Khawucinge nje, ubuya kuziva njani ukuba ugqirha ukuxelela ngequbuliso ukuba umntu obalulekileyo ebomini bakho, umfazi okanye umyeni wakho, unomhlaza? Ubuya kuvakalelwa ngathi ihlabathi lonke likuwe, akunjalo? Sivile ngezi zinto zisenzeka kwabanye, kodwa xa zisenzeka kuthi, kunzima kakhulu ukuzinyamezela. Nam ndizive ngendlela efanayo xa ndafumanisa ukuba umfazi wam unomhlaza webele. Bendingazi ukuba ndiza kukwenza njani konke oku ndedwa, ukuba ndiza kusebenza njani ngelixa ndimnyamekela.
'Umsebenzi wakhe kukuphila, owam kukwenza yonke enye into'
Yayiyingcinga yokuqala eyafika engqondweni yam leyo. Ndandicinga ukuba uxanduva lwakhe kukuphila ngokukhawuleza, kwaye uxanduva lwam kukwenza yonke enye into, kuquka imisebenzi yasekhaya, imisebenzi yangaphandle, kunye nomsebenzi wakhe. Kodwa indlela yokuqala loo nto yayiyingxaki enkulu.
Oogqirha bandixelele ukuba umfazi wam wayenomhlaza webele wesigaba sesi-3. Wayefuna ukususwa kwebele, i-chemotherapy, kunye ne-radiation. Wayefuna ukuba ndibe secaleni kwakhe kuyo yonke le nto, kwaye ndandifuna ukuba lapho naye ngazo zonke iindlela endinokukwazi ngazo.
Ngelo xesha, sasihlala kwindawo enzima neyodwa. Ngoko ke kwakungekho mntu unokusinceda. Kwakungekho maqela enkxaso okanye nantoni na efana naleyo. Ekubeni ndandisebenza njengomphuhlisi wesoftware, ndaqala ukukhangela oku kwi-intanethi, njengoko ndandiqhele ukwenza. Emva kokukhangela okuninzi, safumana ugqirha we-oncologist obalaseleyo kunye nesibhedlele somhlaza esibalaseleyo.
Emva koko, ndazinikela ngokupheleleyo ekuchacheni kwakhe. Uhambo lwaba lude kunokuba bendicinga. Salwa nesi sifo iminyaka emininzi, kuquka utyando oluthandathu, i-chemotherapy kabini, kunye ne-radiation therapy kathathu. Ndamlungisa amanxeba akhe, ndacoca imisele yakhe yotyando, ndamhlamba, ndamtyisa, ndamnika amayeza akhe ngexesha. Ndamqhuba ndamsa esibhedlele malunga neekhilomitha ezili-160 ukusuka apho, ndaza ndamqhuba ndambuyisela umva. Ndenza konke oku ndicinga ngento enye. Kwaye oko kukuba imbuyekezo yexesha elide evela kulo mnikelo wexesha elifutshane, owawububomi bakhe, yayingenakuthelekiswa nanto.
Xa unyamekela umntu omthandayo, ungazilibali. Kuphela xa unamandla, apho unokuba namandla komnye umntu.
Ngaba nawe udiniwe kukunyamekela isigulana? (Umnakekeli Udiniwe)
Emva kweminyaka emihlanu ndisenza oku, ndaqala ukudinwa kakhulu yiyo ndaza ndaqala ukuziva ndidiniwe engqondweni nasemzimbeni. Oogqirha bayibiza le meko ngokuthi 'kukudinwa' okanye 'ukudinwa yimfesane' (Kubizwa ngokuba kukudinwa yimfesane. Ngamafutshane, kukudinwa okukhulu esikuvayo emva kokunceda omnye umntu. Ndaziva ndifuna kakhulu ukuphuma endlwini okwethutyana, ndiyeke ukuthetha ngomhlaza, ndiyeke ukucinga ngawo. Kunye neengxaki zemali ezavelayo ngelo xesha, konke oku kwaba nzima kakhulu ukukuthwala.
Kumnandi ukwazi ukuba awuwedwa ngexesha elinje. Ndijoyine iqela lenkxaso elikwi-intanethi. Lindincede kakhulu. Lindinike amandla amaninzi ukwazi ukuba kukho abanye abantu abakwisikhephe esinye nam.
