Namhlanje, sixoxa ngento ebaluleke ngokwenene ebomini bakho. Sisakhono esiya kukunceda kuyo yonke indawo—nabahlobo, ekhaya, emsebenzini, okanye ngelixa ufunda— ngamafutshane, naphi na apho uya khona. Esi sakhono sibizwa ngokuba yi-Assertiveness . Usenokuba ukhe waliva eli gama ngaphambili. Ngamafutshane, ukuzithemba kukukwazi ukuveza iingcinga zakho, iimfuno zakho, kunye nezimvo zakho ngokunyaniseka, ngokucacileyo, nangentlonelo , ngaphandle kokulimaza abanye okanye ukubeka emngciphekweni ukuzixabisa kwakho.
Kuthetha ukuthini ukuba ngumntu onesibindi ngokwenene?
Cinga ngokuzithemba njengendlela yokunxibelelana okunempilo. Kukukwazi ukuzimela ngelixa ugcina intlonipho kwabanye. Sijongana neemeko ezininzi yonke imihla apho oku kubalulekile—nokuba kukuchaza into oyithandayo, ukubuza utitshala umbuzo, okanye ukuziveza ngokufanelekileyo ngexesha lodliwanondlebe lomsebenzi okanye eyunivesithi.
Nangona kunjalo, ukuzithemba akusoloko kuyinto eqhelekileyo. Abanye abantu badla ngokungakhathali ; bacinezela iimvakalelo zabo kwaye bavumelana nje nabanye abantu ukuze baphephe ingxabano. Abanye bathambekele ekubeni ndlongondlongo kakhulu ; babeka phambili iimfuno zabo ngaphezu kwayo yonke enye into, bethetha ngaphezu kwabanye okanye bekhwaza ukuze baviwe. Ukuzithemba kukulinganisela okugqibeleleyo phakathi.
Ukuzithemba kuthetha ukuba unako:
- Veza izimvo zakho kunye neemvakalelo zakho ngokukhululekileyo.
- Buza ngokucacileyo into oyifunayo.
- Ukungavumelani nabanye ngentlonelo .
- Yabelana ngezimvo zakho kunye neengcebiso zakho ngokuzithemba.
- Yithi “hayi” ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala.
- Mela abanye xa kuyimfuneko.
Kutheni oku kubaluleke kangaka kuthi?
Ukuthetha ngokuzithemba kukunceda ufumane into oyifunayo, kodwa kunzulu ngaphezu koko. Ukuzithemba kuthetha ukuba uzixabisa njengokuba ubaxabisa abo bakungqongileyo.
Abantu abazithembayo babonisa ukuba bazithembile kwaye baqinisekile. Ababoyiki, kwaye ababacinezeli abanye. Bayaqonda ukuba iimvakalelo zabo kunye neengcinga zabo zibalulekile. Banokuzithemba okukhulu .
Abantu abazithembayo badla ngokukufumanisa kulula ukwakha ubuhlobo kuba banxibelelana ngendlela ehlonipha iimfuno zabo nezabanye. Bakwazi nokusombulula iingxabano nokungavisisani. Xa uphatha abanye ngentlonelo, ufumana intlonipho yabo.
Ngaba ungenzi nto, unomsindo, okanye ulungile?
Uyazi njani ukuba uwela phi kwisikali sokuzithemba? Nazi ezinye zemizekelo:
UNimmali (Ungakhathali): Ukuba ubuza uNimali ukuba yeyiphi imuvi afuna ukuyibukela, mhlawumbi uya kuthi, “Andazi… ubungathanda ntoni?” Ngokwesiqhelo uvumela abanye ukuba benze izigqibo, aze kamva azive ecaphukile kuba izinto azithandwa nguye azizange ziqwalaselwe. Unengxaki yokuviwa kwiqela, kwaye xa ezama ukufaka isandla, uthetha kancinci kangangokuba uhlala ethetha ngaye.
USurekha (Unomsindo kakhulu): USurekha akanangxaki yokuveza iingcinga zakhe, kodwa ukwenza oko ngendlela evakalayo nelawulayo. Uhlala eyitshintsha incoko, aphazamise abanye, kwaye akaphulaphuli kangako. Ukuba akavumelani nawe, ukwazisa oko—ngokufuthi ngokugculela okanye ngokuba buhlungu. Udume ngokuba nguzwilakhe nongacingeliyo.
UChamal (Ozithethelelayo): Ukuba ubuza uChamal ukuba anike uluvo lwakhe, uyalwabelana ngokunyaniseka. Ukuba akavumelani nawe, uluchaza ngokucacileyo—kodwa ngaphandle kokukujongela phantsi okanye ukukwenza uzive uphosisile. UChamal unomdla wokwenene kwimbono yakho kwaye uyaphulaphula ngenkuthalo. Nokuba akavumelani, usavakalelwa kukuba uyayihlonipha imbono yakho.
Iziphumo zokungakhathali kakhulu…
Abo bangenzi nto kakhulu badla ngokuziva ngathi abanye bayabaxhaphaza. Oku kunokukhokelela kwiimvakalelo zobuhlungu, umsindo, okanye ukuphoxeka.
