Sivame ukukhuluma ngezifo ezifana nesifo sikashukela kanye nomfutho wegazi ophezulu emakhaya ethu, akunjalo? Sivame ukuzwa izinto ezinjengokuthi, "Umama naye wayenomfutho wegazi ophezulu," "Ubaba unesifo sikashukela," njll. Kodwa ingabe sikhuluma ngempilo yengqondo, ikakhulukazi ukucindezeleka, ngendlela efanayo? Esikhathini esiningi, cha. Kodwa empeleni, umlando womndeni, okungukuthi, amathonya ezizukulwane, ungathinta impilo yengqondo kanye nezifo zomzimba. Yilokho esikhuluma ngakho namuhla.
UShanti ungumuntu owayengacabangi kakhulu ngokucindezeleka kukanina, yize kwase kuphele amashumi eminyaka. Babekuphatha njengokunye ukugula okuvamile. Bacabanga ukuthi, "Thatha nje umuthi, bese kuphelile." Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uShanti waqaphela ukuthi naye wayezizwa into engavamile. Kwakungekubi kangako ukuthi wayengakwazi ukuvuka embhedeni njengonina, kodwa kwaba sengathi amandla akhe okuphila ayencishiswa. Waqaphela ukuthi ukucindezeleka kungathinta wonke umuntu ngendlela ehlukile.
Umlando womndeni uthinta kanjani ingozi yakho?
Kalula nje, uma umama noma ubaba wakho eke waba nokucindezeleka, ingozi yakho yokuthola ukucindezeleka iphakeme ngokuphindwe kabili kuya kathathu kunomuntu ongenalo umlando womndeni onjalo. Cabanga nje, uma omunye wabazali bakho, kanye nogogo nomkhulu, enalesi simo, ingozi iyanda kakhulu.
Kodwa lokhu akusho ukuthi nakanjani uzoba nokucindezeleka. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi usengozini enkulu .
Lokhu akubangelwa nje izakhi zofuzo. Indawo esikhulela kuyo nayo idlala indima enkulu. Ukukhula nomzali ohlushwa ukucindezeleka kungashintsha indlela ubuchopho bengane kanye nesimiso sezinzwa ezisabela ngayo ekucindezelekeni. Mhlawumbe izenzakalo ezithile ezenzeka ekhaya usengumntwana ziye zabhalwa emzimbeni nasengqondweni yakho ngaphandle kokuthi uqaphele. Ngakho-ke, umlando womndeni uyinhlanganisela yezakhi zofuzo kanye nendawo.
Wazi kanjani ukuthi kukhona ukucindezeleka emndenini wakho?
Abantu abaningi emphakathini wethu abasho ngokuqondile ukuthi, "Nginokucindezeleka." Ngakho-ke ukuze uqonde ingozi yakho, kufanele uyihlole ngokucophelela. Lokhu akuphathelene nokusola noma ukubiza noma ubani ngegama. Kufana nokubheka ukuthi ngabe kukhona yini isifo sikashukela emndenini nokunakekela impilo yethu.
| Imibuzo ongayibuza | Izinto ongazibonela zona |
|---|---|
| Wake watholakala unesifo sokucindezeleka noma esinye isifo sengqondo ngudokotela? | Ingabe ukhona emndenini (abazali, ogogo nomkhulu) oke waba kude nomphakathi isikhathi eside, ehlala yedwa? |
| Wake wathatha imithi yokucindezeleka noma waya ekwelashweni? | Ingabe uyeke umsebenzi wakho ngokuzumayo? Noma ingabe uyeke ngokuphelele imisebenzi yomphakathi? |
| Wake wazizwa ungenamandla ngezinye izikhathi empilweni yakho, ungakwazi ngisho nokwenza imisebenzi yakho yansuku zonke? | Ingabe wayenomlutha wotshwala noma izidakamizwa? Ingabe wayesesibhedlela sengqondo? |
| (Ungabuza le mibuzo kubazali bakho, izingane zakini, noma izihlobo eziseduze njengogogo nomkhulu/o-anti.) | Ingabe zikhona izindaba ngomuntu emndenini ohlushwa "yisifo esingaziwa"? (Mhlawumbe ukucindezeleka.) |
Lolu lwazi lungaba nzima ukuluqoqa, kodwa uma usuhlanganise izingcezu zephazili ndawonye, uzokwazi ukwenza izinqumo ezingcono mayelana nempilo yakho.
Ungazivikela kanjani ekucindezelekeni?
Asikho isizathu sokwesaba uma uthola ukuthi usengozini enkulu. Eqinisweni, akuyona into okufanele ikunqobe, yinto okufanele ikunike amandla . Lokho kusho ukuthi manje usungakwazi ukusebenza ngecebo.
