Do you know someone who thinks that no matter what they do, it has to be perfect, without even the slightest mistake? Maybe you feel the same way. While it may seem like a good thing to do something exactly, without any flaws, this is actually something that causes stress and can negatively affect our lives. Today we are talking about this mental state of 'everything has to be perfect', that is, Perfectionism .
What exactly is Perfectionism?
Simply put, it's the intense need to have everything perfect, to be perfect, to be seen as perfect by others. But this is very different from trying to do your best. Trying to do your best is healthy. But perfectionism is a negative state of mind where you put pressure on yourself, set unrealistic goals, and then get depressed when you don't reach them.
There are two main types of perfectionism. Both set high standards. But maladaptive perfectionists experience severe stress when they fail to meet those goals.
According to research , this situation consists of three parts:
- Self-oriented Perfectionism: Expecting perfection from oneself.
- Other-oriented Perfectionism: Expecting perfection from those around you (family, friends, employees).
- Socially-prescribed Perfectionism: Persevering under pressure from society or others to be perfect.
Whichever type you are, you are imposing a very harsh, strict set of rules on yourself. This is doing more harm than good. Let's see what they are.
1. Procrastination and decreased productivity
It's surprising that people who try to do everything neatly and perfectly often end up procrastinating. That means they're less productive. Why is that?
Imagine you have a big project to do. As a perfectionist, you plan to do it 100% right, even down to the smallest detail. But the pressure of how perfect it has to be makes you dread starting the project. You think, "Oh, I'm never going to be as perfect as I think I am," and you put off starting the project until the very end.
This is an "all-or-nothing" mindset. Either you do the job 100% right, or you give up. This ultimately leads to you not being able to complete the job on time and becoming even more frustrated.
2. Mental weakness and increased stress
As a perfectionist, you carry a lot of pressure on your shoulders. This can be self-imposed, or it can be something you think comes from society. This excessive pressure can make you very weak mentally. This opens the door to many other mental problems.
Some of them are:
- Anxiety and depression
- Suicidal thoughts
- Loneliness
- Impatience and frustration
- Anger
- Obsessiveness and compulsiveness
Additionally, you may be susceptible to a condition called Imposter Syndrome . This is when you feel like, "I'm not right for this position, this job, this relationship. I'm not as good as others. I'm deceiving people." These thoughts can also hinder your ability to excel at work or in your studies.
3. Anxiety and Depression
There is a very close relationship between perfectionism and anxiety/depression. When you fail to meet the high standards you set for yourself, the pressure and stress you feel can lead to anxiety. If this situation continues, it can develop into depression.
Some people don't show these feelings outwardly. They hide their anxiety, sadness, and frustration, and put on a 'perfect' smile. This is a very dangerous situation. Because even if you are frustrated with life and have suicidal thoughts, no one knows about it. You may feel worthless.
If you are feeling these feelings, please don't suffer alone. Talk to someone you trust. Or definitely see your doctor and talk about this.
4. Physical health problems
This stress can also affect the body. Some people can develop eating disorders. An example is Orthorexia Nervosa . This is when a person has a very strict, rigid set of rules about what they eat and drink, and feels intense guilt and stress if they deviate even slightly from that eating pattern.
This intense need to control everything in life can sometimes develop into a mental illness called Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) . Perfectionism is a strong desire for control. When that control is lost, other mental problems can arise.
| Trait | Healthy Striving | Harmful Perfectionism |
|---|---|---|
| Goals | Setting challenging but achievable goals. | Setting unrealistic, too high, perfect goals. |
| Mistakes | Mistakes are considered part of learning. | A mistake is an unbearable personal failure. |
| Process | Appreciates the journey and the effort. | Only thinks about the end result (perfection). |
| Happiness | Happy with the effort and progress made. | Only when perfection is reached does temporary happiness come. |
5. Disruption of human relationships
Another serious consequence is the strain on your relationships with your family, partner, and friends. This is especially true if you expect the same high 'perfect' standards from others that you expect from yourself, which is where problems arise.
You may find fault with even the smallest things your partner does. You may have unrealistic expectations of your children. You may not be satisfied with the work others are doing at work. This can put a lot of pressure on those around you and make them distance themselves from you. This is not healthy for any relationship.
6. Inability to live in the present
A perfectionist's mind is always working. You're not in the present moment, you're in your head. You're either complaining about something that happened in the past ("If only I had done it a little better..."), or you're planning how to do something perfectly in the future.
This causes you to lose the joy and peace of the present moment. When you are talking to a friend, spending time with family, or visiting a beautiful place, your mind is not there. This also makes you feel more lonely and frustrated.
Take-Home Message
- 'Perfectionism' is a completely different, unhealthy mental state than trying your best.
- This can lead to mental problems such as procrastination, anxiety, and depression, as well as physical health problems.
- It can severely damage your relationships with family and friends.
- Admitting that this situation is not helping you is the first step to getting out of it.
- If these thoughts are causing you to feel a lot of stress in your daily life, it is very important to talk to your doctor and seek advice, rather than suffering alone.
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