Ngaba uyazi ukuba ungayithetha njani kanye kanye into ekucingayo, ngentlonelo? Masithethe ngokuzibamba!

Namhlanje siza kuthetha ngento ebaluleke kakhulu ebomini bethu. Le yinto eza kukunceda nabahlobo bakho, nosapho lwakho, apho usebenza khona, apho ufunda khona, ngamafutshane , naphi na. Oko kukuthi, Ukuzithemba . Mhlawumbi ukhe waliva eli gama. Ngamafutshane, sibiza oku ngokuthi "Ukuzithemba" ngokuthi kukukwazi ukuthetha okusengqondweni yakho, iimfuno zakho, kunye nezimvo zakho ngendlela ecacileyo, enyanisekileyo, nenentlonelo , ngaphandle kokuzilimaza okanye ukwenzakalisa abanye.

Yintoni kanye kanye "ukuzithemba"?

Cinga ngale nto, '(Ukuzithemba)' yindlela nje ephilileyo yokuthetha . Kukukwazi ukuveza izimvo zakho ngokunyaniseka ngawe nangentlonelo kwabanye. Sijongana neemeko ezininzi yonke imihla. Nokuba kukubonisa umnqweno kumntu, ukubuza umbuzo kutitshala, okanye ukuthetha kakuhle kudliwanondlebe lomsebenzi okanye eyunivesithi, '(Ukuzithemba)' kubaluleke kakhulu.

Nangona kunjalo, le `(Assertiveness)` ayisiyonto iqhelekileyo kuye wonke umntu. Kukho abantu abathile, bathetha ngeentloni kakhulu (Too Passive) . Oko kukuthi, abathethi into esezingqondweni zabo, kwaye banqwala iintloko zabo xa beva oko kuthethwa ngabanye. Kukho abanye, indlela yabo yokuthetha inobundlongondlongo kakhulu (Too Aggressive) . Oko kukuthi, abacingi ngabanye, kwaye bathetha ngezinto zabo kuphela baze bakhwaze. Ngoko ke, le `(Assertiveness)` yeyona ndawo iphakathi kwezo zinto zimbini zigqithisileyo.

Nazi ezinye zezinto ezikwenza ube "ngumntu ozithembayo":

• Ungatsho into oyicingayo, okanye uveze indlela ovakalelwa ngayo.
• Ungacela into oyifunayo, into oyifunayo.
• Ungavumelani nabanye ngentlonelo .
• Ungangenisa izimvo zakho kunye neengcebiso.
• Ungathi "hayi" ngaphandle kokuba uzive unetyala.
• Ungathetha nomnye umntu.

Kutheni oku kubaluleke kangaka kuthi?

Unxibelelwano oluzithembayo lusinceda sifumane into esiyifunayo. Kodwa akupheleli apho. Ukuzithemba kuthetha ukuba siyazihlonipha thina nabanye.

Izithethi ezizimelayo zithumela umyalezo wokuba zizithembile. Aziboyiki kakhulu okanye zityhale abanye kakhulu. Ziyazi ukuba iimvakalelo kunye nezimvo zazo zibalulekile. Zizithembile .

Abantu abazithembayo benza abahlobo ngokulula. Bathetha ngentlonelo ngezidingo zabo nezabanye. Bakwazi kakuhle ukusombulula iingxabano nokungavisisani. Abo bahlonipha abanye bayahlonitshwa.

Uneentloni kakhulu? Ungqongqo kakhulu? Okanye akunjalo?

Uyazi njani ukuba ukuphi kweli zinga "lokuzithemba"? Nazi ezinye zemizekelo:

KaNimali (Ongakhathaliyo): Ukuba ubuza uNimali ukuba yeyiphi imuvi afuna ukuyibukela, mhlawumbi uya kuthi, "Andazi... ubungathanda ukubona ntoni?" Uhlala evumela abanye ukuba benze izigqibo, kodwa emva koko uyacaphuka kuba engakhange ayifumane into abeyifuna. Uziva kakubi kukuba ngabahlobo bakhe kuphela abathethayo. Kodwa naxa uNimali ezama ukujoyina incoko, uthetha kancinci kakhulu, kwaye abanye bengazi bathetha ngaye.

