Reka tuvuge ku kwihagararaho, uburyo bwo kuvuga icyo utekereza nta muntu ugukomeretsa!

Twese tugira ibihe mu buzima bwacu aho tugomba kubwira abandi neza icyo dutekereza n'icyo twifuza, mu buryo busobanutse neza. Ariko rimwe na rimwe biratugora gato kubikora, kandi tukumva dufite ubwoba n'ubwoba imbere muri twe. Muri ibyo bihe, iki ni ikintu cy'ingenzi cyane kidufasha. Muri make, ni ugutanga ibitekerezo byacu twiyizeye, ariko kandi twubaha abandi.

Ukwiyemera ni iki mu by'ukuri?

Tekereza kuri ubu buryo: Kwiyemeza ni uburyo bwiza bwo kuvugana. Bisobanura kuba ushobora kugaragaza ibitekerezo byawe, amarangamutima yawe, ibyo ukeneye , n'ibitekerezo byawe mu buryo buzira amakemwa no mu cyubahiro . Duhura n'ibintu byinshi buri munsi, kandi ubwo buryo bwo kwiyemeza bushobora kudufasha cyane. Urugero:

• Gusaba umuntu ukunda ko musohokana.
• Kubaza ikibazo umwarimu cyangwa umwarimu w'ishuri.
• Kuvuga neza iyo ugiye mu kizamini cy'akazi.
• Kujya mu iduka ukabaza icyo wifuza neza.

Iyi `(Assertiveness)` si ikintu gisanzwe kuri buri wese. Hari abantu bacecetse cyane, batinya kuvuga icyo batekereza, kandi bakavuga "yego" kuri byose. Tuyita `(Passive)`. Hari n'abandi, uburyo bavuga burangwa n'ubukana gato, nk'aho batitaye ku bandi. Ibyo byitwa `(Aggressive)`. `(Assertiveness)` ni bwo buryo bwiza bwo kuringaniza ibi byombi. Ni nk'ahantu ho hagati ho hagati. None se, kwitwara `(Assertive)` bivuze iki?

• Ushobora kugaragaza neza igitekerezo cyawe n'icyo wumva.
• Ushobora gusaba icyo ushaka, ibyo ukeneye.
• Niba hari umuntu utemeranya nawe, ushobora kutemeranya nawe mu buryo burangwa no kubaha .
• Ushobora gutanga ibitekerezo byawe n'ibyifuzo byawe.
• Ushobora kuvuga uti "Sinshobora kubikora" cyangwa "Sinkunda ibi" utiriwe wumva ufite icyaha.
• Ushobora kandi kuvuganira undi muntu, ku burenganzira bwe.

Kuki kwihagararaho ari ingenzi cyane?

Noneho ushobora kuba urimo kwibaza uti, ese ibi koko ni ikibazo gikomeye? Yego, kwiyemeza ntibidufasha gusa kugera ku cyo twifuza, ahubwo binagira ingaruka nziza. Iyo tuvuga mu buryo bwo kwiyemeza, bigaragaza ko twiyubaha kandi tukiyubaha n'abandi . Abantu bavuga mu buryo bwo kwiyemeza bohereza ubutumwa ku isi ko bizeye muri bo. Ntabwo bagira ubwoba bwinshi, cyangwa ngo bagerageze gukanda abandi. Bazi ko amarangamutima yabo n'ibitekerezo byabo ari ingenzi . Bafite icyizere cyiza. Abantu bakora mu buryo bwo kwiyemeza akenshi biroroha kubona inshuti kuko bavuga mu buryo bwubahiriza ibyo abandi bakeneye n'ibyabo. Akenshi baba abahanga mu gukemura ibibazo no kutumvikana iyo bivutse. Tekereza gusa, iyo twubashye abandi, tubaha ubwo bubasha.Uko ni ko kuri.

Uri he? Hari ituze cyane? Hari urusaku rwinshi cyane? Cyangwa ni byo koko?

