Kukho imihla ebomini bethu apho kungakhathaliseki ukuba senza ntoni na, singaziva lonwabo okanye impumuzo. Ziingcinga ezimbi nezingalunganga kuphela ezihlala zifika ezingqondweni zethu. Malunga nomsebenzi, ngabahlobo, malunga neengxaki zasekhaya... Mhlawumbi uvakalelwa kukuba konke oku ngumthwalo omkhulu engqondweni yakho ngamanye amaxesha. Oku kuyinto eqhelekileyo kuthi sonke. Sonke siyadandatheka ngamanye amaxesha. Kuqhelekile kakhulu.
Kodwa ingxaki kukuba, xa ezi ngcinga zimbi ziqhubeka zifika kwaye ziqala ukujika-jika ezingqondweni zethu, senza ntoni ke ngoko? Masithethe ngale nto nzulu kancinci.
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Iingcinga ezimbi ziba yingozi nini?
Nangona kuqhelekile ukuba neengcinga ezimbi, asinto yokuyithatha lula. Uphando lubonise ukuba ukuba umntu uneempawu zokudakumba okanye ixhala , ezi ngcinga zimbi ezingapheliyo zinokukhokelela kwiingxaki ezinkulu zeemvakalelo nezomzimba.
Ingcinga embi ngamanye amaxesha ayizukubangela monakalo ungako. Kodwa ukuba ezi ngcinga zihlala zifika engqondweni yakho, kangangeentsuku, zinokukudinisa ingqondo ngokukhawuleza . Ingakumbi ukuba uneengcinga ezinje, inokuba yingxaki enkulu:
- " Akunakuze kundisebenzele."
- "Le yindlela ehlala isenzeka ngayo."
Kufuneka silumke ngakumbi ngeengcinga ezisebenzisa amagama anje ngokuthi "akusoze" okanye "ngamaxesha onke."
Ngamafutshane, sikubiza ngokuba "kukucinga" xa sihlala sicinga ngesiganeko okanye ingcinga efanayo embi. Kufana nenkomo ecinga into enye, icinga into enye rhoqo. Le yeyona nto iyingozi kakhulu. Ukuqala ngengcinga enye embi ngolu hlobo, inokubanjwa luchungechunge lwezinye iingcinga ezimbi, kwaye ekugqibeleni isitsalele kuxinzelelo olungenakucingelwa.
Ngoko ke, uqonda njani xa ezi ndlela zokucinga engqondweni yakho zikwenzakalisa ngaphezu kokukwenzakalisa? Zibuze le mibuzo:
- Ngaba ezi ngcinga zichaphazele ubudlelwane bakho?
- Ingaba oku kuye kwaphazamisana nomsebenzi okanye imisebenzi yakho?
- Ngaba ukhe wasebenzisa utywala okanye iziyobisi ukuze unciphise olu xinzelelo?
- Ingaba le meko iqhubeke ixesha elingaphezu kweeveki ezimbini ? Ngaba uziva ngathi awunakukwazi ukuyiphepha le meko yokubhajwa engqondweni yakho?
- Ngaba uneengcinga zokuzibulala ? Kufuneka ufune uncedo ngokukhawuleza, ingakumbi ukuba wenze nokuba ngumzamo omncinci wokwenza njalo (umz., ukubhala inqaku lokuzibulala, ukuqokelela iipilisi).
Ukuba impendulo yakho kule mibuzo ithi "ewe", eyona nto ingcono onokuyenza kukudibana nogqirha othembekileyo (ugqirha) nize nithethe ngale nto.
Ziziphi ezinye iindlela ezisebenzayo zokukhulula ingqondo yakho?
Kukho iindlela ezahlukeneyo esinokuzama ngazo ukukhululeka ekubanjweni zezi ngcinga zimbi. Uninzi lwazo luwela kuhlobo lonyango olubizwa ngokuba yiCognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) . Ngamafutshane, oku kubandakanya ukucinga ngokutsha ngendlela esicinga ngayo. Ingcali yezengqondo okanye ingcali yezengqondo ingakunceda ngale nto.
