Zithini iindlela zakho zokuncamathisela? Masithethe ngale nto!

Ubudlelwane esinabo sonke nabantu, nokuba bubuhlobo okanye ubudlelwane bothando, bubaluleke kakhulu, akunjalo? Ngamanye amaxesha sicinga, "Owu, kutheni nditsaleleke kangaka kulo mntu?" Okanye "Owu, andifuni nokuthetha naloo mntu!" Uyazi, izizathu zezi zinto mhlawumbi zinzulu kunokuba sicinga, kwaye zinokuqala kwasebuntwaneni. Yiloo nto siyibiza ngokuba yi-`(Attachment Styles)` okanye iindlela zokuncamathisela.

Ngoko ke, zeziphi ezi ndlela zokuncamathisela?

Ngamafutshane, oku kubhekisa kwindlela abasinyamekela ngayo abaphambili (ngokufuthi abazali bethu, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu, okanye ootatomkhulu noomakhulu) ababesiphatha ngayo xa sasisebancinci , oko kukuthi, xa sasisebancinci kakhulu, nendlela loo mava achaphazela ngayo ubudlelwane bethu njengabantu abadala.

Cinga ngale ndlela. Xa wawusengumntwana, wawusabela njani xa umntu owayekukhathalele ekushiya okwethutyana, mhlawumbi "umgcini weentsana", waza wena wemka? Ngaba wawusoyika? Ngaba wawudakumbile? Okanye wawusenza nje izinto eziqhelekileyo, ucinga ukuba, "Owu, baza kubuya kungekudala." Waziva njani xa bebuya? Ngaba wawukhululekile? Unomsindo? Okanye wawungakhathali konke konke?

Iimpendulo zakho kule mibuzo zithetha lukhulu malunga nolindelo lwakho, iimfuno zakho, kunye namava akho njengomntwana. Zikwanika umbono omkhulu malunga nendlela oza kujongana ngayo nolwalamano nabanye xa sele umdala.

Ziziphi ezi ntlobo zeepateni zokuncamathisela?

Iingcali zengqondo zichonge iindlela ezine eziphambili zokuncamathisela:

• Isitayile sokuncamathisela esikhuselekileyo
• Isitayile sokuncamathisela okuxhalabileyo
• Isitayile sokuncamathisela esingaphephekiyo
• Isitayile sokuncamathisela esingacwangciswanga kakuhle

Kwezi zinto, iipateni zokuncamathisela ezixhalabileyo, eziphephayo, nezingacwangciswanga kakuhle zezo sizibiza ngokuba ziipateni zokuncamathisela ezingakhuselekanga . Injongo yethu sonke kufuneka ibe kukwahlukana nezi ncamathiselo zingakhuselekanga size sakhe izincamathiselo ezikhuselekileyo.

Ezi ndlela zokuncamathela zichaphazela njani ubudlelwane?

Ngokusekelwe kwiminyaka engaphezu kwama-50 yophando (ithiyori yokuncamathisela), iingcali zengqondo ziyavuma ukuba ubudlelwane bokuqala beemvakalelo owabubumba nomnakekeli wakho oyintloko njengomntwana bunokuchaphazela ngokuthe ngqo ubudlelwane bakho bothando kwixesha elizayo.

Cinga ngale nto, ukuba umntu okukhathaleleyo ebesoloko ekukhathalele, ekunceda xa ukudinga, kwaye ekwenza uzive ukhuselekile , amathuba akho okuhlakulela ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo nobukhuselekileyo njengoko ukhula. Kwelinye icala, ukuba umntu okukhathaleleyo ebengasoloko ekukhathalele, ukuba ebengakuphathi ngendlela ethile, unokuba neengxaki ezithile kubudlelwane bakho njengomntu omdala.

Ingaba oku kuphenjelelwa kuphela lulwalamano owawunalo nomntu owayekukhathalela usengumntwana?

Nangona uphando oluninzi lubonisa ukuba indlela yakho yokunamathela ichaphazeleka kakhulu bubudlelwane owawunabo nabanakekeli bakho xa wawusemncinci, ingakumbi kwiinyanga ezili-18 zokuqala zobomi , nabanye abantu banokukuchaphazela oku. Kwanabahlobo bakho bakudala kunye nobudlelwane bothando bangaphambili bunokutshintsha indlela osabela ngayo kwiimpawu zeemvakalelo. Usenokuba ubunolwalamano olukhuselekileyo usengumntwana, kodwa indlela yakho yokunamathela isenokuba ayikhuselekanga ngenxa yokungathembani okanye amanye amava anzima kamva ebomini.

