Wumvise umeze ute igihe umuntu yakubwiraga ati "Ikibazo ni iki, humura," "Gira icyizere," cyangwa "Byose bizaba byiza," igihe wari unyuze mu bihe bikomeye, agahinda, cyangwa ikibazo? Hari igihe, aho kudukiza, ayo magambo arushaho kutubabaza. Atuma twumva ko nta muntu usobanukiwe ububabare n'imibabaro yacu. Ibyo ni byo twita ' uburozi bwiza .' Iyi ni ingingo y'ingenzi cyane. Reka tubiganireho mu buryo bwimbitse.
Uburozi bwiza ni iki mu by'ukuri?
Mu magambo make, kugira uburozi bwiza ni inzira yo kugerageza kugira icyizere no kwishima mu bihe bigoye cyangwa bibabaje, uhakana ibyo byiyumvo. Bisobanura kwita amarangamutima nk'agahinda, uburakari, n'ubwoba nk' 'ibibi', kuyahagarika, no kugerageza kugaragaza amarangamutima 'meza' gusa. Ibi tubikorera twe ubwacu, ndetse no ku bandi.
Reka twumve inkuru ya Hannah Olivas kugira ngo tubyumve neza. Mu 2017, ubwo Hannah yari afite imyaka 42, abaganga bamusanze arwaye kanseri y’amaraso yitwa multiple myeloma . Hannah amaze kumenya ko iyi ari indwara idakira, yabanje kurakara cyane, hanyuma yumva afite ubwoba budasanzwe. Umuganga umwe yamubwiye ko afite hafi umwaka wo kubaho. Undi yavuze ko afite hafi imyaka 5. Undi yavuze ko ntacyo yabivugaho.
Tekereza uko byari bimeze mu gihe nk'icyo. Ariko zimwe mu nshuti za Hannah zavuze ibintu bitangaje cyane. "Uzaba meze neza!", "Urashobora kubyihanganira!", "Urakomeye cyane!" Bose bavugaga ibintu nk'ibyo. Nubwo Hannah yari azi ko bageragezaga gufasha, "inkunga ihoraho" yumvise yatumye atabasha kuvuga amarangamutima ye nyayo.
Hannah aravuga ati: "Natekereje nti 'Tegereza gato. Nta kintu na kimwe cyiza mfite muri njye ubu. Ndarakaye cyane kandi ndababaye. Mfite uburenganzira bwo kumera gutyo.'"
Uburwayi bw'uburozi ni igikorwa cyo koroshya ikibazo kigoye no kugerageza kugishyiramo ikintu cyiza, uko byaba bimeze kose.
Kuki iyi 'migambi myiza' rimwe na rimwe ihinduka uburozi?
Nk’uko umuhanga mu by’imitekerereze ya muntu Whitney Goodman abivuga, nubwo umuntu yaba afite intego nziza, "Uburyo bwo kwishima butuma umuntu ahora asunikwa kugira ngo yishime cyangwa ashake ibyishimo , uko ibintu byaba bimeze kose."
1. Guhagarika amarangamutima
Twese twumva amarangamutima nk'agahinda, uburakari, ubwoba, no kwiheba. Ibi ni ibintu bisanzwe mu buzima bwacu. Ariko kwiyumvamo ibintu byiza bituma duhagarika ibyo byiyumvo, tukibwira ko 'bitari byo.' Ariko kubihagarika ntibituma bishira. Nk'uko Goodman abivuga, "Ibyo byiyumvo bikumirwa biva mu bindi bice by'ubuzima bwawe, rimwe na rimwe mu buryo bukomeye cyane." Urugero, ushobora kugira ibibazo byo gusinzira, impinduka mu mirire yawe, cyangwa impinduka mu byiyumvo byawe .
2. Kumva uri wenyine (Kwigunga)
Niba inshuti yawe ihora ikwitezeho ko ubona ibyiza gusa muri wowe, ushobora guhagarika kuyibwira uko ubyumva kuko utinya ko bazagucira urubanza cyangwa bakareka kukuvugisha. Ibi bizatuma wumva uri wenyine kurushaho. Ibi bishobora gutuma umuntu ugufasha n'uhabwa ubufasha bumva bafite irungu.
