Xa usiya kugqirha, ngaba ngamanye amaxesha uziva ngathi akakuvanga ngokwenene oko ubukuthetha? Okanye ngaba wakha waya ekhaya ucinga ukuba, "Owu, ndilibele ukubuza," ngaphandle kokuphendula imibuzo yakho? Oku kuyinyaniso kubantu abaninzi. Xa soyika ukugula kwaye sisezintlungwini, kunzima ukutsho kanye into esiyifunayo. Kodwa le ngxoxo phakathi kogqirha nesigulana, oko kukuthi, unxibelelwano, ibaluleke kakhulu kunokuba ucinga ukuze uphile. Namhlanje, siza kuthetha ngale nto.
Kutheni kubaluleke kangaka ukuthetha nogqirha?
Ngamafutshane, ugqirha ukunyanga ngokumamela into oyithethayo. Ugqirha ufuna ulwazi oluninzi ukuze afumanise ukuba zithini iimpawu zakho, ukuba zikho ixesha elide kangakanani, nokuba ziya ziba mandundu na emva kokutya into ethile, zeziphi ezinye izifo onazo, kunye namayeza owasebenzisayo. Ukuba awumxeleli ugqirha ezi zinto ngokuchanekileyo, kunokuba nzima ukuba ugqirha afumanise isifo. Kwakhona, ukuba awuqondi ukuba ugqirha uthini, usenokungakwazi ukuthatha amayeza akho okanye ukulawula ukutya kwakho ngokufanelekileyo. Yiyo loo nto unxibelelwano oluphakathi kwabantu ababini lubaluleke kangaka.
Khumbula, xa usiya kugqirha, awungomntu nje onesigulana. Uyinxalenye ebalulekileyo yebali. Iziphumo ezilungileyo azinakufunyanwa ngaphandle kokuthatha kwakho inxaxheba.
Kwanogqirha angenza izigqibo ezimbi – ibali lokwenyani
Eli bali limalunga nogqirha odumileyo kwihlabathi liphela, uNjingalwazi uJerome Groopman. Wayengumdlali wezemidlalo okhutheleyo ebutsheni bakhe. Ngenye imini wayenengxaki yomqolo. Oogqirha bayibiza ngokuba yi-"ruptured disc", nto leyo ethetha ukuba inxalenye ethambileyo phakathi kwamathambo omqolo iphumile.
Oogqirha abaninzi bamxelele ukuba angakhawulezi aye kutyando, aphumle kancinci, aze enze izinto ezifana nonyango lomzimba . Kodwa lo gqirha uselula wayefuna ukuphiliswa ngokukhawuleza aze abuyele ekubalekeni. Ngoko waya kufuna ugqirha owayeza “kundixelela into endiyifunayo.” Ugqirha wathi, “Kulungile, masenze utyando , kwaye uza kuphila kungekudala.”
UNjingalwazi uGroopman uthi, “Ndizisola ngeso sigqibo kangangeminyaka engama-21,” kuba emva kolo tyando wayengasakwazi ukubaleka njengangaphambili. “Ndandingengomguli ulungileyo ngelo xesha,” utsho. “Ndandisiva iintlungu, kwaye ndandinenkani. Ukuba ndandimamele oko kuthethwa ngabanye oogqirha, mhlawumbi ubomi bam ngebutshintshile namhlanje.”
Yintoni esinokuyifunda kweli bali?
- Musa ukufuna izisombululo ezikhawulezayo:Ezinye izifo zithatha ixesha ukuphiliswa. Akukho mayeza omlingo afumaneka ngobusuku obunye.
- Mamela oko ugqirha akuthethayo: Mamela ngononophelo, ingakumbi xa ugqirha ekuxelela ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo zonyango.
- Umntu okuxelela kanye into oyifunayo akasoloko engoyena ulungileyo: Ngamanye amaxesha ugqirha osixelela inyaniso, nokuba singafuni ukuyiva, nguye osincedayo.
Ukuba ilizwi lakho alivakali, yongeza omnye umntu.
UNjingalwazi Groupman ubalisa elinye ibali elichukumisayo kakhulu. Limalunga nonyana wakhe omncinci. Ngethuba ebuya kuhambo olude nosapho lwakhe, unyana wabo osemncinci wagula ngequbuliso. Umntwana wayeqhubeka ehlanza . Umfazi wakhe (naye ongugqirha) wayekrokrela kakhulu ukuba le yinto enzulu.
Bayibonisa ugqirha, kodwa akakhathali kangako, esithi "yinto eqhelekileyo." Kodwa imeko yomntwana iba mandundu. Ekugqibeleni, bamsa umntwana kwiSebe leeNgxamiseko (ETU) lesibhedlele esikhulu. Ugqirha oselula apho udiniwe.
Umfazi kaMnu. Groupman, ngobunono nangokucacileyo, uxelela ugqirha yonke into, njengokuthi, "Kwenzeke ntoni kumntwana kwiiyure ezingama-24 ezidlulileyo, usele nini ubisi, utshintshe nini inabukeni yakhe?" Kodwa ngelixa ugqirha ehlola umntwana, ubuza kwakhona kwasekuqaleni, "Usele nini ubisi okokugqibela? Utshintshe nini inabukeni yakhe okokugqibela?"
