Lapho uthola ukuthi umkakho ukhulelwe umntwana, kumelwe ukuba wazizwa unenjabulo engachazeki, akunjalo? Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, kumelwe ukuthi wazizwa wesaba kancane futhi unomuzwa omkhulu womthwalo wemfanelo. Lokho kuvamile kakhulu. Njengoba nje umzimba wowesifazane ubhekana nezinguquko eziningi njengoba elungiselela ukuba ngumama, ingqondo yakho nokuphila kwakho nakho kushintsha kakhulu njengoba ulungiselela ukuba ngubaba . Namuhla, sizokhuluma ngezinguquko ezizokwenzeka engqondweni yakho nasempilweni yakho phakathi nalezi zinyanga eziyisishiyagalolunye njengoba ulungiselela ukuba ngubaba.
Ingabe ukukhulelwa kuyinto esebenza kwabesifazane kuphela?
Lena inganekwane abantu abaningi abayikholelwayo. Iqiniso liwukuthi, umama nguyena othwele umntwana esibelethweni sakhe. Nguye obhekana nezinguquko emzimbeni wakhe, imiphumela yama-hormone, kanye nokungakhululeki njengokuhlanza. Yingakho, njengobaba, ungase ungaboni umehluko omkhulu ekuqaleni. Ungase ucabange, "Lokhu akuhlukile emzimbeni wami."
Kodwa akulona iqiniso lelo. Ukuba ubaba nakho kushintsha umqondo wakho.
- Ingabe ngizoba ubaba omuhle?
- Ingabe ngizolahlekelwa yinkululeko yami uma senginomntwana?
- Ngizokwazi yini ukukhokhela zonke lezi zindleko?
- Ngingalinganisela kanjani umsebenzi wami kanye nokuphila komndeni wami?
Nawe ungase ube nemibuzo enjalo, ukwesaba, nokukhathazeka. Ezinye izifundo zibonise ukuthi amanye amadoda angase abe nezimpawu zomzimba ezifana nokucanuzela kwenhliziyo kanye nokushintshashintsha kwemizwa lapho omkawo bekhulelwe.
Into ebalulekile ukuthi le mizwa ivamile kakhulu. Kodwa emphakathini wethu, amadoda ayanqikaza kancane ukukhuluma ngokwesaba kwawo nokukhathazeka kwawo, ngakho-ke avame ukugcina le mizwa ivaliwe ngaphakathi. Lokhu kukubangela ukucindezeleka okungadingekile.
Kwabaningi obaba, ukuqala kwangempela kokuzwa lokhu kukhulelwa yilapho bezwa ukushaya kwenhliziyo yengane, bezwa ingane ikhahlela esiswini sabo, noma bebona ingane ithwetshulwa (i-'ultrasound'). Yilapho-ke iqiniso lokuthi "Ngingubaba" libathinta kakhulu.
Ingabe isisho esithi 'obaba abakwazi ukunakekela izingane' siyiqiniso?
Enye inganekwane enkulu ukuthi "obaba abakwazi ukwenza imisebenzi yasekhaya yezingane kahle, omama bangcono kulezo zinto." Sizwile izindaba ezihlekisayo ngobaba abacindezeleka kakhulu lapho beshintsha amanabukeni noma beyogeza izingane zabo. Yingakho obaba abaningi besaba ukwenza leyo misebenzi yasekhaya uma sebenengane , becabanga ukuthi ngeke bakwazi ukuyenza kahle.
Kodwa nansi iqiniso.Ukunakekela ingane akuyona into umuntu azalwa nayo. Kuyinto efundwa ngokuphelele ngokuhlangenwe nakho ('ukuqeqeshwa emsebenzini'). Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungumama noma ungubaba, nobabili nifunda lezi zinto kancane kancane, kanye nengane.
Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa nokuthi lapho obaba benabantwana babo abasanda kuzalwa, bakhuluma nabo, babagone, babathuthumele, futhi bamomotheke njengoba nje nomama benjalo. Obaba banekhono elifanayo nomama lokuqonda nokusabela ekukhaleni komntwana (kungakhathaliseki ukuthi balambile, badinga ukulala, noma bagonwe).
Nakhu okwenzekayo: Lapho ubaba ephuma eceleni, ecabanga ukuthi, "Angikwazi, angazi," umama uqala ukwenza konke lokho. Ngemva kwesikhashana, umama uba ngcono kulezo zinto, futhi ubaba uqala ukuzizwa engenamandla nakakhulu. Ngakho-ke, ungesabi , vele uqale phansi kusukela ekuqaleni. Ngemva kwesikhashana, uzomangala ngamakhono akho.
