Aw yu dɔn fil we sɔmbɔdi tɛl yu se, “Wetin nɔ fayn, kol yu at,” “Bi pɔsitiv,” ɔ “Ɔltin go fayn,” we yu bin de go tru tranga tɛm, sɔri-at, ɔ prɔblɛm? Sɔntɛnde, bifo dɛn wɔd dɛn de mɛn wi, i kin mek wi fil bad mɔ. I de mek wi fil lɛk se nɔbɔdi nɔ ɔndastand di pen ɛn sɔfa we wi de sɔfa . Na dat wi kin kɔl ‘ toxic positivity.’ Dis na tɔpik we rili impɔtant. Lɛ wi tɔk mɔ bɔt dis.
Wetin rili na Tɔxik Pozitiv?
Fɔ tɔk am simpul wan, Toxic Positivity na di prɔses fɔ tray fɔ bi pɔsitiv ɛn gladi at pan ɛni tranga ɔ sɔri sityueshɔn, bay we yu dinay dɛn filin dɛn de. I min fɔ lɛbul filin lɛk sɔri-at, vɛks, ɛn fred as ‘bad’, stɔp dɛn, ɛn tray fɔ sho ‘gud’ filin nɔmɔ. Wi kin du dis to wisɛf, ɛn to ɔda pipul dɛn bak.
Lɛ wi lisin to Ana Ɔliva in stori fɔ ɔndastand dis. Insay 2017, we Ana bin ol 42 ia, dɔktɔ dɛn bin tɛl am se i gɛt multiple myeloma , we na wan kayn blɔd kansa. We Ana bin kam fɔ no se dis na sik we pɔsin nɔ go ebul fɔ mɛn, fɔs i bin vɛks bad bad wan, dɔn i bin rili fred. Wan dɔktɔ bin tɛl am se i gɛt lɛk wan ia so fɔ liv. Wan ɔda wan se i gɛt lɛk 5 ia so. Wan ɔda wan se i nɔ go ebul fɔ tɔk natin bɔt am.
Imajin aw i go dɔn fil insay da kayn tɛm de. Bɔt sɔm pan Ana in padi dɛn bin tɔk di tin dɛn we rili wɔndaful. "Yu go bi okay!", "Yu kin get tru dis!", "Yu so strong!" Dɛn ɔl bin de tɔk tin dɛn lɛk dat. Pan ɔl we Ana bin no se dɛn de tray fɔ ɛp, di "fɔs sɔpɔt" we i bin de yɛri ɔltɛm bin mek i nɔ pɔsibul fɔ tɔk bɔt aw i rili fil .
Ana se, "A bin tink se, 'Wet wan minit. A nɔ gɛt wan ɔns pan pɔsitiv tin insay mi rayt naw. A rili vɛks ɛn sɔri. A gɛt ɔl di rayt fɔ bi da we de.'"
Toxic Positivity na di akt fɔ mek wan kɔmpleks tin simpul ɛn tray fɔ fos fɔ atribyut wan fayn aspek to am, ilɛksɛf na di aktual sityueshɔn.
Wetin mek dis ‘gud tin’ kin tɔn to pɔyzin sɔntɛnde?
Wan saykotɛrapist we nem Whitney Goodman bin tɔk se ilɛksɛf pɔsin gɛt gud tin fɔ du, Toxic Positivity kin mek “dɛn de prɛs am ɔltɛm fɔ gladi ɔ fɔ tray fɔ gɛt gladi at , ilɛk wetin apin.”
1. Fɔ stɔp di we aw pɔsin de fil
Wi ɔl kin fil filin lɛk pwɛl hat, vɛks, fred, ɛn pwɛl at. Dɛn tin ya na nɔmal tin na wi layf. Bɔt pɔyzin pɔsitiv tin kin mek wi stɔp dɛn filin ya, ɛn tink se dɛn ‘rɔng.’ Bɔt fɔ stɔp dɛn nɔ de mek dɛn go. As Gudman se, "Dεn filin dεm we dεn sכpres kin kכmכt na כda εria dεm na yu layf, sכmtεm dεn kin kכmכt na mכr siriכs we." Fɔ ɛgzampul, yu kin gɛt prɔblɛm wit yu slip, yu kin chenj di we aw yu de it, ɔ yu kin chenj di we aw yu de fil .
2. Fɔ fil se yu de yu wan (Isolation) .
If yu padi de tink ɔltɛm se yu go si di gud tin dɛn nɔmɔ we yu de du, yu kin stɔp fɔ tɔk to dɛn bɔt aw yu rili de fil bikɔs yu de fred se dɛn go jɔj yu ɔ stɔp fɔ tɔk to yu. Dis go jɔs mek yu fil se yu wangren de mɔ ɛn mɔ. Dis kin mek di pɔsin we de ɛp yu ɛn di pɔsin we de ɛp yu, fil lɛk se na dɛn wangren de.
