Uzizwe kanjani lapho othile ethi kuwe, "Kwenzenjani, yehlisa umoya," "Yiba nombono oqondile," noma "Konke kuzolunga," lapho ubhekene nesikhathi esinzima, ukudabuka, noma inkinga? Ngezinye izikhathi, esikhundleni sokusiphulukisa, lawo mazwi asilimaza kakhulu. Asenza sizizwe sengathi akekho oqonda ubuhlungu nokuhlupheka kwethu. Yilokho esikubiza ngokuthi 'ubuhle obunobuthi .' Lesi yisihloko esibaluleke kakhulu. Ake sixoxe ngalokhu ngokujulile.
Kuyini ngempela i-Toxic Positivity?
Kalula nje, i-Toxic Positivity inqubo yokuzama ukuba nombono omuhle nokujabula kunoma yisiphi isimo esinzima noma esidabukisayo, ngokuphika leyo mizwa. Kusho ukubiza imizwa efana nokudabuka, intukuthelo, nokwesaba ngokuthi 'kubi', ukuyicindezela, nokuzama ukubonisa imizwa 'emihle' kuphela. Lokhu sikwenza kithi, kanye nakwabanye.
Ake silalele indaba kaHannah Olivas ukuze sikuqonde lokhu. Ngo-2017, lapho uHannah eneminyaka engu-42 ubudala, odokotela bamthola ene- multiple myeloma , uhlobo lomdlavuza wegazi. Lapho uHannah ezwa ukuthi lesi yisifo esingelapheki, ekuqaleni wathukuthela kakhulu, wabe esezizwa esaba kakhulu. Omunye udokotela wamtshela ukuthi usenonyaka aphile. Omunye wathi useneminyaka engaba mihlanu. Omunye wathi akakwazi ukusho lutho ngaso.
Cabanga ukuthi kumelwe ukuba kwakunjani ngesikhathi esinjengaleso. Kodwa abanye babangane bakaHannah basho izinto ezimangalisa kakhulu. "Uzophila kahle!", "Ungadlula kulokhu!", "Unamandla kakhulu!" Bonke babesho izinto ezinjalo. Ngisho noma uHannah ayazi ukuthi bazama ukusiza, "ukusekelwa okuphoqelelwe" okuqhubekayo ayekuzwa kwenza kwaba nzima ngaye ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakhe yangempela.
UHannah uthi, "Ngacabanga, 'Linda kancane. Anginawo ngisho nowodwa umbono omuhle okwamanje. Ngithukuthele kakhulu futhi ngidabukile. Nginelungelo lokuba njalo.'"
I-Toxic Positivity isenzo sokwenza lula inkinga eyinkimbinkimbi nokuzama ukuyibeka ngenkani isici esihle, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sinjani ngempela.
Kungani le 'nhloso enhle' ngezinye izikhathi iphenduka ubuthi?
Ngokusho kwesazi sezengqondo uWhitney Goodman, noma ngabe umuntu unezinhloso ezinhle, i-Toxic Positivity ibangela "ingcindezi eqhubekayo yokuba nenjabulo noma ukuphishekela injabulo , kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sinjani."
1. Ukucindezela imizwa
Sonke sizizwa imizwa efana nokudabuka, intukuthelo, ukwesaba, nokukhungatheka. Lezi ziyingxenye evamile yokuphila kwethu. Kodwa ukuzithemba okunobuthi kusenza sicindezele le mizwa, sicabanga ukuthi 'ayilungile.' Kodwa ukuyicindezela akuyenzi iphele. Njengoba uGoodman esho, "Leyo mizwa ecindezelwe iphuma kwezinye izindawo zokuphila kwakho, ngezinye izikhathi ngendlela enzima kakhulu." Isibonelo, ungase ube nezinkinga zokulala, izinguquko emikhubeni yakho yokudla, noma izinguquko esimweni sakho sengqondo .
2. Ukuzizwa unesizungu (Ukuzihlukanisa)
Uma umngane wakho ehlala elindele ukuthi ubone okuhle kuwe kuphela, ungase uyeke ukukhuluma naye ngemizwa yakho yangempela ngoba wesaba ukuthi bazokwahlulela noma bayeke ukukhuluma nawe. Lokhu kuzokwenza uzizwe unesizungu nakakhulu. Lokhu kungenza umuntu okusizayo kanye nomuntu othola usizo bazizwe benesizungu.
