Wetin na Rijɛkt? Lɛ wi tɔk bɔt am!

Wi ɔl de go afta tin dɛn na layf, nɔto so? Sɔntɛnde dɛn tin ya kin go pafɛkt wan, bɔt sɔntɛnde di ansa na ‘nɔ’, ɔ ‘nɔ ebul’. Fɔ lɛ dɛn nɔ gri wit yu lɛk dis kin rili at ɛn i kin mek yu fil pen. Bɔt yu no wetin? Dis na tin we rili kɔmɔn we ɔlman na dis wɔl kin gɛt sɔm tɛm.

Wetin na fɔ rijɛkt?

Fɔ tɔk am simpul wan, rijekshɔn na we yu nɔ gɛt sɔntin we yu de op fɔ, sɔntin we yu rili de wet fɔ, ɔ sɔntin we yu dɔn aks fɔ. I kin bi big tin, lɛk fɔ nɔ pik yu fɔ intavyu fɔ wok we yu bin wok tranga wan fɔ. Ɔ i kin bi sɔntin we rili smɔl, lɛk se nɔbɔdi nɔ de laf fɔ jok we yu tɛl yu padi dɛn. Ilɛk aw i bi, i stil de at smɔl, nɔto so?

Wetin mek we pɔsin nɔ gri fɔ tek am, dat kin mek wi fil bad?

Naw yu go de tink se, "Wetin mek dis smɔl tin de mek a fil bad so?" Fɔ tru, wetin mek we pɔsin nɔ gri fɔ tek am, dat kin mek i fil bad? Tink bɔt am, as mɔtalman, wi ɔl want ɔda pipul dɛn fɔ tek wi, fɔ lɛk wi, fɔ put wi insay dɛn grup. Dis na wan besik saykolojik nid fɔ wi. So, we pɔsin nɔ gri wit wi, wi nɔ no se wi nɔ gri wit wi, lɛk se dɛn nɔ want wi, ɔ wi nɔ fit fɔ du dat.

I sɔprayz fɔ no se sɔm sayɛns stɔdi dɛn dɔn sho se di sem pat dɛn na wi bren we kin wok we wi fil pen na wi bɔdi kin wok bak we wi fil pen we pɔsin nɔ gri wit wi ! Dis min se wi bren de rili trit di pen we wi de fil lɛk ‘pen’. Na dat mek we pɔsin nɔ gri fɔ tek am, i kin at fɔ bia sɔntɛnde.

Big tin, smɔl tin – rijɛkt de ɔlsay.

As wi don tok abaut bifo, rijekshon no de limited to big tins. Luk dɛn ɛgzampul ya:

• Dɛn nɔ bin tek yu fɔ go na di yunivasiti kɔs we yu bin aplay fɔ wit big zil ɛn big op.
• A bin tink se a go rili mek am na di skul spɔt tim , bɔt we a dɔn, mi nem nɔ bin de na di list.
• We pɔsin we yu rili lɛk, we nɔ ivin pe atɛnshɔn to yu, bigin fɔ laf ɛn tɔk to ɔlman rayt bifo yu.
• Di pɔsin we yu bin tink se na yu bɛst padi bin go na wan fayn trip wit ɔda pipul dɛn ɛn i nɔ bin tɛl yu.

Dis na sɔm pan di big tin dɛn we kin rili impɔtant. Bɔt dɛn smɔl smɔl tin ya de bak we dɛn kin du ɛvride lɛk dis:

• Di fact se nobodi laf wan jok we yu tel fo front of grup.
• Di tru se nɔbɔdi nɔ bin ol chia fɔ yu na di dina tebul.
• Yu sɛn mɛsej to yu padi, bɔt dɛn si am bɔt dɛn nɔ ansa am .
• If pɔsin se dish we yu mek "nɔ te fayn."

Ivin smɔl smɔl tin dɛn lɛk dis, we wi ad togɛda, i kin bi big lod na wi maynd. Dɛn kin gɛt big impak pan di we aw wi de fil bɔt wisɛf , dat na di kɔnfidɛns we wi gɛt pan wisɛf. Wi kin ivin disapɔynt pan wisɛf.

Aw yu kin dil wit pipul dɛn we dɛn nɔ gri fɔ tek yu?

Okay, so wen somtin laik dis hapun, hau wi de dil wit am saksesfully? Aw wi kin ridyus di pen, sɔri-at, ɛn vɛks we kin kam na wi at? Lɛ wi si wetin wi go du stɛp bay stɛp.

1. Ɔndastand aw yu de fil ɛn lɛ i bi.