Ungasisebenzisa kanjani lesi sikhathi njengethuba lokuqinisa ubuhlobo bakho?
Ukukhulelwa kuyisikhathi esinzima, kodwa esiyigugu lapho ungaqinisa khona ubuhlobo bakho nomkakho. Isihluthulelo salokho ukukhulumisana okuvulekile.
Vumela umkakho akhulume nawe ngezinguquko emzimbeni wakhe kanye nokushintshashintsha kwemizwelo okubangelwa ama-hormone. Lalela ngokucophelela lokho akushoyo. Futhi, khuluma naye ngokwesaba kwakho nokukhathazeka kwakho. Ukubuza ukuthi, "Ngizizwa ngale ndlela, ninjani?" kuzokusiza nobabili nizizwe sengathi anihambi nodwa kulolu hambo.
Kunezindlela eziningi ongazibandakanya ngazo ngendlela engokoqobo njengobaba. Ngisho noma lezi zinto zincane, zenza umehluko omkhulu.
| Lokho ongakwenza njengobaba | Inzuzo yakho |
|---|---|
| Iya kudokotela nomkakho. | Uzothola ithuba lokwaziswa ngenqubo yokukhulelwa futhi uhileleke ngqo kuyo. |
| Buza umkakho ngemizwa yakhe bese umlalela ngokucophelela. | Uzizwa sengathi akayedwa, futhi isibopho phakathi kwalaba ababili siyaqina. |
| Funda izincwadi eziphathelene nokukhulelwa nokubeletha bese uthola ulwazi. | Ukwesaba okungaziwa kuyancipha futhi ukuzethemba kokuba ubaba kuyanda. |
| Siza ekulungiseleleni izidingo zomntwana (izingubo, ibhedi). | Ukwabelana ngemithwalo yemfanelo kanye nokujwayela indima kababa emsebenzini. |
| Khuluma nomkakho noma umngane omethembayo ngokwesaba kwakho nemizwa yakho. | Kuyasiza ekunciphiseni ukucindezeleka futhi kukwenze uzizwe ungedwa kangako. |
Ukwakha ubuhlobo nengane
Abantu abaningi bacabanga ukuthi ukusondelana nengane yakho kumayelana nokwenza izinto ezinkulu. Kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu yizinto ezincane ozenzayo nsuku zonke. Ukushintsha inabukeni lengane yakho, ukuyigeza, ukwenza ubisi uma ilambile , nokuyiphatha uyiyise esitolo yizinto ezikusondeza enganeni yakho. Ungacabangi ngalokhu "njengemithwalo yemfanelo," kodwa kunalokho, cabanga ngakho "njengamalungelo" othola ukuwachitha isikhathi nengane yakho. Uma uhileleka kakhulu empilweni yengane yakho kusukela ekuqaleni, kulapho ukusondelana kwenu kuzoqina khona.
Futhi, njengomama, umfazi unendima enkulu lapha. Uma ubaba ezosiza ngomsebenzi wengane, kubalulekile ukumvumela enze izinto ngendlela yakhe, ngaphandle kokuphazamisa kukho konke ngokuthi, "Lokhu akulungile, lokhu akulungile." Uma bobabili bedlula kulolu hambo ndawonye, besizana, kuzoletha injabulo emndenini wonke.
Umlayezo Wokuya Nawe Ekhaya
- Ukukhulelwa kuyisikhathi esibaluleke kakhulu, esingokomzwelo, nesiguqulayo kokubili kumfazi nakubaba ozoba khona.
- Khuluma ngokukhululekile nomkakho ngokwesaba kwakho, ukukhathazeka kwakho, kanye nenjabulo yakho. Ukukhulumisana okuhle kubalulekile.
- Qiniseka ukuthi uya ezivivinyweni zezokwelapha, ama-scan (ama-ultrasound) , njll. Lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi ujwayele indima yokuba ubaba.
- Ukukhulisa ingane kuyinto oyifundayo ngokuhlangenwe nakho. Ungacabangi ukuthi, 'Angikwazi ukukwenza', ungesabi, futhi usize ingane yakho ngemisebenzi yayo yasekhaya kusukela ekuqaleni.
- Impilo yakho yengqondo nayo ibaluleke kakhulu phakathi nalesi sikhathi. Uma uzizwa ucindezelekile, khuluma nomuntu omethembayo. Uma kudingeka, cela iseluleko kudokotela wakho.
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