Kāore he mea uaua atu i te mātakitaki i tāu wahine e arohaina ana e pāngia ana e te mamae o te whānautanga, te whānautanga mai o tāu tamaiti ki te ao. "Aue, me i taea e au te mahi i tetahi mea hei whakamama i tēnei mamae ..." Kua whakaaro pea koe i ngā mano tini wā. Ehara i te mea ko ō kare ā-roto anake tēnei, engari ko ngā tāne katoa o te ao kei te pāngia e tēnei kare ā-roto i tēnei wā tonu. Engari, kaua e mātakitaki noa, he maha ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei tautoko i a ia, hei whakangawari hoki i tēnei haerenga. Me kōrero tātou mō tēnā i tēnei rā.
Kia waiho koe hei "Kaiaroha", kaua hei "Kaiako".
He maha ā tātou whakaaro ki te tūranga o te tāne i te wā e whānau ana he "kaiako." Pērā i te kaiako hākinakina e tuku tohutohu ana pēnei i te, "Āe, manawa inaianei... he iti noa iho... pana!" Engari ehara te whānautanga i te hākinakina. Kāore tō wahine e hiahia ana ki tētahi kaiako i taua wā, e hiahia ana ia ki tana tāne aroha, ki tana hoa pai, kia noho ki tōna taha.
Whakaarohia, ki te mea kāore anō koe kia rongo i tētahi mamae iti o te paheketanga, me pēhea e tino mārama ai koe ki ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi e pāngia ana e te mamae nui rawa atu o te ao? He tino uaua. Nō reira, he mea nui ake te tautoko i a rātou i te tohutohu i a rātou.
Ki te kī ngāwari, ko te whānautanga he mahi aroha. Puritia tōna ringa. Awhia ia. Whakamihi ki āna mahi. Me waiho hei wā tino tūmataiti, hei wā aroha mā kōrua. Ki te taea, tahuna he rama kakara, whakatangihia he waiata whakamarie, hoatu he kai e pai ana ki a ia. Kia noho hei hoa aroha māna, kaua hei "kaiako".
5 ngā huarahi hei tautoko i tāu wahine i te wā e whānau ana
Āe, kia kite tātou he aha tāu e taea ai i tēnei wā nui.
1. Kia Rite
He mea noa te mataku me te kore āwhina ina tūtaki koe ki tētahi mea pēnei mō te wā tuatahi. Engari ki te mārama koe ki te tukanga whānau me ngā mea ka puta i taua wā, ka tino whakaitihia tō wehi.
Arā, he mea tino nui te haere ki ngā akomanga whānau tamariki me te pānui pukapuka mō tēnei mea i te wā e hapū ana. He pukapuka kua tuhia mō ngā pāpā. Me kōrero anō hoki ki tō wahine mō tēnei mea. Kōrerohia ngā mea i mua i te wā, pērā i ana tumanakohanga, me pēhea tana whakaaro mō te whakahaere mamae , me ētahi atu.
Pātai atu ki tō tākuta he aha ngā mea ka puta mēnā me pokanga ohorere koe, mēnā rānei he raruraru anō kei te haere mai. Mā te mōhio ki ngā mea pēnei i te "He aha taku tūranga i roto i tēnei āhuatanga? Ka tonoa ahau kia haere?" ka āwhina i te ārai i te mataku koretake.
2. Tukuna he Whakamarie
Ina whakaaro koe he mahi whai hua tāu hei mahi, ka ngaro tō ngoikore. Ka taea e koe te hoatu wai ki a ia, te hoatu kai iti ki a ia mēnā e hiahia ana ia, te whakatangi waiata, te mirimiri i a ia, te āwhina rānei i a ia ki te neke ki tētahi atu tūranga. Mā te āwhina i a ia ki te kaukau wera ka āwhina i te whakamamae i te mamae. Mā ngā mea iti pēnei ka tino kaha ia.
3. Kaua e Whakamātau ki te Whakatika
Koinei te raruraru o te nuinga o ngā tāne. Koinei te mea e kiia nei e tātou ko "te mea tāne." Ka ngana tātou ki te whakahaere i ngā mea katoa, ki te whakaoti rapanga. Ina mamae te tangata e arohaina ana e tātou, he mea noa te hiahia ki te "whakatika" i taua raruraru.
Engari kia maumahara, ehara te whānautanga i te "mea pakaru." Kāore he mea e taea e koe te mahi hei whakatika. He tukanga taiao. Ko te mea pai rawa atu māu ko te whakarongo ki āna kōrero. Ki te mea ia, "Kei te mamae ahau," me kī atu, "Āe, e mārama ana ahau, e hine." Kāore ia e hiahia ana ki ngā otinga. Ko tāna e hiahia ana ko te whakarongo, "Kei konei ahau mōu, e mihi ana ahau ki tāu e mahi nei, he tino kaha koe, e aroha ana ahau ki a koe, ā, kāore ahau e haere ki hea."
4. Kia noho hei Kaitautoko mōna
Ahakoa kāore pea koe e mārama ki te mamae o te whānautanga, e mōhio ana koe ki tāu wahine i te tangata kē atu i roto i te rūma. Nō reira, ki te kore e taea e ia te kōrero mōna ake, me waiho koe hei reo mōna.