Di tin we impɔtant pas ɔl na fɔ nɔ tray fɔ ayd aw yu de fil we dɛn nɔ gri fɔ tek yu. Fɔ fil sɔri, vɛks, disapɔynt, fred – dɛn ɔl na rili nɔmal, mɔtalman imɔshɔn. Nɔ tink se, "O, na jɔs mi dis?" ɔ "A de fil dis we bikɔs a wik." If yu at pwɛl, de yu wan fɔ sɔm tɛm ɛn kray. If yu vɛks, lɛf am di we we nɔ go ambɔg ɛnibɔdi ɔ yusɛf (sɔntɛm bay we yu nak pilo, ɔ rɔn go fɔ sɔm tɛm!). Fɔ ɔndastand aw yu de fil ɛn alaw am fɔ kam na di fɔs tin we yu fɔ du fɔ mek yu wɛl.

2. Mɛmba se nɔto yu wan de.

Dis na tin we rili impɔtant. I at fɔ fɛn pɔsin na dis wɔl we dɛn nɔ ɛva rijek. Ivin di pipul dɛn we yu de si tide we gɛt bɔku sakrifays, we na di aktɔ, siŋ, atlet, ɔ biznɛsman we yu lɛk, dɛn dɔn rijek dɛn wan tɛm na dɛn layf, sɔntɛm i pas wan ɔndrɛd tɛm. Dis nɔto jɔs yu prɔblɛm, dis nɔto yu prɔblɛm. We yu ɔndastand dis, yu go fil fri smɔl, yu nɔ go fil se yu wangren de.

3. ‘Tɔk’ to yu bad tin dɛn we yu de tink bɔt

We wi kin fil se dɛn nɔ gri wit wi, bad bad tin dɛn kin bigin fɔ tink bɔt wisɛf. Tin dɛn lɛk, ‘A nɔ gɛt wan valyu,’ ‘Nɔbɔdi nɔ lɛk mi,’ ‘Natin nɔ go ɛva wok fɔ mi,’ ‘Na ɔl mi fɔlt.’ We dɛn tin ya we yu de tink bɔt, nɔ jɔs tek am se na tru.

Aks yusɛf if dɛn tin dɛn de we yu de tink bɔt na tru ɛn aw dɛn mek sɛns.

Fɔ ɛgzampul:

• If yu tink se, ‘A nɔ gɛt wan yus,’ aks yusɛf se, ‘A rili bi dat? A nɔ dɔn du gud tin bifo? A du dat fayn, nɔto so a du dat fayn?’
• If yu tink se, ‘Nɔbɔdi nɔ lɛk mi,’ aks yusɛf se, ‘Nɔto ɛnibɔdi rili lɛk mi? Mi mama ɛn papa, mi padi Arya, dɛn lɛk mi.’

If yu chalenj yu bad bad tin dɛn dis we, yu go ebul fɔ ridyus di impak we dɛn kin gɛt smɔl smɔl.

4. Na yu de ditarmin yu worth, no oda pesin.

Jɔs bikɔs pɔsin nɔ gri fɔ tek yu, dat nɔ min se yu valyu na ziro. Na di we aw ɔda pipul dɛn de tink bɔt yu de sho yu valyu, wetin yu ebul fɔ du, yu gud kwaliti dɛn, nɔto bay di tin dɛn we dɛn de disayd fɔ du.Yu gɛt yu yon aydentiti, yu yon abiliti, ɛn drim dɛn. Valyu dɛn tin dɛn de. Rijekshɔn na jɔs wan tin we apin, nɔ mek i disayd yu ɔl layf, yu valyu.

5. Lan sɔntin frɔm dis ɛkspiriɛns, pe atɛnshɔn pan nyu tin.

Sɔntɛnde, wi kin lan valyu lɛsin frɔm ɛnitin we dɛn nɔ gri wit.

• Sɔntɛm yu go no se wetin yu dɔn de tray fɔ du nɔ rili fɔ yu. If dat apin, yu kin pik nyu rod, nyu gol, we go fayn fɔ yu, we yu rili lɛk.
• Sɔntɛm yu go no se sɔm ɔda smɔl smɔl fɔlt dɛn bin de na yu tray we, if yu bin dɔn fiks dɛn, di rizɔlt go dɔn difrɛn. Dɔn yu kin mek shɔ se yu nɔ mek dɛn mistek dɛn de nɛks tɛm.

Rijekshɔn nɔ min se di rod dɔn dɔn, i kin ivin bi tɔnin pɔynt fɔ yu pan bɛtɛ rod. So, bifo yu tink bɔt wetin bin dɔn apin ɛn stɔp fɔ du tin trade, put yu maynd pan nyu gol dɛn, nyu tin dɛn we yu lɛk fɔ du, ɛn nyu tin dɛn.

