Yu dɔn ɛva gɛt fɔ wok tranga wan ɔl di de we wan kɔleja na di ɔfis se, "Duya ɛp mi wit dis, udat ɔda de apat frɔm yu?" Ɔ yu dɔn ɛva gɛt fɔ spɛn sɔm mɔni we yu dɔn kip fɔ ɛnjɔy yusɛf bikɔs yu fambul tɔk? If yu bin fɔ du dat ɔnda big prɛshɔn ɛn gilti, yu go dɔn bi viktim fɔ "Guilt Trip." Dis na sɔntin we wi kin gɛt bɔku tɛm na wi layf.
Fɔ tɔk am simpul wan, wetin na ‘gilt trip’?
‘Gilt trip’ na fɔ tray fɔ kɔntrol pɔsin bay we yu de mek i fil gilti ɔ fil bad, fɔ mek i du sɔntin we i want. Fɔ tɔk di kɔrɛkt tin, na fɔ mek dɛn fil lɛk se yu na bad pɔsin ɛn yu nɔ ɔndastand dɛn if yu nɔ du wetin dɛn se.
Wan men rizin de we mek dis we fɔ du tin kin wok. Na bikɔs wi nɔ want fɔ disapɔynt di impɔtant pipul dɛn na wi layf (mama ɛn papa, brɔda ɛn sista, man ɔ wi wɛf, tayt padi dɛn). Wi rɛspɛkt da bon de. De pɔrsin wae de ‘guilt tripping’ de target dis affection ɛn kɔnekshɔn na yu at. We dɛn de yuz am, dɛn kin manipul yu pan yu maynd fɔ gɛt wetin dɛn want.
Di tin we impɔtant pas ɔl na fɔ ɔndastand di difrɛns bitwin ‘Authentic Guilt ’ ɛn di ‘False Guilt’ we ‘guilt trip’ kin mek.
Tru gilti na gud tin. I tan lɛk wi kɔnshɛns. If wi du bad to pɔsin ɔ mek mistek, wi kin fil bad ɛn wi kin fil gilti fɔ dat. Da filin de kin mek wi mek di prɔblɛm ɛn aks fɔ padi fɔ padi. I de mek wi padi biznɛs tayt.
Bɔt ‘gilt trip’ na we yu fos yusɛf fɔ fil gilti, pan ɔl we yu nɔ du ɛnitin we nɔ rayt. Dis nɔ de mek pɔsin gɛt wɛlbɔdi.
Wetin mek pipul dɛn kin biev dis kayn we?
Di ‘guilt trip’ na wan we we rili prɔblɛm fɔ tɔk to pipul dɛn. De pɔrsin wae de biev dis kayn wae nɔr kin ebul fɔ tɔk bɔt wetin dɛn nid dairekt wan. Ɔ dɛn kin fil se dɛn nɔ gɛt bɛtɛ padi biznɛs wit dɛn kɔmpin dɛn.
Dɛn kin yuz dis we bak fɔ sho se dɛn nɔ lɛk yu ɛn dɛn nɔ kin tɔk am dairekt wan. Imajin se yu gɛt ɔnkul we yu nɔ tɔk to fɔ lɔng tɛm. Insted fo tel am se, "Wi mis yu, son, na im mek wi bin de tok," if yu aks am, "Wetin? Yu don foget wia wi haus de nau?", wetin de hapun na se im de mek yu fil gilti and de trai to kontrol yu.
Aw yu go no if pɔsin de gi yu ‘Guilt Trip’?
Dis kin kam insay bɔku we dɛn. Sɔntɛnde, dɛn kin kɔndɛm yu opin wan. Ɔda tɛm dɛn kin akt lɛk se na dɛn na di wan we nɔ ebul fɔ du natin. Sɔntɛnde, dɛn kin gi yu di kol sholda we dɛn nɔ tɔk wan wɔd, jɔs de put dɛn an dɔŋ, swɛt, ɛn nɔ de tɔk.
Lɛ wi luk sɔm pan di kwaliti dɛm fɔ ‘guilt trip’ na dis tebul.
| Aw fɔ biev | Wan ɛgzampul bɔt wetin dɛn tɔk ɔ du |
|---|---|
| Open kritik | "Yu go mɔs nɔ de kam na di famili sɛlibreshɔn bikɔs yu nɔ bisin bɔt di layn ɔ wi!" |
| Fɔ ple di pɔsin we dɛn du bad to | "A kol, bot yu no ivin ansa... I okay, a go du dis wan." |
| Pasiv-Agreshɔn | "If yu rili laik mi, yu go bai mi di nyu fon we evribodi get." |
| Fɔ aks kwɛstyɔn bɔt di lɔv ɔ lɔv we yu gɛt | "Yu get big padi dem pas wi nau, no bi so?" |
| Fɔ kɔmpia yusɛf to ɔda pipul dɛn | "Luk aw dɛn pikin dɛn de kia fɔ dɛn mama ɛn papa fayn fayn wan." |
| Sho tru bɔdi langwej | We yu nɔ gri fɔ du sɔntin, swɛt, kray, ɛn nɔ tɔk natin. |
Dɛn tin ya kin tan lɛk smɔl tin dɛn we kin mek pɔsin vɛks, bɔt dɛn kin pwɛl padi biznɛs kpatakpata. Bikɔs if yu fɔ se "nɔ" ɔnda prɛshɔn, yu go fil strɛs. Ɔ, if yu nɔ want fɔ se "yes", yu go fil bad ɛn vɛks pan da pɔsin de. Dis go mek yu go bigin fɔ avɔyd da pɔsin de smɔl smɔl. Dis avɔyd kin mek yu strɛs ɛn wɔri mɔ ɛn mɔ .
