Ngaba wakha wasebenza nzima imini yonke xa umntu osebenza naye eofisini wathi, "Ndicela undincede ngale nto, ngubani omnye ngaphandle kwakho?" Okanye wakha wachitha imali oyigcinele ukonwaba ngenxa yamazwi elungu losapho? Ukuba kwakufuneka wenze loo nto phantsi koxinzelelo olukhulu netyala, kusenokwenzeka ukuba wawulixhoba "lohambo lokuziva unetyala." Le yinto esihlala siyifumana ebomini bethu.
Ngamafutshane, yintoni 'uhambo lokuziva unetyala'?
'Uhambo lokuziva unetyala' kukulinga ukulawula umntu ngokumenza azive enetyala okanye ezisola, ukuze enze into ayifunayo. Ngokuchanekileyo, kukwenza azive ngathi ungumntu ombi kwaye awumqondi ukuba awukwenzi oko akuthethayo.
Kukho isizathu esiphambili sokuba le ndlela isebenze. Kungenxa yokuba asifuni ukudanisa abantu ababalulekileyo ebomini bethu (abazali, abantakwethu, amaqabane, abahlobo abasondeleyo). Siyayihlonipha loo manyano. Umntu 'oziva enetyala' ujolise olu thando kunye nonxibelelwano entliziyweni yakho. Besebenzisa yona, bayakulawula ngokweemvakalelo ukuze bafumane into abayifunayo.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuqonda umahluko phakathi ' kokugwetywa ngokuqinisekileyo' kunye 'nokwaphulwa komthetho' okubangelwa 'kukuziva unetyala'.
Ukuziva unetyala ngokwenene kuyinto elungileyo. Kufana nesazela sethu. Ukuba senzakalisa umntu okanye senze impazamo, siziva sibuhlungu kwaye sinetyala ngayo. Loo mvakalelo isishukumisela ukuba silungise izinto size sixolise. Iyaqinisa ubudlelwane bethu.
Kodwa 'ukuziva unetyala' kuxa uzinyanzela ukuba uzive unetyala, nangona ungenzanga nto imbi. Oku akulunganga.
Kutheni abantu beziphatha ngolu hlobo?
'Ukuziva unetyala' yindlela enengxaki kakhulu yokunxibelelana. Umntu oziphatha ngolu hlobo usenokungakwazi ukunxibelelana ngqo neemfuno zakhe. Okanye usenokuvakalelwa kukuba akakho kwimeko entle kulwalamano.
Le ndlela ikwasetyenziswa ukubonisa ukungakuthandi ngaphandle kokukuthetha ngqo. Khawuthelekelele ukuba unomalume ongakhange uthethe naye ixesha elide. Endaweni yokumxelela uthi, "Besikukhumbula nyana, yiyo loo nto besithetha," ukuba umbuza uthi, "Yintoni? Ulibale ukuba indlu yethu iphi ngoku?", okwenzekayo kukuba ukwenza uzive unetyala aze azame ukukulawula .
Uyazi njani ukuba umntu ukunike 'Uhambo Lokuziva Unetyala'?
Oku kunokuza ngeendlela ezininzi. Ngamanye amaxesha bayakugxeka ngokukhululekileyo. Ngamanye amaxesha benza ngathi ngabo abangenakuzinceda. Ngamanye amaxesha bayakugxeka ngaphandle kokuthetha, behlisa izandla zabo, bencwina, bengathethi.
Makhe sijonge ezinye zeempawu 'zohambo lokuziva unetyala' kule theyibhile.
| Indlela yokuziphatha | Umzekelo wento ethethwayo okanye eyenziweyo |
|---|---|
| Ukugxekwa okuvulekileyo | "Mhlawumbi awuzukuza kwimibhiyozo yosapho kuba awukhathali ngemvelaphi okanye thina!" |
| Ukudlala ixhoba | "Ndikutsalele umnxeba, kodwa awuphendulanga nokundiphendula... Kulungile, ndiza kukwenza oku ndedwa." |
| Ubundlobongela obungenamsebenzi | "Ukuba undithanda ngenene, uza kundithengela ifowuni entsha enayo wonke umntu." |
| Ukuthandabuza uthando okanye uthando lwakho | "Unabahlobo abadala kunathi ngoku, akunjalo?" |
| Ukuzithelekisa nabanye | "Khangela indlela abantwana babo ababanyamekela kakuhle ngayo abazali babo." |
| Ukubonisa ngolwimi lomzimba | Xa ungavumi into ethile, ncwina, gquma ubuso, uze uthule. |
Ezi zinto zingabonakala ngathi zizinto ezincinci nezicaphukisayo, kodwa zinokutshabalalisa ngokupheleleyo ubudlelwane. Kuba ukuba kufuneka uthi "hayi" phantsi koxinzelelo, uya kuziva uxinezelekile. Okanye, ukuba uthi "ewe" ngokungathandi, uya kuziva unomsindo kuloo mntu. Ngenxa yoko, uya kuqala ukumphepha loo mntu kancinci kancinci. Oku kukuphepha kunokukonyusa uxinzelelo lwakho kunye nexhala .