3. Kumva ufite icyaha
Iyo abantu bose bakubwira ngo "gira icyizere" ariko wowe ntubishobore, ushobora gutangira kumva wicira urubanza. Utangira gutekereza uti "Ese hari ikibazo kiri muri njye? Kuki ntashobora kwishima?" Ibi byongera gusa urugero rw'imihangayiko yawe.
None se ibi twabyitwaramo dute neza?
Nubwo twaba dufite intego nziza, dushobora kuvuga ibintu nk'ibi rimwe na rimwe. Ikintu cy'ingenzi ni ukumva ububabare bw'umuntu no kumufasha kubumva. Reba iyi mbonerahamwe.
| Uburyo bwo kuvuga uburozi (toxic positivity) | Uburyo bwo gufasha by'ukuri (mu bw'impuhwe) |
|---|---|
| "Wirira, komera." | "Nta kibazo kurira. Reka gusa ibyo utekereza. Ndi hano." |
| "Gira icyizere! Byose bizaba byiza." | "Ndabyumva ko iki ari igihe kigoye cyane kuri wewe. Nagufasha nte?" |
| "Byari bigamije kubaho. Byose bibaho ku bw'inyungu." | "Mbabarira ko byakubayeho. Niba ushaka kubivugaho, ndakumva." |
| "Reba abandi, bafite ibibazo byinshi." | "Ububabare bwawe bufite ishingiro. Ntabwo ari ngombwa kubugereranya n'ibibazo by'abandi. Amarangamutima yawe ni ingenzi." |
Witondere imvugo yawe.
Iyo umuntu akubwiye ikibazo cye, mutege amatwi aho kugerageza kugikemura . Baza ibibazo. Kubaza ibibazo nka "Umeze ute?" cyangwa "Nagukorera iki?" bizamwereka ko wubaha amarangamutima ye.
Imenyere kubaho ufite ibyiyumvo bidakwiriye.
Emera ko ari ibisanzwe ko abandi bumva agahinda n'ububabare, nk'uko natwe tubikora. Niba umuntu arira imbere yawe, ntugahangayike. Ni ikimenyetso cy'uko akwizeye. Ndetse no kuba uri kumwe na we muri icyo gihe bishobora kugufasha cyane.
Gukoresha imvugo y'ukuri nka "Ndagowe ubu, ariko ndizera ko iki gihe kizahita vuba," ni byiza kuruta kwibeshya uvuze uti "Nta kibazo, ni uko bimeze."
Dusubiye ku nkuru ya Hannah, nyuma yatangiye kwigisha inshuti ze ibijyanye n'uburozi mu buryo bworoheje cyane. Yagize ati: "Nize gukoresha ijwi ryanjye no kwivugira." Inama atanga ni iyi: "Bana n'umuntu, vuga ukuri, kandi ubaze ibibazo."
Hannah agira ati: "Sintekereza ko abantu bakora "Toxic Positivity" nkana . Ndatekereza ko batabizi. Ubwonko bwabo bufite uburyo bwo kuvuga icyo babona ko ari cyo. Ariko niba badutega amatwi iyo tuvuga, aho kugerageza kuduha igisubizo, byaba byiza cyane."
Niba umeze utyo, ntutinye kubiganiraho. Vugana n'inshuti yawe wizeye, umuntu wo mu muryango wawe, cyangwa muganga wawe. Ubuzima bwo mu mutwe ni ingenzi kimwe n'ubuzima bw'umubiri .
Ubutumwa bwo kujyana mu rugo
- Ni umugani ko tugomba guhora twishimye. Hari umwanya mu buzima bwacu w'amarangamutima y'ubwoko bwose, kuva ku gahinda kugeza ku burakari kugeza ku bwoba. Ni ibisanzwe kubyumva.
- Ntugerageze kwirengagiza ibyiyumvo byawe cyangwa iby'abandi ukoresheje amagambo nka "imico myiza gusa." Ibyo bizangiza cyane kuruta ibyiza.
- Uburyo bwiza bwo gufasha umuntu uri mu bibazo ni ugutega amatwi witonze no kubaha ibyiyumvo bye aho kumuha ibisubizo. Kuvuga ngo "Ndi kumwe nawe" birakwiye inama nyinshi.
- Niba nawe ufite ikibazo cyo kwirinda amarangamutima yawe, vugana n'umuntu wizeye ku bijyanye nabyo. Niba bibaye ngombwa, ntutindiganye gusaba inama kwa muganga cyangwa inzobere mu by'ubuzima bwo mu mutwe.
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