Xa umntu kusapho enesifo somkhuhlane okanye umphimbo obuhlungu, akunzima kangako ukuchazela umntwana. Kodwa, ukuba umama uhlala egumbini lakhe iintsuku ezininzi aze abonakale elusizi, kwaye utata akancumi okanye akathethi njengangaphambili... ungayichaza njani le nto ingabonakaliyo kumntwana omncinci? Le yingxaki enkulu kubazali abaninzi. Ukuba asibaxeleli abantwana bethu ngayo ngokufanelekileyo, basenokungaziqondi kakuhle izinto. Banokucinga ukuba, "Umama ulusizi ngenxa yento endiyenzileyo engalunganga." Ngoko ke, masithethe ngale nto namhlanje.
Kalula nje, yintoni ukudakumba?
Ukudakumba, okanye oko sikubiza ngesiNgesi, sisifo sengqondo. Asikuko ubuthathaka bengqondo, okanye ukuziva ulusizi, okanye ukuziva ulusizi. Ngokuchanekileyo, sisifo sempilo esinxulumene nengqondo yethu.
Cinga nje, xa sinesifo seswekile, i-hormone ye-insulin ayisebenzi kakuhle, akunjalo? Ngendlela efanayo, xa sinoxinzelelo , umsebenzi weekhemikhali ezithile (ii-neurotransmitters) engqondweni yethu uyatshintsha . Ezi khemikhali zilawula iimvakalelo zethu zolonwabo, usizi, kunye nomsebenzi. Ngoko ke xa le misebenzi iphazamisekile, umntu unokuziva elusizi, edanile ngobomi, kwaye angabi namdla kuyo nayiphi na into ixesha elide.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba ukudakumba akubangelwa yimpazamo okanye ubuthathaka bomntu. Sisifo esinokuchaphazela nabani na. Kwaye sinokunyangwa ngokupheleleyo ngonyango olufanelekileyo.
Ungathetha njani nomntwana ngendlela efanele iminyaka yakhe?
Xa uthetha nomntwana ngale nto, kubalulekile ukuqwalasela iminyaka yakhe kunye nomgangatho wokuqonda. Oku kufanele kuchazwe kumntwana omncinci oneminyaka elishumi elinesihlanu, kungekhona umntwana oneminyaka emihlanu ubudala.
Ukuze kube lula, makhe sijonge oku kwitheyibhile efana nale:
| Iqela leminyaka yomntwana | Indlela yokuthetha (ngemizekelo) |
|---|---|
| Isikolo sabantwana abancinci (iminyaka emi-3-5) | Sebenzisa amagama alula kakhulu. Thetha into elula efana nale, "Nyana/Ntombi, uTata uziva engemnandi. Yiyo loo nto ebonakala ediniwe kancinci. Akungenxa yobubi obenzekileyo? Mfumanele amayeza aze aphile. Masimnyamekele." |
| Ubudala bokuhamba isikolo (iminyaka eyi-6-12) | Cacisa kancinci. "Umama unesifo esibizwa ngokuba yi-depression. Kufana nokuba nomlenze owaphukileyo kwaye unengxaki yokubaleka nokutsiba. Kunzima kancinci ukonwaba xa unesi sifo. Asisisifo esosulelayo. Uza kuphila kancinci kancinci ngonyango oluvela kugqirha. Asilotyala lakho eli." |
| Umncinci (iminyaka eli-13 nangaphezulu) | Thetha ngokungathi uthetha nomntu omdala, kodwa ngokulula. "Ungaqaphela ukuba uMama/uTata akasafani nakuqala. Unesifo esibizwa ngokuba kukudandatheka. Sibangelwa kukutshintsha kweekhemikhali engqondweni. Siqalile unyango. Kuqhelekile ukuba uzive ulusizi, unomsindo, kwaye udanile ngenxa yoku. Ungathetha nam ngayo nayiphi na into." |
Khumbula la manqaku xa uthetha nomntwana wakho.
1. Thembeka, musa ukufihla izinto.
Abantwana bakrelekrele kunokuba sicinga. Ukuba kukho into eyahlukileyo ekhaya, banokuyiqonda. Endaweni yokuxoka bathi "akukho nto," kungcono ukubaxelela inyaniso ngendlela abanokuyiqonda. Kungenjalo, baya kuqala ukucinga ngezizathu ezisekelwe kwinto abayaziyo, eziya kubangela uloyiko olungeyomfuneko.