6. Nɔ ɛva fred fɔ aks fɔ ɛp.

Ivin wit ɔl dis, sɔntɛnde i kin rili at fɔ lɛ wi wangren kɔmɔt na dis kayn tin. Di pen we wi kin fil kin mek wi nɔ ebul fɔ bia. Dɛn kayn tɛm dɛn de, we yu tɔk bɔt dis to pɔsin we yu biliv, dat kin mek yu fil fayn ɛn ɛp yu.

• Dat kin bi yu bɛst padi.
• I kin bi yu mama, papa, brɔda, ɔ yu fambul.
• A kin bi yu ticha.
• Sɔmtɛm, e fayn fɔ aks fɔ ɛp frɔm pɔrsin wae sabi du dis wok , saikɔlɔjis/saykayatrist , ɔr tritmɛnt wae dɛn tren fɔ ɛp wit dɛn kayn tin ya. I nɔto sɔntin we yu fɔ shem ɔ fil se yu nɔ impɔtant. Jɔs lɛk aw wi kin go to dɔktɔ ɛn tek mɛrɛsin we wi gɛt kol ɔ flu, fɔ gɛt ɛp fɔ prɔblɛm wit wi maynd impɔtant bak.

Aw fɔ bi trɛnk afta dɛn nɔ gri fɔ yu?

We pɔsin nɔ gri fɔ tek am na tin we kin mek pɔsin fil pen, ɛn wi nɔ gɛt wan dawt fɔ se. Bɔt, i nɔ nid fɔ mek wi wik sote go. Infakt, wi kin yuz dɛn ɛkspiriɛns dɛn ya fɔ mek wi gɛt trɛnk, fɔ bia wit di prɔblɛm na layf. Dɛn kɔl dis (Resilience) , we min se yu kin ebul fɔ wɛl kwik kwik wan frɔm prɔblɛm, tin dɛn we kin ambɔg yu, ɛn tin dɛn we kin mek yu nɔ ebul fɔ du sɔntin na layf ɛn grap bak.

• No wetin yu ebul fɔ du: Ɔlman gɛt sɔm spɛshal abiliti ɔ trɛnk. Fɛn ɔda tin dɛn we yu sabi du, wetin na yu gud kwaliti dɛn, ɛn tray fɔ divɛlɔp dɛn mɔ.
• Praktis fɔ tink gud wan: Bifo yu si ɔltin insay blak ɛn wayt, gud ɛn bad, tray fɔ si di gud tin we de apin na ɛvri sityueshɔn, sɔntin fɔ lan frɔm.
• Sɛlibret ivin smɔl smɔl win dɛn: Big gol dɛnAs yu de go bifo, gladi fɔ di smɔl smɔl win dɛn we yu dɔn win. Dis go mek yu gɛt mɔ kɔnfidɛns pan yusɛf smɔl smɔl.
• Self-compassion: We yu mek mistek ɔ yu gɛt rijekshɔn, nɔ blem yusɛf, nɔ kɔs yusɛf, sɔri fɔ yusɛf ɛn du gud to yusɛf. Tink se, ‘Mi na mɔtalman, a kin mek mistek bak, a kin fil filin dɛn bak, dat na nɔmal tin.’

Mɛmba ɔltɛm se, i nɔ min fɔ fɔdɔm, na fɔ grap bak! Mek ɛvri fɔl bi chans fɔ grap strɔng.

In shot... (Tek-Home Mɛsej)

So, frɔm wetin wi dɔn tɔk bɔt tide, yu go dɔn ɔndastand klia wan se fɔ rijek na nɔmal tin na wi layf. I kin apin to ɛnibɔdi, ɛni ej, ɛni tɛm. Nɔbɔdi nɔ de we nɔ gɛt am. Di tin we impɔtant pas ɔl na fɔ nɔ mek di rijɛkt de difayn yu ɔl yusɛf valyu we i apin. Ɔndastand aw yu de fil ɛn lan fɔ dil wit am di rayt we. If yu fil se i nɔ izi fɔ du am yu wan, nɔ shem fɔ aks pɔsin we yu biliv fɔ ɛp yu. Lan wan valyu lɛsin frɔm ɛni ɛkspiriɛns, bi trɛnk, ɛn fes layf wit kɔnfidɛns. Mɛmba se yu strɔng pas aw yu tink!

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Rijekshɔn, Mental Ɛlth, Sɛlf-Ɛstim, Imɔshɔn Manejmɛnt, Risiliɛns, Kɔnsɛl