Izinto ezi-5 onokuzenza ukuze uyeke 'uhambo lokuziva unetyala'
Ukuze uphume kwimeko efana nale, ulondoloze ubudlelwane bakho, kwaye uhlale uqinile engqondweni, kufuneka uphendule ngobulumko.
1. Zicingele wena kuqala.
Xa umntu ekubuza into ethile, ngaba uziva uziva ungena esiswini, ukuqina kwemisipha yentamo yakho, xa ucinga ngokuvuma? Zibuze le mibuzo: " Ngaba ndisabela ngokweemvakalelo? Ngaba isigqibo sam sifanelekile? Ngaba ndinelungelo lokuthi 'hayi' kule nto? " Wakuba uphendule le mibuzo ngokunyaniseka, ungenza isigqibo esicacileyo ngaphandle kokuba netyala.
2. Xelela imeko njengoko injalo.
Xelela loo mntu, "Ndiyazi ukuba oku kubaluleke kakhulu kuwe. Yiyo loo nto uzama ukundenza ndizive ndinetyala ngako." Emva koko, chaza ngokucacileyo, "Andifuni ukuziva ndinyanzelekile ukuba ndithi 'hayi' ndize ndizive ndibuhlungu ngako, okanye ndibe nomsindo ngawe ngokuthi 'ewe' ndingathandi. Ngoko ke nceda ungandicinezeli."
3. Baxelele ukuba baqale phantsi.
Babuze bathi, "Ndixeleleni ngqo into eniyifunayo kum, ngaphandle kokubeka uxinzelelo kwiimvakalelo zam." Baxelele ukuba bayiveze njengesicelo esilula, ngaphandle kokugxekwa okanye ukutyholwa.
4. Hlonipha ilungelo lakho lokuthi 'hayi'
Oku kubaluleke kakhulu ukukhusela ubudlelwane bakho. Xelela loo mntu, "Ndihlonele xa ndisithi 'hayi'. Emva koko, ukuba ndithi 'ewe', ungandithemba ukuba ndikwenza ngokuzithandela kwaye andinyanzelwanga." Oku kuya kubonisa ngokucacileyo imida yakho.
5. Phendula ngothando nobubele
Enye yezona ndlela zibalaseleyo zokuphepha 'ukuziva unetyala' kukubonisa ububele. Mxelele loo mntu ukuba uthetha lukhulu kangakanani kuwe. Umzekelo, ungathi:
- "Ndicinga ngawe kakhulu, kodwa kunzima kum ukwenza oku."
- "Andifuni kukukhubekisa konke konke, kodwa esi sisigqibo sam."
- " Ndiyaxolisa ukuba andinakukwazi ukuzalisekisa ulindelo lwakho, kodwa andinakukwazi ukukwenza okwangoku."
Kusenokufuneka uziphindaphinde ezi zinto de kube kutshintshe indlela oziphatha ngayo. Ukuba kunjalo, zikhumbuze ngemida yakho ngokuthi, "Besithethe ngale nto ngaphambili..." okanye, ngokuchanekileyo, ngokuthi, "Undenza ndizive ndinetyala ngolu hlobo. Kuyawonakalisa ubudlelwane bethu. Kundenza ndikucaphukele, kwaye andikuthandi."
Ngokuzicingela ngolu hlobo, uchaze ngokucacileyo imida yakho, kwaye unxibelelane ngokuthe ngqo nangobubele, ungayeka 'ukuziva unetyala' kwaye ukhusele impilo-ntle yakho yengqondo kunye nobudlelwane obuxabisekileyo.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- 'Ukuziva unetyala' luhlobo lokulawula iimvakalelo zakho. Asikuko ukuziva unetyala ngokwenene.
- Yazi le meko ngeempawu ezinje ngokugxeka, ukwenza izinto ezingenakuzinceda, kunye noxinzelelo olungangqalanga.
- Beka impilo yakho yengqondo kunye nolonwabo lwakho kuqala. Unelungelo lokuba uthi 'hayi' kwinto ethile.
- Yenza imida yakho icace, kodwa ibe nobubele kwaye iqine. Nxibelelana ngqo.
- Ukuba le ndlela yokuziphatha iyaqhubeka, iya konakalisa kakhulu ubudlelwane. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukugcina uxolo lwengqondo yakho.
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