2. Cacisa ngokucacileyo, "Ayisilo ityala lakho eli."
Le yeyona nto ibalulekileyo nebalulekileyo ukuyithetha . Abantwana abancinci badla ngokucinga ukuba ngabona babangela ukuba abazali babo bakhathazeke. Izinto ezinje ngokuthi "Umama ukhathazekile kuba ndenze into embi," "Utata akafuni ukuthetha nam kuba ndifumene amanqaku aphantsi kuvavanyo," zinokufika engqondweni yabo. Ngoko ke, phinda uthi, "Ayisiyiyo ingxaki yakho konke konke. Esi sisifo. Kufana nokubanjwa ngumkhuhlane."
3. Nika ithemba
Nceda umntwana wakho aqonde ukuba ukudakumba sisifo esinokunyangeka. Ukuthi, "Mama/Tata, ufumana unyango lwale nto. Uya kubona ugqirha kwaye usela amayeza. Emva kwexesha elithile, uza konwaba kwakhona," kunokunceda ukunciphisa uloyiko lomntwana wakho.
4. Le asinto inokuxoxwa kube kanye ize igqitywe.
Musa ukuthetha ngale nto ngemini enye kuphela. Thetha nomntwana wakho ngayo rhoqo. Mbuze, "Unjani nyana?", "Ingaba kukho into oyivayo?", "Ngaba unemibuzo?" rhoqo. Oku kuya kunceda ekunciphiseni umthwalo wabo kwaye kubenze bazive ngathi ababodwa.
Sijongana njani nale ngxaki njengentsapho?
Xa umntu kusapho enengxaki yokudakumba, oko kuchaphazela lonke usapho. Kodwa ukuba sihlangana njengentsapho, singayoyisa le ngxaki.
- Gcina imisebenzi yemihla ngemihla yomntwana wakho (ixesha lokuvuka, umsebenzi wesikolo, ukutya, ixesha lokudlala, ixesha lokulala) rhoqo kangangoko. Oku kuya kunceda umntwana wakho azive ezinzile kwaye ekhuselekile.
- Cinga nangawe: Omnye umntu othandana nomntu onengxaki yokudakumba kufuneka akhathalele impilo yakhe yengqondo neyomzimba. Kuphela xa unamandla apho unokunyamekela intsapho yonke.
- Ziqhelise iindlela ezakhayo zokujongana noxinzelelo: Fundisa abantwana bakho iindlela zokulawula uxinzelelo kunye nexhala. Oku sikubiza ngokuba 'kukunyamezela uxinzelelo'.
- Ukuphefumla nzulu: Thabatha umoya onzulu kancinci xa uziva uxinezelekile.
- Ukuthetha ngento ekukhathazayo: Xa uziva ulusizi okanye unomsindo, thetha nomntu omthembayo ngaphandle kokuyifihla ngaphakathi kuwe.
- Ingcinga eyakhayo: Ukuzixelela izinto ezakhayo ezinje ngokuthi "yonke into iza kulunga."
- Lumka ngamazwi akho nangendlela oziphethe ngayo: Nokuba uxinezelekile kangakanani na, zama ukuphepha ukukhwaza okanye ukuphikisana phambi kwabantwana bakho. Indlela oziphethe ngayo imisela umzekelo omhle kubantwana bakho.
Ixesha lokufuna ingcebiso yezonyango ngokukhawuleza
- Ukuba imeko yomzali odandathekileyo imbi kakhulu, iya isiba mandundu, okanye uthetha ngokuzenzakalisa, mse kwiYunithi yoNyango oluNgxamisekileyo (ETU) yesibhedlele esikufutshane ngaphandle kokulibazisa .
- Ukuba ubona utshintsho olukhulu kwindlela umntwana wakho aziphethe ngayo, umzekelo, ukuba lusizi ngalo lonke ixesha, ukungayi emsebenzini wesikolo, ukungatyi kakuhle, ukungalali kakuhle, okanye ukuzama ukuba yedwa, kubalulekile ukubona ugqirha wosapho lwakho ukuze athethe ngempilo yengqondo yomntwana wakho.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Ukudakumba akubobuthathaka, yimeko yezonyango enokunyangeka ngonyango.
- Thetha nomntwana wakho ngale nto ngokunyanisekileyo, ngamazwi alula afanele iminyaka yakhe.
- Phinda uxelele umntwana wakho uthi, "Akulotyala lakho eli." Oku kubaluleke kakhulu.
- Dala ithemba lonyango nokuchacha. Xelela umntwana ukuba umzali uza kuchacha.
- Gcina imisebenzi yentsapho iqhelekile kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Oku kuya kuqinisekisa ukhuseleko lomntwana.
- Ukuba wena okanye umntwana wakho nixinezelekile ngokweemvakalelo, ningathandabuzi ukufuna uncedo. Thetha nogqirha wakho.
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