Kwakhona, usenokuba neendlela ezahlukeneyo zokunamathelana nabantu abahlukeneyo . Ngenxa yamava akho angaphambili, ungaziva ukhuselekile ngakumbi xa unabantu abathile.

Ndingayitshintsha indlela endinxibelelanisa ngayo?

Ngokuqinisekileyo kunokwenzeka! Ukutshintsha kunokwenzeka ngokupheleleyo. Kuqala ngokuzazi . Wakuba uchongile imikhwa yakho yeemvakalelo - iipateni ozibonisayo kubudlelwane babantu abadala - ungaqala ukutshintsha ezinye zezo ndlela zakudala zokucinga. Kufana nokubhala iskripthi esitsha. Ukutshintsha iipateni zakudala zokucinga kunokukunceda usuke kwindlela yokunamathela engakhuselekanga uye kwindlela ekhuselekileyo. Nangona ungenza oku wedwa, kusoloko kuyinto elungileyo ukuthetha nomcebisi okanye ingcali yezonyango enokukunceda ukuqonde kwaye ikuxhase endleleni.

Yintoni le ndlela yoQhagamshelo oluKhuselekileyo?

Ukunamathelana okuqinileyo kukukwazi ukwakha ubudlelwane obusempilweni, obanelisayo, nobuhlala ixesha elide.

Iipateni zokuncamathelisa ezikhuselekileyo kubantwana abancinci

Abantwana abancinci abanesitayile sokunamathela esikhuselekileyo baziva bekhuselekile, bexatyiswa, beqondwa, kwaye bethuthuzelwa ngumnakekeli wabo oyintloko. Beseziintsana, bayakhala xa umnakekeli wabo emkile okwethutyana, kodwa bayathuthuzeleka xa loo mntu ebuya. Xa besoyika, babalekela kumnakekeli wabo ukuze bafumane intuthuzelo.

Ipateni yokuncamathisela ekhuselekileyo kubantu abadala

Ukuba nesitayile sokunamathelana esikhuselekileyo kuthetha ukuba uzive ukhuselekile kwaye uzithembile kubudlelwane bakho nabantu abadala. Wabelana ngeemvakalelo zakho ngokukhululekileyo neqabane lakho kunye nabahlobo abasondeleyo, ucele inkxaso yoluntu xa uyidinga, kwaye uzithemba .

Iimpawu zesincamathiselo esikhuselekileyo

Ukuba unesitayile sokuncamathisela esikhuselekileyo, unokwenza ezi zinto rhoqo:

• Ukuthemba abanye lula.
• Nxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo.
• Lawula iimvakalelo zakho.
• Andiziva ndingakhululekanga ukuchitha ixesha ndedwa.
• Iqhagamshelana lula nabanye.
• Xa kuvela ingxabano, isonjululwa ngendlela efanelekileyo.
• Ungasondelana ngokweemvakalelo nabantu ebomini bakho.

Yintoni i-Anxious Attachment Style?

Olu luhlobo lwendlela yokunamathela engakhuselekanga. Abantu abanolu hlobo lokunamathela badla ngokuba noloyiko lokungamkeleki nokushiywa . Basenokujonga kumntu ongaphandle kwabo ukuze baqinisekise ukuba bayamthanda.

Elinye igama lale nto ngu:

• `(Isitayile sokuncamathisela esixakekileyo)`
• `(Isitayile sokuncamathisela esixakekileyo ngexhala)`
• `(Isitayile sokuncamathisela esinxunguphalisayo-esingenazintsingiselo)`

Iipateni zokuncamathisela ezixhalabisayo kubantwana abancinci

Abantwana abanale ndlela yokunamathela bayakhathazeka kakhulu xa behlukene nabazali babo. Nangona kunjalo, abathuthuzeleki ngokupheleleyo xa abazali babo bebuya. Aba bantwana basenokubathemba abantu abangabaziyo kunabantwana abanezinye iindlela zokunamathela.

