He tino uaua ki te whakamanawanui i te pouri e puta mai ana ina mate tetahi hoa, tetahi mema rānei o te whānau. I ngā wā o mua, arā, i te wā o ō tātou mātua, he tino ataahua ngā tikanga hei whakakaha i te whānau i ngā wā o te pouri, hei whakapuaki hoki i ō rātou aroha. Ka toro atu tetahi ki te whare tangihanga, ka whakatakoto i tētahi karauna, ka taka kai i ētahi wā ka hoatu, ka tuku reta e whakapuaki ana i ō rātou aroha. Nā ēnei katoa i tino kaha ai te hunga e pouri ana, me te whakaaro kāore rātou i te mokemoke.
Engari kua tino rerekē ngā mea i ēnei rā. Tata ki ngā mea katoa ka puta mā roto i ngā pāpāho pāpori i ēnei rā. Ina mate tetahi, ka kite tuatahi tātou i ngā purongo i runga i te Pukamata, i te tūnga WhatsApp rānei. He painga, he ngoikoretanga hoki tō tēnei tikanga. Nā te mea kāore he ture mārama hei whai mā te whakapuaki i te aroha ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, i ētahi wā ka nui ake te mamae o te tangata e pouri ana i tētahi kōrero ka tukuna e tātou, i tētahi pātai rānei ka pātaihia e tātou. Nō reira, he mea nui kia mōhio tātou ki tēnei.
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Kua ngāwari ake te whakapuaki i te aroha ki ngā tāngata i pāngia e te pāpāho pāpori?
Ina hoki, e ai ki a Jocelyn DeGroot, he tohunga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero e rangahau ana i tēnei, kāore te pāpāho pāpori i tino whakarerekē i te huarahi e whakapuakina ai e tātou te pouri. I mua, i tuhituhi reta te tangata ki ō rātou whanaunga, i whakanui i ō rātou rā whānau, me te whakanui i te rā i mate ai rātou. Ināianei, kei te tupu aua mea i runga i ngā wāhi pēnei i a Pukamata me Instagram.
He maha ngā painga o tēnei.
- Te whakamōhio atu ki te katoa i te wā kotahi: Whakaarohia te uaua o te waea atu ki te katoa me te kī atu, "E pouri ana mātou kua riro atu koe" i a koe e pouri tonu ana. Mā te tuku i ngā purongo ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori kotahi, ka taea e te hunga katoa e hiahia ana ki te mōhio te whakarongo. He tino whakamarie tēnā.
- Tautoko mai i tētahi rōpū nui: I tēnei wā, ko ngā mihi aroha me ngā kōrero a ngā hoa kāore e kōrero nui ana ka nui te kaha mō te whānau. E whakaaro ana rātou "kei a koutou mātou."
Engari kia maumahara, i tua atu i ēnei painga, he maha anō hoki ngā tūponotanga ka puta mai ngā mea ka whakamā ai i a tātou, ka whara ai hoki i ō tātou kare ā-roto.
He aha ngā hapa e mahia ana e tātou me te kore e mōhiotia?
Nā te mea he wāhi tuwhera te pāpāho pāpori, i ētahi wā ka nui ake te ngoikore o te tangata e pouri ana i roto i ngā whanonga a te tangata.
Ko te mea tuatahi ko te rapu i ngā taipitopito kāore e hiahiatia.. Tērā ētahi tāngata, ehara i te hoa piripono, engari he hoa i runga i a Pukamata. Engari e whakaaro ana rātou he tika tā rātou ki te mōhio ki ngā kōrero katoa. Ka pātai rātou i ngā pātai pēnei i te "Nā te aha koe i hinga ai?", "He aha te hē?", "I pēhea te mutunga?" hei kōrero hei tirohanga mā te katoa.
E ai ki a Whaea DeGroot, "Mēnā he hoa piri rawa kōrua ko te tangata, tērā pea kua tukuna atu e rātou ngā taipitopito ki a koe i tētahi atu huarahi (pēnei i te waea atu) i mua i a Pukamata. Mēnā me pātai atu koe ki a rātou i te aroaro o te marea, 'I aha?', ko te tikanga ehara i te mea nāu."
