He aha ka Hōʻole? E kamaʻilio kākou e pili ana i ia mea!

Hopu mākou a pau i nā mea o ke ola, ʻeā? I kekahi manawa, holo pono kēlā mau mea, akā i kekahi manawa ʻo ka pane ʻo 'ʻaʻole', a i ʻole 'ʻaʻole hiki'. ʻO ka hōʻole ʻia e like me kēia hiki ke lilo i mea paʻakikī a ʻeha hoʻi. Akā ʻike ʻoe i ke aha? He mea maʻamau kēia e kū nei i nā mea a pau o kēia ao i kekahi manawa.

He aha ka hōʻole ʻana?

I ka ʻōlelo maʻalahi, ʻo ka hōʻole ʻia ʻana ke loaʻa ʻole iā ʻoe kahi mea āu e manaʻolana nei, kahi mea āu e kakali nui nei, a i ʻole kahi mea āu i noi ai. Hiki ke lilo i mea nui, e like me ke koho ʻole ʻia no kahi ninaninau hana āu i hana nui ai. A i ʻole hiki ke lilo i mea liʻiliʻi loa, e like me ka ʻaʻohe mea e ʻakaʻaka ana i kahi ʻakaʻaka āu i haʻi aku ai me nā hoaaloha. I kēlā me kēia ʻaoʻao, he ʻeha iki nō ia, ʻeā?

No ke aha e hōʻeha nui ai ka hōʻole ʻia iā mākou?

I kēia manawa, ke noʻonoʻo nei paha ʻoe, "No ke aha e hōʻeha nui ai kēia mea liʻiliʻi iaʻu?" ʻOiaʻiʻo, no ke aha e ʻeha nui ai ka hōʻole ʻia? E noʻonoʻo, ma ke ʻano he kanaka, makemake mākou a pau i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe e ʻae mai iā mākou, e aloha mai iā mākou, e hoʻokomo iā mākou i loko o kā lākou hui. He pono noʻonoʻo kumu kēia no mākou. No laila, ke hōʻole mai kekahi iā mākou, manaʻo mākou me ka ʻike ʻole ua hōʻole ʻia mākou, me he mea lā ʻaʻole makemake ʻia mākou, a i ʻole ʻaʻole mākou waiwai.

ʻO ka mea kupanaha, ua ʻike ʻia kekahi mau noiʻi ʻepekema ʻo nā ʻāpana like o ko kākou lolo e hoʻāla ʻia ana i ka wā e manaʻo ai kākou i ka ʻeha kino e hoʻāla pū ʻia i ka wā e manaʻo ai kākou i ka ʻeha naʻau ke hōʻole mai kekahi iā kākou ! ʻO ke ʻano kēia, mālama maoli ko kākou lolo i ka ʻeha naʻau he 'ʻeha'. ʻO ia ke kumu e paʻakikī ai ke hoʻomanawanui i ka hōʻole ʻia i kekahi manawa.

Nā mea nui, nā mea liʻiliʻi - aia ka hōʻole ʻia ma nā wahi āpau.

E like me kā mākou i kamaʻilio ai ma mua, ʻaʻole i kaupalena ʻia ka hōʻole ʻana i nā mea nui. E nānā i kēia mau laʻana:

• ʻAʻole ʻoe i ʻae ʻia i loko o ka papa kulanui āu i noi ai me ka hoihoi nui a me nā manaʻolana kiʻekiʻe.
• Ua manaʻo wau e hiki nō wau i ka hui haʻuki o ke kula, akā i ka hopena ʻaʻole i loko o koʻu inoa ma ka papa inoa.
• Ke hoʻomaka kekahi āu e makemake nui ai, me ka hoʻolohe ʻole ʻana iā ʻoe, e ʻakaʻaka a kamaʻilio me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a pau i mua ou.
• Ua hele aku ke kanaka āu i manaʻo ai he hoaaloha maikaʻi loa kou i kahi huakaʻi leʻaleʻa me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe me ka ʻole o ka haʻi ʻana aku iā ʻoe.

