Uyazi ukuthi ungakusho kanjani ngqo okusengqondweni yakho, ngenhlonipho? Ake sixoxe ngokuzigqaja!

Namuhla sizokhuluma ngento ebaluleke kakhulu empilweni yethu. Lokhu kuyinto ezokusiza ngabangani bakho, nomndeni wakho, lapho usebenza khona, lapho ufunda khona, ngamafuphi , yonke indawo. Lokho kusho ukuqiniseka . Mhlawumbe uke wezwa leli gama. Kalula nje, sibiza lokhu ngokuthi "ukuqiniseka" ngokuthi ikhono lokusho okusengqondweni yakho, izidingo zakho, kanye nemibono yakho ngendlela ecacile, eqotho, nenenhlonipho , ngaphandle kokuzilimaza wena noma abanye.

Kuyini ngempela "ukuzigqaja"?

Cabanga ngakho, '(Ukuzethemba)' kuyindlela enempilo yokukhuluma . Kuyikhono lokuveza imibono yakho ngokwethembeka ngawe nangenhlonipho kwabanye. Sibhekana nezimo eziningi nsuku zonke. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuveza isifiso kothile, ukubuza umbuzo kuthisha, noma ukukhuluma kahle engxoxweni yomsebenzi noma eyunivesithi, '(Ukuzethemba)' kubaluleke kakhulu.

Kodwa-ke, lokhu '(Ukuzigqaja)' akuyona into efika ngokwemvelo kuwo wonke umuntu. Kukhona abanye abantu, bakhuluma ngamahloni kakhulu (Ukungaziphathi kahle) . Okusho ukuthi, abasho okusezingqondweni zabo, futhi banqekuzisa amakhanda abo kulokho okushiwo abanye. Kukhona abanye, isitayela sabo sinolaka kakhulu (Ukuzigqaja kakhulu) . Okusho ukuthi, abacabangi ngabanye, futhi bakhuluma ngezinto zabo kuphela futhi bamemeza. Ngakho-ke, lokhu '(Ukuzigqaja)' kuyisiqalo esiphakathi kwalezo zindlela ezimbili eziqine kakhulu.

Nazi ezinye izinto ezikwenza wenze sengathi "unesibindi":

• Ungasho okucabangayo, noma uveze okuzwayo.
• Ungacela okufunayo, okudingayo.
• Ungaphikisana nabanye ngenhlonipho .
• Ungathumela imibono neziphakamiso zakho.
• Ungathi "cha" ngaphandle kokuzizwa unecala.
• Ungakhulumela omunye umuntu.

Kungani lokhu kubaluleke kangaka kithi?

Ukuxhumana ngokuqiniseka kusisiza sithole esikufunayo. Kodwa akugcini lapho. Ukuqiniseka kusho ukuthi siyazihlonipha thina nabanye.

Izikhulumi eziziqinisayo zithumela umyalezo wokuthi ziyazethemba. Azisabi kakhulu noma zicindezele abanye kakhulu. Ziyazi ukuthi imizwa nemibono yazo ibalulekile. Ziyazethemba .

Abantu abanesibindi benza abangane kalula. Baxhumana ngenhlonipho ngezidingo zabo kanye nezabanye. Banekhono futhi ekuxazululeni izingxabano nokungavumelani. Labo abahlonipha abanye nabo bayahlonishwa.

Unamahloni kakhulu? Unesandla esiqinile? Noma kulungile?

Wazi kanjani ukuthi umi kuphi kulesi sikali "sokuzigqaja"? Nazi ezinye izibonelo:

KaNimali (Okungenandaba): Uma ubuza uNimali ukuthi iyiphi ifilimu afuna ukuyibuka, cishe uzothi, "Angazi... ungathanda ukubuka ini?" Ngokuvamile uvumela abanye ukuba benze izinqumo, kodwa bese ecasuka ngokuthi akakutholanga ayekufuna. Uzizwa kabi nokuthi abangani bakhe kuphela abakhulumayo. Kodwa ngisho nalapho uNimali ezama ukujoyina ingxoxo, ukhuluma kancane kakhulu, kanti abanye bengazi bakhuluma ngaye.

