Wake wazizwa udabukile, unesizungu, futhi ungenalutho ngaphandle kwesizathu? Awufuni ngisho nokuvuka embhedeni, bese uzithola uzizwa unesithukuthezi futhi uhlukene nabo bonke abantu? Lokhu akusikho nje ukudinwa noma ukudabuka okuvamile. Namuhla, sizokhuluma ngokucindezeleka, noma i-Major Depression Disorder , isifo sengqondo esibangela le mizwa kodwa esingaqondwa ngokugcwele ngabaningi emphakathini. Ikakhulukazi, sizokhuluma ngendlela lesi simo esithinta ngayo ubudlelwano bakho nabantu abakuzungezile.
Kuyini ngempela ukucindezeleka? Kungani "kuyisifo esingabonakali"?
Kalula nje, ukucindezeleka kuyisimo esibucayi sezokwelapha esithinta isimo sengqondo somuntu, imizwa, imicabango kanye nokuziphatha kwakhe. Akuyona into ebuthakathaka noma into yokucatshangwa.
Cabanga ngomuntu ophuke umlenze. Singakubona. Uma esesikhwameni futhi ephethe izinduku, wonke umuntu uyazi ukuthi usenkingeni futhi udinga usizo. Kodwa ukucindezeleka akuyona into ebonakalayo ngaphandle. Yingakho sikubiza ngokuthi "ukugula okungabonakali." Ungase ungakwazi ukubona ukuthi ulwa kangakanani ngaphakathi. Yingakho uzisola, ucabanga ukuthi, "O, yini inkinga ngami? Ngidinga ukudlula kulokhu."
Into ebaluleke kakhulu ukuthi wena nabathandekayo bakho niqonde kuqala ukuthi ukucindezeleka kuyisimo sangempela, esingelapheka, njengesifo sikashukela noma isifo samathambo.
Ukucindezeleka kuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano?
Ukuhlala nomuntu onesifo sokucindezeleka kungaba yinselele. Futhi, ukugcina ubudlelwano kungazwakala njengomthwalo kumuntu onesifo sokucindezeleka. Lokhu kuyinto ethinta izinhlangothi zombili. Ake sizame ukuqonda lokhu ngokucacile.
| Imizwa/ukuziphatha komuntu ocindezelekile | Indlela abathandekayo (umfazi/umyeni/umndeni) abazizwa ngayo ngakho |
|---|---|
| Ukuzama ukuzihlukanisa: ukugwema imicimbi yomphakathi, imibuthano yomndeni. Ukuhlala ekamelweni lakho. | Imicabango efana nokuthi "Ingabe unesithukuthezi ngami?", "Ingabe uthukuthele ngenxa yento engiyenzile?", "Akasangithandi?" |
| Intukuthelo noma ukucasuka okungazelelwe: Ukuthukuthela noma ukucasuka ngezinto ezincane. | Ukuzilimaza ngokucabanga ukuthi, "Kungani ehlala elwa nami?", "Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uthini, akulungile." |
| Ukulahlekelwa yisithakazelo kunoma yini: Ukulahlekelwa yisithakazelo ezintweni enanizenza ndawonye (ukuya kuma-movie, ukuya ohambweni), ukuphelelwa yisithakazelo empilweni yocansi. | Ukuzizwa sengathi "impilo" ebudlelwaneni ilahlekile. Ukuzizwa sengathi uyalahlwa. |
| Ukukhathala: Ukuzizwa ukhathele ngaso sonke isikhathi . Ukuzizwa ulele ngaso sonke isikhathi. | Ukungaqondi kahle njengokuthi "uvilapha kakhulu", "akasizi ngemisebenzi yasekhaya". |
| Ukuzisola: imicabango efana nokuthi "Ngingumthwalo kuwo wonke umuntu", "Angisiye umuntu omuhle". | Ukuzizwa ungenamandla futhi ukhungathekile lapho othile ezama ukusiza kodwa enqatshwa. |
Uyaqonda ukuthi lokhu kuyinkimbinkimbi kangakanani? Akekho okufanele asole kulokhu. Bobabili basezinhlungwini. Umuntu onesifo sokucindezeleka ubhekene nesifo, omunye umuntu ubhekene nokuziphatha.
Kungani "ukukhiphe engqondweni yakho" kuyiseluleko esingenamsebenzi kangaka?
Lesi iseluleko esivame kakhulu, nesiyingozi kakhulu, umuntu onesifo sokucindezeleka angasizwa. Akekho kithi ongatshela umuntu onesifo sikashukela ukuthi "alawule ushukela wakho ngokuzwakalayo." Ngoba siyazi ukuthi kuyinkinga ngomsebenzi we-insulin womzimba.