Ngelo xesha, abazali baqonda ukuba, “Lo gqirha akasiphulaphulanga.” Baqonda ukuba ubomi bonyana wabo busengozini. Bamshiya ugqirha ngoko nangoko, bafumana ugqirha omkhulu, baza bamchazela imeko. Uvavanyo lwatyhila ukuba umntwana wayenesisu esivalekileyo. Ukuba utyando belungaqhutywanga ngokukhawuleza, ubomi bomntwana ngebungazange busindiswe.
Oku kubonisa ukuba xa sigula kwaye sisoyika, kunokuba nzima kuthi ukuthetha sisodwa. Ngamaxesha anje , kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba nomntu omthembayo, njengelungu losapho okanye umhlobo, nawe . Loo mntu unokukukhumbuza izinto onokuba ungaziqondi, abuze ugqirha imibuzo engakumbi, aze athethe egameni lakho.
Ingaba ugqirha uziva ngathi ixesha lakhe liphelile? Siza kwenza ntoni?
Le yingxaki abantu abaninzi kweli lizwe lethu abanayo. Nokuba bakwinkonzo yesitishi okanye kwikliniki karhulumente, inani lezigulana ezilinde ukubonwa ngugqirha liphezulu. Ngoko ke ixesha elinikwa isigulana esinye lincinci kakhulu. Kwimizuzu eli-10-15, kufuneka uthethe ngesifo sakho esidala kwaye ubuyisele amayeza.
Asikuko oku okwenziwa ngoogqirha okanye ngabaguli. Le yingxaki kwinkqubo. Kodwa kungenxa yokunqongophala kwexesha apho iingxaki zonxibelelwano zihlala zisenzeka.
| Izinto onokuzenza (Okufanele uzenze) | Indlela Yokukwenza |
|---|---|
| Lungiselela kwangaphambili. | Ngaphambi kokuba uye kugqirha, bhala phantsi ephepheni iimpawu zakho, usuku eziqale ngalo, kunye nokuba ziqala kangaphi na ukuba mandundu. Kwakhona, bhala phantsi imibuzo emi-2-3 ekufuneka uyibuze. |
| Thetha eyona nto ibalulekileyo kuqala. | Xa uqala incoko, chaza ingxaki yakho ephambili. Qala ngokuthi, "Gqirha, le yeyona ngxaki inkulu endinayo..." |
| Hamba nomntu. | Ukuba kunokwenzeka, yiza nelungu losapho. Kuya kukunceda ukhumbule izinto onokuzilibala kwaye umamele oko ugqirha akuthethayo. |
Uyazi njani ukuba ugqirha wakho uyakuphulaphula?
Oku kulula kakhulu. Ukuba ugqiba ukubalisa ibali kugqirha , aze ugqirha akubuze into efanayo kwakhona, oko kuthetha ukuba ingqalelo yakhe mhlawumbi ikwenye indawo. Njengakwibali lenkwenkwe encinci. Emva kokuba umama ebalisile ibali, ugqirha ubuza into efanayo kwakhona. Lelo liphawu elihle kakhulu.
Ukuba oko kuyenzeka, ungoyiki. Ngobubele yithi, “Gqirha, yiloo nto ndisandul’ ukuyithetha. Mhlawumbi awundivanga.” Ukuthetha oku kusenokutsala ingqalelo kagqirha. Kunokusindisa nobomi bakho.
Xa sijonga isizathu sokuba ezinye izigulana zishiye oogqirha besintu zize zifune ezinye iindlela, sifumanisa ukuba esona sizathu kukuba “akukho mntu usiphulaphuleyo.” Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba ugqirha angaphulaphuli nje kuphela isifo, kodwa aphulaphule nesigulana.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Lungela: Ngaphambi kokuba uye kugqirha, bhala uluhlu lweempawu zakho nemibuzo ofuna ukuyibuza. Zisa neengxelo zakho zakudala, amayeza, njl.
- Thetha: Xelela ugqirha wakho yonke into esengqondweni yakho, nokuba incinci kangakanani na. Musa ukufihla nantoni na.
- Zisa umntu: Nanini na xa kunokwenzeka, yiza nelungu losapho okanye umhlobo othembekileyo kugqirha. Yinto ekhuthazayo kakhulu.
- Ukuba awuqondi, buza kwakhona: Ukuba awuyiqondi into ethethwa ngugqirha, malunga namayeza, okanye malunga nesifo, ungabi namahloni okubuza, "Ndingacacisa loo nto kancinci?"
- Mamela ngononophelo imiyalelo kagqirha. Bhala amanqaku amafutshane ukuba kuyimfuneko.
- Akukho nto imbi ngokufumana uluvo lwesibini: Ukuba unamathandabuzo malunga nokuxilongwa kwakho okanye isicwangciso sonyango, licebo elihle ukufumana uluvo lwesibini komnye ugqirha. Musa ukoyika ukuthetha ngayo, nokuba kugqirha wakho.
Indlela yokuthetha nogqirha , ingcebiso yezonyango, unxibelelwano lwesigulana, uluvo lwesibini, indlela yokuphila esempilweni , idinga likagqirha , unxibelelwano lwezempilo
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