When your little one suddenly gets angry, screams, and rolls around on the floor crying, you probably feel a lot of pressure on your heart, right? Sometimes you can't even think of what to do. This is actually an experience that many parents face. So today, let's talk about these temper tantrums, or what we call `( temper tantrums )` in children .
What exactly is this temper tantrum?
Simply put, this is a way for a child to suddenly release their feelings of anger, frustration, or frustration that they cannot control. This is not something that is planned. Sometimes they may shout with words, or they may release this anger by shaking their body or flailing their limbs. Some children do both.
You may find that your child is acting very stubborn, bothering others, and generally acting very unpleasant. Often this is because they don't know how to express to you exactly what they want or how they feel .
Imagine, you tell a small child to put away the toy, or when you go to the store and say, "Give me that chocolate, " you say no. Even something as small as this can cause them to roll around on the floor, scream, and kick their hands, causing a huge commotion. That is, their reaction is much bigger than the incident itself .
Should we be afraid of these tantrums of young children?
Actually, these ``Temper Tantrums`` are a normal part of a child's development . They happen as they try to become more independent. This condition is most common between the ages of 1 and 4. Some children may have this happen just once a day.
But as they start going to school and are able to verbalize their needs, this situation gradually decreases. Usually, these tantrums last from two to 15 minutes .
However, if your child's tantrum lasts longer than 15 minutes and the child is behaving very aggressively, it may be a matter of concern. If so, definitely The best thing to do is to talk to a doctor .
Why do little ones get so angry? What are the reasons?
There can be a number of reasons why children get angry. Here are some of the main reasons:
- Frustration: The frustration that comes when you can't achieve what you set out to do, when you can't do something well.
- Attention seeking: When they want your attention.
- Wanting something (a toy, a meal): When you don't get it.
- Trying not to do something: For example, when asked to put away toys, or when asked to go home while playing.
- Hunger : Little ones become very restless when they are hungry.
- Fatigue: Being overly tired or not getting enough sleep can make you irritable.
In addition to this, there is a huge conflict in the minds of young children. That is, they have a great desire to do things on their own and be independent , while they also desperately need the attention and love of their parents. They are under a lot of pressure between these two. Also, unlike adults, they have not yet developed the coping skills to control their emotions and deal with frustrations. Since they do not have the verbal skills to express their feelings in words, they express those feelings in the easiest way they know how, which is by screaming, crying, and struggling. It is like shouting, "I want this!"
Does it mean I'm a bad parent when my child gets angry?
Absolutely not! Your child's tantrum doesn't make you a bad parent. This is important to understand. A child's tantrum is influenced by their personality, their environment at the time, and the fact that it is a natural part of their development . This is a normal part of growing up . So don't blame yourself unnecessarily.
What are the signs of a tantrum? How do you recognize it?
When a child is angry, you may see these signs:
- Always whining, crying, and screaming.
- Kicking, punching, maybe even biting.
- They are waving their arms and legs, struggling.
- Holding my breath.
- Sometimes the body tenses up , or goes limp .
What do we do when a child is angry?
Okay, now let's see how we should behave when our child is angry.
- Distract: If you sense that your child is about to get angry, but they still don't seem to be completely out of control, quickly try to divert their attention. Show them something they like, engage them in another game or activity.
- Stay calm: This is the most important thing. When your child is having a tantrum, don't yell, threaten, lecture, or argue. Doing so will only make the tantrum worse. Later, when your child has calmed down and is quiet, talk about his behavior.
- Ignore the anger: This teaches the child that they cannot behave in this way and ask for what they want, and that this is unacceptable behavior.
- Keep your child in sight: If you are in a store or other public place, always keep your child in sight and your child in sight of you. If you are concerned that your child may harm themselves or others, remove them from the environment.
- Ensure safety: Remove potentially dangerous objects (sharp objects, breakable objects) from the child's environment. If your child sometimes tries to hurt himself, hold him carefully. If your child is behaving uncontrollably, take him to a safe space and leave him until he calms down. If necessary, you can give him a ``Time-out''. That is, try sending him to a room without the TV or other toys, where he can be alone for a while.
Do not mention these things:
- Giving in to your child's demands, changing your mind: This will help your child learn that when he gets angry, he can get what he wants by crying and fighting. If you are home and you are sure that your child is safe, you can leave him in another room.
