Kuqhelekile kakhulu ukuva iintlungu nosizi xa silahlekelwa ngumntu esimthandayo, okanye mhlawumbi into exabisekileyo kuthi. Yindalo leyo. Sonke sijongana namava anjalo ngaxa lithile ebomini bethu. Kodwa... ukuba olu sizi luqala ukulawula ubomi bakho, kwaye uzive ngathi ukruqukile yinto yonke, ukuba awukwazi ukwenza nto, kwaye awunaxabiso kuwe, ngoko ke isenokuba yinto engaphezulu kancinci kunentlungu eqhelekileyo. Kulapho kufuneka sithethe ngomahluko phakathi kolu sizi oluqhelekileyo (Usizi) noxinzelelo (Uxinzelelo).
Ngoko ke yintoni le ntlungu?
Ngamafutshane, intlungu yindlela eqhelekileyo yokusabela ekufeni okanye ekulahlekelweni. Inkqubo yokulila lixesha lokuba sizive sibuhlungu, siqhubeke, size siphilise. Ukuba uyayamkela intlungu yakho, ufune inkxaso kwabanye, kwaye uzinike ixesha lokulila, kunokuba lula ukuphiliswa.
Asikokulahlekelwa lilungu losapho elisondeleyo kuphela okusenza sizive sibuhlungu kwaye sibuhlungu. Kunokubakho nezinye izizathu ezininzi. Cinga nje, nezinto ezinje ngezi zinokuvakala ngathi zilahleko enkulu kuthi:
- Ukwahlukana nomntu omthanda kakhulu.
- Ukulahlekelwa ngumsebenzi, isikhundla, okanye umthombo wengeniso wangaphambili.
- Ukufa okanye ukulahleka kwesilwanyana esithatyathwe njengesakho.
- Abantwana abakhula baze bashiye ikhaya (i-Empty Nest Syndrome).
- Utshintsho olukhulu ebomini, olufana noqhawulo-mtshato, ukufudukela kwisixeko esitsha, okanye ukuthatha umhlala-phantsi emsebenzini.
Nangona sonke siziva olu sizi, indlela esilujongana nalo, oko kukuthi, indlela esilujongana ngayo, yahlukile kumntu nomntu. Abanye abantu banamandla engqondo okumelana nalo kakuhle. Bafunda ukuhlala nalo sizi ngaphandle kokuphoswa yimisebenzi yabo yemihla ngemihla. Nangona kunjalo, abanye abantu abafumani amandla engqondo okanye inkxaso abayidingayo koku. Kulapho ke kuba nzima ukoyisa olu sizi.
Sisabela njani xa siziva sidakumbile?
Ngokwenzululwazi yezengqondo, xa umntu eva intlungu okanye usizi, udlula kumanqanaba aliqela abalulekileyo ukuze aloyise. Oku akwenzeki ngokulandelelana okufanayo kubo bonke abantu, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kuyenzeka ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Kodwa ukuva ezi mvakalelo nokuzamkela yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yenkqubo yokuphiliswa.
| Inqanaba leNtlungu | Kwenzeka ntoni ngeli xesha? |
|---|---|
| Ukukhanyela | Ukucinga, "Hayi, oku akunakwenzeka." Le yindlela yengqondo yethu yokusikhusela kwintlungu yokulahlekelwa, kuba asinakukwazi ukuyisingatha yonke ngaxeshanye. Nokuba sisebenza kwinto efana nokuququzelela umngcwabo, asisaziva nto. Asikuko "ukungayinaki." |
| Ingxoxo | Iingcinga ezinje, "Owu, ukuba bendikwenzile oku, bendinokumsindisa" okanye "Ukuba bendingakwenzanga oko, oku ngekungazange kwenzeke." Ukuba awukwazi ukuphuma kule meko, ukuziva unetyala okanye umsindo ogqithisileyo unokunamathela engqondweni yakho kwaye uthintele ukubuyela kwakho kwimeko yesiqhelo. |
| Isigaba soxinzelelo | Ubunzulu bokwenyani bokulahlekelwa buqala ukuvakala. Iimpawu ezinje ngokungakwazi ukulala, ukungabi namdla wokutya, ukudinwa, kunye nokukhala rhoqo ziyavela. Ungaziva unesizungu, ungenanto, kwaye uxhalabile. |
| Umsindo | Kuqhelekile ukuba uzive unomsindo xa uziva ungenakunceda kwaye ungenakunceda. Mhlawumbi unomsindo kuThixo, koogqirha abanyanga umntu olahlekelwe nguwe, okanye ngobomi ngokubanzi. |
| Ukwamkelwa | Ekuhambeni kwexesha, sifunda ukuphila nale lahleko. Siyamkela okwenzekileyo njengamava ebomini bethu. Kulapho ke kuqala khona ukuphiliswa. |
Into ebalulekileyo kukuba akukho mithetho okanye ixesha elimiselweyo kule nkqubo yokulila. Indlela umntu aphiliswa ngayo nexesha elithathwayo yahlukile ngokupheleleyo kwenye.