USurekha (Onolaka Kakhulu): USurekha akanankinga yokukhuluma akucabangayo. Kodwa uma enza kanjalo, ubonakala enomsindo kakhulu futhi enemibono evulekile. USurekha uyabusa engxoxweni, evame ukuphazamisa abanye, futhi akavamile ukulalela lokho abanye abakushoyo. Uma engavumelani nawe, uyakwazisa – kodwa ngokuvamile kungenxa yokubhuqa noma ngokulimaza imizwa yomunye umuntu. Unedumela lokuba negunya elikhulu futhi engacabangi ngabanye.

UChamalge (Oziqinisayo): Uma ubuza uChamal umbono wakhe, uzokutshela ngokwethembeka. Uma engavumelani nawe, uzokutshela - kodwa hhayi ngendlela ekwenza uzizwe sengathi unephutha. UChamal naye unesithakazelo embonweni wakho. Uyakulalela lokho okushoyo. Ngisho noma uChamal engavumelani nawe, usazizwa sengathi uyawuhlonipha umbono wakho.

Kwenzekani uma sigcina imicabango yethu kithi (singenzi lutho kakhulu)...

Abantu abangenzi lutho kakhulu bangase bazizwe sengathi abanye bayabasebenzisa. Bangase bazizwe belimele, bethukuthele, noma bekhungathekile.

Uma ugcina imicabango nemizwa yakho ivaliwe ngaphakathi, abanye ngeke bakwazi ukukwazi nokukuqonda ngempela. Imibono neziphakamiso zakho ngeke zibe usizo eqenjini.

Uma uqala ukuzizwa sengathi imibono noma imizwa yakho ayibalulekile, kunganciphisa ukuzethemba kwakho. Kunganciphisa namathuba okuba imibono yakho emihle yamukelwe futhi iphendulwe. Lokhu ngezinye izikhathi kungaholela ngisho nasesimweni esifana nokucindezeleka .

Khumbula: izwi lakho libalulekile futhi. Ungalithulisi!

Kwenzekani uma ulwa kakhulu nakho konke?

Abantu ababonakala benolaka kakhulu bangaba nobunzima bokugcina abangane. Bangase bahlule abanye ezingxoxweni, futhi baveze imibono yabo ngendlela enamandla kakhulu nenamandla. Lokhu kungenza abanye bazizwe benganakwa futhi bengahlonishwa.

Abantu abanesitayela sobudlova bangase bakwazi ukwenza abanye benze abakufunayo, kodwa bavame ukuzithola benqatshwa noma bengathandwa abanye.Inhlonipho iyalahleka.

Kungani wonke umuntu engaziphathi ngendlela ethi "(Assertive)"?

Kungani abanye abantu bekhuluma "ngokuzigqaja" kanti abanye bangenzi lutho noma banolaka? Esinye isizathu salokhu ubuntu babo. Esinye isizathu yimikhuba esiyakhayo kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho esinakho. Kodwa-ke, sifunda ukuba "ngabazigodli", "abangenzi lutho", noma "abanolaka" ngokubuka indlela abanye - ikakhulukazi labo abasikhulisayo - abaziphatha ngayo.

Nazi ezinye izinto ezingenza umuntu aziphathe ngendlela enganaki kakhulu :

• Ukungazethembi noma ukubaluleka kwemibono yakho.
• Ukucabanga kakhulu ngokufuna ukujabulisa abanye nokufuna abanye bakuthande.
• Ukukhathazeka ngokuthi abanye bazovumelana yini nemibono yakho noma bazokwenqaba.
• Ukuba nomuzwa wokuzwela kakhulu ekugxekweni, noma ukuthi wake wabhekana nemizwa ebuhlungu lapho imibono yakho inganakwa noma yenqatshwa .
• Ukuba "nokuzimisela" kusho ukungathuthukisi amakhono adingekayo.