Eia kekahi o nā mea nui a koʻikoʻi. Akā, aia kekahi mau mea liʻiliʻi o kēlā me kēia lā e like me kēia:

• ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻohe mea i ʻakaʻaka i kahi ʻakaʻaka āu i haʻi ai i mua o kahi hui.
• ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻohe mea nāna i paʻa kahi noho nou ma ka papa ʻaina.
• Ua hoʻouna aku ʻoe i kahi leka i kahi hoaaloha, akā ua ʻike lākou akā ʻaʻole i pane mai .
• Inā ʻōlelo kekahi "ʻaʻole ʻono ka meaʻai āu i hana ai."

ʻOiai nā mea liʻiliʻi e like me kēia, ke hui pū ʻia, hiki ke lilo i mea kaumaha nui ma ko kākou manaʻo. Hiki iā lākou ke loaʻa ka hopena nui i ko kākou manaʻo ponoʻī , ʻo ia hoʻi, ko kākou hilinaʻi iā kākou iho. Hiki iā kākou ke hoka iā kākou iho.

Pehea ʻoe e hana ai me ka hōʻole ʻia?

ʻAe, no laila ke hana ʻia kekahi mea e like me kēia, pehea mākou e lawelawe pono ai? Pehea mākou e hōʻemi ai i ka ʻeha, ke kaumaha, a me ka huhū e kū mai ana i loko o ko mākou mau puʻuwai? E nānā kākou i ka mea hiki iā mākou ke hana i kēlā me kēia ʻanuʻu.

1. E hoʻomaopopo i kou mau manaʻo a e hoʻokuʻu iā lākou.

ʻO ka mea nui loa, ʻaʻole e hoʻāʻo e hūnā i kou mau manaʻo ke hōʻole ʻia ʻoe. Ke kaumaha, ka huhū, ka hoʻohoka, ka makaʻu - he mau manaʻo kanaka maʻamau kēia a pau. Mai noʻonoʻo, "ʻAuē, ʻo wau wale nō kēia?" a i ʻole "Ke manaʻo nei au pēlā no ka mea ua nāwaliwali wau." Inā kaumaha ʻoe, e noho mehameha no kekahi manawa a uē. Inā huhū ʻoe, e hoʻokuʻu iā ia ma ke ʻano e hōʻeha ʻole ai i kekahi a iā ʻoe iho (ma ke kuʻi ʻana paha i ka uluna, a i ʻole ka holo ʻana no kekahi manawa!). ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kou mau manaʻo a me ka ʻae ʻana iā lākou e hele mai ke kaʻina mua i ka ho'ōla ʻana.

2. E hoʻomanaʻo ʻaʻole ʻoe hoʻokahi.

He mea nui loa kēia. He mea paʻakikī ke loaʻa i kahi kanaka ma kēia ao i hōʻole ʻole ʻia. ʻOiai ʻo ka poʻe holomua loa āu e ʻike ai i kēia lā, ʻo kāu mea hana keaka punahele, mea mele, mea haʻuki, a mea kālepa paha, ua hōʻole ʻia i hoʻokahi manawa o ko lākou ola, malia paha he ʻoi aku ma mua o hoʻokahi haneli manawa. ʻAʻole kēia kou pilikia wale nō, ʻaʻole kēia kou pilikia. Ke hoʻomaopopo ʻoe i kēia, e manaʻo iki ʻoe i ka hōʻoluʻolu, ʻaʻole ʻoe e manaʻo mehameha.

3. 'E kamaʻilio' me kou mau manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole

Ke hōʻole ʻia kākou, hoʻomaka nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole a hoʻohaʻahaʻa iā kākou iho e hōʻiliʻili i loko o ko kākou mau manaʻo. Nā mea e like me, 'He mea ʻole wau,' 'ʻAʻohe mea makemake iaʻu,' 'ʻAʻohe mea e holo pono noʻu,' 'ʻO koʻu hewa wale nō ia.' Ke hiki mai kēia mau manaʻo, mai ʻae wale iā lākou he ʻoiaʻiʻo.