Ko te tuarua o ngā mea ko te kōrero i ngā mea kāore i te tika, i ngā mea mamae . He tokomaha o tō tātou hapori kāore i te whakaakona ki te whakaatu tika i te pouri. Nō reira, ka kōrero ētahi i ngā mea mamae me te kore e mōhio. Hei tauira, ina mate te pāpā o tētahi, ka kōrero tētahi atu, "Āe, e mamae ana hoki ahau, i mate hoki taku kurī i te wiki kua taha ake nei." Ka whakaititia te matenga o te pāpā o taua tangata. Ka nui ake te mamae o rātou.
| Ngā Mea e Me Mahi | Ngā mea kāore e tika ana |
|---|---|
| Whakapuakina ō mihi aroha ki a koe, kia ngāwari, kia pono hoki. He nui noa iho te kī pēnei i te, "Aroha mai ki tēnei. Kia kitea e koe te kaha." | Kaua e pātai mō te take o te matenga, mō ngā taipitopito whaiaro rānei kāore e hiahiatia i te aroaro o te marea. |
| Kōrerohia tētahi maharatanga pai i mau i a koe me taua tangata. (Tauira: "He tangata tino atawhai ia, e maumahara ana ahau i tētahi rā...") | Kaua e hoatu he tohutohu pēnei i te, "Kei te pai ake tōna wāhi inaianei," te "He pai ake te haere me te kore e mamae." |
| Ki te taea, me waea atu, me tuku karere kuputuhi rānei hei tāpiri atu ki ngā karere pāpāho pāpori. | Kaua e whakarite i tōu ake pouri ki te pouri o taua tangata, me te kī he kōrero kāore e pā ana ki taua kaupapa. |
| Pātai atu, "He aha tāku e taea ai te āwhina i a koe?" | Kia tūpato i te whakamahi i ngā emoji. Kaua e whakamahi i ngā emoji menemene, i ngā emoji koretake rānei. |
Nā, me pēhea rā te whakapuaki i tō tātou mihi aroha?
He maha ngā mea ngāwari ka taea e tātou te mahi i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori hei āwhina i ētahi atu, me te kore e whara i ō rātou kare ā-roto.
1. Kōrero mā te ngāwari me te pono
Kāore koe e hiahia ki ngā kupu roa, ki ngā rerenga kōrero roa rānei. Me kī noa i tētahi mea pēnei i te, "Aroha mai ki te rongo i tēnei purongo. He uaua pea tēnei ki a koe. Kei konei ahau mēnā me kōrero koe." Ko te mea nui ko te kī pono.
2. Hoatu he tohutohu, kaua e whakapehapeha.
He mea tino nui tēnei. E whakaaro ana ētahi mā ā rātou kōrero ka memeha te pouri o te tangata. Kaua e kī pēnei i te, "Kei te pai ake ia ināianei," "Ka pai ngā mea katoa i roto i te wā," "Kaua e tangi, kia kaha." E ai ki a Whaea DeGroot, "Kāore e taea e koe te whakahari i tetahi. Me tuku e koe kia rongo rātou i tō rātou pouri." Ehara i te mea ko te whakakore i tō rātou pouri tā tātou mahi, engari ko te mea kia rongo rātou kāore rātou i te mokemoke i roto i tō rātou pouri.
3. Kaua e noho puku.
Ka taea e koe te kōrero ki taua tangata i runga i te Pukamata anake. Engari kaua e kōrero i tetahi mea nā te mea kāore koe e hiahia. Ahakoa te waiho i tētahi reta iti, i tētahi kōrero pēnei i te "Aroha mai mō tō mate," he āwhina nui ki taua tangata i taua wā. Ko te mea pai anake ko te rongo kei te whakaaro mai tetahi ki a ia.
Hei whakamutunga, kaua e mutu i reira nā te mea i waiho e koe he kōrero ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori. He tīmatanga noa iho tēnei. Ki te taea, waea atu ki a rātou i roto i ngā rā e rua, e toru rānei. Waiho he karere, ka pātai atu, "Kei te pēhea koe?" Pātai atu, "He mea ka taea e au te mahi māu? Me haere koe ki te toa? Me āwhina koe ki tētahi mea i te kāinga?" Pērā i te tunu kai a ō tātou iwi mō te tangihanga, he nui ake te uara o te mahi i tētahi atawhai iti i te rau ngā kōrero pāpāho pāpori.
Karere Tangohia ki te Kāinga
- Ina whakapuakihia ō mihi aroha ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, kia māmā noa, kia poto, kia pono hoki. Kāore e hiahiatia he whakaahuatanga roa.
- Kaua e pātai i te take o te matenga, i ētahi atu taipitopito whaiaro rānei i te aroaro o te marea. Ka tino whakama pea te tangata.
- Kaua e tuku tohutohu pēnei i te, "Ka pai ngā mea katoa." Engari, tukua rātou kia pouri, me te whakaatu kei a rātou koe.
- Ahakoa kāore koe i te tata ki taua tangata, ahakoa he karere poto e mea ana "Aroha mai" ka taea e ia te waiho hei kaha nui ki a ia.
- Kaua e herea noa ki ngā karere pāpāho pāpori, engari ki te taea, whakaaturia tō tautoko pono mā te waea atu, mā te āwhina kanohi ki te kanohi rānei.
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