Lezi yizinto ezingabangela umuntu ukuthi aziphathe kabi kakhulu :

• Ukuzethemba ngokweqile .
• Ukucabanga kakhulu ngokugcwalisa izidingo zakho nokuveza imibono yakho kuphela.
• Njengoba ngingakafundi ukuhlonipha nokucabangela imibono noma izidingo zabanye.
• Abakafundi ukulalela abanye nokucela imibono yabo.

Lezi yizinto eziholela umuntu ekuziphatheni ngendlela efanele (`Ukuzigqaja`) :

• Ukuzethemba okuhle .
• Ekholelwa ukuthi imibono yomuntu ibalulekile, imizwa yakhe ibalulekile, futhi unelungelo lokuyiveza.
• Ukuqina (okungukuthi, ukukwazi ukubhekana nokugxekwa, ukwenqatshwa, kanye nokwehluleka).
• Ukuhlonipha izifiso nezidingo zabanye.
• Ukuba nezibonelo ezinhle `(Ukuzigqaja)`.
• Ukwazi ukuthi imibono yakho yamukelwa nokuthi ukuqiniseka kwakho kwakwaziswa esikhathini esidlule.

Singaba kanjani "abazigomelayo" kakhudlwana?

Ukuqiniseka kuhilela ukuzijwayeza amakhono athile okuxhumana nokuba nesimo sengqondo esifanele. Abanye abantu bazalwa benekhono lokuqiniseka. Abanye badinga ukuzijwayeza okwengeziwe. Kodwa, wonke umuntu angakuthuthukisa lokhu.

Nansi indlela:

Okokuqala, cabanga ngokuthi yiziphi kulezi zindlela ezintathu zokuxhumana (`(Assertive)`, `(Passive)`, noma `(Aggressive)`) ojwayelene nazo kakhulu. Bese unquma ukuthi udinga yini ukungabi namahloni, ukungabi nolaka, noma ukuqiniseka kakhulu kunalokho oyikho ngokwemvelo.

Ukuze unciphise ukungazithibi futhi wandise ukuzethemba, yenza okulandelayo:

• Qaphela ukuthi ucabangani, uzizwa kanjani, ufunani, uthandani. Udinga ukuqaphela lezi zinto ngaphambi kokuba utshele abanye.
• Uma othile ekubuza ukuthi ufunani, qaphela uma uthi, "Angazi," "Anginandaba," noma "Akunankinga lokho." Yeka ukusho lokho. Zijwayeze ukusho okufunayo, ikakhulukazi ezintweni ezincane. Isibonelo, uma othile ebuza, "Uyayifuna eluhlaza noma obomvu?" ungathi, "Ngiyayithanda eluhlaza - ngiyabonga."
• Prakthiza ukucela izinto. Isibonelo: "Ngicela isipuni?" "Ngidinga ipeni - ingabe ukhona onelinye elengeziwe?" "Ngingahlala esihlalweni?" Lokhu kuzokwakha amakhono nokuzethemba okudingayo ukuze ucele izinto ezibaluleke kakhulu uma udinga.
• Sitshele umbono wakho . Sitshele ukuthi uyithandile noma awuyithandi yini ifilimu oyibukile, nokuthi kungani.
• Prakthiza ukusebenzisa izinkulumo ezithi "Mina" njengokuthi "Ngifuna..." "Ngingathanda..." noma "Ngizizwa..." .
• Thola umuntu ozoba yisibonelo esihle onesibindi – okungukuthi, ongenamahloni kakhulu, ongenolaka kakhulu. Bona ukuthi ungakwazi yini ukulingisa izimfanelo ezinhle zalowo muntu.
• Zikhumbuze ukuthi imibono yakho nemibono yakho ibaluleke njengeyabanye abantu. Ukwazi lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi ube "nokuqiniseka." Ukuqiniseka kuqala ngesimo sengqondo sangaphakathi esibheka abanye njengabantu futhi esibazisa wena.

