu akumvera. Dziwani zomwe mwana wanu akumva, ndipo muthandizeni kulemba zomwe akumverazo. Mukumbutseni kuti n'zachibadwa kukhala ndi malingaliro, kuti malingaliro onse ali ndi cholinga, ndipo palibe vuto kumva momwe amamvera. Kuwathandiza kupeza njira zabwino zothetsera mavuto monga mkwiyo kudzalimbitsa ubale pakati pa inu ndi mwana wanu.
• Khalani ndi gawo pa zomwe mwana wanu amakonda. Dziwani zomwe mwana wanu amakonda komanso zomwe amakonda. Pezani njira zolumikizirana naye pazinthu zomwe amakonda.
• Ingosangalalani kukhala limodzi. Monga kholo kapena wosamalira, gawo lalikulu la ntchito yanu ndikupereka malangizo ndi uphungu kwa mwana wanu. Ngakhale izi ndizofunikira pakukula kwa mwana, kungokhala naye nthawi ndi kumathandizanso kwambiri. Kulankhulana ndi mwana wanu mwachikondi komanso mokopa kumamudziwitsa kuti mumamukonda ndipo mukusangalala naye. Muuzeni kuti mumamukonda momwe alili.

Kodi ``Chiphunzitso cha Kugwirizana`` ndi ``Kulera Ana`` ndi chinthu chimodzi?

Kulera ana motsatira malamulo ndi chiphunzitso chakuti makolo amathandiza ana kukhala ndi chikondi cholimba mwa kukhala pafupi ndi ana awo komanso kuyankha kwambiri zosowa zawo. Kulera ana motsatira malamulo kumachokera ku kafukufuku wa chiphunzitso cha chikondi, koma ziwirizi sizofanana.

Anthu olimbikitsa kulera ana aang'ono nthawi zambiri amalangiza kuti mutsatire zomwe mukuganiza kuti ndizoyenera kwa inu ndikusiya zina. Komabe, pankhani yolera ana, palibe njira imodzi yokha yolerera ana onse.

Ubwenzi umene mumamanga ndi mwana wanu m'miyezi 18 yoyambirira ya moyo wake ukhoza kukhala ndi zotsatirapo zazikulu pa momwe amachitira ndi ubale wake pambuyo pake. Mukamacheza ndi mwana wanu, khalani okhazikika, odzipereka, ndipo muwapangitse kumva kuti ndinu otetezeka. Muwapangitse kumva ngati ndinu munthu amene angagawane naye malingaliro aliwonse, akulu kapena ang'onoang'ono. Kupanga ubale wotetezeka ndi mwana wanu ndi njira imodzi yokha yomukonzera kuti apambane mtsogolo. Lankhulani ndi dokotala wa ana a mwana wanu kuti mudziwe zambiri za njira zomwe zili zoyenera kwa inu.

Zinthu zofunika kwambiri kuzikumbukira (Uthenga Wopita Nawo Kunyumba)

Kotero, kuchokera pa zomwe takambiranazi, mwina mungamvetse momwe zomwe takumana nazo tili ana zimakhudzira kukula kwathu. Makhalidwe athu okondana ndi ena ndi ofanana ndi amenewo.

• Maubwenzi oyambirira ndi ofunikira kwambiri: Maubwenzi omwe munali nawo ndi omwe ankakusamalirani muli achinyamata ndiwo maziko a maubwenzi anu amtsogolo.
• Zingasinthidwe: Ngakhale kuti njira yanu yolumikizirana ndi yosayenera, si zosatheka kusintha. Zimangofunika kudzidziwa bwino komanso khama .
• Uthenga kwa makolo: Kumanga ubale wolimba komanso wotetezeka ndi mwana wanu ndi mphatso yamtengo wapatali kwambiri yomwe mungamupatse. Idzakhala mphamvu yayikulu kwa iwo m'miyoyo yawo yonse.
• Musaope kupeza thandizo: Ngati mukufuna kudziwa zambiri za izi, kapena ngati mukuona kuti pali vuto ndi kalembedwe kanu kogwirizana, ndi bwino kupempha thandizo kwa mlangizi.

Kumbukirani, tonse tili paulendowu. Chofunika ndikudzimvetsa nokha ndikuyesera kumanga ubale wabwino.

` Makhalidwe ogwirizana, thanzi la maganizo , kukula kwa mwana , makolo, maubwenzi, malingaliro , kugwirizana kotetezeka