Sihlala sithetha ngezifo ezifana nesifo seswekile kunye noxinzelelo lwegazi oluphezulu emakhayeni ethu, akunjalo? Sihlala sisiva izinto ezinje, "Umama naye wayenoxinzelelo lwegazi oluphezulu," "Utata unesifo seswekile," njl. Kodwa ngaba sithetha ngempilo yengqondo, ingakumbi ukudakumba, ngendlela efanayo? Uninzi lwexesha, hayi. Kodwa eneneni, imbali yosapho, oko kukuthi, iimpembelelo zezizukulwana, inokuchaphazela impilo yengqondo kunye nezifo zomzimba. Yiloo nto sithetha ngayo namhlanje.
UShanti ngumntu ongazange acinge kakhulu ngesifo sokudakumba sikanina, nangona besiqhubeka amashumi eminyaka. Babesiphatha njengesinye isifo esiqhelekileyo. Bacinga, "Thatha nje amayeza, kwaye aphelile." Kodwa ngokuhamba kwexesha, uShanti waqonda ukuba naye wayeziva into engaqhelekanga. Kwakungekubi kangako ukuba wayengenakukwazi ukuphuma ebhedini njengonina, kodwa kwakungathi amandla akhe obomi ayencitshiswa. Waqonda ukuba uxinzelelo lunokuchaphazela wonke umntu ngendlela eyahlukileyo.
Imbali yosapho iwuchaphazela njani umngcipheko wakho?
Ngamafutshane, ukuba umama okanye utata wakho ukhe waba noxinzelelo, umngcipheko wakho wokuba noxinzelelo uphindwe kabini ukuya kathathu kunomntu ongenalo imbali yosapho olunjalo. Khawuthelekelele, ukuba omnye wabazali bakho, kunye notatomkhulu okanye umakhulu, wayenale meko, umngcipheko uyanda nangakumbi.
Kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba ngokuqinisekileyo uza kuba nokudakumba. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba usemngciphekweni omkhulu .
Oku akubangelwa ziimfuza kuphela. Indawo esikhulela kuyo nayo idlala indima enkulu. Ukukhula nomzali onengxaki yokudakumba kunokutshintsha indlela ingqondo yomntwana kunye nenkqubo yemithambo-luvo esabela ngayo kuxinzelelo. Mhlawumbi iziganeko ezithile ezenzeka ekhaya xa wawungumntwana zibhalwe emzimbeni nasengqondweni yakho ngaphandle kokuba uqonde. Ke ngoko, imbali yosapho ludibaniso lwemfuza kunye nendawo.
Uyazi njani ukuba kukho uxinezeleko kusapho lwakho?
Abantu abaninzi kuluntu lwethu abatsho ngokuthe ngqo bathi, "Ndinesifo sokudakumba." Ngoko ke ukuze uqonde umngcipheko wakho, kufuneka uwuqwalasele ngononophelo. Oku akubhekiselele ekugxekeni okanye ekubizeni nabani na ngamagama. Kufana nokujonga ukuba ingaba kukho isifo seswekile kusapho lwethu kwaye sikhathalele impilo yethu.
| Imibuzo onokuyibuza | Izinto onokuzibona ngokwakho |
|---|---|
| Ngaba wakha wafunyaniswa ukuba unesifo sokudakumba okanye esinye isifo sengqondo ngugqirha? | Ngaba kukho nabani na kusapho (abazali, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu) oye wahlala kude noluntu ixesha elide, ehlala yedwa? |
| Ngaba wakha wathatha amayeza okudakumba okanye waya kunyango? | Ngaba ngequbuliso uyeke umsebenzi wakho? Okanye uyeke ngokupheleleyo imisebenzi yoluntu? |
| Ngaba wakha waziva ungenakunceda ngamanye amaxesha ebomini bakho, ungakwazi nokwenza imisebenzi yakho yemihla ngemihla? | Ngaba wayekhotyokiswe butywala okanye ziziyobisi? Ngaba wayekwisibhedlele sengqondo? |
| (Ungabuza le mibuzo kubazali bakho, kubantakwenu, okanye kwizalamane ezisondeleyo ezifana noomakhulu nootatomkhulu/oomakazi.) | Ngaba kukho amabali ngomntu othile kusapho onesifo "esingaziwayo"? (Mhlawumbi kukudandatheka.) |
Olu lwazi lunokuba nzima ukuluqokelela, kodwa wakuba udibanise iziqwenga zephazili, uya kukwazi ukwenza izigqibo ezingcono malunga nempilo yakho.
Ungazikhusela njani kuxinzelelo?