3. Fɔ fil gilti
We ɔlman tɛl yu fɔ "bi pɔsitiv" bɔt yu nɔ ebul, yu kin bigin fɔ fil gilti bɔt yusɛf. Yu bigin tink se, "Sɔmtin de we nɔ rayt wit mi? Wetin mek a nɔ go ebul fɔ gladi?" Dis kin jɔs mek yu strɛs bɔku .
So aw wi kin ansa dis di rayt we?
Ivin wit gud intenshɔn, sɔntɛm wi kin tɔk tin dɛn lɛk dis sɔntɛnde. De tin wae impɔtant pas ɔl na fɔ lisin to pɔrsin in pen ɛn alaw am fɔ fil am. Luk dis tebul.
| Aw fɔ kɔl Toxic Positivity (tɔxik) . | Aw fɔ rili ɛp (we gɛt sɔri-at) . |
|---|---|
| "Nɔ kray, bi strɔng." | "It okay fo kray. Jos let out wetin de fo yu maind. A de ya." |
| "Bi positif! Evritin go fayn." | "A ɔndastand se dis na tɛm we rili at fɔ yu. Aw a go ɛp yu?" |
| "It bin min to bi. Evritin de hapun fo di bes." | "A sɔri se dat apin to yu. If yu want fɔ tɔk bɔt am, a go lisin." |
| "Luk di oda wan dem, dem get mo problem." | "Yu pen valid. Yu nɔ nid fɔ kɔmpia am to ɔda pipul dɛn prɔblɛm. Yu filin impɔtant." |
Tek tɛm wit yu langwej.
We pɔsin tɛl yu in prɔblɛm, lisin to am bifo yu tray fɔ sɔlv am. Aks kwɛstyɔn dɛn. Aks kweshon lek, "Aw yu de fil?" ɔ "Wetin a go du fɔ yu?" go mek dɛn no se yu rɛspɛkt di we aw dɛn de fil.
Yuz fɔ liv wit filin dɛn we nɔ fayn.
Aksept se na nɔmal tin fɔ mek ɔda pipul dɛn fil bad ɛn fil pen, jɔs lɛk aw wi kin fil. If pɔsin kray bifo yu, nɔ vɛks. Na sayn fɔ sho se dɛn biliv yu. Ivin fɔ kwayɛt wit dɛn da tɛm de kin rili ɛp dɛn.
Yuz tru tru tin lɛk, "A de gɛt prɔblɛm rayt naw, bɔt a op se dis tɛm go pas jisnɔ," na wɛlbɔdi pas fɔ ful yusɛf bay we yu se, "I nɔ bad, na so i bi."
We wi go bak to Ana in stori, leta i bigin fɔ tich in padi dɛn bɔt Tɔxik Pozitiviti insay wan we we rili saful. I se: “A lan fɔ yuz mi vɔys ɛn tɔk fɔ misɛf.” In advays na, "Bi wit pɔsin, bi rial pɔsin, ɛn aks kwɛstyɔn."
"A nɔ tink se pipul dɛn kin du Toxic Positivity bay wilful . A tink se dɛn nɔ no. Dɛn kin waya dɛn bren fɔ tɔk wetin dɛn tink se rayt. Bɔt if dɛn rili lisin to wi we wi de tɔk, instead fɔ tray fɔ gi wi ansa, dat go fayn," na so Ana tɔk.
If yu de fil dis kayn we, nɔ fred fɔ tɔk bɔt am. Tɔk to yu padi we yu kin abop pan, yu fambul, ɔ yu dɔktɔ . Mental wɛlbɔdi impɔtant jɔs lɛk aw bɔdi wɛlbɔdi impɔtant .
Mɛsej we dɛn kin kɛr go na os
- Na lay lay stori se wi fɔ gladi ɔltɛm. Rum de na wi layf fɔ ɔlkayn filin, frɔm sɔri to vɛks to fred. Na nɔmal tin fɔ fil dɛn.
- Nɔ tray fɔ stɔp yu yone ɔ ɔda pipul dɛn sɔri filin wit wɔd dɛn lɛk "positive vibes only." Dat go du mɔ bad pas gud.
- Di bɛst we fɔ ɛp pɔsin we gɛt prɔblɛm na fɔ tek tɛm lisin to am ɛn rɛspɛkt aw i de fil pas fɔ gi am sɔlv. Fɔ se, "A de wit yu" na tin we fit fɔ gɛt wan tawzin wɔd dɛn fɔ advays.
- If yusɛf de gɛt prɔblɛm fɔ kip yu filin, tɔk to pɔsin we yu trɔst bɔt dat. If nid de, nɔ shem fɔ aks dɔktɔ ɔ pɔsin we sabi bɔt mental wɛlbɔdi biznɛs advays.
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