Yintoni enokukuthintela ukuba woyise olu sizi?
Ezinye izinto zinokucothisa okanye zimise ngokupheleleyo le nkqubo yokuphiliswa. Ezi ziquka:
- Ukugcina iimvakalelo zakho (usizi, umsindo) ngaphakathi ngaphandle kokuziveza.
- Ukunciphisa nokuvavanya ukubandezeleka komntu ngokucinga, "Yintoni le?"
- Ukuzama ukuphepha usizi ngokulahleka emsebenzini.
- Ukulutha iziyobisi notywala ukuze ubaleke kusizi.
- Ukuzama ukuba wedwa, kude nabanye abantu ngokupheleleyo.
Ziziphi izinto ezinokusinceda soyise usizi?
Ukuba uziva ulusizi ngolu hlobo, kukho izinto ezimbalwa ezilula ezinokukunceda udlule kuloo meko.
- Yamkela zonke iimvakalelo, ezilungileyo nezimbi. Zivumele uzive usizi, umsindo, iinkumbulo ezimnandi.
- Thetha nomntu omthembayo ngale nto. Isenokuba ngumhlobo okanye ilungu losapho. Uza kuziva ukhululekile xa uveza iimvakalelo zakho.
- Bhala phantsi iimvakalelo zakho. Ukubhala phantsi iimvakalelo zakho kwidayari kukwayindlela elungileyo yokwenza oku.
- Khumbula ukuba ukulila yindlela entle yokunciphisa uxinezeleko. Ukulila akubonisi ubuthathaka.
- Joyina amaqela enkxaso nabantu abaye baba namava afanayo. Ukuthetha nabantu abajongene nentlungu efana neyakho kuya kukunceda uzive ungedwa.
- Ukuba awukwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho, funa uncedo lweengcali. Musa ukuba neentloni konke konke ngale nto. Ukuthetha nogqirha wakho yeyona nto ilungileyo onokuyenza.
Uza kwenza ntoni ukuba olu sizi luyaqhubeka?
Ngamanye amaxesha, le ntlungu ingaqhubeka kangangeenyanga ize ibe nzima kangangokuba inokukhubaza ubomi bakho bonke. Ukuba uphelelwa bubuthongo, ulahlekelwa ngumdla wokutya, ukwehla kobunzima, kwaneengcinga zokuzibulala, inokuba yimeko edlula intlungu eqhelekileyo. Ngokwezonyango, oku kubizwa ngokuba yintlungu enzima yokufelwa .
Khumbula, intlungu eqhelekileyo iya kuphela ngokuhamba kwexesha. Kodwa ukudakumba okukhulu yimeko yezonyango efuna unyango. Yahlukile kwintlungu eqhelekileyo.
Jonga le theyibhile ukuze uqonde ngokucacileyo umahluko phakathi kwezi zimbini.
| Uphawu | Usizi Oluqhelekileyo | Uxinzelelo Olukhulu |
|---|---|---|
| Iimvakalelo | Intlungu iza ngamaza. Ngamanye amaxesha ivakala kamnandi, ngamanye amaxesha iba mandundu ngequbuliso. Ungavuya neenkumbulo ezimnandi. | Usizi kunye nokungabi nanto kuhlala ixesha elide losuku, iiveki ezininzi. Akukho nto ikwenza wonwabe. |
| Ubuwena | Nokuba ukhathazekile, awusoloko uziva ungento yanto. | Uhlala uziva ungento yanto, ungenakunceda, kwaye unetyala. |
| Iingcinga malunga nokufa | Usenokunqwenela ukuba ubunokuphinda udibane nomntu olahlekelwe nguwe. Oko kukuthi, intlungu ozivayo ngaloo mntu. | Bavakalelwa kukuba bafanele baphelise ubomi babo kuba ubomi babo abunantsingiselo kwaye abunaxabiso. |
Ukuba wena okanye umntu omaziyo unale mpawu, nceda ubone ugqirha wakho ngokukhawuleza. Ukudakumba yimeko enokunyangeka ngokupheleleyo ngonyango.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Intlungu okanye usizi emva kokulahlekelwa yinto eqhelekileyo neqhelekileyo. Musa ukuba neentloni ngayo.
- Wonke umntu uziva ebuhlungu ngendlela eyahlukileyo kwaye uthatha ixesha elahlukileyo. Zivumele ukuba uphile ngendlela yakho eyahlukileyo.
- Ukuba intlungu yakho ayipheli ngokuhamba kwexesha, ifikelele kwinqanaba apho iphazamisa ubomi bakho ize ikwenze uzive ungento yanto, oko kusenokuba luphawu lokudakumba.
- Ukudakumba akubobuthathaka, kodwa yimeko yezonyango efuna unyango.
- Ungaze unqikaze ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zakho nomntu omthembayo okanye ugqirha wakho. Ukucela uncedo luphawu lwamandla.
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