3. Ukuzizwa unecala
Uma wonke umuntu ekutshela ukuthi "yiba nombono omuhle" kodwa ungakwazi, ungaqala ukuzizwa unecala ngawe. Uqala ukucabanga, "Ingabe kukhona okungahambi kahle ngami? Kungani ngingajabuli?" Lokhu kwandisa amazinga akho okucindezeleka .
Ngakho-ke sisabela kanjani kulokhu ngendlela efanele?
Ngisho noma sinezinhloso ezinhle, mhlawumbe sisho izinto ezinjengalezi ngezinye izikhathi. Into ebaluleke kakhulu ukulalela ubuhlungu bomuntu bese umvumela ukuba abuzwe. Bheka leli thebula.
| Indlela yokubiza ngokuthi i-Toxic Positivity (toxic) | Indlela yokusiza ngempela (ngozwela) |
|---|---|
| "Ungakhali, yiba namandla." | "Kulungile ukukhala. Vele uveze okusengqondweni yakho. Ngilapha." |
| "Yiba nombono oqondile! Konke kuzolunga." | "Ngiyaqonda ukuthi lesi yisikhathi esinzima kakhulu kuwe. Ngingakusiza kanjani?" |
| "Kwakuhloswe ukuba kube njalo. Konke kwenzeka ngendlela engcono kakhulu." | "Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi lokho kwenzeke kuwe. Uma ufuna ukukhuluma ngakho, ngizokulalela." |
| "Bheka abanye, banezinkinga eziningi." | "Ubuhlungu bakho buyiqiniso. Akudingeki ubuqhathanise nezinkinga zabanye abantu. Imizwa yakho ibalulekile." |
Qaphela ulimi lwakho.
Uma othile ekutshela inkinga yakhe, mlalele esikhundleni sokuzama ukuyixazulula . Buza imibuzo. Ukubuza imibuzo efana nokuthi, "Uzizwa kanjani?" noma "Ngingakwenzelani?" kuzomenza azi ukuthi uyayihlonipha imizwa yakhe.
Jwayela ukuphila nemizwa engakhululekile.
Yamukela ukuthi kuyinto evamile ngabanye ukuzwa usizi nobuhlungu, njengoba nje nathi senza. Uma othile ekhala phambi kwakho, ungacasuki. Kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi uyakwethemba. Ngisho nokuthula naye ngaleso sikhathi kungaba usizo olukhulu.
Ukusebenzisa inkulumo eyiqiniso efana nokuthi, "Ngibhekene nesikhathi esinzima njengamanje, kodwa ngithemba ukuthi lesi sikhathi sizodlula maduze," kunempilo kunokuzikhohlisa ngokuthi, "Kulungile, kunjalo."
Uma sibuyela endabeni kaHannah, kamuva waqala ukufundisa abangani bakhe nge-Toxic Positivity ngendlela emnene kakhulu. "Ngafunda ukusebenzisa izwi lami nokuzikhulumela," usho kanje. Iseluleko sakhe sithi, "Yiba nothile, yiba ngokoqobo, futhi ubuze imibuzo."
"Angicabangi ukuthi abantu benza i-Toxic Positivity ngamabomu . Ngicabanga ukuthi abazi. Ubuchopho babo buqondiswe ukusho lokho abacabanga ukuthi kulungile. Kodwa uma besilalela ngempela lapho sikhuluma, esikhundleni sokuzama ukusinika impendulo, lokho kungaba kuhle," kusho uHannah.
Uma uzizwa ngale ndlela, ungesabi ukukhuluma ngakho. Khuluma nomngane omethembayo, ilungu lomndeni, noma udokotela wakho. Impilo yengqondo ibaluleke njengempilo yomzimba .
Umlayezo Wokuya Nawe Ekhaya
- Kuyinganekwane ukuthi kufanele sihlale sijabule. Kukhona indawo ezimpilweni zethu yazo zonke izinhlobo zemizwa, kusukela osizini kuya entukuthelweni kuya ekwesabeni. Kuvamile ukuyizwa.
- Ungazami ukucindezela imizwa yakho noma yabanye ngokukhuluma amagama anjengokuthi “ama-positive vibes kuphela.” Lokho kuzolimaza kakhulu kunokuhle.
- Indlela engcono kakhulu yokusiza umuntu onenkinga ukulalela ngokucophelela nokuhlonipha imizwa yakhe kunokunikeza izixazululo. Ukuthi, "Nginawe" kufanele iseluleko esiyinkulungwane.
- Uma nawe unenkinga yokulawula imizwa yakho, khuluma nomuntu omethembayo ngakho. Uma kudingeka, ungangabazi ukufuna iseluleko kudokotela noma kuchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo.
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