Uqhawulo-mtshato luyinto ebuhlungu kakhulu kumama, utata, kwanomntwana omncinci. Emva kokugqiba isigqibo sokuphelisa umtshato, enye yezona zinto zinkulu onokuba nazo njengomzali kukuba, 'Kuza kwenzeka ntoni emntwaneni ngenxa yeengxaki zethu?' 'Ngaba ikamva lomntwana liza kuba semngciphekweni?' Kuqhelekile ukucinga izinto ezinje. Kodwa kukho iindaba ezimnandi. Uqhawulo-mtshato akufuneki lonakalise ubomi bomntwana. Konke kuxhomekeke kwindlela nina, njengabazali, enisingatha ngayo uqhawulo-mtshato emva kokuba lwenzekile.
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Ngaba uqhawulo-mtshato luchaphazela ikamva lomntwana ngokwenene?
Kukho izimvo ezahlukeneyo ngale nto. Olunye uphando lubonisa ukuba abantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato banokuba nemiphumo emibi ubomi babo bonke. Oku kuthetha ukuba xa bekhula, banamathuba amaninzi okuzibandakanya ekuziphatheni okubi, basebenzise iziyobisi, kwaye babe neengxaki kubudlelwane babo.
Nangona kunjalo, abanye abaphandi abaninzi bathi uqhawulo-mtshato aluloxanduva lobomi bonke ebantwaneni. Ngoko ke yintoni ebangela lo mahluko? Okumangalisayo kukuba, asikokuqhawula umtshato ngokwako okubangela loo nto. Ukuba umntwana uza kuphumelela okanye akaphumeleli kuxhomekeka kwindlela abazali abaziphatha ngayo emva kokuqhawula umtshato.
Ngamafutshane, abantwana benzakala kakhulu kungekuko kuqhawulo-mtshato, kodwa kukulwa okuqhubekayo kunye neengxabano phakathi kwabazali.
Kulungile, makhe sijonge ukuba nina bazali ninokwenza ntoni ukuze niphilise amanxeba omntwana wenu ngokweemvakalelo nize nimncede aphumelele kweli xesha linzima.
Izinto onokuzenza ukuze uncede umntwana wakho azive ngcono
Phila kuqala.
Le yeyona nto ibalulekileyo. Ukuba awuziphili, awunakunceda umntwana wakho aphile. Thetha ngentlungu yakho, umsindo, kunye nokukhungatheka nomhlobo othembekileyo, ilungu losapho, okanye umcebisi. Xa umntwana wakho ekubona ujongene nentlungu yakho ngendlela eyakhayo, naye uya kulandela. Ungathetha nogqirha wakho ngale nto ukuba kuyimfuneko.
Yeka ukulwa phambi komntwana.
Iingxabano maziphele ngoqhawulo-mtshato. Ukuba uyazi ukuba wena nomntu othandana naye wangaphambili ninokuxabana, kwenzeni oko kwindawo apho abantwana bengenakuva khona. Ukuba kukho iingxaki ezixhaphakileyo xa udlulisela abantwana ukusuka komnye umntu ukuya komnye, sebenzisa indawo eqhelekileyo, engathathi cala koku. Umzekelo, ungenza into efana nokuthatha umntwana esikolweni okanye kwindawo yokugcina abantwana wedwa.
Yakha ubudlelwane 'beshishini'
"Akunyanzelekanga ukuba umthande umntu owawuthandana naye ngaphambili, kodwa kufuneka ufumane indlela yokusebenzisana naye kwimiba enxulumene nabantwana," itsho ingcali. Endaweni yokubona olu lwalamano njengolwalamano lothando nentiyo, zama ukulujonga njengolwalamano lweshishini . 'Ishishini' lakho apha kukukhulisa umntwana wakho ukuze abe namandla engqondweni kwaye onwabe .
Iimpazamo eziqhelekileyo kunye neendlela ezichanekileyo xa usebenza nabantwana
Kukho iimpazamo ezininzi ezenziwa ngabazali bengaqondanga. Ezi zinokubangela umonakalo omkhulu engqondweni yomntwana. Masibone ukuba zeziphi ezo mpazamo nendlela yokuzilungisa.
| Izinto ongamele uzenze (indlela engalunganga) | Yintoni omawuyenze endaweni yoko (indlela echanekileyo) |
|---|---|
| Ukutyhola omnye umntu: Ukuthetha izinto ezinje, "Utata wakho ngumntu ombi" okanye "Umama wakho mubi kakhulu." | Ukuthetha ngentlonelo: Into umntwana ayiqondayo kukuba bayinxalenye yaloo mntu 'ungenamsebenzi'. Abantwana mabakholelwe ukuba abazali babo bobabini ngabantu abalungileyo. Xa bekhula, baya kuziqonda iimpazamo zabo. |
| Ukuhlola umntwana wakho: Ukuba ubuza, "Ibinjani impelaveki yakho nomama/utata?" ukuze ufumane iinkcukacha zobomi bomnye umntu, oko akulunganga. | Ukubuza ngokunyanisekileyo ngamava omntwana wakho: Abantwana banovelwano kakhulu. Bayaziqonda iinjongo zakho. Yiba nomdla wokwenene kulonwabo lomntwana wakho. Okubalulekileyo kumntwana wakho ngamava akhe, kungekhona iinkcukacha zomntu owayesakuba liqabane lakho. |
| Ukuxelela umntwana wakho iimvakalelo zakho: Ukusebenzisa umntwana wakho njengenkxaso yakho yeemvakalelo. Ukwabelana ngeenkcukacha zabantu abadala malunga noqhawulo-mtshato nomntwana wakho. | Mamela umntwana wakho: Abantwana abanakukwazi ukusingatha ulwazi olunzima kangaka. Endaweni yoko, kufuneka umamele iimvakalelo zomntwana wakho. Fumana omnye umntu omdala onokuthetha naye ngeemvakalelo zakho. |
Buza umntwana, ungamxeleli.