Xa ugcina iingcinga zakho neemvakalelo zakho zivaliwe, abanye abanakukwazi ukumazi okanye ukuqonda wena wokwenene. Ngaphezu koko, iqela lakho liyaphoswa kukubaluleka kwezimvo zakho ezikhethekileyo kunye neengcebiso.
Ukuba uqala ukuziva ngathi iingcinga okanye iimvakalelo zakho azibalulekanga, ukuzithemba kwakho ( Ukuzithemba ) kunokwehla. Ukongeza, uphoswa kukwaziwa okufanelekileyo ngegalelo lakho. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, oku kunokubangela neemeko ezifana nokudakumba .
Khumbula: Ilizwi lakho lixabisekile. Musa ukulithulisa!
Kuza kwenzeka ntoni ukuba unomsindo kakhulu?
Abo baziphatha ngokurhabaxa badla ngokukufumanisa kunzima ukugcina ubuhlobo obuphilileyo. Ngokulawula iincoko nokunyanzela izimvo zabo kwabanye, bashiya abantu beziva bengakhathalelwanga kwaye bengahlonitshwa.
Nangona isitayile sobundlobongela sinokumfumanela umntu into ayifunayo okwethutyana, sidla ngokukhokelela ekwaliweni okanye ekucaphukisweni ngabanye. Ekugqibeleni, balahlekelwa yintlonelo yoontanga babo.
Kutheni wonke umntu engengomntu onesibindi?
Kutheni abanye abantu bekhetha ukuziphatha ngendlela engenzi nto okanye enobundlongondlongo? Eyona nto iphambili bubuntu bethu . Imikhwa yethu kunye namava ethu obomi nawo adlala indima. Sihlala sifunda ukuba ngabantu abangenzi nto, abanobundlongondlongo, okanye abanesibindi ngokujonga abantu abasingqongileyo, ingakumbi abo basikhuliseleyo.
Nazi ezinye zezizathu zokuba umntu angabi namdla kakhulu :
- Ukungazithembi okanye ukungazithathi lula izimvo zabo.
- Isidingo esigqithisileyo sokukholisa abanye okanye sokuthandwa ngumntu wonke.
- Ukukhathazeka ngendlela abanye abaza kusabela ngayo kwiimbono zabo, okanye ukoyika ukwaliwa.
- Uvakalelo oluphezulu xa kugxekwa, okanye imbali yokuba iimvakalelo zabo zingahoywa okanye ukungamkelwa .
- Ukungabikho kwezakhono eziphuhlileyo zokwazi ukuzithemba.
Izinto ezibangela ukuba umntu abe ndlongondlongo kakhulu ziquka:
- Ukuzithemba ngokugqithisileyo okanye ukuzikhukhumeza.
- Ukugxila kakhulu kwiimfuno zabo kunye nomnqweno wokunyanzelisa intando yabo kwabanye.
- Ukungaphumeleli ukufunda indlela yokuhlonipha okanye yokuqwalasela iimfuno kunye nezimvo zabanye.
- Ukungaziqhelisi ukumamela ngokuzimisela nokucela izimvo zabanye.
Nantsi into enceda umntu ukuba abe nesibindi ngokwenene :
- Ukuba nokuzithemba okuqinileyo .
- Ukukholelwa ukuba izimvo zakho neemvakalelo zakho zifanelekile kwaye unelungelo lokuziveza.
- Ukunyamezela —ukukwazi ukusingatha ukugxekwa, ukwaliwa, kunye nokusilela ngobubele.
- Ukuhlonipha iminqweno neemfuno zabanye.
- Ukuba nemizekelo emihle yokuzithemba.
- Ukwazi ukuba iingcinga zakho kunye nonxibelelwano lwakho oluqinileyo bezixatyiswa kwixesha elidlulileyo.
Ungaba njani nesibindi ngakumbi?
Ukuzithemba kubandakanya ukuziqhelanisa nezakhono zonxibelelwano kunye nokuhlakulela ingqondo ephilileyo. Nangona abanye abantu bekwazi ukuzithemba ngokwemvelo, abanye banokufuna ukuziqhelanisa okungakumbi. Nangona kunjalo, wonke umntu unokuphucula esi zakhono.
Nantsi indlela yokwenza oku:
Okokuqala, cinga ngendlela onxibelelana ngayo ngoku—ngaba ungumntu ongenzi nto, onobundlongondlongo, okanye onesibindi? Gqiba ekubeni ngaba kufuneka unciphise ukungabi namdla, uthomalalise ubundlongondlongo bakho, okanye uphucule ngakumbi iimpawu zakho zendalo zokuzingisa.
Ukunciphisa ukungasebenzi kakuhle nokwandisa ukuzithemba:
- Ziqaphele iingcinga zakho, iimvakalelo zakho kunye nezinto ozithandayo. Kufuneka uzazi ezi zinto wena ngokwakho ngaphambi kokuba uziveze kwabanye.