Noneho reka turebe aho uhagaze kuri iki gipimo cyitwa "Assertiveness." Dore ingero zimwe na zimwe:

Inkuru ya Pawani: Agace gato gatuje cyane... (Ntabwo ari umuntu ubikora cyane)

Nubaza Pawani uti "Ni iyihe filime wifuza kureba?" ashobora kuvuga ati "Oh, sinzi, reka turebe iyo ukunda." Akenshi areka abandi bakaba ari bo bafata ibyemezo, hanyuma nyuma akicuza ati "Iyaba nari nabivuze." Arumva ababaye iyo inshuti ze ari zo zonyine zivuga. Ariko ndetse n'iyo Pawani agerageje kumwinjiramo, avuga buhoro cyane ku buryo abandi bamuvugaho batabizi.

Inkuru ya Janani: Iragaragara nk'aho ikaze gato, si byo se? (Irakaze cyane)

Janani ntatinya kuvuga icyo atekereza. Ariko iyo abikoze, abikora cyane, mu buryo igitekerezo cye ari cyo cyonyine gikwiye. Iyo habayeho ikiganiro, akira igice kinini cyacyo, akenshi agaca abandi mu ijambo, kandi ntakunze kumva ibyo abandi bavuga. Iyo utemeranya na we, akubwira mu buryo busekeje cyangwa akagusuzugura. Abantu benshi bavuga ko Janani ari "umutegetsi" cyane (ategeka abandi), kandi ntatekereze ku byiyumvo by'abandi.

Inkuru ya Benura: Iyi ni yo nzira ikwiye! (Ikwiye gusa - Ifite icyizere)

Nubaza Benura igitekerezo, azakikubwira mu by'ukuri. Niba atemeranya nawe, azakivuga atagusuzuguye, atagutera kumva ko wibeshye. Benura na we ashishikajwe n'igitekerezo cyawe, kandi atega amatwi witonze icyo uvuga. Nubwo Benura atakuvugaho rumwe, ushobora kumva ko yubaha igitekerezo cyawe.

Ibibazo bivuka iyo utagira icyo ukoraho cyane

Noneho reka dutekereze ku bantu "batagira icyo bakora" nka Pawani. Bashobora guhora bumva ko abandi babakoresha, bakora ku nyungu zabo bwite. Hanyuma bashobora kumva bababaye, barakaye, kandi bakagira umujinya . Iyo uhishe icyo utekereza n'icyo wumva, abandi ntibabona amahirwe yo kukumenya no kukumva neza. Ibitekerezo byawe byiza ntabwo bigira icyo bimarira ikipe, aho bakorera, ndetse n'umuryango nkuko bikwiye.

Iyo utangiye gutekereza uti "Ibitekerezo byanjye ntacyo bitwaye, amarangamutima yanjye ntacyo atwaye umuntu uwo ari we wese," bishobora kugabanya icyizere cyawe buhoro buhoro. Ibitekerezo byawe byiza bishobora kudahabwa agaciro n'inkunga bikwiye. Ibi nibikomeza, ushobora no kugira ikibazo cyo mu mutwe nko kwiheba .

Ibibazo bishobora kuvuka iyo ukabije cyane

Noneho reka turebe uko bigenda ku bantu bitwara mu buryo bwa `(Aggressive)` nka Janani. Bashobora kugorwa no kugumana inshuti no gukomeza umubano mwiza. Bashobora kugerageza kurenza abandi mu biganiro, bagatanga ibitekerezo byabo mu buryo bukomeye kandi butunguranye, abandi bakabona ko batubashywe cyangwa ngo bashimwe. Abantu bafite `(Aggressive)` bashobora kubona icyo bashaka ku bandi. Ariko akenshi, barangira banzwe kandi abandi ntibabakunde. Amaherezo, batakaza icyubahiro cy'abandi.

Kuki abantu bose badakoresha ubwitonzi neza? Impamvu ni iyihe?

Mu by’ukuri, kuki bamwe `(Assertive)` bameze nka Benura, abandi bakaba `(Passive)` nka Pawani cyangwa `(Aggressive)` nka Janani? Impamvu imwe ibi ni kamere yacu. Nanone iterwa n’ingeso twiyubakiye uko igihe kigenda gihita n’ibyo twanyuzemo. Muri icyo gihe, twiga kwitwara mu buryo `(Assertive)`, `(Passive)`, cyangwa `(Aggressive)` mu kureba uko abandi bitwara, cyane cyane uko abatureze kuva mu bwana (ababyeyi, abarezi) bitwara.