USurekha (Unolaka Kakhulu): USurekha akanangxaki yokuthetha into ayicingayo. Kodwa xa esenza njalo, ubonakala enomsindo kakhulu kwaye eneembono zakhe. USurekha uyalawula incoko, edla ngokuphazamisa abanye, kwaye akasoloko ephulaphula oko kuthethwa ngabanye. Ukuba akavumelani nawe, uyakwazisa – kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo kungenxa yokugculela okanye ngokwenzakalisa iimvakalelo zomnye umntu. Udume ngokuba nguzwilakhe kakhulu kwaye engacingi ngabanye abantu.

UChamalge (Ozithethelelayo): Ukuba ubuza uChamal ukuba athethe, uza kukuxelela ngokunyaniseka. Ukuba akavumelani nawe, uza kukuxelela – kodwa hayi ngendlela ekwenza uzive ngathi awulunganga okanye ekwenza uzive ngathi awulunganga. UChamal naye unomdla kuluvo lwakho. Uyamamela into oyithethayo. Nokuba uChamal akavumelani nawe, usavakalelwa kukuba uyayihlonipha imbono yakho.

Kwenzeka ntoni xa sigcina iingcinga zethu kuthi (singenzi nto kakhulu)...

Abantu abangenzi nto kakhulu banokuziva ngathi abanye bayabasebenzisa. Basenokuziva bebuhlungu, benomsindo, okanye bedanile.

Xa ugcina iingcinga zakho neemvakalelo zakho zivaliwe ngaphakathi, abanye abayi kukwazi ukukuqonda ngokwenene. Iingcamango zakho neengcebiso zakho aziyi kuba luncedo kwiqela.

Ukuba uqala ukuziva ngathi izimvo okanye iimvakalelo zakho azixatyiswanga, oko kunokunciphisa ukuzithemba kwakho. Kunokunciphisa namathuba okuba izimvo zakho ezilungileyo zamkelwe kwaye ziphendulwe. Oku ngamanye amaxesha kunokukhokelela kwimeko efana nokudakumba .

Khumbula: nelizwi lakho lixabisekile. Musa ukulithulisa!

Kuza kwenzeka ntoni ukuba udla ngokuba ndlongondlongo kakhulu kuyo yonke into?

Abantu ababonakala benobundlongondlongo kakhulu banokuba nobunzima bokugcina abahlobo. Banokubaxinanisa abanye xa bethetha, baze baveze izimvo zabo ngendlela engqongqo nenamandla. Oku kunokwenza abanye bazive bengakhathalelwanga kwaye bengahlonitshwa.

Abantu abanesimo sobundlobongela basenokukwazi ukwenza abanye benze into abayifunayo, kodwa badla ngokuzifumana bengafunwa okanye bengathandwa ngabanye.Intlonipho iyalahleka.

Kutheni wonke umntu engaziphathi ngendlela ethi "(Assertive)"?

Kutheni abanye abantu bethetha "ngokuzingisa" ngelixa abanye bengenzi nto okanye benobundlongondlongo? Esinye isizathu soku bubuntu babo. Esinye isizathu yimikhwa esiyenzayo kunye namava esinawo. Nangona kunjalo, sifunda ukuba "ngabazithembileyo", "abangenzi nto", okanye "abanobundlongondlongo" ngokujonga indlela abanye - ingakumbi abo basikhulisayo - abaziphatha ngayo.

Nazi ezinye izinto ezinokwenza umntu aziphathe ngendlela engathandekiyo :

• Ukungazithembi okanye ukungazixabisi izimvo zakho.
• Ukucinga kakhulu ngokufuna ukukholisa abanye nokufuna ukuba abanye bakuthande.
• Ukukhathazeka malunga nokuba abanye baza kuvumelana nezimvo zakho okanye baza kukwala.
• Ukuba novelwano kakhulu xa kugxekwa, okanye ukuba ukhe waziva ubuhlungu ngaphambili xa iingcinga zakho zinganakwa okanye zingamkelwa .
• Ukuba "ngumntu oqinisekileyo" kuthetha ukuba awuzange uphuhlise izakhono ezifunekayo.