Endaweni yokuxelela umntwana wakho ukuthi, “Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ube noxanduva ngolu qhawulo-mtshato,” buza umntwana wakho, “Ngaba uvakalelwa kukuba kufuneka ube noxanduva ngale nto?” Emva koko mamela ngononophelo oko akutshoyo. Nokuba xa usenza izigqibo ngezinto ezifana neentsuku zokutyelela, cela izimvo zakhe. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba uvumelane nazo zonke izicelo, kodwa ubuncinane baziva bebandakanyiwe.
Thetha ngendlela efanele iminyaka yomntwana.
Umntwana oneminyaka emi-3 ubudala usenokufuna ukwazi izinto ezilula kakhulu malunga noqhawulo-mtshato. Izinto ezifana nokuthi "Ngubani oya phi?" kunye nokuthi "Baza kumbona nini umama/utata kwakhona?" Kodwa umntwana oneminyaka eli-9 ubudala usenokuba ucinga ngakumbi ngokuthi "Kutheni oku kusenzeka?" Kubalulekile ukuthetha naye malunga nolwazi aludingayo, ngokusekelwe kwiminyaka yakhe.
Amanye amanqaku ambalwa abalulekileyo
- Kuphephe ukuxoxa ixesha elide: Okukhona inkqubo yezomthetho iqhubeka ixesha elide, kokukhona kukho ingxabano phakathi kwamaqela kwaye kokukhona impembelelo imbi kumntwana. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, kungcono ukuzama ukufikelela kwisisombululo esivumelanayo.
- Hlala ujonge indlela umntwana wakho aziphatha ngayo: Ngamanye amaxesha abantwana bathi "yonke into ilungile," kodwa indlela abaziphatha ngayo ibonisa okwahlukileyo. Lumka xa kukho utshintsho kwindlela abaziphatha ngayo esikolweni, ekudlaleni, nasekhaya. Kwakhona, lumka kumntwana oziphatha "njengomntwana olungileyo" kakhulu. Usenokucinga ukuba ukuba ulungile ngokwenene, abazali bakhe baya kubuyelana. Licebo elihle ukwazisa utitshala okanye umnakekeli womntwana ngale meko. Emva koko, ukuba baphawula utshintsho kwindlela abaziphatha ngayo umntwana wabo, baya kuyiqonda imeko ngaphandle kokubiza umntwana ngokuthi "umntwana ombi."
- Cinga ngawe, hayi ngomnye umntu: Kulula ukuhlala ucinga ngeempazamo zowayesakuba ngumhlobo wakho, kodwa oko kunokukuphazamisa kulwalamano lwakho nomntwana wakho. Khumbula, unokulawula kuphela izenzo zakho.
- Musa ukuqhawula ubudlelwane bomntwana nomnye umzali: Maxa wambi emva koqhawulo-mtshato, umzali ongafumani lungelo lokugcina umntwana uyarhoxa kancinci kancinci ebomini bomntwana, okanye asuswe ngomnye umzali. Oku akukaze kube kuhle kumntwana. Ngaphandle kokuba kukho iingxaki ezinkulu ezifana nokuxhatshazwa emzimbeni, ukugula ngengqondo okukhulu, okanye ukukhotyokiswa ziziyobisi, umntwana ubadinga bobabini abazali. Kwanakwiimeko ezinjalo, ungacinga ngokuvumela ukutyelelwa phantsi kweliso lomntwana .
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Uqhawulo-mtshato luyinto ebangela uxinzelelo olukhulu. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba udlule kule meko wedwa. Okokuqala,Cinga ngempilo yakho yengqondo . Fumana uncedo ngaloo nto.
- Ingxabano phakathi kwabazali ichaphazela abantwana ngaphezu koqhawulo-mtshato. Yeka ukulwa phambi komntwana wakho ngokupheleleyo.
- Ungaze ugxeke okanye uthethe amazwi amabi malunga nomntu owawuthandana naye ngaphambili phambi komntwana wakho.
- Umntwana udinga abazali bobabini. Musa ukuqhawula ubudlelwane nomnye umntu. Yibani 'ngamaqabane' asebenzisanayo ngenxa yomntwana.
- Mamela iimvakalelo zomntwana wakho, zihloniphe izimvo zakhe, kwaye unike ingqalelo kutshintsho kwindlela aziphethe ngayo.
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