- Don't hit, bite, or kick back: You might think that doing so will make your child understand that these things hurt. But the opposite happens. The child will think that it's okay to do this because mom/dad does it. Instead, tell him clearly that what he's doing is hurtful and that it's not okay.
What do you do after you get over your anger?
Once the anger has subsided and your child has calmed down, you can talk to them about what happened. You can also talk about what you can do to prevent similar tantrums from happening again. Try this:
- Praise your child for being calm: Praise your child for good behavior and good decisions. Little ones like to be recognized for their good work. Be as specific as possible. Instead of just saying, "You're doing great," say something like, "You didn't yell at the store, you spoke quietly, son." This helps your child learn what is expected and what is acceptable behavior.
- Understand your child's feelings: Let your child know that you understand their frustration. Tell them that you want to help. Children often seek attention. So, understanding them and talking to them can help ease their feelings.
- Teach them to name their feelings: Young children don't have the words to describe their feelings. They don't know how to express their frustration, jealousy, anger, or disappointment. ``Temper Tantrums'' are a way for them to express those feelings. Give them words for those feelings. For example, "I can see you're angry right now. You're crying, and your face is red."
- Teach them how to deal with complex emotions: Help them learn how to face a problem without panicking. This will help them learn that they can solve some of their problems on their own. This will help them become more independent and less likely to get angry.
- Set a good example: Children always look to their parents. They imitate the way you behave. When you are angry or frustrated, show your child the healthy way you deal with those feelings. Then your child will start behaving in the same way.
Are there ways to prevent these tantrums?
To be honest, you can't create a completely tantrum-free environment. This is because children communicate their needs and feelings. It's a normal part of development. However, there are things you can do to reduce the frequency and severity of these tantrums:
- Give choices: Give them choices within reasonable limits. For example, choosing between two clothes, or choosing between two foods. When they can choose, children feel in control. But make sure that you are comfortable with the choice between two things. Don't give them false hope.
- Prepare for changes: Transitions like leaving the house or returning from play can be difficult for children. So, prepare them for these changes before they happen. For bigger changes (a new baby joining the family, moving house), it's even better to prepare your child.
- Check your diet and sleep: Sometimes, irritability can also lead to tantrums. This behavior can be caused by poor nutrition and lack of sleep . So, make sure your child is eating a balanced diet and getting enough sleep.
When should I talk to a doctor about my little one's tantrums?
It's a good idea to talk to your child's doctor in these situations:
- If these tantrums continue after the child is 4 years old , or if they become more frequent.
- If the child hurts themselves, harms others, or destroys household items when they get angry.
- If the child holds his breath when he gets angry (especially if he loses consciousness at that time).
- If the child has frequent headaches, stomachaches, and ``Anxiety`` (unnecessary fear/worry) .
- You may find it very difficult to deal with these tantrums, and you may not know how to safely deal with them.
When you see a doctor, he or she will ask you questions about these tantrums. These questions will help him or her understand whether this is normal or something to be concerned about:
- When do these tantrums happen?
- What usually happens before you get angry?
- What do you do when your child is angry?
- How long have you been angry?
- How do you respond to that?
- How does the child behave when he is not angry?
- Was there a big change in the home environment or the school environment?
- Have you moved house recently?
- Has there been a major change in the family (divorce, birth of a new baby)?
- Did something hurt or traumatize the child or anyone else in the family?
- Does the child have other problems, for example, sleep problems or behavioral problems?
Let us remember (Take-Home Message)
Temper tantrums, although a bit annoying, are a normal part of a child's development. Young children, especially those between the ages of 1 and 4, often have temper tantrums, even if they only have one or two tantrums a day. This is often due to a conflict between their need for independence and their need for parental attention. Also, young children may not be able to verbalize their feelings.
When your child is upset, stay as calm as possible. Try to understand your child's feelings. Once your child has calmed down, give them names for their feelings and teach them how to deal with their frustrations better.
However, if your child's tantrums last longer than 15 minutes, are very violent, or continue after the age of 4, you should definitely seek medical advice. Also, if you find it difficult to deal with the situation, don't hesitate to ask for help.
` Children's anger, toddler anger, temper tantrums, children's behavior, parenting advice, child control, child psychology
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