5 tins yu kin du fo stop wan 'Guilt Trip'.
Fɔ kɔmɔt na dis kayn tin, fɔ mek yu padi biznɛs kɔntinyu, ɛn fɔ mek yu maynd strɔng, yu fɔ ansa wit sɛns.
1. Tink bɔt yusɛf fɔs.
We pɔsin aks yu sɔntin, yu kin fil se yu bɛlɛ de sink, yu nɛk mɔsul dɛn de tayt, we yu tink bɔt fɔ gri wit am? Aks yusɛf dɛn kwɛstyɔn ya: " A de riak pan yu maynd? Mi disayd fɔ du tin fayn? A rili gɛt rayt fɔ se ‘nɔ’ to dis? " We yu dɔn ansa dɛn kwɛstyɔn ya ɔnɛs wan, yu kin disayd klia wan ɛn yu nɔ go fil gilti.
2. Tel di situeshɔn as i de.
Tɛl di pɔsin se, "A no se dis impɔtant to yu. Na dat mek yu de tray fɔ mek a fil gilti fɔ am." Dɔn, tɔk klia wan se, "A nɔ want fɔ fil se dɛn de prɛs mi fɔ se 'nɔ' ɛn fil bad bɔt am, ɔ vɛks pan yu fɔ se 'yes' we yu nɔ want. So duya nɔ prɛs mi."
3. Tel dem fo stat bak.
Aks dɛn se, “Tɛl mi dairekt wan wetin yu want frɔm mi, ɛn nɔ put prɛshɔn pan mi filin .” Tɛl dɛn fɔ prizent am lɛk simpul rikwest, we dɛn nɔ fɔ kɔndɛm ɔ akɔdin to dɛn.
4. Rispekt yu rait fo se ‘no’.
Dis rili impɔtant fɔ protɛkt una rilayshɔnship. Tɛl di pɔsin se, "Rɛspɛkt mi we a se 'nɔ'. Dɔn, if a ɛva se 'yes', yu kin trɔst se a de du am wit ɔl mi at ɛn nɔto ɔnda fos." Dis go sho klia wan usay yu gɛt bɔda dɛn.
5. Ansa wit lɔv ɛn du gud
Wan pan di bɛst we fɔ deflɛkt ‘gilt trip’ na fɔ du gud. Tɛl di pɔsin aw dɛn impɔtant to yu. Fɔ ɛgzampul, yu kin se:
- "A de tink bɔt yu bɔku, bɔt a de gɛt prɔblɛm fɔ du dis."
- "A no wan ofend yu at ol, bot dis na mai disishun."
- "A sorry se a no fit fulfil wetin yu de expekt, bot a no fit du am fo dis taim."
Yu kin gɛt fɔ ripit dɛn tin ya ɔltɛm te di we aw yu de biev chenj. If na so, mɛmba yusɛf bɔt yu bɔda bay we yu se, "Wi dɔn tɔk bɔt dis bifo..." ɔ, fɔ tɔk mɔ, bay we yu se, "Yu de mek a fil gilti lɛk dis. I de ambɔg wi rilayshɔnship. I de mek a vɛks pan yu, ɛn a nɔ lɛk am."
If yu tink bɔt yusɛf dis kayn we, tɔk klia wan bɔt yu bɔda, ɛn tɔk to yu dairekt ɛn fayn, yu kin stɔp ‘gilt trip’ ɛn protɛkt ɔl tu yu maynd wɛl bɔdi ɛn valyu rilayshɔnship.
Mɛsej we dɛn kin kɛr go na os
- ‘Gilt trip’ na wan kayn we fɔ manipul di filin. I nɔto rial, rial filin fɔ gilti.
- No dis sityueshɔn bay di kwaliti dɛm lɛk fɔ kɔrɛkt pɔsin, fɔ du tin we nɔr ebul fɔ du natin, ɛn fɔ prɛs yu indaykt.
- Put yu maynd wɛlbɔdi ɛn gladi at fɔs. Yu gɛt ɔl di rayt fɔ se ‘nɔ’ to sɔntin.
- Mek yu bɔda dɛn klia, bɔt mek yu du gud ɛn mek yu tinap tranga wan. Kɔmyuniket dairekt wan.
- If dis bihayvya kɔntinyu, i go rili pwɛl padi biznɛs. I rili impɔtant fɔ mek yu kɔntinyu fɔ gɛt kolat na yu maynd.
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