Ngaphambili, xa sicinga “ngotata,” sicinga ngomlinganiswa obonelela usapho, ongqongqo kancinci, kwaye okude nabantwana, akunjalo? Kodwa namhlanje, lo mfanekiso utshintshe kakhulu. Indlela utata abonisa ngayo uxanduva lwakhe nothando lwakhe itshintshile. Namhlanje, sithetha ngolu tshintsho lobuntu bukatata. Mhlawumbi eli bali linokuba libali lakho nawe.
Ukutshintsha kweendlela zosapho kunye nootata abangatshatanga
Makhe sicinge ngendoda egama linguKamal. Kwiminyaka embalwa eyadlulayo, uKamal nomfazi wakhe babexoxa ngokuqhawula umtshato xa walahlekelwa ngumfazi wakhe ngequbuliso ngenxa yesifo sentliziyo. Ngobusuku obunye, uKamal wasala ejongene nomngeni omkhulu ebomini bakhe eyedwa. Oko yayikukukhulisa intombi yakhe eneminyaka eli-12 ubudala.
Kukho ootata abangatshatanga abaninzi njengoKamal kuluntu namhlanje kunangaphambili. Kukwakho neentlobo ezininzi ezahlukeneyo zootata namhlanje, kuquka ootata abaqhawule umtshato, ootata abadala, kunye nootata abakhulisa abantwana. Oku kuthetha ukuba ingcamango "yootata" ibanzi kakhulu ngoku.
UKamal waqonda ukuba utata ongatshatanga unokukhulisa umntwana ngempumelelo, njengosapho olunabazali ababini. Kodwa luhambo oluzele yimingeni. Njengoko uKamal esitsho, "Ukuba ngutata ongatshatanga kunzima kunokuba ngumama ongatshatanga. Kuba uluntu lubona umama ongatshatanga njengento eqhelekileyo. Kodwa xa ujonga utata ongatshatanga, abantu abaninzi bacinga ukuba, 'Umntwana kufuneka abe kunye nonina.'"
Njengabotata abaninzi abangenamaqabane, uKamal wayithatha nzulu imbopheleleko yakhe. Washiya umsebenzi wakhe kwishishini leinshorensi waza waqalisa ukusebenza ekhaya. Wayefuna ukunceda ngomsebenzi wesikolo wentombi yakhe, ukupheka ukutya, nokuchitha ixesha nayo. Uthi imfihlo yempumelelo yakhe kukunxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo nomntwana wakhe. “Kodwa intombi yam yayisoloko isazi ukuba nokuba sithetha ngantoni na, isigqibo sokugqibela yayisesam njengomzali,” utshilo uKamal.
Uthando lukatata lunamandla njengothando lukamama.
Kwinkcubeko yethu, sihlala sicinga ukuba umama ngumntu onokunyamekela umntwana aze amnike uthando. Kodwa ngaba kunjalo ngokwenene? Uphando lufumanise ukuba ubunzulu bothando utata analo ngabantwana bakhe bungaphezulu kolo lukamama.
Enyanisweni, njengoko oogqirha bengqondo besitsho, "Ootata ngabona zixhobo zibalaseleyo ebomini babantwana esingazange sizisebenzise ngokupheleleyo." Kuba nosana oluncinci luzalwa lukulungele ukunxulumana nonina noyise.
Ootata abangatshatanga banokujamelana nomngeni othile xa bekhulisa intombi yabo bodwa. Ingakumbi xa intombi ifikelela kwinqanaba lokufikisa, inokufuna umzekelo ongumfazi onokuthetha naye aze abelane ngeengxaki zakhe naye. Iingcali zengqondo zicebisa zithi, “Ngamaxesha anjalo, kubalulekile ukubandakanya abantu ababhinqileyo abanokuba yimizekelo emihle ebomini bomntwana.” Lo unokuba ngumalumekazi, umakhulu, okanye umhlobo osondeleyo wosapho.