Kodwa, ngaphambi kokuba uye kugqirha, nazi izinto ezimbalwa onokuzizama ngokwakho.
| Indlela enokwenzeka yokuzama | Kalula nje... |
|---|---|
| Yamkela iimvakalelo. | Kuqhelekile ukuba buhlungu xa ulahlekelwe ngumntu omthandayo okanye umsebenzi. Yamkela ukuba "Ndibuhlungu." Qonda ukuba loo mvakalelo iyinto yendalo. |
| Chonga ingcamango ngokuchanekileyo. | Yeyiphi ingcinga ephambili ekukhathazayo? Yahlulahlule ibe ziingceba. Ukuba ucinga, "Ndingumntu osileleyo," zibuze, "Kutheni ndicinga njalo?" Phatha loo ngcinga njengento oyithathileyo uze uyihlolisise. |
| Bona ubulungisa bengcinga | Buyela umva kancinci, susa iimvakalelo zakho, uze ucinge ngengqiqo. Bubuphi ubungqina obuxhasa umbono wakho? Bubuphi ubungqina obuchasene noko? Ukuba uziva ngathi wenza yonke into engalunganga, zibuze, "Ngaba kukho izinto endizenzayo kakuhle?" |
| Yijonge ngenye indlela. | Ngaba ikho enye indlela yokujonga le meko? Umzekelo: "Ngaba ukulahlekelwa ngumsebenzi wam bekungayi kuba yingenelo kum? Mhlawumbi kukuvula indlela yento engcono." Cinga ukuba imiqobo iyaqinisa ubuntu, kwaye ukulahlekelwa kwakha ukuqina. |
| Cinga "Ngoko ke yintoni?" | Oku kuthetha ukuba ingxaki ojongene nayo ayinkulu kangako xa ithelekiswa nayo yonke into ekhoyo emhlabeni. Abantu bayavuka emva kokuba ubudlelwane buqhekekile. Yiloo nto ubomi buyiyo. Jonga ingxaki ukude. Sukuthatha izigqibo ngokungxama. |
Ezinye izinto ezinokunceda
Ukongeza kwezi ndlela, kukho nezinye izinto ezilula onokuzenza ukunceda.
- Ukuphazamiseka: Izinto ezinje ngokuzilolonga, ukufunda incwadi, ukwenza iphazili, okanye ukuthetha nomhlobo zinokukunceda ukhuphe ingqondo yakho kwiingxaki ezikukhathazayo okwethutyana.
- Ukubhala: Ukubhala phantsi oko ukucingayo ephepheni kukwayindlela entle yokucacisa iingcinga zakho. Ngamanye amaxesha impendulo inokuba phambi kwamehlo akho.
- Abahlobo nosapho: Xa uziva udanile, kubalulekile ukuba nabahlobo bakho nosapho lwakho bakungqonge kwaye ungakutyhaleli kude. Ukubuza oku, "Ubonakala unemibuzo emininzi engqondweni yakho," okanye ukunika iingcebiso ezinje, "Ngaba bekungayi kuba ngcono ukuba besicinga ngale ndlela?" kunokuba luncedo olukhulu.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba ungaze ungathandabuzi ukufuna uncedo lweengcali. Mhlawumbi isitshixo sokulawula ezi ngcinga zimbi asikuko oko sikucingayo, kodwa kwindlela esicinga ngayo.
Kukho abantu abasoloko bejonga ihlabathi ngembono "yeglasi engenanto". Oko kukuthi, babona yonke into njengeneziphene, imbi. Kodwa bacinga ukuba indlela abacinga ngayo ichanekile ngokupheleleyo. Njengogqirha, umsebenzi wam asikokuphikisana nabo okanye ukubanyanzela ukuba babone ihlabathi ngokwahlukileyo.
Umbuzo endiwubuza umntu onjalo ngulo, "Kulungile, kukwenza uzive njani ukucinga ngaloo ndlela? Ukuba injongo yakho ebomini kukonwabela, ukuba nobudlelwane obuhle, ngaba ukucinga ngaloo ndlela kuyakunceda ukufezekisa ezo njongo?"
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Kuqhelekile ukuba neengcinga ezimbi nezingalunganga, kodwa ukucinga ngezinto ezifanayo rhoqo kuyingozi kwimpilo yengqondo.
- Ukuba iingcinga zakho zinamagama anje ngokuthi “rhoqo” okanye “akusoze,” kwaye ezo ngcinga zichaphazela ubomi bakho (ubudlelwane, umsebenzi), zinokuba ziimpawu ezilumkisayo.
- Ukuba le meko ihlala ixesha elingaphezulu kweeveki ezimbini okanye uneengcinga zokuzibulala, musa ukuchitha ixesha kwaye ubone ugqirha ngoko nangoko.
- Ungazama iindlela ze-CBT ngokwakho, ezinje ngokuchonga iingcinga zakho, ukuhlola ubunyani bazo, nokuzijonga ngendlela eyahlukileyo.
- Ukuzilolonga, izinto ozithandayo, kunye nokuthetha nomntu omthembayo nako kunokukunceda uphumle engqondweni yakho.
- Injongo ephambili kukuphuhlisa indlela yokucinga ekunceda wonwabe kwaye ube sempilweni.
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