Iipateni zokuncamathisela ezixhalabisayo kubantu abadala

Abantu abadala abanolu hlobo lokunamathelana banokuxhalaba ukuba amaqabane abo okanye abahlobo babo ababathandi. Ngenxa yoko, banokuba noloyiko olunzulu lokungamkeleki okanye ukulahlwa. Basenokuba nokungazithembi ngokupheleleyo kwaye badinga imvume yabanye ukuze baqiniseke. Basenokuba nemikhwa yokuxhomekeka kwabanye , kwaye banokuba lusizi kakhulu xa ubudlelwane buphela.

Iimpawu zobudlelwane obuxhalabileyo

Ukuba unolu hlobo lolwalamano, ungahlangabezana nezi zinto zilandelayo:

• Ukuziva ungento yanto.
• Uvelwano olugqithisileyo xa ugxekwa.
• Kunzima ukuchitha ixesha wedwa.
• Ukuzijongela phantsi.
• Kunzima ukuthemba abanye.
• Iimvakalelo ezifana nomona .
• Uloyiko lokwaliwa okanye ukushiywa.

Yintoni iSitayile sokuncamathisela esingaphephekiyo?

Olu luhlobo lwendlela yokunamathela engakhuselekanga. Abantu abanendlela yokunamathela ekuphephayo banokukufumanisa kunzima ukwakha ubudlelwane obunentsingiselo ngenxa yokoyika kwabo ukusondelelana .

Amanye amagama alo:

• `(Isitayile sokuncamathisela esilahlayo)`
• `(Isitayile sokuncamathisela esithintela uxhalabo)`

Iipateni zokuncamathela ezithintelayo ebantwaneni abancinci

Iintsana nabantwana abancinci abanothando olunjalo abafuni ncedo kumnakekeli wabo. Basenokungavumi ukuba bayalunikwa, kodwa ngokubanzi bazama ukuphepha ukusebenzisana. Aba bantwana badla ngokungabonisi mahluko phakathi komnakekeli wabo oyintloko nomntu abangamaziyo.

Indlela yokuphepha ukunamathela kubantu abadala

Njengomntu omdala, usenokuba nendlela yokuphepha ukunamathela, nto leyo ethetha ukuba uyakuphepha ulwalamano olusondeleyo, kwaye awunazo iimvakalelo ezininzi kulwalamano lwakho neqabane lakho nabahlobo.Kunokwenzeka. Abantu abanolu hlobo lokunamathela banokuba nemvakalelo enamandla yokuzimela kwaye banokuziva besongelwa ukuba nabani na uzama ukusondela kubo. Oku kunokwenza kube nzima ukwabelana ngeemvakalelo zakho ezinzulu kunye neemvakalelo zakho nabantu ebomini bakho.

Iimpawu zokunamathela okuphephekayo

Ukuba unendlela yokuncamathisela ephephekayo, unokuba:

• Ukuziva ukhululekile kakhulu ngawe.
• Ababatyesheli lula abanye.
• Kunzima ukuthemba abanye.
• Kuvakala kungathandeki xa umntu ezama ukusondela.
• Iyakuphepha ukusondelana (ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasemzimbeni).
• Kukho ukungafuni ukuzinikela kubudlelwane.

Yintoni iSitayile sokuncamathisela esingacwangciswanga?

Olu luhlobo lwesithathu lwesimbo sokuncamathisela esingakhuselekanga. Abantu abanolu hlobo lokuncamathisela banokubonakalisa ukuziphatha okungaguquguqukiyo okanye babe nobunzima bokuthemba abanye.

Elinye igama lale nto ngu:

• `(Isitayile sokuncamathisela esoyikekayo nesiphephekayo)`

Iipateni zokuncamathisela ezingalungelelananga ebantwaneni abancinci

Abantwana abanolu hlobo lokunamathela badla ngokubonakala bedidekile . Banokoyika ukuba kukho into embi eza kwenzeka kubo. Oku kudla ngokubangelwa kukungavisisani ngokweemvakalelo kumgcini wabo oyintloko. Umzekelo, umnakekeli unokumthuthuzela umntwana ngamanye amaxesha, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha abangele uloyiko. Umntwana usenokungakwazi ukumthemba ngokupheleleyo umnakekeli wakhe, kuba umntu ofanayo omenzakalisayo ngamanye amaxesha naye uyamthuthuzela . Abantwana abanolu hlobo lokunamathela basenokuba baxhatshazwe, baphazamisekile, okanye batyeshelwe.