- Qaphela ukuba uhlala uphendula imibuzo ngokuthi “Andazi,” “Andikhathali,” okanye “Nokuba yintoni na elungileyo.” Yeka ukwenza oku. Ziqhelise ukuveza izinto ozithandayo, nokuba zizinto ezincinci. Umzekelo, ukuba ubuzwa, “Ukhetha le iluhlaza okanye le ibomvu?” ungathi, “Ndikhetha le iluhlaza—enkosi.”
- Ziqhelise ukwenza izicelo. Umzekelo: "Ndingacela undinike icephe?" "Ndifuna ipeni; ngaba kukho umntu onayo enye?" "Ndingacela isihlalo?" Oku kwakha ukuzithemba okudingayo ukuze wenze izicelo ezibalulekileyo kamva.
- Chaza uluvo lwakho . Yabelana ngeengcinga zakho ngemuvi okanye ngesihloko esithile, kwaye uchaze isizathu sokuba uzive ngaloo ndlela.
- Ziqhelise ukusebenzisa "iingxelo ze-I" ezifana nokuthi "Ndifuna...", "Ndingathanda...", okanye "Ndivakalelwa...".
- Fumana umntu ongumzekelo oqinisekileyo—umntu ongengomntu othanda ukunyanzela abanye okanye ongqwabalala kakhulu. Jonga ukuba ungazixelisa na iimpawu zakhe ezintle.
- Zikhumbuze ukuba iingcinga zakho nezimvo zakho zibaluleke njengabo bonke abanye abantu. Ukuqonda ixabiso lakho sisiseko sokuzithemba, okulinganisela ukuzihlonipha kunye nentlonipho kwabanye.
Ukunciphisa ubundlobongela nokwandisa ukuzithemba:
- Yenza abanye bathethe.
- Jonga ukuba uyabaphazamisa abanye na. Ukuba uzibona usenza loo nto, yithi nje, "Uxolo—nceda uqhubeke," uze umyeke omnye umntu agqibe.
- Cela izimvo zabanye uze uphulaphule ngokwenene iimpendulo zabo.
- Xa ningavumelani, zama ukuyiveza loo nto ngaphandle kokumdelela omnye umntu. Endaweni yokuthi, "Yingcinga engenangqondo leyo," zama ukuthi, "Andivumelani nayo loo ndlela." Endaweni yokuhlasela ubuntu bomntu, gxila kwindlela aziphethe ngayo: "Ndivakalelwa kukuba abaziqwalaseli iimbono zabanye."
- Fumana umntu oza kuxelisa umzekelo wakhe okwaziyo ukuzithemba kakuhle aze azame ukubonakalisa intlonipho yakhe.
Kwanabo bazimiseleyo ngokwemvelo banokuqhubeka bephucula:
- Qhubeka ukhangela abantu abangumzekelo . Ukufunda yinkqubo yobomi bonke, nokuba uqala phi na!
- Zibone ukuba uzimisele nini . Abantu baziphatha ngendlela eyahlukileyo kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo. Uninzi lufumanisa kulula ukuzimisela xa lukunye nabahlobo kodwa lusokola nabantu abanegunya okanye abantu abatsha obaziyo. Xa ujongene nemeko enzima, zibuze, "Ndingamelana njani nale nto ukuba bendithetha nomhlobo wam osenyongweni?"
Ukuthetha ngokuzithemba kubonisa ukuba uzithemba. Ukwakha ukuzithemba linyathelo elibalulekileyo lokuba ngumntu ongcono kuwe!
Umyalezo wakho oya nawo ekhaya
Ndiyathemba ukuba ngoku uyiqonda kakuhle into yokuzithemba. Khumbula, oku akwenzeki ngobusuku obunye. Nangona kunjalo, ngokuziqhelanisa rhoqo, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kubona utshintsho oluhle.
- Iimvakalelo zakho, iingcinga zakho, kunye neemfuno zakho zifanelekile. Musa ukuzifihla.
- Musa ukuyekelela okanye ukuba ndlongondlongo. Zombini ezi ndlela zineengxaki zazo.
- Ukuzithemba kuthetha ukuthetha ngokunyaniseka ngelixa uzihlonipha wena nabanye.
- Qala kancinci. Ziqhelise ngokuthi izinto ezilula ezifana nokuthi, "Ndiyithanda le kunele."
- Baphulaphule kakuhle abanye. Ukuzithemba yincoko yabantu ababini, kungekuphela nje ngelizwi lakho.
- Musa ukuziva unetyala ukuba wenze impazamo okanye kufuneka uthi "hayi."
Zama ukufaka le mikhwa mincinci kubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla. Kungekudala uza kubona ubudlelwane bakho buphucuka kwaye uzive unoxolo olukhulu ngaphakathi kuwe. Ndikunqwenelela okuhle kwiNirogi Lanka!
Unxibelelwano, Impilo Yengqondo , Ukuzithemba, Ukuzithemba, Ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu, Ulawulo Lweemvakalelo , Indlela Yokuphila Esempilweni
