Sonke sicabanga ukuthi ukukhulelwa kuyisikhathi esihle nesijabulisayo. Cishe unomfanekiso engqondweni yakho womama oqhakazile futhi ojabule njengoba isisu sakhe sikhula, ngaphandle kokukhathazeka, ukwesaba, noma ukungabaza. Mhlawumbe empeleni uyamazi umuntu onjalo. Kodwa iqiniso lingahluka kakhulu.
Uma ngikhuluma iqiniso, ukukhulelwa kuyinto enzima kakhulu. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi wena nomyeni wakho benilinde kangakanani lo mntwana, ningase nibe nemizwa eyahlukahlukene phakathi nalesi sikhathi. Ngesinye isikhathi ningase nizizwe nijabule kakhulu, kanti ngesinye ningase nizizwe nidabukile, nisaba, noma nithukuthele. Imibuzo eyinkulungwane ingase ifike engqondweni mayelana nempilo yomntwana, izinguquko emzimbeni wakho, ukuthi kuzokwenzekani ebudlelwaneni benu, nokuthi ngizoba yini umama omuhle.
Kungani lokhu kwenzeka kimi? Ingabe yiphutha lami leli?
Ungase ucabange, "Bengilinde isikhathi eside kangaka ukuthi lo mntwana afike, pho kungani ngizizwa ngale ndlela?" Kujwayelekile ngokuphelele. Ngokusho kochwepheshe, kungenxa yokuthi usuzobhekana noshintsho olukhulu empilweni yakho.
"Ukuba ngumama kuyinguquko enkulu, yempilo yonke engenakuphinde iguqulwe. Ngakho-ke uma udlula oshintshweni olukhulu kangaka empilweni yakho, kuyamangaza ukuthi awuzizwa unesaba, ukhathazekile, futhi ungabaza ngakho," kusho uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo .
Kodwa into edabukisayo ukuthi, asikhulumi namuntu ngale mizwa. Abantu abaningi bacabanga ukuthi akulungile ukuzizwa ngalezi zinto, ukuthi yimi ngedwa ozizwa ngale ndlela, ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ngami.
"Uma ubheka omagazini abathengisa izinto zezingane, baningi omama abakhulelwe abahle nabajabule. Bahlobisa igumbi lezingane zabo kahle. Sibheka lokho bese sicabanga, 'Kungani ngingedwa ojabule kanje?'"
Ikakhulukazi kwabesifazane asebelinde isikhathi eside ukuze babe nomntwana , noma asebephuphunyelwe yizisu ngaphambilini, le mizwa ingahambisana nomuzwa wecala omkhulu. Bacabanga ukuthi, "Anginalo ngisho nelungelo lokucabanga lokhu." Ngakho abatsheli muntu ngakho.
Kodwa thatha umoya ojulile bese wehlisa umoya. Le mizwa ayisho ukuthi awumthandi umntwana wakho noma ukuthi ngeke ube umama omuhle. Eqinisweni, abanye ochwepheshe bathi imibhangqwana engesabi nhlobo futhi engaqiniseki yiyo ekhathazeka kakhulu ngayo. Kubonisa ukuthi ayiqondi ngempela ushintsho olukhulu oluzayo.
Ingabe ama-hormone kuphela abangela lokhu?
Amanye amadoda akuthola kunzima ukuqonda omkawo ngalesi sikhathi. Indoda ethile yathi: "Kuyamangaza ukuthi imizwa yakhe ishintsha ngokushesha kangakanani. Ngimshayela ucingo ngaphambi kokuba ngifike ekhaya ngivela emsebenzini bese ngimbuza, 'Bekunjani usuku lwakho? Ukhathele? Ingabe ingane ikhale?' futhi unothando olukhulu. Kodwa ngemva kwemizuzu eyishumi, lapho ngifika ekhaya, usesimweni esihluke ngokuphelele. Ngezinye izikhathi ngivele ngibheke ikhanda lami ngaphandle komnyango ukuze ngibone ukuthi izinto zihamba kanjani."
Ngakho-ke ingabe ama-hormone kufanele asolwe ngakho konke lokhu? Akunjalo ngempela. Odokotela bathi abanye besifazane bayathinteka yizinguquko emazingeni ama-hormone, kanti abanye abathinteki. Futhi kunezinye izinto eziningi ezingabangela ukushintshashintsha kwemizwelo, hhayi ama-hormone kuphela.
Ngisho nokungakhululeki ngokomzimba njengokucasuka ekuseni, ubuhlungu bebele, kanye nokuqunjelwa kungakwenza uzizwe udangele futhi ukhathazekile. Uma umzimba wakho ungajabule, ingqondo yakho ngeke ijabule.
"Ngitshela iziguli zami kusengaphambili, 'Bheka, ngeke nizizwe ngendlela efanayo ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa njengoba nanizizwa ngaphambilini. Ngakho wena nomyeni wakho kudingeka niqonde ukuthi indlela enisabela ngayo ezintweni ezifanayo ingase ihluke kulokhu.'" - UProfesa Frank Lin (udokotela wezifo zokubelethisa kanye nodokotela wezifo zabesifazane).
Ngakho-ke uma ubhekene nobunzima bokulwa nale mizwa wedwa, into engcono kakhulu ongayenza ukuxoxa ngayo nothile.
Ubhekana kanjani nale mizwa?