Ngenxa yale mava, ndaziva ngathi kufuneka ndincede abanye abafana nam, ngoko ke ndabhala incwadi. Ndadala neewebhusayithi ezininzi ukunceda izigulane kunye nabanakekeli bazo.
Imingeni kunye nendlela yokujamelana nayo
Ukunyamekela isigulane esinomhlaza luhambo oluqhubekayo. Sijongene nemingeni emininzi endleleni. Makhe sijonge eminye yale mingeni kunye nento enokusinceda sijamelane nayo.
| Umngeni | Izenzo Eziluncedo |
|---|---|
| Ubulolo kunye nokuzihlukanisa | Thetha nomhlobo othembekileyo okanye ilungu losapho malunga nento ekukhathazayo. Joyina amaqela enkxaso kwi-intanethi. |
| Ukudinwa engqondweni nasemzimbeni (Ukudinwa kakhulu) | Zibekele iyure ngosuku. Yenza into oyithandayo. Lala kancinci, funda incwadi, mamela ingoma. |
| Izinto ezibuhlungu ezithethwa ngabanye abantu | Abanye abantu basenokuthetha izinto ngenxa yokungazi. Zama ukuzityeshela. Ngamanye amaxesha ukusebenzisa amahlaya sisisombululo esilungileyo. |
| Iingxaki zemali | Musa ukoyika ukucela uncedo. Thetha ngokukhululekileyo ngale nto nosapho lwakho kunye nabahlobo abasondeleyo. Banokukwazi ukukunceda. |
Izifundo endizifundileyo kolu hambo
Olu hambo lude lundifundise lukhulu ngobomi.
- Ukubaluleka kokuhlekisa: Umhlaza awuyonto yokuhlekisa. Kodwa kukho amaxesha apho uhleka kakhulu xa ujonga ezinye zeziganeko ezibangelwa ngumhlaza. Ukuhleka liyeza elihle kakhulu ngeli xesha linzima.
- Ukuthetha nokumamela: Thetha neqabane lakho malunga neemvakalelo zakho, uloyiko lwakho, nezinto ezikuxhalabisayo. Kwaye umamele ngononophelo oko likuthethayo. Oku kuya kuqinisa ubudlelwane phakathi kwenu.
- Indlela yokujongana nabanye: Abantu bathetha izinto ezingaqhelekanga ngamaxesha anje. Izinto ezinje, "Owu, kutheni oku kwenzeke?", "Awuzange uzame elo yeza?" Endaweni yokuba nomsindo ngelo xesha, funda ukuyeka, ucinga ukuba kukungaqondi kwabo.
Umhlaza womfazi wam ubuyile kathathu ukuza kuthi ga ngoku (kanye emathanjeni akhe, kabini njengeethumba zobuchopho). Kodwa ngenye indlela usempilweni. Besikunye iiyure ezingama-24/7 kangangeminyaka engama-25. Kodwa olu hambo lunzima lusisondeze ngakumbi.
Ukuba udlula kuhambo olufanayo, khumbula ukuba awuwedwa. Kukho usapho, abahlobo, oogqirha, kunye nabanye abaninzi abanokukunceda baze bakunike amandla . Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukungabi naloyiko lokucela uncedo.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Ukunyamekela isigulane esinomhlaza kukuzinikela okukhulu kunye nomceli mngeni. Kuqhelekile ukuziva udiniwe kwaye uxinezelekile ngeli xesha lohambo.
- Qiniseka ukuba ucinga ngempilo yakho yengqondo neyomzimba. Kuphela xa usempilweni apho unokuba ngumthombo wamandla kumntu omthandayo.
- Musa ukoyika ukucela uncedo. Fumana uncedo kusapho, kubahlobo, okanye kumaqela enkxaso akwi-intanethi.
- Ukuba unengxaki yokujongana noxinzelelo lwakho, thetha nogqirha wakho ('uGqirha'). Usenokukwazi ukukuthumela kumcebisi ofanelekileyo.
- Kwanakule mihla inzima, fumana uvuyo oluncinci kunye nethuba lokuhleka. Kuya kuba ngumthombo omkhulu wamandla kuwe nakwisigulane.
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