Xa wafumanisa ukuba umfazi wakho ukhulelwe umntwana, umele ukuba waziva uvuyo olungathethekiyo, akunjalo? Kodwa kwangaxeshanye, umele ukuba waziva usoyika kancinci kwaye unoxanduva olukhulu. Yinto eqhelekileyo leyo. Njengokuba umzimba womfazi utshintsha izinto ezininzi njengoko elungiselela ukuba ngumama, ingqondo yakho nobomi bakho butshintsha kakhulu njengoko ulungiselela ukuba ngutata . Namhlanje, siza kuthetha ngotshintsho oluya kwenzeka engqondweni yakho nakubomi bakho kwezi nyanga zisithoba njengoko ulungiselela ukuba ngutata.
Ingaba ukukhulelwa yinto eyenzeka kubafazi kuphela?
Le yintsomi abantu abaninzi abayikholelwayo. Inyaniso kukuba, umama ngulowo uthwele umntwana esibelekweni sakhe. Nguye ofumana utshintsho emzimbeni wakhe, iziphumo zeehomoni, kunye nokungonwabi okufana nokuhlanza. Yiyo loo nto, njengotata, usenokungawuboni umahluko omkhulu ekuqaleni. Usenokucinga, "Oku akwahlukanga kangako emzimbeni wam."
Kodwa oko akuyonyani. Ukuba ngutata kuyayitshintsha nengqondo yakho.
- Ngaba ndiza kuba ngutata olungileyo?
- Ngaba ndiza kulahlekelwa yinkululeko yam xa ndinomntwana?
- Ngaba ndiza kukwazi ukuzihlawulela zonke ezi ndleko?
- Ndingawulinganisela njani umsebenzi wam nobomi bentsapho yam?
Nawe usenokuba nemibuzo efana nale, uloyiko, kunye nokuxhalaba. Ezinye izifundo zibonise ukuba amanye amadoda anokuba neempawu zomzimba ezifana nokucaphuka kunye nokutshintsha kweemvakalelo xa abafazi bawo bekhulelwe.
Into ebalulekileyo kukuba ezi mvakalelo ziqhelekile. Kodwa kuluntu lwethu, amadoda ayathandabuza ukuthetha ngoloyiko lwawo kunye nokuxhalaba kwawo, ngoko ke ahlala egcina ezi mvakalelo ngaphakathi. Oku kukwenza uxinezeleke ngokungeyomfuneko.
Kwabaninzi ootata, ukuqala kokwenene kokuva oku kukhulelwa kuxa besiva ukubetha kwentliziyo yomntwana, beva umntwana ekhaba esiswini sabo, okanye bebona umntwana ekwiskeni (i-'ultrasound'). Kulapho ke inyani yokuba "ndingutata" ibachukumisa kakhulu.
Ingaba intetho ethi 'ootata abanakukwazi ukunyamekela iintsana' iyinyani?
Enye intsomi enkulu kukuba "ootata abakwazi ukwenza imisebenzi yabantwana ngendlela eyiyo, oomama bangcono kwezo zinto." Sive amabali ahlekisayo ngootata abaxinezeleka xa betshintsha iinapukeni okanye besiya kuhlamba abantwana babo. Yiyo loo nto ootata abaninzi besoyika ukwenza loo misebenzi xa benomntwana , becinga ukuba abayi kukwazi ukuyenza ngendlela eyiyo.
Kodwa nantsi inyani.Ukunyamekela umntwana asinto umntu azalwa nayo. Yinto efundwa ngokupheleleyo ngamava ('uqeqesho-emsebenzini'). Nokuba ungumama okanye ungutata, nobabini nifunda ezi zinto kancinci kancinci, kunye nomntwana.
Izifundo zibonise nokuba xa ootata bekunye neentsana zabo ezisandul’ ukuzalwa, bathetha nazo, bazigone, bazishukumise, baze bancume njengoomama. Ootata bayakwazi ukuqonda nokusabela xa umntwana ekhala (nokuba ulambile, ufuna ukulala, okanye ukugonwa).
Nantsi into eyenzekayo: Xa uTata ephuma ecaleni, ecinga, "Andikwazi, andazi," uMama uqala ukwenza konke oko. Emva kwexesha elithile, uMama uyaphucuka kwezo zinto, aze uTata azive engenakuzinceda nangakumbi. Ngoko ke, ungoyiki , qalisa nje kwasekuqaleni. Emva kwexesha elithile, uya kumangaliswa zizakhono zakho.