Impamvu zo kudakora ibintu uko ubyifuza:

• Kutigirira icyizere no kudaha agaciro ibitekerezo byawe.
• Gutekereza cyane ku gushimisha abandi no kubakundisha.
• Gutinya cyane kwangwa cyangwa abandi batemeranya n'ibitekerezo byawe.
• Kuba umuntu ushishikajwe cyane no kunengwa, cyangwa kuba yarababajwe n'ibyamubayeho mbere byo kwirengagizwa cyangwa kwangwa ibitekerezo bye.
• Kuba utarashoboye kugira ubumenyi bukenewe kugira ngo witware mu buryo "bw'ubwemera".

Impamvu zo kugira ubukana:

• Kwiyizera cyane bivuze gutekereza ko ari wowe wenyine ufite ukuri.
• Gukora gusa kugira ngo umuntu agaragaze ibyo akeneye n'ibitekerezo bye, atitaye ku bandi.
• Kuba ntarize kubaha no kwita ku bitekerezo, amarangamutima, n'ibyo abandi bakeneye.
• Kutagira ubuhanga bwo gutega amatwi, kutiga kubaza abandi ibitekerezo byabo.

Ibintu bigufasha kwitwara neza:

• Kugira icyizere cyiza .
• Kwizera n'umutima wawe wose ko ibitekerezo byawe bifite agaciro, amarangamutima yawe ari ingenzi, kandi ko afite uburenganzira bwo kuyagaragaza.
• Kugira imbaraga zo mu mutwe no kwihangana kugira ngo uhangane n'ibinengwa, kwangwa, n'ibibazo iyo bije.
• Kubahiriza ibyifuzo n'ibyo abandi bakeneye.
• Gufata nk'icyitegererezo ku bantu bitwara mu buryo burangwa no kwihagararaho.
• Kugira ibihe byiza, nko kubona ibisubizo byiza igihe ibitekerezo byawe byemerwaga no kwitwara neza.

Ni gute twakwiyemeza? Ibintu dushobora kwitoza

Inkuru nziza ni uko kwiyemeza ari ikintu dushobora kwitoza no guteza imbere. Bisaba imyitozo mu itumanaho no kugira imyumvire myiza. Hari abantu bashobora kubigira mu buryo busanzwe. Abandi bashobora gukenera imyitozo mike. Ariko umuntu wese ashobora kubyitoza . Dore bimwe mu bintu ushobora gukora kugira ngo bigufashe:

1. Ubwa mbere, menya uburyo bwo kuvugana.

Mu by'ukuri tekereza niba uri "ufite ubushishozi", "utagira icyo ukora", cyangwa "ufite umujinya". Hanyuma, fata umwanzuro niba ushaka kugabanya ubushake bwawe bwo kudakora cyangwa gukaza umurego, cyangwa kunoza "ubushobozi bwawe bwo kudakora".