Nazi izinto ezinokubangela ukuba umntu aziphathe ngendlela erhabaxa kakhulu :

• Ukuzithemba ngokugqithisileyo .
• Ukucinga kakhulu ngokufezekisa iimfuno zakho nokuveza izimvo zakho kuphela.
• Ukungafundi ukuhlonipha nokuqwalasela izimvo okanye iimfuno zabanye abantu.
• Abafundanga ukumamela abanye nokucela izimvo zabo.

Ezi zizinto ezikhokelela umntu ekubeni aziphathe ngendlela eyiyo (`Assertive`) :

• Ukuzithemba okuhle .
• Ekholelwa ukuba izimvo zakhe zibalulekile, iimvakalelo zakhe zixabisekile, kwaye unelungelo lokuziveza.
• Ukumelana nobunzima (oko kukuthi, ukukwazi ukujongana nokugxekwa, ukwaliwa, kunye nokusilela).
• Ukuhlonipha iminqweno neemfuno zabanye.
• Ukuba nemizekelo emihle `(Ukuzithemba)`.
• Ukwazi ukuba izimvo zakho zamkelwe kwaye ukuzithemba kwakho kwaxatyiswa kwixesha elidlulileyo.

Singaba njani "abazithembileyo" ngakumbi?

Ukuzithemba kubandakanya ukuziqhelanisa nezakhono ezithile zonxibelelwano nokuba nesimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo. Abanye abantu bazalwa bekwazi ukuzithemba. Abanye bafuna ukuziqhelanisa ngakumbi. Kodwa, wonke umntu angakuphuhlisa oku.

Nantsi indlela yokwenza oku:

Okokuqala, cinga ukuba zeziphi kwezi ndlela zintathu zonxibelelwano (`(Assertive)`, `(Passive)`, okanye `(Aggressive)`) oqhelene nazo kakhulu. Emva koko gqiba kwelokuba kufuneka ungabi nantloni kangako, ungabi nalugonyamelo, okanye ube nesibindi ngakumbi kunokuba unjalo ngokwendalo.

Ukuze unciphise ukungabi namdla kwaye wonyuse ukuzithemba, yenza oku kulandelayo:

• Lumka ngento oyicingayo, into oyivayo, into oyifunayo, nento oyithandayo. Kufuneka uzazi ezi zinto ngaphambi kokuba uxelele abanye.
• Xa umntu ekubuza ukuba ufuna ntoni, qaphela ukuba uthi, "Andazi," "Andikhathali," okanye "Akukho ngxaki." Yeka ukuthetha loo nto. Ziqhelise ukuthetha into oyifunayo, ingakumbi kwizinto ezincinci. Umzekelo, ukuba umntu ubuza athi, "Uyayifuna le iluhlaza okanye le ibomvu?" ungathi, "Ndiyayithanda le iluhlaza – enkosi."
• Ziqhelise ukucela izinto. Umzekelo: "Ndingafumana icephe, nceda?" "Ndifuna ipeni - ngaba ukhona umntu onenye?" "Ndingafumana isihlalo?" Oku kuya kwakha izakhono kunye nokuzithemba okudingayo ukuze ucele izinto ezibaluleke ngakumbi xa kufuneka.
• Sixelele uluvo lwakho . Sixelele ukuba uyayithanda okanye awuyithandi imuvi oyibukeleyo, kwaye kutheni.
• Ziqhelise ukusebenzisa amazwi athi "Ndi" afana nokuthi "Ndifuna..." "Ndingathanda..." okanye "Ndivakalelwa..." .
• Fumana umzekelo omhle oqinisekileyo – oko kukuthi, ongenamahloni kakhulu, ongengomsindo kakhulu. Jonga ukuba ungazixelisa na iimpawu ezintle zaloo mntu.
• Zikhumbuze ukuba izimvo zakho nezimvo zakho zibaluleke njengabo bonke abanye abantu. Ukwazi oku kuya kukunceda ube "ngumntu oqinisekileyo." Ukuzithemba kuqala ngesimo sengqondo sangaphakathi esixabisa abanye kwaye sizixabise.