Ukuze unciphise ulaka futhi wandise ukuzibamba, yenza okulandelayo:

• Vumela abanye bakhulume kuqala.
• Qaphela abantu abakuphazamisayo ngenkathi ukhuluma. Uma lokho kwenzeka, kubambe bese uthi, "O, ngiyaxolisa - ukusho!" bese uvumela omunye umuntu aqede.
• Cela omunye umuntu umbono bese ulalela impendulo yakhe.
• Uma ningavumelani, zama ukuveza umbono wakho ngaphandle kokwehlisa omunye umuntu. Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi, "Lowo ngumbono oyisiwula," zama ukuthi, "Angiwuthandi ngempela lowo mbono." Noma, esikhundleni sokuthi, "Ungumuntu omubi kakhulu," zama ukuthi, "Angicabangi ukuthi uyabakhathalela abanye abantu."
• Thola umuntu ozoba yisibonelo esihle onesibindi – okungukuthi, ongenamahloni kakhulu, ongenolaka kakhulu. Bona ukuthi ungakwazi yini ukulingisa izimfanelo ezinhle zalowo muntu.

Abantu abanesibindi ngokwemvelo bangathuthukisa amakhono abo:

• Ukuba "ozigqajayo" - okungukuthi, ukungabi namahloni kakhulu, ukungabi luhlaza kakhulu -Thola izibonelo ezinhle. Bona ukuthi ungakwazi yini ukulingisa izimfanelo zabo ezinhle kakhulu. (Ungathola ukuthi lesi yiseluleko esifanayo esisinikezayo ukusiza izitayela ezinamahloni noma ezinolaka. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi asikaze siyeke ukufunda!)
• Cabanga ngesikhathi oqine ngaso kakhulu . Abantu baziphatha ngendlela ehlukile ezimweni ezahlukene. Kwabaningi, kulula ukuqina kwezinye izimo (njengabangane), kodwa kuyinselele kwezinye ( njengabothisha noma abantu abasha). Ezimweni ezinzima, zama ukuzibuza, "Bengizothini ukube benginabangane bami abakhulu?"

Uma ukhuluma ngokuzikhandla, kukhombisa ukuthi uyazethemba. Ukuthuthukisa ukuzikhandla kuyisinyathelo esisodwa sokuba umuntu ofuna ukuba yiye, uhlobo oluhle kakhulu lwakho!

Into ebaluleke kakhulu okufanele uye nayo ekhaya (Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya)

Kulungile, manje usunomqondo omuhle ngalokho ebesikhuluma ngakho, ``(Ukuzibophezela)''. Khumbula, lokhu akuyona into ongayishintsha ngobusuku obubodwa. Kodwa ngokuzijwayeza, uzobona umehluko nakanjani.

• Imizwa yakho, imibono yakho, nezidingo zakho zibaluleke kakhulu. Ungazifihli.
• Ungabi ngumuntu ongenzi lutho, ungabi nolaka. Sikhulume ngezinto ezingaphakathi nezingaphandle kwazo zombili.
• Ukuqiniseka kusho ukukhuluma okusenhliziyweni yakho ngokwethembeka, ukuhlonipha abanye nokuzihlonipha wena.
• Qala ngezinto ezincane. Prakthiza ukusho into elula njengokuthi, "Ngithanda lowo mbala kangcono kunalo mbala."
• Lalela ngokucophelela lokho okushiwo abanye. Ukuzibamba akukhona nje ukusho okwakho.
• Ngisho noma wenza iphutha noma kufanele uthi cha, ungazizwa unecala ngalokho.

Zama ukufaka lawa macebiso amancane empilweni yakho yansuku zonke. Uzobona ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho buzoba ngcono kangakanani nokuthi uzozizwa ulula kangakanani. Uyanqoba!

Ukuxhumana, Impilo Yengqondo , Ukuqiniseka, Ukuzethemba, Ubudlelwano Bokuxhumana, Ukuphathwa Kwemizwa , Indlela Yokuphila Enempilo