Ngokufanayo, ukucindezeleka kuyisifo sangempela esihlobene nokungalingani kwamakhemikhali (ama-neurotransmitter) ebuchosheni. "Ukujabula" kukodwa akwanele. Kudinga ukwelashwa okufanele. Ukuphoqa othandekayo wakho ukuba "anqume" futhi "acabange okuhle" kuzomenza azisole kakhulu futhi azizwe enesizungu kakhulu.
Ngakho-ke senzani? Ake sakhe ibhuloho lokulondoloza lobu budlelwano.
Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi ukucindezeleka kuyisimo esingaphathwa kahle ngokwelashwa , futhi ubudlelwano obuphukile bungakhiwa kabusha ngokuqondana nokuxhumana okufanele.
Uma unesifo sokucindezeleka:
1. Yamukela:Okokuqala, yamukela ukuthi unesifo esithile. Akulona iphutha lakho. Akusibo ubuthakathaka.
2. Khuluma: Tshela abathandekayo bakho ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Kunzima. Kodwa ngisho nokusho into elula njengokuthi "Ngizizwa sengathi ngiyahlanya namuhla" noma "Ngidabukile kakhulu namuhla" kungaba yinto enkulu. Lokho kubaluleke kakhulu kunokuthula kwakho.
3. Thola usizo lochwepheshe: Lesi yisinyathelo esibaluleke kakhulu. Bona udokotela wakho . Uma kudingeka, bhekisa kudokotela wezifo zengqondo noma kumeluleki wengqondo/wengqondo. Imithi kanye nokwelashwa ngokukhuluma kungakusiza ukuthi uphume kulesi simo.
4. Bekezela: Ngeke ubone imiphumela ngokushesha lapho uqala ukwelashwa. Kuzothatha isikhathi. Bekezela nawe.
Uma ungumuntu othandekayo womuntu ohlushwa ukucindezeleka:
1. Qaphela: Funda ngokucindezeleka, qaphela. Qonda ukuthi kuyisifo. Khona-ke uzoyeka ukuthatha ukuziphatha komlingani wakho mathupha.
2. Lalela: Unganikezi iseluleko, ungadingi izixazululo. Okokuqala, lalela lokho akushoyo ngaphandle kokwahlulela. Okuwukuphela kwento enhle ukunikeza umuzwa wokuthi "Nginawe."
3. Siza ngezindlela ezincane: Esikhundleni sokusho into evamile njengokuthi “ngitshele uma udinga okuthile,” cela usizo oluthile njengokuthi “Ngiya esitolo, ngingakuthengela okuthile?” “Ungathanda yini ukuphuza itiye ndawonye?”
4. Mkhuthaze ukuba afune usizo lwezokwelapha: Esikhundleni sokusho izinto ezinjengokuthi “Uyahlanya,” mkhuthaze ukuba enze kanjalo ngendlela yothando, njengokuthi “Ingabe kufanele sikhulume nodokotela ngalokhu? Ngizohamba nawe.”
5. Cabanga ngawe: Ukusekela umuntu onesifo sokucindezeleka kungaba yinto ekhathazayo engqondweni. Nakekela impilo yakho yengqondo. Nawe udinga umuntu ongakhuluma naye futhi uphumule.
Ubudlelwano obuqinile bungaba yisivikelo esihle ekucindezelekeni. Akudingeki ukuthi udlule kulolu hambo wedwa. Ngokuqonda, ukubekezela, uthando, kanye nokunakekelwa kwezokwelapha okufanele, nobabili ninganqoba le "mpi engabonakali."
Umlayezo Wokuya Nawe Ekhaya
- Isifo Sokucindezeleka Okukhulu akusona ubuthakathaka, kuyisifo sangempela esidinga ukwelashwa okuhlobene ne-chemistry yobuchopho.
- Lokhu "kugula okungabonakali" kungalimaza kakhulu ubudlelwano bakho nomlingani wakho, umndeni wakho kanye nabangani bakho.
- Gwema ukunikeza iseluleko njengokuthi, "Cabanga ngakho bese ukhohlwa." Kunalokho, lalela ngaphandle kokwahlulela.
- Ukukhulumisana okuvulekile nokuqondana kubalulekile ekwakheni kabusha ubudlelwano.
- Uma wena noma othandekayo wakho enezimpawu zokucindezeleka, kubaluleke kakhulu ukufuna iseluleko sezokwelapha kudokotela ngokushesha.
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