E nīnau iā ʻoe iho inā he ʻoiaʻiʻo kēlā mau manaʻo a pehea ka nui o ko lākou kūpono.

ʻo kahi laʻana:

• Inā ʻoe e manaʻo, 'He mea ʻole wau,' e nīnau iā ʻoe iho, 'ʻO wau maoli nō anei kēlā? ʻAʻole anei au i hana i nā mea maikaʻi ma mua? Ua hana maikaʻi wau i kēlā, ʻaʻole anei wau i hana maikaʻi i kēlā?'
• Inā ʻoe e noʻonoʻo, 'ʻAʻohe mea makemake iaʻu,' e nīnau iā ʻoe iho, 'ʻAʻohe anei kekahi? ʻO koʻu mau mākua, koʻu hoaaloha ʻo Arya, aloha lākou iaʻu.'

Ma ka hoʻokūkū ʻana i kou mau manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole ma kēia ʻano, e hiki mālie iā ʻoe ke hōʻemi i ko lākou hopena.

4. Na ʻoe e hoʻoholo i kou waiwai, ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe.

ʻOiai ua hōʻole kekahi iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo ua ʻole kou waiwai. ʻO kou waiwai, kou mau hiki, kou mau ʻano maikaʻi, ua hoʻoholo ʻia e ka manaʻo o haʻi iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole ma nā hoʻoholo a lākou e hana ai.Loaʻa iā ʻoe kou ʻano ponoʻī, kou mau hiki, a me kou mau moeʻuhane. E mahalo i kēlā mau mea. Hoʻokahi wale nō hanana ka hōʻole ʻia, mai ʻae iā ia e hoʻoholo i kou ola holoʻokoʻa, i kou waiwai.

5. E aʻo i kekahi mea mai kēia ʻike, e kālele i kahi mea hou.

I kekahi manawa, hiki iā mākou ke aʻo i kahi haʻawina waiwai nui mai kēlā me kēia hōʻole ʻana.

• Malia paha e ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole kūpono maoli ka mea āu e hoʻāʻo nei e hana. Inā hana ʻia kēlā, hiki iā ʻoe ke koho i kahi ala hou, kahi pahuhopu hou, i kūpono iā ʻoe, āu e aloha maoli ai.
• Malia paha e ʻike ʻoe he mau hemahema liʻiliʻi ʻē aʻe i kāu hana, inā ʻoe i hoʻoponopono iā lākou, ʻokoʻa paha ka hopena. A laila hiki iā ʻoe ke hōʻoia ʻaʻole ʻoe e hana i kēlā mau hewa i ka manawa aʻe.

ʻAʻole ʻo ka hōʻole ʻana ke ʻano o ka hopena o ke alanui, hiki iā ia ke lilo i wahi huli nou ma ke ala ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi. No laila, ma kahi o ka noho ʻana ma luna o nā mea i hana ʻia a me ka paʻa ʻana i ka wā i hala, e kau i kou manaʻo i nā pahuhopu hou, nā leʻaleʻa hou, a me nā mea hou.

6. Mai makaʻu e noi i ke kōkua.

Me kēia mau mea a pau, i kekahi manawa he mea paʻakikī loa iā mākou ke puka i waho o kahi kūlana e like me kēia mehameha. ʻO ka ʻeha a mākou e manaʻo nei he mea hiki ʻole ke hoʻomanawanui. I kēlā mau manawa, ʻo ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i kēia me kahi mea āu e hilinaʻi ai hiki ke hāʻawi iā ʻoe i ka nui o ka hōʻoluʻolu a me ke kōkua.

• ʻO ia paha kou hoaaloha maikaʻi loa.
• Hiki i kou makuahine, makuakāne, kaikunāne, a hoahānau paha.
• Hiki iaʻu ke lilo i kumu nou.
• I kekahi manawa, he mea kūpono ke ʻimi i ke kōkua mai kahi kākāʻōlelo loea, psychologist/psychiatrist , a i ʻole therapist i aʻo ʻia e kōkua me kēia ʻano mea. ʻAʻole ia he mea e hilahila ai a manaʻo haʻahaʻa paha. E like me kā mākou ʻike ʻana i ke kauka a loaʻa ka lāʻau lapaʻau i ka wā e loaʻa ai iā mākou ke anu a i ʻole ka maʻi flu, he mea nui nō hoʻi ka loaʻa ʻana o ke kōkua no nā pilikia naʻau.

