Ngamanye amaxesha kubakho iingxaki ezinkulu kwiintsapho, akunjalo? Ingakumbi xa indoda isweleka, okanye xa isibini sahlukana, kukho ukungavisisani malunga nolwalamano lwabantwana nootatomkhulu noomakhulu babo. Umama ufuna enye indlela, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu bafuna enye. Abantwana bayalahleka phakathi kwale ngxabano. Le yingongoma ebucayi kakhulu. Namhlanje sithetha ngomba ochaphazela iintsapho ezininzi ngolu hlobo, kodwa asithethi kakhulu ngawo.
Ibali lengxabano yosapho eya enkundleni
Ukuze siqonde eli bali, masithathe ibali lokwenyani elenzeka eMelika njengomzekelo. Eli lityala elafikelela kwinkundla ephakamileyo kweli lizwe.
Kwelinye icala kwakukho ootatomkhulu noomakhulu, uGary noJennifer. Emva kokubhujelwa ngunyana wabo, babefuna ukubona abazukulwana babo ababini ngeeholide nangeempelaveki, ukuze bachithe ixesha nabo. Yayisisicelo esifanelekileyo eso, akunjalo?
Kwelinye icala kwakukho umama wabantwana, uTommy. Iqabane lakhe, uyise wabantwana, wayezibulele. Ngoku wayefuna ukuqala ubomi obutsha aze adale usapho olutsha lwabantwana bakhe ababini. Watshata kwakhona, kwaye xa yena nomyeni wakhe omtsha baba nabantwana babo, usapho lwakhula kakhulu.
Ingxaki yaqala apha. Utata wabantwana wayesweleke ngenxa yokudandatheka okungapheliyo. Emva kokuba eswelekile, umama kaTommy wanciphisa kancinci inani lamaxesha yena notatomkhulu wakhe betyelela abantwana. Wathi ufuna ukumvumela ukuba aqale usapho olutsha. Kodwa ootatomkhulu noomakhulu babengayifuni loo nto. Babefuna ukuba kunye nabantwana njengangaphambili.
Le ngxaki yaya isanda kancinci kancinci. Nezinto ezincinci zaba ziingxabano ezinkulu. Ekugqibeleni, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu bafaka isimangalo enkundleni, befuna ilungelo lokubona abazukulwana babo. Eli tyala laqhubeka iminyaka.
Oku kufana kakhulu nomcimbi weentsapho kunokuba kube ngumcimbi womthetho. Ukuya enkundleni ukuze kwenziwe isigqibo esifana nesi kuthetha ukuba intsapho sele ikwingxaki enkulu.
Yintoni eyona ngxaki inzulu apha?
Sibona amacala amabini kweli bali.
1. Amalungelo abazali: Lo gama nje umntwana engonzakaliswanga, umntu angaphazamisa kangakanani ilungelo labazali lokukhulisa loo mntwana aze enze izigqibo ngomntwana?
2. Impilo-ntle yomntwana: Ulwalamano lomntwana nootatomkhulu noomakhulu kunye nabantakwabo luxabiseke kakhulu. Ukugcina olo lwalamano kubaluleke kakhulu ekuphuhlisweni kwengqondo yomntwana.
Ngamafutshane, umbuzo kukuba la malungelo mabini angalinganiswa njani. Umama unelungelo lokwenza izigqibo ngabantwana bakhe. Kwakhona, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu bayinxalenye ebaluleke kakhulu ebomini bomntwana. Xa kukho ingxabano phakathi kwaba babini, abantwana abangenatyala ngabona bangenakunceda kwaye baxinezelekile ngokwengqondo.
Ezi ngxabano zibachaphazela njani abantwana?
Amaxesha amaninzi asicingi ngomonakalo omkhulu onokwenziwa ziingxabano zabantu abadala kwiintliziyo zabantwana. Ukukhusela umntwana kwiingxaki zabantu abadala kunokubachaphazela ubomi bakhe bonke.