Iipateni zokuncamathisela ezingalungelelananga kubantu abadala

Abantu abadala kolu hlobo lolwalamano badla ngokubonisa ukuziphatha okudidayo okanye okungaqinisekanga . Balindele uthando kunye nokuba yinxalenye yabantu – kodwa bayazoyika ezo zinto. Ngenxa yoko, banokuthi baqalise umkhwa wokufuna uthando baze balugatye ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Banokunamathela kumaqabane abo baze bawatyhalele kude. Umzekelo, banokuba neemvakalelo kakhulu ngenye imini baze bangakhathali kwaphela ngolunye usuku.

Iimpawu zesincamathelisi esingalungelelananga

Ukuba unobudlelwane obungasebenzi kakuhle, usenokuba:

• Kunzima ukuthemba abanye.
• Kunzima ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho.
• Zombini iindlela zokuncamathela ezixhalabisayo nezithintelayo ziyaboniswa.
• Uloyiko lokwaliwa.
• Ukuziphatha okubhidekileyo okanye okuchaseneyo.

Kuza kwenzeka ntoni kumntwana wam kuyo yonke le nto?

Ulwalamano oluhambelanayo nomntwana wakho lubaluleke kakhulu.Nangona iindlela zokunamathelana zinokutshintsha ubomi bomntu, ulwalamano lokuqala olwenzayo nomntwana wakho lumbeka endleleni. Njengokunika umntwana imephu kunye nekhampasi ngaphambi kokuba aqale uhambo, ukuseka unxibelelwano olukhuselekileyo kubalulekile.

Kulula ukukhokela impilo yeemvakalelo yomntwana ngexesha lokukhula kwakhe. Cinga ngayo njengesamente. Singabumba kwaye sibumbe isamente esandula ukubekwa sibe yiyo nayiphi na imo esiyifunayo. Kodwa xa loo samente yomile, kuthatha umsebenzi omninzi ukuyitshintsha. Ukwakha ubudlelwane obuqinileyo nomntwana wakho ngoku kuvula indlela yempumelelo yakhe yexesha elizayo.

Ndingalwakha njani ulwalamano oluqinileyo nomntwana wam?

Ucinga ngako konke oku, usenokuba uzibuza ukuba ungadala na ulwalamano oluqinileyo nolukhuselekileyo nomntwana wakho ukuze aqhubeke nobomi bakhe. Okokuqala, phefumla nzulu . Ukuqonda kubalulekile xa kufikwa ekwakheni ulwalamano olusempilweni nolukhuselekileyo. Enyanisweni, mhlawumbi sele unika umntwana wakho ngokwemvelo oko akudingayo ukuze aphumelele ngokweemvakalelo. Ngaphandle koko, ukuba ubungacingi ngempilo-ntle yomntwana wakho, ubungayi kulifunda eli nqaku, akunjalo?

Nazi ezinye izinto onokuzenza ukuze wakhe ulwalamano oluqinileyo nomntwana wakho:

• Bazise ukuba ulapho ukuze ubancede kunye neemfuno zabo. Akunakwenzeka ukunika umntwana wakho ingqalelo yakho epheleleyo iiyure ezingama-24 ngosuku, iintsuku ezisi-7 ngeveki. Nangona kunjalo, zama ukwenza njalo rhoqo, ingakumbi xa umntwana engalindelanga kangako. Oku kubonisa umntwana ukuba ufuna ukuchitha ixesha naye, kungengenxa yokuba enze into ethile, kodwa ngenxa yokuba engumntu anguye.
• Qinisekisa iimvakalelo zomntwana wakho. Yazi ukuba umntwana wakho uziva njani, kwaye umncede azibhale phantsi ezo mvakalelo. Mkhumbuze ukuba kuqhelekile ukuba neemvakalelo, ukuba zonke iimvakalelo zinenjongo, kwaye kulungile ukuvakalelwa ngendlela ezivakalelwa ngayo. Ukubanceda bafumane iindlela eziphilileyo zokulawula iimvakalelo ezinzima ezifana nomsindo kuya kuqinisa ubudlelwane phakathi kwakho nomntwana wakho.
• Zibandakanye kwizinto umntwana wakho anomdla kuzo. Funda ngezinto azithandayo nezinto anomdla kuzo umntwana wakho. Fumana iindlela zokunxibelelana naye ngezinto azithandayo.
• Yonwabela nje ukuba kunye. Njengomzali okanye umnakekeli, inxalenye enkulu yomsebenzi wakho kukubonelela ngesikhokelo neengcebiso kumntwana wakho. Nangona oku kubalulekile ekukhuleni komntwana, ukuchitha ixesha naye kukwaluncedo kakhulu. Ukunxibelelana nomntwana wakho ngendlela efudumeleyo nenomtsalane kumenza azi ukuba uyamthanda kwaye wonwabile naye. Mxelele ukuba uyamthanda ngendlela anjalo ngayo.