Hei tauira, ki te mea ia, "Kei te hiahia au ki te pēhi i tēnei wā tonu," ā, ka mea te nēhi, "Kāore anō kia tae ki te wā," ka taea e koe te kī atu me te whakaute, "E te Tākuta/Nēhi, e kī ana taku wahine kei te hiahia ia ki te pēhi." Kaua e wehi ki te haere ki tua atu i ngā ture o te hōhipera, ki te pātai, me te tuku tono. I ētahi wā, mā tō titiro kotahi ka ora ai ia. I aukati tētahi pāpā i tana wahine ki te hoatu i tētahi werohanga mate pāwera ki a ia i tana kitenga atu.
5. Kaua e Whakahē i a Koe
Tērā pea ka wareware tō wahine i a koe nā te mamae, ka mahi ia me te mea kāore ia e hiahia kia noho tahi me koe, ā, ka kōrero kino hoki. Kaua e tangohia tetahi o ngā mea nei hei mea whaiaro. Ehara i a ia, engari ko te mamae e kōrero ana. Kāore koe e hiahia kia riri koe, kia wehe atu. Ahakoa pēhea, e hiahia ana ia ki a koe. Ko tāna pea e hiahia ana ko te pupuri i tōna ringa, kia tata ki a ia me te kore e kōrero. Ko tō aroaro marino, aroha te taonga nui rawa atu ka taea e ia te hoatu.
| Te tūranga o te tāne | Me aha? |
|---|---|
| Te whakarite | Pānuihia ngā pukapuka mō te whānautanga, haere ki ngā akomanga. Kōrero ki tō wahine mō āna tumanakohanga. |
| Te whakarato awhina | Te hoatu wai, te kai. Te mirimiri. Te mea kia whakarongo rātou ki te puoro. Te āwhina i a rātou ki te huri i ō rātou tūranga. |
| Kaua e noho hei "Kaiwhakatikatika" | Kaua e hoatu he otinga, engari whakarongo ki a ia. Whakatenatenahia ia mā te kī atu, "Kei te tautoko ahau i a koe." |
| Ko tōna reo | Ki te uaua tana kōrero, kōrero ki te hunga hauora mōna. Tukuna atu āna tono. |
| Kāore e tango i te mea whaiaro | Kaua e tukua te mamae kia makona i ana kupu, i ana mahi rānei. Me noho tonu ki tōna taha, kia mau tonu. |
Ko wai te "doula"?
Kāore pea koe i rongo i te kupu "doula." He kupu Kariki tēnei, ko tōna tikanga he "kaitāwhina wahine." I roto i ngā kupu māmā, ko te doula he tangata kua whakangungua ki te tautoko i te whaea i te wā e whānau ana. Kāore rātou e whakarato ana i te tiaki hauora pērā i ngā tākuta, i ngā kaiwhakawhanau rānei, engari ka tautoko rātou i te whaea me tana tāne puta noa i te tukanga whānautanga katoa.
Ahakoa ngā rangahau pūtaiao kua whakaatu mai, ina tautokona koe e te doula ,
- Ka whakapotohia te wā e pau ana ki te whānautanga mā te 25%.
- Kua whakaitihia te maha o ngā tono mō ngā mea pēnei i te epidurals hei whakaiti i te mamae mā te 60%.
- Ka whakaitihia te tūponotanga o te mahi pokanga ma te 50%.
Nā te mea ko te wehi me te manukanuka e pā ana ki te whaea i a ia e noho mokemoke ana ka whakanui ake i te whakaputanga o ngā homoni ahotea pēnei i te epinephrine me te norepinephrine. Ka taea e ēnei homoni te ngoikore, te aukati rānei i ngā kōpiritanga o te kōpū. Engari ki te mea he tangata hei tautoko i te whaea, mā te maia me te marino e pā ana ki a ia ka māmā ake te whānautanga.
He tino whakamarie hoki te whai doula mā te tāne. Nā te mea kāore e hiahiatia ana kia noho te tāne hei "Kaiako". Ahakoa e tohutohu ana te doula i ngā tikanga whakaora e tika ana mō te whaea, ka taea e te tāne te pupuri i te ringa o tana wahine aroha, te hoatu aroha ki a ia, me te noho tata ki a ia. Ahakoa kāore anō kia tino rongonui tēnei ariā i Sri Lanka, he mea tino noa i ngā whenua o tāwāhi.
Karere Tangohia ki te Kāinga
- Kaua ko tō wahine anake, engari ko koe anō hoki, me whakarite kia pai mō te whānautanga. Kia tūpato ki tēnei.
- Ehara tō mahi i te noho hei "kaiako", engari hei "kaiawhina" aroha.
- Whakarongo ki a ia, kaua e rapu otinga. Ko te noho i tōna taha tōna kaha nui rawa atu.
- Ki te kore e taea e ia te kōrero nā te mamae, me whakarongo koe ki tōna reo, ka kōrero hoki ki te hunga hauora.
- Kaua e tukua te mamae kia arai i ana kōrero me ana mahi. Ko tō rangimārie te mea nui ki a ia. Ko tō kawenga kia waiho tēnei hei rā pai rawa atu o ō kōrua oranga.
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