Jonga itheyibhile engezantsi ukuze ubone indlela ezi zinto ezibachaphazela ngayo abantwana.
| Ukuziphatha Kwabantu Abadala | Impembelelo enokubakho kumntwana |
|---|---|
| Ukutyholana nokulwa omnye nomnye phambi komntwana. | Umntwana uziva engakhuselekanga . Uphazamisekile engqondweni kuba akakwazi ukugqiba ukuba makathathe liphi icala. |
| Iqela elinye lithetha izinto ezimbi emntwaneni ngomnye umntu (umz., "Umakhulu wakho akalunganga" okanye "Umama wakho akavumi ukuba size"). | Ukulahlekelwa yintembelo kubantu abadala. Ukunamathelana phakathi kwabantu ababini obathandayo. |
| Ukusebenzisa umntwana ukuhlola okanye ukuthumela imiyalezo ("ukubuza ukuba kwenzeke ntoni endlwini kamakhulu"). | Umntwana uphantsi koxinzelelo olukhulu lwengqondo . Bayazigxeka, becinga ukuba ezi ngxaki zibangelwa ngabo. |
| Ukuzama ukumenza umntwana abe secaleni kwakho ngokumnika izipho okanye ukwenza ezinye izinto. | Umntwana ufunda ukuba uthando nothando zixhomekeke kwimiba ethile. Oku kunokuchaphazela nolwalamano lwexesha elizayo. |
Utshintsho kwindlela yokuziphatha komntwana
Ungabona utshintsho oluthile kwindlela yokuziphatha kwabantwana abaphantsi kolu hlobo loxinzelelo.
- Ngokukhawuleza wacaphuka.
- Ndithule kakhulu kwaye ndidakumbile kunangaphambili.
- Ndiyoyika xa ndilele ndize ndivuke ebuthongweni.
- Umdla kumsebenzi wesikolo uyancipha.
- Iimpawu zomzimba ezifana neentlungu zesisu kunye nentloko ebuhlungu ziyabonakaliswa.
Ukuba umntwana ubonakalisa iimpawu ezinjalo, ngokuqinisekileyo kufuneka ukhathazeke.
Ngoko ke, yintoni isisombululo?
Ukuya enkundleni okanye ukuya enkundleni kufanele kube yindlela yokugqibela. Ngaphambi koko, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuzama ukusombulula le micimbi njengosapho.
- Beka izinto eziza kunceda umntwana kuqala: Khumbula, impilo yengqondo yomntwana wakho ibaluleke ngaphezu komsindo okanye ukungavisisani kwakho. Ngaphambi kokuba wenze nasiphi na isigqibo, cinga kabini malunga nokuba "Oku kuza kumchaphazela njani umntwana/umzukulwana wam?"
- Yibani nencoko ezolileyo: Dibanani xa abantwana bengekho, kwindawo apho omabini amaqela anokuthetha khona ngoxolo. Thethani ngokunyaniseka ngeemvakalelo zenu neemfuno zenu ngaphandle kokugxekana. Yithi, "Nantsi indlela endiziva ngayo," endaweni yokumangalela, "Nantsi indlela enizenza ngayo izinto."
- Qonda kwaye uhloniphe imida: Abazali banelungelo lokwenza izigqibo zokugqibela ngomntwana wabo. Ootatomkhulu noomakhulu kufuneka bawuhloniphe loo mda. Kwakhona, abazali kufuneka baqonde ukuba ootatomkhulu noomakhulu abangobantu abanokususwa ebomini bomntwana, kwaye uthando lwabo lubalulekile nakumntwana.
- Fikelela kwisivumelwano esinye: Kusenokufuneka kubekho isivumelwano kumacala omabini. Kunganceda kakhulu ukuba ninokuza nento efana neshedyuli yeentsuku namaxesha okutyelela umntwana. Ukuba wonke umntu uyavumelana ngaloo nto, kuya kubakho iingxaki ezimbalwa.
- Funa ingcebiso yobungcali: Ukuba ukufumanisa kunzima ukusombulula ezi ngxaki wedwa, ungabi namahloni okufuna uncedo kumntu wangaphandle. Ungacela uncedo kumcebisi wosapho . Okanye, thetha nogqirha wakho othembekileyo malunga noxinzelelo olubangelwa zezi ngxaki zosapho. Uya kukwazi ukukunika isikhokelo esifanelekileyo.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Kuqhelekile ukuba kubekho ukungavisisani neengxabano kusapho, kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu yindlela esizisingatha ngayo ezo ngxabano.
- Ungaze usebenzise abantwana njengezixhobo kwiimfazwe zabantu abadala. Soloko ubeka impilo-ntle yabo yengqondo kunye nokhuseleko lwabo kuqala.
- Eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokusombulula iingxaki ezininzi zentsapho kukuthetha ngokukhululekileyo, ngentlonelo, nangokuzola.
- Ukuba awukwazi ukuzisombulula iingxaki wedwa, ungaze ungathandabuzi ukufuna ingcebiso kumcebisi wosapho okanye kugqirha wakho. Ukucela uncedo ukuze umntwana wakho abe sempilweni luphawu lokuba unamandla.
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