| Utata wanamhlanje | Iimpawu ezikhethekileyo kunye namanqaku aphawulekayo |
|---|---|
| Utata ongatshatanga | Yakha ubudlelwane obuqinileyo nomntwana wakho. Kunzima ukuthwala zonke iimbopheleleko zomntwana wedwa. Ukuba yintombazana, kubalulekile ukwazisa abafazi abalungileyo abangumzekelo ebomini bakhe. |
| Utata omdala | Ukuzinza ngokwezimali nangokomsebenzi kukuvumela ukuba unike umntwana wakho ingqalelo engakumbi kunye nexesha. Ukulahlekelwa ngamandla okudlala nabantwana bakho okanye ukubaleka kunokuba ngumceli mngeni. |
| Utata oqhawule umtshato | Ekubeni ixesha nomntwana lisenokunqongophala, kubalulekile ukulisebenzisa kakuhle elo xesha. Kubalulekile ukuphepha ukugxeka umfazi wangaphambili phambi komntwana nokunika umntwana uthando lwenu nobabini. |
Amanye amacebiso okuba ngutata ongcono
Nokuba ungutata osemtsha, utata omdala, okanye ungumzali ongenaqabane, imigaqo esisiseko onokuyilandela ukuze ube ngutata olungileyo iyafana kuye wonke umntu.
1. Zixolele ngeempazamo.
Iingcali zengqondo zithi, “Musa ukuzama ukuba ngumzali ogqibeleleyo. Kuba akukho bazali bagqibeleleyo kweli hlabathi.” Yiba ngutata ongcono kakhulu onokuba nguye. Xa wenza iimpazamo kwaye ubona ukuba ufunda kwezo mpazamo, abantwana bakho bafunda ukuba kulungile ukwenza iimpazamo kwaye ungafezekanga. Eso sisipho esixabisekileyo onokusinika umntwana.
2. Intsomi ethi 'Ixesha Elisemgangathweni'
“Sicinga ukuba xa ufika ekhaya uvela emsebenzini onzima uze ukhuphe abantwana bakho baye kwi-pizza nakwi-movie ngoLwesihlanu ebusuku, elo ‘lixesha elifanelekileyo.’” Kodwa eneneni, uphando lwabantwana lubonise ukuba abantwana bafuna utata ongenaxinzelelo kangako nongenaxinzelelo kangako . Bafuna ukukhululeka kwiingxaki zomsebenzi baze “bachithe ixesha” notata wabo, oko kukuthi, bachithe ixesha ngoxolo.
3. Kukho izinto ezininzi onokuzinika ngaphezu kwemali.
Ootata abaninzi bacinga ukuba ubutata babo bulinganiswa yimali abayenzela usapho. Oko kubalulekile. Kodwa abantwana bakho balindele okungakumbi kuwe. Zibuze le mibuzo:
- "Ngaba ndifuna ukudlulisela imilinganiselo yam kumntwana wam?"
- "Ngaba ndifuna ukufundisa umntwana wam indlela yokusebenzisa ikhompyutha ngendlela endithanda ngayo?"
- "Ndingathanda umntwana wam afunde indlela yokuthanda kum?"
Ezi zinto zixabisa ngaphezulu kakhulu kunemali.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Indima katata itshintshile namhlanje. Yamkela loo ndima intsha ngothando. Nokuba ungutata ongatshatanga okanye utata oqhawule umtshato, ungaba ngutata ongcono kakhulu onokuba nguye.
- Uthando lukatata lunamandla njengothando lukamama kwaye lubalulekile ekukhuleni komntwana.
- Musa ukuzama ukuba ngutata ogqibeleleyo. Ukwenza iimpazamo kuyinto eqhelekileyo. Into ebalulekileyo kukufunda kwezo mpazamo.
- Into umntwana wakho ayidingayo ngutata ongenaxinzelelo, ozolileyo, ochitha ixesha naye, endaweni yezipho ezibizayo okanye 'ixesha elifanelekileyo'.
- Ngaphandle kwemali, nika umntwana wakho ixabiso lakho, uthando lwakho, kunye nexesha lakho. Eso sesona sipho sixabisekileyo onokumnika sona.
- Soloko uthetha nomntwana wakho. Loo nxibelelwano sisiseko solwalamano oluqinileyo losapho.
💬 Comments (0)
Akukho zimvo zithunyelweyo okwangoku. Faka uluvo lwakho apha okokuqala.
Faka uluvo lwakho