Ɔkwan bɛn so na wobetumi de nsusuwii pa adi nkonim wɔ asetra mu?

Fa no sɛ worebɔ mmɔden sɛ wubegyae sigaretnom, anaasɛ worebɔ mmɔden sɛ wobɛtew wo mu duru so na woafi ase ateɛteɛ w’apɔw mu . Wopɛ sɛ woyɛ no ankasa. Nanso afei wodi mfomsoɔ ketewa baako na wo te sɛ, "Oh, me ntumi nyɛ yei..."? Saa bere no, ɔkwan a wofa so kasa kyerɛ wo ho no betumi asakra w’akwantu no nyinaa. Ebetumi akanyan wo anaasɛ ɛbɛma w’abam abu koraa.

Tumi a ɛwɔ ɔkwan a wofa so kasa kyerɛ wo ho no mu.

Momma yɛnka adesua bi a wɔyɛe wɔ eyi ho ho asɛm kakra. Wɔmaa kuw bi a wɔbɔ nsu mu polo ahokokwaw foforo sɛ wɔmfa nsua. Wɔka kyerɛɛ kuw bi sɛ wɔnka nsɛm pa nkyerɛ wɔn ho bere a wɔreyɛ no. Ɛno kyerɛ nneɛma te sɛ, "Metumi ayɛ eyi," ne "Meyɛ papa." Kuw foforo no de wɔn ho hyɛɛ mu sɛnea ɛsɛ a wɔanka hwee.

Nea efii mu bae no yɛɛ nwonwa. Agodifo a wɔmaa wɔn amemene nyaa nsusuwii pa no nyaa nkɔso kɛse sen afoforo no. Afei nso, na nsusuwii a wɔmpɛ kakraa bi wɔ wɔn adwene mu. Eyi ma wotumi de wɔn adwene sii nea na wɔresua no so koraa.

Enti sɛ wuhu sɛ wowɔ nsusuwii bɔne a enye , wobɛyɛ dɛn adan w’adwene akɔ ɔkwan pa a eye so? Ma yɛnhwɛ akwan bi a yɛbɛfa so aboa wo ma woayɛ saa.

So wo ne wo ho kasa te sɛ w’adamfo?

Fa no sɛ w’adamfo paa, momma yɛnka sɛ ne din de ‘Kasun’, ɛhaw no yiye sɛ biribi ankɔ yiye. So wokasa tia no? So wopira no kɛse mpo denam ka a woka sɛ, "Worentumi nyɛ saa mpo yiye" no so? Dabi, ɛnte saa? Nea woyɛ ne sɛ wobɛma no awerɛhyem denam ka a wobɛka sɛ, "Ɛnyɛ hwee, ɔbarima, saa na ɛte. Momma yɛmmɔ mmɔden bio," ɛnte saa?

Nanso sɛ yɛne yɛn ho rekasa a, yɛtaa yɛ nea ɛne no bɔ abira. Sɛ biribi ketewaa bi ankɔ yiye a, yɛde asodi no to yɛn ho so. Yɛdwene nneɛma te sɛ, "Mantumi anyɛ eyi da," "Meyɛ ɔkwasea kɛse." Sɛ ɛnne a ɛwɔ wo tirim no te sɛ obi a worempɛ sɛ wo ne no bɛbɔ da a, bere aso sɛ wosakra saa nne no.

Bere foforo a wubehu sɛ wode asodi reto wo ho so no, susuw ho sɛ: "Sɛ m'adamfo paa no ka me ho mprempren a, nsɛm bɛn na anka mɛka akyerɛ no?" Saa ara nso na kasa kyerɛ wo ho brɛoo ne ayamye mu, sɛnea wobɛyɛ obi a wodɔ no no .

Kyerɛw wo nkonimdi no to hɔ! Ɛno yɛ ahoɔden kɛse.

Sɛ yɛte nka sɛ yɛayɛ basaa a, ɛnyɛ den sɛ yɛn werɛ befi nneɛma pa a yɛabɔ mmɔden kɛse sɛ yebenya no nyinaa. Fa no sɛ worebɔ mmɔden sɛ wobɛtew wo mu duru so. Sɛ wo mu duru yɛ kɛse kakra da bi a, ebia wubesusuw sɛ, "Oo, biribiara a mayɛ adwumaden bere tenten no asɛe."

Nanso sɛ wokyerɛw wo nkonimdi , kyerɛ sɛ, nkɔso a woanya, wɔ baabi a, wowɔ wo mmɔdenbɔ ho adanse a wotumi hu .

Ɛyɛ papa sɛ wobɛhwɛ wo mu duru so, nanso ebia ɛrennɔɔso, titiriw sɛ wowɔ mu duru pii a ɛsɛ sɛ wotew a.

Enti, fa yɛ wo su sɛ wobɛkyerɛw nneɛma kakraa bi bio. Nhwɛsoɔ:

• Bere tenten ahe na na woteɛteɛ w’apɔw mu da biara?
• So woanni anɔpaduan ?
• So wokɔɔ apɔw-mu-teɛteɛ dan mu?
• Mpɛn dodow a wopaw sɛ wubedi aduaba bi sen sɛ wubedi bisket.

Sɛ wokyerɛw saa nneɛma nketenkete no to hɔ, sɛ adwene bɔne bi ba w’adwene mu na worebɔ mmɔden sɛ wobɛsɛe wo ho a, wubetumi afa saa nhoma no ahwɛ. Afei wobɛhunu sɛ, "Nneɛpa ahe na mayɛ?" Wubetumi anya wɔn nyinaa ho anigye.

‘Mfomso’ yɛ ‘nsɛm a wɔde ma’ ara kwa ma adesua!

Ebia woate asɛm a wɔka sɛ, "Nkonimdi biara nni hɔ, mmuae nkutoo na wɔde ma ." Nea ɛkyerɛ ne sɛ, sɛ biribi ankɔ wo kwan so a, sɛ́ anka wobɛtra so no, hwɛ no yiye na nkate biara nka ho.

Ma yɛnhwɛ nhwɛso bi: Wo mu duru ayɛ bɛyɛ kilo biako.

• Failure Response: "Oh me nyame, dapɛn yi yɛ asiane. Merennya skinny da."
• Positive Feedback Response: "Hmm... Me mu duru ayɛ kɛse kakra. Ebia ɛyɛ nea enti a soya sauce a midii anwummere aduan anadwo a etwaam no yɛ nkyene dodo. Ɛsɛ sɛ mekwati saa dapɛn a edi hɔ no."

So wote nsonsonoe a ɛwɔ mu no ase? Nea edi kan no ma w’abam bu. Nea ɛto so abien no ma wusua biribi fi wo mfomso no mu.

Sɛ yɛbɛte saa adwene yi ase yiye a, momma yɛnhwɛ adwene abien a adwene ne nneyɛe ho ɔbenfo Carol S. Dweck de bae.

Adwene a ɛto so abien no ne nea ɛma anidaso ba bere nyinaa. Sɛ wuyi ‘mfomso’ ho adwene no fi wo botae mu a, nea aka ara ne nkonimdi ne adesua .