2. Gerageza ibi bintu kugira ngo ugabanye uburangare bwawe kandi urusheho kwihagararaho:

• Witondere ibyo utekereza, ibyo wumva, ibyo ushaka, n'ibyo ukunda. Mbere yo kubwira abandi ibi bintu, ugomba kubanza kubimenya ubwawe.
• Iyo umuntu akubajije icyo ushaka, reba niba uvuze ibintu nka "Oh, sinzi," "Simbizi," cyangwa "Nta kibazo." Gira iyo ngeso. Igire akamenyero ko kuvuga icyo ushaka, ndetse no ku tuntu duto. Urugero, niba umuntu akubajije ati "Urashaka icyatsi kibisi cyangwa icyatukura?" ushobora kuvuga uti "Ndashaka icyatsi kibisi - urakoze cyane."
• Itoze gusaba ibintu. Urugero: "Ndagusaba kuguha icyo kiyiko?" "Nkeneye ikaramu - hari undi ufite irindi?" "Ushobora kumpa intebe hariya?" Iyo witoje gusaba ibintu bito nk'ibi, uzubaka ubumenyi n'icyizere ukeneye kugira ngo ubasabe ikintu gikomeye kandi cy'ingenzi.
• Sangiza igitekerezo cyawe. Tubwire niba warakunze cyangwa waranze filime warebye, n'impamvu wabitekereje.
• Itoze gukoresha amagambo "Nkunda" nka "Nkunda..." "Nkunda..." "Numva... " Ibi bizagufasha kugaragaza amarangamutima yawe n'ibitekerezo byawe mu buryo bwawe bwite.
• Fata urugero rwiza rw'umuntu uhora yihagararaho - umuntu utagira isoni cyangwa ngo agire icyo avuga. Gerageza kwigana imico myiza y'uwo muntu.
• Buri gihe wibuke ko ibitekerezo byawe n'ibitekerezo byawe ari ingenzi nk'iby'undi muntu uwo ari we wese . Kubimenya ni uburyo bwiza bwo kwihagararaho. Kwihagararaho bitangirira ku myumvire iguha agaciro kandi ikiyubaha nk'abandi bose.

3. Izi ni zimwe mu nama zo kugabanya ubukana no kwihagararaho:

• Reka abandi bajye bavuga mbere.
• Witondere kutabangamira abandi. Nubikora, bifata maze uvuge uti "Mbabarira - urangize ibyawe mbere!" hanyuma ureke undi muntu arangize icyo ashaka.
• Baza undi muntu igitekerezo cye kandi umutege amatwi witonze.
• Iyo utemeranya n'ikintu runaka, gerageza kugaragaza igitekerezo cyawe mu buryo bwubaha, udapfobya igitekerezo cy'undi muntu. Urugero, aho kuvuga uti “Icyo ni igitekerezo cy'ubupfapfa,” vuga ikintu nk'iki uti “Sinemeranya n'icyo gitekerezo.” Cyangwa, aho kuvuga uti “Uwo muntu ni umuntu mubi cyane,” vuga ikintu nk'iki uti “Ndatekereza ko atita ku byiyumvo by'abandi.”
• Nkuko byavuzwe mbere, kurikiza urugero rw'umuntu witwara neza mu buryo burangwa no kwihagararaho.

4. Abantu basanzwe biyemeza bagomba gukomeza guteza imbere ubushobozi bwabo:

• Shaka ingero nziza za `(Assertive)`. Wigane imico yabo myiza. (Urabona, natwe twagiriye abandi iyi nama. Impamvu ni uko twiga ibintu bishya buri munsi mu buzima!)
• Tekereza ku bihe ukunda kwihagararaho cyane. Ku bantu benshi, biroroshye kwihagararaho mu bihe bimwe na bimwe (urugero: ku nshuti), ariko mu bindi bihe (urugero: ku barimu, abantu bashya) bishobora kuba ingorabahizi. Muri ibyo bihe bigoye, tekereza uti: "Nabibwira nte inshuti zanjye magara?" Ibi bizakorohereza ibintu.

Ikintu cy'ingenzi cyo kwibuka ni

Hanyuma, dore icyo ugomba kuvuga. Iyo uri "ufite icyizere", ni ukuvuga iyo uvuga icyo uri mu bitekerezo byawe mu buryo buboneye, busobanutse neza, ariko mu buryo burangwa n'icyubahiro, bigaragaza uburyo wiyizera cyane.

Ufite uburenganzira bwo kugaragaza ibitekerezo byawe n'amarangamutima yawe ku isi. Ufite kandi inshingano zo kubaha ibitekerezo by'abandi. Ubwishingizi ni uruvange rwiza rw'ibyo byombi.

Guteza imbere ubu buhanga bwitwa "Assertiveness" ni intambwe y'ingenzi cyane mu kuba umuntu wifuza kuba we, "umuntu wawe mwiza"! Rero, tangira kwitoza ibi bintu buhoro buhoro. Urashobora kubikora!

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Ubwirasi, itumanaho, kwigirira icyizere, kugaragaza ibitekerezo, imibanire, ubuzima bwo mu mutwe, imyitwarire