Ngaba ``Ithiyori yoQhagamshelo`` kunye ``Ukukhulisa abantwana ngoQhagamshelo`` zizinto ezifanayo?

Ukukhulisa abantwana ngendlela edibeneyo yingcamango yokuba abazali banceda abantwana baphuhlise ulwalamano olukhuselekileyo ngokuba kufutshane ngokwasemzimbeni nabantwana babo kwaye baphendule kakhulu kwiimfuno zabo. Ukukhulisa abantwana ngendlela edibeneyo kuphefumlelwe luphando kwithiyori yokuncedisa, kodwa ezi zinto zimbini azifani.

Abameli bokukhulisa abantwana ngokuthanda umzali bacebisa ukuba ulandele oko ucinga ukuba kulungile kuwe uze ushiye okunye ngasemva. Nangona kunjalo, xa kufikwa ekukhuliseni abantwana, akukho ndlela ifanelekileyo kubo bonke.

Ubudlelwane obakhayo nomntwana wakho kwiinyanga ezili-18 zokuqala zobomi bakhe bunokuba nefuthe elikhulu kwindlela aphatha ngayo ubudlelwane kamva. Xa usebenzisana nomntwana wakho, yiba ngumntu ohlala ehleli, onenjongo, kwaye umenze azive ekhuselekile. Menze azive ngathi ungumntu abanokwabelana naye ngayo nayiphi na imvakalelo, enkulu okanye encinci. Ukwakha ubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo nomntwana wakho yenye yeendlela zokubalungiselela impumelelo kwixesha elizayo. Thetha nogqirha wezingane womntwana wakho ukuze ufunde okungakumbi ngeendlela ezifanelekileyo kuwe.

Izinto ezibalulekileyo ekufuneka uzikhumbule (Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya)

Ngoko ke, ngokwezinto esizithethileyo, mhlawumbi ungayiqonda indlela amava ethu obuntwana achaphazela ngayo ukuba sibadala. Iindlela zethu zokunamathelana zifana naleyo.

• Ubudlelwane bokuqala bubaluleke kakhulu: Ubudlelwane obubenabo nabo babekukhathalele xa wawusemncinci bakha isiseko sobudlelwane bakho bexesha elizayo.
• Ingatshintshwa: Nokuba indlela onxibelelana ngayo ngoku ayikhuselekanga, akunakwenzeka ukuba itshintshe. Kufuneka nje ukuziqonda nokuzikhandla .
• Umyalezo kubazali: Ukwakha ubudlelwane obuqinileyo nobomeleleyo nomntwana wakho sesona sipho sixabisekileyo onokubanika sona. Siya kuba namandla amakhulu kubo bonke ubomi babo.
• Musa ukoyika ukufumana uncedo: Ukuba ufuna ukwazi okungakumbi ngale nto, okanye ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba kukho ingxaki ngendlela othanda ngayo ukunamathela, kungcono ukufuna uncedo kumcebisi.

Khumbula, sonke sikulo hambo. Into ebalulekileyo kukuziqonda wena uze uzame ukwakha ubudlelwane obuphilileyo.

Iipateni zokunamathelana , impilo yengqondo , uphuhliso lomntwana , abazali, ubudlelwane, iimvakalelo , ukunamathelana okukhuselekileyo