Okokuqala, zihlole kancane.
Uma unalezi zimpawu isikhathi esingaphezu kwamasonto amabili elandelana, sekuyisikhathi sokunakekela impilo yakho yengqondo.
- Ingabe ukulala kakhulu noma okuncane kakhulu?
- Ingabe isifiso sakho sokudla asisincane kunesivamile? Noma singaphezu kwalokho?
- Uzizwa ukhathele, ungaphumuli, noma awuzizwa lutho ngaso sonke isikhathi?
- Ingabe unenkinga yokugxila kokuthile noma ukuqala nokuqeda umsebenzi?
Yini okufanele uyenze ngokulandelayo?
Akudingeki uphuthume ukuthola imithi ngokushesha nje lapho uqaphela lezi zimpawu. Imithi yokucindezeleka ayifani nomuthi wokugomela ovimbela ukucindezeleka ngaphambi kokuba kuqale.
Ngakho-ke yini esiza? Empeleni, "yizinto ezivamile" esizizwa nsuku zonke.
- Ukulala kahle ebusuku: Lala okungenani amahora angu-7-8 ngosuku.
- Ukudla okunomsoco: Yidla ukudla okunempilo.
- Ubudlelwano obuhle nabantu: Chitha isikhathi nabangani nomndeni.
- Phatha ezinye izifo: Uma unezimo ezifana nesifo sikashukela, izinkinga ze-thyroid, noma ukuntuleka kwamavithamini, zitholele ukwelashwa ngendlela efanele.
Kodwa ngaphezu kwakho konke, ukuzivocavoca kuyinto engcono kakhulu kulokhu . Abanye odokotela bahlala bebuza iziguli zabo ukuthi, "Ingabe nizivocavocile namuhla?" Kubaluleke kakhulu lokho.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukwelulekwa nakho kuwusizo kakhulu. Lapho sidlula ezinguqukweni ezinkulu zokuphila (njengokulahlekelwa umsebenzi, ukushada, ukuba nomntwana, noma ukuhlukana nobudlelwano), izingqondo zethu zingadideka. Umeluleki angakusiza ulungiselele lezi zimo. Ukwelashwa kwesikhashana okufana ne-"Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)" kungakusiza ukuthi ushintshe indlela ocabanga ngayo futhi wakhe amandla engqondo. Kufana 'nokuqeqeshwa kwamandla' kwengqondo.
Ungazibhalela eyakho indaba.
UShanti, esaqala ukukhuluma naye, manje ukhathazekile kakhulu ngempilo yakhe yengqondo. Eneminyaka efanayo nokucindezeleka kukanina, uShanti usevele eselulekweni iminyaka eminingi. Manje wenza izinqumo ezahlukene ngempilo yakhe.
Uyazi ukuthi lokhu akuyona into engashintshwa ngobusuku obubodwa, nokuthi kuyinto okudingeka isetshenzwe. Ukwelulekwa, abangane abahle, ukudla okunomsoco, ukuzindla, umculo, nokuhamba sekuyingxenye yokuphila kwakhe. "Manje, ngisho nokuhamba nje kungenza ngizizwe ngikhululekile," usho kanje.
Okokugcina, abesifazane banamathuba aphindwe kabili okuphathwa ukucindezeleka kunabesilisa. Futhi, le ngozi inganda ngesikhathi sobusha, isikhathi sokuphela kokuya esikhathini, kanye nokuguga. Ukwazi umlando womndeni wakho kungakusiza uthole usizo kusenesikhathi phakathi nalezi zikhathi eziyingozi kakhulu. Uma unenkinga noma uzizwa ungaphilile, ungalokothi uhlupheke wedwa. Khuluma nodokotela wakho ngokushesha.
Umlayezo Wokuya Nawe Ekhaya
- Ukuba nelungu lomndeni elinokucindezeleka kwandisa ingozi yakho yokuba nakho, kodwa akusho ukuthi nawe uzoba nakho.
- Ukuhlolwa okujulile komlando wempilo yengqondo yomndeni wakho kungakusiza ukukuvikela.
- Sebenzisa lolu lwazi hhayi ukwesaba, kodwa ukunika amandla nokuthatha isinyathelo.
- Ukulala kahle, ukudla okulinganiselayo, futhi ikakhulukazi ukuzivocavoca kwansuku zonke kuzuzisa kakhulu impilo yakho yengqondo.
- Uma ubhekene nanoma yikuphi ukungakhululeki kwengqondo, ungangabazi ukufuna usizo. Ukukhuluma nodokotela wakho kuyisinyathelo sokuqala.
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