Ungathwali imithwalo efika engqondweni yakho wedwa phakathi nalesi sikhathi. Nazi ezinye izindlela ezingakusiza.
| Indlela ewusizo | Kwenzekani kuyo? |
|---|---|
| Ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho, abangani, noma umndeni | Yabelana ngokwesaba kwakho, ukungabaza, nokukhathazeka kwakho. Kuyimpumuzo enkulu ukukhuluma nomuntu okwazi ukulalela ngaphandle kokunikeza izixazululo. |
| Ukukhuluma nabanye omama abakhulelwe | Uma ukhuluma nabantu abake baba nokuhlangenwe nakho okufanayo, uzoqaphela ukuthi, "Lokhu akukhona okwami kuphela." Esikhundleni sokubuza ukuthi, "Unjani?", buza imibuzo ejulile efana nokuthi, "Wazizwa kanjani lapho ingane ikhahlela?" |
| Ukubhala idayari | Ukubhala phansi imizwa yakho kungakukhulula kakhulu futhi kungakusiza uqonde izindlela zakho zemizwa. |
| Ukufunda izincwadi eziphathelene nokukhulelwa | Ungathola ukuqonda okukhulu ngokufunda izincwadi ezibhalwe hhayi nje kuphela ngezinguquko zomzimba, kodwa futhi nangezinguquko zengqondo. |
| Ukukhuluma nodokotela wakho | Uma uzizwa ucindezelekile, khuluma nodokotela wakho ngakho. Funa iseluleko uma kudingeka. |
Uthando, intukuthelo nakho konke okuphakathi
Ngezinye izikhathi, nakuba ungase uzizwe umthanda kakhulu umntanakho, ungase uzizwe udabuke futhi uthukuthele ngokulahlekelwa inkululeko yakho. Kuvamile ukuzizwa sengathi awusoze wakwazi ukuchitha isikhathi sakho wedwa futhi, ngendlela oyifunayo.
Lo muzwa uzwakala ikakhulukazi ngabesifazane abasebenzayo futhi abanemisebenzi ephumelelayo, ngoba baqaphela kakhulu ukuzidela okufanele bakwenzele ingane . Kanye nale mizwa kuza nomuzwa wecala, "Kungani ngingajabuli ngokuphelele?"
Indlela enhle yokwenza lokhu ukwenza uhlu:
- "Izinto engizithanda kakhulu empilweni yami"
- "Izinto engizesaba kakhulu ukulahlekelwa"
- "Izinto ezintsha engizitholayo"
- "Izinto engingazithandi ukulahlekelwa"
Ngokubheka lezi zinhlu, ungathola izindlela zokuqhubeka nokwenza izinto ozithandayo, futhi ujabule ngezinto ezintsha onazo. Into ebaluleke kakhulu ukuzithethelela. Cabanga, "Kulungile, ngizizwa ngidumele kancane, kodwa ngeke ngizishaye ngakho. Yini engidinga ukuyifunda kulokhu?"
Ingabe konke kuhlukile ngesikhathi sesibili?
Ngisho nakumuntu okhulelwe okokuqala ngendlela ejabulisayo, ukukhulelwa kwesibili kungaba yinto ehluke ngokuphelele.
Umama wayejabule kakhulu lapho ekhulelwe ingane yakhe yokuqala. Kodwa lapho ekhulelwe ingane yakhe yesibili, wazizwa ekhathazekile kakhulu. Wahlanza kakhulu, akasakwazi ukuzivocavoca njengakuqala, futhi wayesaba ukuthi ngeke akwazi ukusondelana nengane yakhe yesibili njengoba ayenjalo neyokuqala.
"Lapho umntwana wokuqala ezalwa, kwakukhona isikhala esikhulu ezimpilweni zethu ngalowo mntwana. Kodwa ngesikhathi sesibili, leso sikhala sase sivalwe yingane yethu yokuqala. Ngisho noma sasifuna omunye umntwana, konke ukunaka kwethu, amandla, nothando lwethu kwase kuye enganeni yokuqala. Ngakho kwaba nzima ukwenza isikhala sengane yesibili."
Lo mama waqaphela ukuthi ngaphansi kokukhathazeka kwakhe kwakukhona olunye usizi. Usizi lokuthi lokhu kungaba ukukhulelwa kwakhe kokugcina kanye nosizi lokuthi ubuhlobo bakhe nengane yakhe yokuqala buzoshintsha.
Manje njengoba engumama wezingane ezimbili, uthi, "Ngezinye izikhathi ngisazizwa sengathi angimnaki owesibili ngokwanele. Kodwa ngiyamthanda kakhulu. Sengiyabona manje ukuthi kufanele abelane nami, kodwa akatholi lutho oluningi kimi. Sekunzima kakhulu ukuba ngumama wakhe ngo-100% manje."
Umlayezo Wokuya Nawe Ekhaya
- Kujwayelekile ngokuphelele ukuzizwa unemizwa ehlukahlukene ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa, okuhlanganisa injabulo, ukudabuka, ukwesaba, intukuthelo nokukhathazeka.
- Ukuzwa le mizwa akusho ukuthi ungumama omubi. Kusho ukuthi uyazi kahle ushintsho olukhulu oluzokwenzeka empilweni yakho.
- Lokhu akubangelwa ama-hormone kuphela. Ukungakhululeki ngokomzimba nezinkinga zangempela nakho kunomthelela kulokhu.
- Ungalwi nale mizwa wedwa. Khuluma nomlingani wakho, umngane omethembayo, ilungu lomndeni, noma udokotela wakho. Ukwabelana kungaba impumuzo enkulu.
- Yiba nozwela kuwe. Yamukela imizwa yakho futhi ube nomusa kuwe. Lolu uhambo olude, futhi akuzona zonke izinyathelo zohambo okumele zibe ziphelele.
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