Pehea e ikaika ai ma hope o ka hōʻole ʻia?

He ʻeha ka hōʻole ʻia ʻana, ʻaʻohe kānalua no ia mea. Akā, ʻaʻole pono ia e hoʻonāwaliwali iā kākou a mau loa aku. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki iā kākou ke hoʻohana i kēia mau ʻike e lilo i mea ikaika a kūpaʻa i ke ola. Ua kapa ʻia kēia (Resilience) , ʻo ia hoʻi ka hiki ke hoʻōla koke mai nā pilikia, nā pilikia, a me nā pilikia i ke ola a ala hou i luna.

• E ʻike i kou mau ikaika: Loaʻa i kēlā me kēia kanaka kekahi mākaukau kūikawā a ikaika paha. E ʻike i kāu mea maikaʻi, kou mau ʻano maikaʻi, a e hoʻāʻo e hoʻomohala hou aku iā lākou.
• E hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka noʻonoʻo maikaʻi: Ma kahi o ka ʻike ʻana i nā mea āpau i ka ʻeleʻele a me ke keʻokeʻo, ka maikaʻi a me ka maikaʻi ʻole, e hoʻāʻo e ʻike i ka maikaʻi i kēlā me kēia kūlana, kahi mea e aʻo ai.
• E hoʻolauleʻa i nā lanakila liʻiliʻi: Nā pahuhopu nuiI kou holomua ʻana, e mahalo a e hauʻoli i nā lanakila liʻiliʻi āu i loaʻa ai. E hoʻonui mālie kēia i kou hilinaʻi iā ʻoe iho.
• Aloha iā ʻoe iho: Ke hana hewa ʻoe a i ʻole e hōʻole ʻia ʻoe, mai hoʻāhewa iā ʻoe iho, mai hoʻohewa iā ʻoe iho, e aloha a lokomaikaʻi iā ʻoe iho. E noʻonoʻo, 'He kanaka wau, hana hewa pū kekahi wau, manaʻo pū kekahi wau i nā manaʻo, he mea maʻamau kēlā.'

E hoʻomanaʻo mau, ʻaʻole ia e pili ana i ka hāʻule ʻana, akā, e pili ana i ke ala hou ʻana! E hoʻolilo i kēlā me kēia hāʻule i manawa kūpono e ala hou ai me ka ikaika.

I ka pōkole... (Leka Lawe-Home)

No laila, mai nā mea a mākou i kūkākūkā ai i kēia lā, pono ʻoe e maopopo he ʻāpana maʻamau ka hōʻole ʻia ʻana o ko kākou ola. Hiki ke hana ʻia i kekahi, i kēlā me kēia makahiki, i kēlā me kēia manawa. ʻAʻohe mea i palekana iā ia. ʻO ka mea nui loa, ʻaʻole e ʻae i ka hōʻole ʻia e wehewehe i kou waiwai ponoʻī holoʻokoʻa i ka wā e hana ʻia ai. E hoʻomaopopo i kou mau manaʻo a e aʻo e hana me lākou ma ke ʻano olakino. Inā manaʻo ʻoe he paʻakikī ke hana hoʻokahi, mai kānalua e noi i ke kōkua mai kahi āu e hilinaʻi ai. E aʻo i kahi haʻawina waiwai mai kēlā me kēia ʻike, e ikaika aʻe, a e kū i ke ola me ka hilinaʻi. E hoʻomanaʻo, ʻoi aku kou ikaika ma mua o kou manaʻo!

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Hōʻole ʻia, Ola Kino, Manaʻo Ponoʻī, Hoʻokele Manaʻo, Kūpaʻa, Kūkākūkā