Akukho sizathu sokoyika xa ufumanisa ukuba usemngciphekweni omkhulu. Enyanisweni, asiyonto emele ikoyise, yinto emele ikunike amandla . Oko kuthetha ukuba ngoku ungasebenza ngesicwangciso.
Okokuqala, khawuzihlole kancinci.
Ukuba unezi mpawu kangangeeveki ezimbini zilandelelana, lixesha lokuba ukhathalele impilo yakho yengqondo.
- Ngaba ukulala kakhulu okanye kancinci kakhulu?
- Ngaba unomdla wokutya ophantsi kunesiqhelo? Okanye ungaphezulu kakhulu?
- Ngaba uziva udiniwe, ungaphumli, okanye awuziva nto ngalo lonke ixesha?
- Ngaba unengxaki yokugxila kwinto ethile okanye ukuqala nokugqiba umsebenzi othile?
Yintoni omawuyenze emva koko?
Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ukhawuleze ufumane amayeza kwangoko xa uqaphela ezi mpawu. Amayeza okudakumba awafani nesitofu esithintela ukudakumba ngaphambi kokuba kuqale.
Ngoko ke yintoni encedayo? Enyanisweni, "zizinto eziqhelekileyo" esiziva yonke imihla.
- Ukulala kakuhle ebusuku: Lala ubuncinane iiyure ezisi-7-8 ngosuku.
- Ukutya okunesondlo: Yitya ukutya okunesondlo.
- Ubudlelwane obuhle nabantu: Chitha ixesha nabahlobo kunye nosapho.
- Lawula ezinye izifo: Ukuba uneengxaki ezifana nesifo seswekile, iingxaki ze-thyroid, okanye ukungabikho kweevithamini, fumana unyango olufanelekileyo.
Kodwa ngaphezu kwako konke, umthambo yeyona nto ilungileyo koku . Abanye oogqirha bahlala bebuza izigulane zabo, "Ngaba nizilolonge namhlanje?" Kubaluleke kakhulu.
Ukongeza, ingcebiso ikwaxabiseke kakhulu. Xa sidlula kutshintsho olukhulu ebomini (njengokulahlekelwa ngumsebenzi, ukutshata, ukuba nomntwana, okanye ukuqhawula ubudlelwane), iingqondo zethu zinokudideka. Umcebisi angakunceda ulungiselele ezi meko. Unyango lwexesha elifutshane olufana ne-"Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)" lunokukunceda utshintshe indlela ocinga ngayo kwaye wakhe amandla engqondo. Kufana 'noqeqesho lwamandla' lwengqondo.
Ungabhala ibali lakho.
UShanti, esaqala ukuthetha naye, ngoku uxhalabile kakhulu ngempilo yakhe yengqondo. Eneminyaka efanayo neyokudandatheka kukanina, uShanti sele ekwinkonzo yokunika iingcebiso kangangeminyaka. Ngoku wenza izigqibo ezahlukeneyo ngempilo yakhe.
Uyazi ukuba le ayiyonto inokutshintshwa ngobusuku obunye, kwaye yinto ekufuneka isetyenziswe. Ukunika iingcebiso, abahlobo abalungileyo, ukutya okunesondlo, ukucamngca, umculo, kunye nokuhambahamba kuye kwaba yinxalenye yobomi bakhe. "Ngoku, nokuba ndihamba nje kundenza ndizive ndikhululekile," utshilo.
Okokugqibela, abafazi banamathuba aphindwe kabini okuba noxinzelelo kunamadoda. Kwakhona, le ngozi inokwanda ngexesha lokufikisa, ixesha lokuphela kokuya exesheni, kunye nokwaluphala. Ukwazi imbali yosapho lwakho kunokukunceda ufumane uncedo kwangethuba ngeli xesha lomngcipheko ophezulu. Ukuba unenkxalabo okanye uzive ungaphili kakuhle, ungaze uhlupheke wedwa. Thetha nogqirha wakho ngoko nangoko.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Ukuba nelungu losapho elinoxinzelelo kwandisa umngcipheko wokuba nalo, kodwa akuthethi ukuba uza kuba nalo.
- Ukuhlolwa ngokucokisekileyo kwembali yempilo yengqondo yosapho lwakho kunokukunceda ukukhusele.
- Sebenzisa olu lwazi ungoyiki, kodwa ukunika amandla nokuthatha inyathelo.
- Ukulala kakuhle, ukutya okunesondlo, kwaye ngakumbi ukuzilolonga imihla ngemihla kuluncedo kakhulu kwimpilo yakho yengqondo.
- Ukuba kukho naluphi na uphazamiseko lwengqondo, ungathandabuzi ukufuna uncedo. Ukuthetha nogqirha wakho linyathelo lokuqala.
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