Ungalisebenzisa njani eli xesha njengethuba lokuqinisa ubudlelwane bakho?
Ukukhulelwa lixesha elinzima, kodwa elibalulekileyo apho unokuqinisa khona ulwalamano lwakho nomfazi wakho. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kuloo nto kukuthetha ngokukhululekileyo.
Vumela umfazi wakho athethe nawe ngotshintsho emzimbeni wakhe kunye nokutshintsha kweemvakalelo okubangelwa ziihormones. Mamela ngononophelo oko akutshoyo. Kwakhona, thetha naye malunga noloyiko lwakho kunye nokuxhalaba kwakho. Ukubuza, "Ndivakalelwa ngolu hlobo, ninjani?" kuya kuninceda nobabini nizive ukuba anihambi nodwa kolu hambo.
Zininzi iindlela onokuzibandakanya ngazo ngendlela ebonakalayo njengotata. Nangona ezi zinto zincinci, zenza umahluko omkhulu.
| Oko unokukwenza njengotata | Inzuzo yayo |
|---|---|
| Yiya kugqirha nomfazi wakho. | Uza kufumana ithuba lokwaziswa ngenkqubo yokukhulelwa kwaye ubandakanyeke ngokuthe ngqo kuyo. |
| Buza umfazi wakho ngeemvakalelo zakhe uze umphulaphule ngononophelo. | Uvakalelwa kukuba akayedwa, kwaye ulwalamano phakathi kwabo babini luya luqina ngakumbi. |
| Funda iincwadi ezimalunga nokukhulelwa nokuzala ukuze ufumane ulwazi. | Uloyiko lwezinto ezingaziwayo luyancitshiswa kwaye ukuzithemba kokuba ngutata kuyakhula. |
| Nceda ekulungiseleleni iimfuno zomntwana (impahla, ibhedi yomntwana). | Ukwabelana ngoxanduva kunye nokuqhelana nendima katata ekusebenzeni. |
| Thetha nomfazi wakho okanye umhlobo othembekileyo malunga noloyiko lwakho kunye neemvakalelo zakho. | Inceda ekunciphiseni uxinezeleko kwaye ikwenze uzive ungedwa kangako. |
Ukwakha ubudlelwane nomntwana
Abantu abaninzi bacinga ukuba ulwalamano nomntwana wakho lumalunga nokwenza izinto ezinkulu. Kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu zizinto ezincinci ozenzayo yonke imihla. Ukutshintsha i-napkin yomntwana wakho, ukumhlamba, ukwenza ubisi xa elambile , nokumthwala uye naye evenkileni zezona zinto zikusondeza kumntwana wakho. Musa ukucinga ngezi zinto "njengeembopheleleko," kodwa endaweni yoko, zicinge "njengamalungelo" okufumanayo okuchitha ixesha nomntwana wakho. Okukhona ubandakanyeka ngakumbi kubomi bomntwana wakho kwasekuqaleni, kokukhona ulwalamano lwenu luya komelela.
Kwakhona, njengomama, umfazi unendima enkulu apha. Xa utata eza kuncedisa ngomsebenzi womntwana, kubalulekile ukumvumela enze izinto ngendlela yakhe, ngaphandle kokuphazamisa yonke into ngokuthi, "Oku akulunganga, oku akulunganga." Xa bobabini bedlula kolu hambo kunye, bencedana, kuya kuzisa ulonwabo kusapho lonke.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Ukukhulelwa lixesha elibaluleke kakhulu, elichaphazela iimvakalelo, nelitshintshayo kumfazi nakutata oza kuba nguyise.
- Thetha ngokukhululekileyo nomfazi wakho malunga noloyiko lwakho, amaxhala akho, kunye novuyo lwakho. Unxibelelwano oluhle lubalulekile.
- Qiniseka ukuba uyaya kwiimvavanyo zonyango, iiskeni (ii-ultrasound) , njl. Ezi ziya kukunceda ukuba uqhele indima katata.
- Ukukhulisa umntwana yinto oyifundayo ngamava. Musa ukucinga ukuba, 'Andinakukwazi', ungoyiki, kwaye mncede umntwana wakho ngemisebenzi yakhe yasekhaya kwasekuqaleni.
- Impilo yakho yengqondo ibaluleke kakhulu ngeli xesha. Ukuba uziva uxinezelekile, thetha nomntu omthembayo. Ukuba kuyimfuneko, cela iingcebiso kugqirha wakho.
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