Ukuze unciphise uBundlongondlongo kwaye wonyuse ukuzithemba, yenza oku kulandelayo:

• Mabathethe abanye kuqala.
• Lumka abantu abakuphazamisayo ngelixa uthetha. Ukuba oko kuyenzeka, yibambe uze uthi, "Uxolo - utsho!" uze uvumele omnye umntu agqibe.
• Cela omnye umntu ukuba akunike ingcinga uze umamele impendulo yakhe.
• Xa ningavumelani, zama ukuveza uluvo lwakho ngaphandle kokumdelela omnye umntu. Umzekelo, endaweni yokuthi, "Yingcinga engenangqondo leyo," zama ukuthi, "Andiyithandi loo ngcinga." Okanye, endaweni yokuthi, "Ungumntu ombi kakhulu," zama ukuthi, "Andicingi ukuba uyabakhathalela abanye abantu."
• Fumana umzekelo omhle oqinisekileyo – oko kukuthi, ongenamahloni kakhulu, ongengomsindo kakhulu. Jonga ukuba ungazixelisa na iimpawu ezintle zaloo mntu.

Abantu abazimiseleyo ngokwendalo banokuphucula ngakumbi izakhono zabo:

• Ukuba "ngumntu ozithembayo" - oko kukuthi, ungabi neentloni kakhulu, ungabi krwada kakhulu -Fumana abantu ababalaseleyo abangumzekelo. Jonga ukuba ungakwazi na ukulinganisa iimpawu zabo ezilungileyo. (Ungafumanisa ukuba le yingcebiso efanayo esiyinika ukunceda abantu abaneentloni okanye abanobundlongondlongo. Kungenxa yokuba asiyeki ukufunda!)
• Cinga ngexesha ozimisele kakhulu ngalo . Abantu baziphatha ngokwahlukileyo kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo. Kwabaninzi, kulula ukuzimisela kwezinye iimeko (njengakubahlobo), kodwa ngumceli mngeni kwezinye (njengakubafundisi -ntsapho okanye abantu abatsha). Kwiimeko ezinzima, zama ukuzibuza, "Ndingathini ukuba bendikunye nabahlobo bam abasenyongweni?"

Xa uthetha ngokuzithemba, kubonisa ukuba uyazikholelwa. Ukuphuhlisa ukuzithemba linyathelo eliya ekubeni ngumntu ofuna ukuba nguye, eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuphila!

Eyona nto ibalulekileyo omele uye nayo ekhaya (Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya)

Kulungile, ngoku unombono olungileyo wento ebesithetha ngayo, ``(Ukuzithemba)''. Khumbula, le asinto onokuyitshintsha ngobusuku obunye. Kodwa ngokuziqhelanisa, ngokuqinisekileyo uza kubona umahluko.

• Iimvakalelo zakho, izimvo zakho, kunye neemfuno zakho zixabiseke kakhulu. Musa ukuzifihla.
• Musa ukungenzi nto, musa ukuba ndlongondlongo. Sithethe ngezinto ezingaphakathi nezingaphandle kwazo zombini.
• Ukuzithemba kuthetha ukuthetha ngokunyanisekileyo okusentliziyweni yakho, ukuhlonipha abanye kunye nokuzihlonipha.
• Qala ngezinto ezincinci. Ziqhelise ukuthetha into elula efana nokuthi, "Ndiyithanda loo mbala ngaphezu kwalo mbala."
• Mamela ngononophelo oko kuthethwa ngabanye. Ukuzithemba akuthethi nje ukuthetha into yakho.
• Nokuba wenze impazamo okanye kufuneka uthi hayi, musa ukuziva unetyala ngayo.

Zama ukufaka la macebiso mancinci kubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla. Uza kubona ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buza kuba ngcono kangakanani kwaye uza kuziva ulula kangakanani. Uyaphumelela!

Unxibelelwano, Impilo Yengqondo , Ukuzithemba, Ukuzithemba, Ubudlelwane Phakathi Kwabantu, Ulawulo Lweemvakalelo , Indlela Yokuphila Esempilweni